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 boinkboinkboink
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 20
Past LovePage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Twilight, you have nailed it exactly. She does indeed blame herself. It was one of those relationships which simply couldn't work, not because there was something wrong with either one of them. The circumstances simply make it bad for both.

And yes, City, this was her first love.

I'm going to give her some time and my patience to figure this out for herself.

Thanks again, everybody.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 21
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Past Love
Posted: 7/18/2009 9:03:47 AM
There's always a residual emotional spillover effect. We can't help it. We humans are programmed by the past and we can't help but let it continue to resurface in the present. It's all we know! It's simply a lack of knowledge about the future. One we have new and better input, once our neuro-pathways are redirected and retrained by the current honey in a new and better direction, then we forget about the past.

She must've been wounded grievously by the ex. Tread with caution and be sensitive.
 boinkboinkboink
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 22
Past Love
Posted: 7/18/2009 9:57:04 AM
Hey Kimbo, cool it!

Both You and Daddy have deemed it appropriate to go on a personal attack. Everybody else is simply offering opinions.

Please take your personal attacks elsewhere. This is a common problem on these forums. Some people have an overwhelming desire to create conflict and make it personal.
 boinkboinkboink
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 23
Past Love
Posted: 7/18/2009 10:11:31 AM
"... love that fiercely when it ain't you it's being projected at yet."

Ummm, yes Daddy, but this is where you were missing the point. She claims that she DOES love me that fiercly. Thus, my thread. Can a woman truly love two people THAT fiercly, or is she fooling herself?

I am honestly trying to understand where her heart really is. If a woman is truly committed to a man, her "fierce" love should be exclusively focused on him. Otherwise, the whoe issue of commitment to one person because meaningless.

If you don't agree with the above paragraph, by implication, you are justifying infidelity. Actually, you are in effect arguing that infidelity doesn't really exist as a relevant issue in relationships.
 boinkboinkboink
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 24
Past Love
Posted: 7/18/2009 1:02:17 PM
You know, Daddy, the more I think about this the more rediculous your statement appears to me.

"Just be honest that you're leaving because you're selfish and insecure and can't handle the fact that someone can love that fiercely when it ain't you it's being projected at yet."

Why is this selfishness or insecurity unjustified? Why else are we in a committed relationship with a person? Of course, I expect that after 15 months of a committed relationship with her daily claiming that she loves me, her fierce love would be directed exclusively at me. What is wrong with this? Expecting this isn't unhealthy; it is very normal and reasonable. If this is not how she feels after 15 months of committed relationship, am I in fact very right to conclude that she is not the right woman for me to start a family? How much time is she entitled to? At what point MUST I be selfish, without demonstrating a complete lack of self-esteem. I want a normal, healthy relationship with a woman who loves me and wants to commit herself to me. This is very healthy selfishness. I would expect the same from her, for you, and for any other man or woman.

I think you need to reevaluate your way of thinking, Daddy. Perhaps, you are giving too much to women. Perhaps, you aren't demanding enough for yourself.
 boinkboinkboink
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 25
Past Love
Posted: 7/18/2009 9:00:12 PM
Daddy, read what Goodewitch just wrote. Increasingly this is my attitude as well. My patience with this ex situation is close to its limit, and my gf now knows exactly how I feel.

Sorry to Daddy and others. My reaction to you is a consequence of my frustration with the gf. Your attitude, and perhaps mine, likely offers her way too much understanding. She won't find closure with the ex if she isn't made to know what she'll lose. This is a balancing act. I can't push too hard, nor can I push too little.

Actually, I'll just express to her honestly what I feel and let the chips fall where they may. Daddy, this is healthy selfishness, and I have a right to be insecure; the nature of my relationship is for the moment, unhealthy. Perhaps, I can make it healthy, but if not, I'll be changing my status on PF.



.... but you also need to realize that I am attempting to maintain a long distance relationship. After every long multi-week meeting in person with her, which I just had a couple of weeks ago, I go through a period with her where there is a communication break down - where we shift back to phone, chat etc. from the in person contact. Each time for a period of about 4 weeks afterwards we have struggled to communicate well. I need to honestly consider that I am completely misinterpreting her real feelings for the ex. For those of you who have never attempted the long distance relationship, communication is very, very difficult. Also, you need to be enormously patient and trusting to make this work. I have to cope with this long distance for 9 more months.

Thanks again everybody.
 boinkboinkboink
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 26
Past Love
Posted: 11/20/2009 9:20:55 AM
So, those of you who advised me to dump this woman were correct.

She has been involved with this guy romantically for longer than the 18 months I've known her. It has continued during the time I have known her. Now, she is one month pregnant with his baby. However, she still want to be with me, keep the baby, come to Canada with this man's baby .... What the Fu *** ck!!!!!!!?????????
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