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 HazelRose
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 64
So he has been in prison so what right?Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Sometimes prison does change a person for the better. Sometimes.
 CookieLady66
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 68
So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/17/2009 6:29:12 AM
You're 22 years old & your parents still support you 100%, and you're dating a convicted felon.

Yeah....see ya on Springer!
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 69
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So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/17/2009 7:27:05 AM
You tell them the truth. Mom Dad, this is my boyfriend Bob. He is currently on parole and living in a half way house, he spent three years in prison after being convicted of burglary/home invasion. He has been out a month.

Then let them decide if they want him anywhere near their home. The decision is 100% theirs and as an adult you have the right to move out if you do not agree with them. Smoking weed or drinking as a teen may not be the best behavior but it is heads and tails above dating an recent Ex Con. Many people would consider that a HUGE error in judgement.
Had his run in with the law been a decade before, with years of sobriety, employment and good citizenship since your parents might be more welcoming.
 lynrit
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 70
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So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/17/2009 9:50:34 AM
RUN ! For when your father finds out (and he will) all hell will break loose!!!

GOOD LUCK you are going to need it.
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 72
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So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/17/2009 12:46:43 PM
OP...I believe people can change...not that they DO change - but they can. Your guy...who knows? Home invasion is pretty serious stuff. Assuming he is around your age - maybe some crimes would be youth gone wild...like your own drug experiences. However - home invasion gives me pause. He's only been out a month, how do you know he's changed, in fact - how does he? In this job market an ex-con just out probably is going to have a tough time with finding work - what's going to happen 6 months from now when he can't earn a living? I'd be very, very concerned.

As for your parents - if they are supporting you, and he's going to be moving in or "hanging around" - they are going to want to know what he's doing with his life, and his background. You can lie, or tell them the truth.
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 73
So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/17/2009 1:04:17 PM
Sometimes prison does change a person for the better. Sometimes


if you say so........................I'm not holding my breath.............


I would say it can change some people. Some times they come out much much worse then before they went in. But I know what you mean.



bodypro great post...........
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 77
So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/17/2009 2:22:35 PM
Ask your man why was he stealing? Did he needed the money to buy drugs? Did he have a job? People here have said that "home Invasion" means that the people knew him, so was he stealing from his own family, friends of the family? Again why?

My whole problem with this is that conviction seems to me like the tip of a bigger iceberg. Before people change, people need to come clean. I am a believer that if you did something once, you are capable of doing it again, and again. Only better.
 no_excuses_please
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 78
So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/17/2009 2:28:01 PM
OP...unless you seriously injure or kill somebody or sell a LOT of drugs or steal a LOT of money,it's very hard to go to prison.
If he did any of the above, then those reasons ALONE should convince you that he's a poor choice.

Going to prison requires an inability to act in a manner acceptable to society as well as an almost pathological (if not pathological) refusal to learn from previous lessons.
Unless that person has had many,many hours fo counseling and has changed their ways completely, they are almost certainly going to return to custody.

Unless you want parole officers,policemen,lawyers and judges to be constant companions you should avoid dating cons...or ex-cons,IMHO.
 eastendwoman
Joined: 7/15/2006
Msg: 80
So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/17/2009 2:32:48 PM
Your parents are 'overprotective' for good reason, they love you. If you think for a second that they will be worried (and deservedly so) that you're seeing a man with a record, you should break it off and you shouldn't consider keeping him a secret. Your parents are devoted to you, they sacrificed a lot to take proper care of you, and they don't deserve to be deceived. It's not that this man however good you say he is, is bad. It's just that you will live a harder life with him because of his record always being thrown back in his face. Since he has a record, he will never be able to get a 'really good job' to take care of you and your future children properly. You will live 'under the radar' so to speak. You will have to move frequently whenever somebody finds out he has a record. You'd be surprised how 'bad' people who live in 'good' neighborhoods can be. It will be a hard live and you have to consider ALL the pros and cons with taking up with him. Your parents have your best interests at heart. Love them back and don't deceive them.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 81
So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/17/2009 2:36:06 PM
anyone up for popcorn?


naahhhh! am sure he had only good motive and pure intentions when he was "home invading" and got caught on the very first time he ever did anything wrong in his life , and he is absolutely working his blood out to replay, dime and psychological trauma, the very very very bad people who house happen to beg to be invaded by such a great, moral, decent, outstanding citizen.

Ho heck! can someone give the city keys to that guy?! bah! it's OK, the op is about to give him her credit card and house keys...


pass me over the butter someone!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 82
So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/17/2009 3:02:50 PM
Two case scenarios. You are going through a stage where you want to be independent and somewhat contrarian to your parent wishes. You like the idea of the bad boy, but in this case you hit the jack pot. So you think you like the guy, but you are almost certain that your parents are not going to like him, but unless they accept you as you are, well they don't care about you or your feelings. You take the ex-con home, mom freaks, dad freaks. He says that if you are going to date such person, you need to find your own place, because he doesn't want to fear coming home and having jewelry, tools, guns missing. You get really mad at them and leave with ex-con. You start to cool down since you began to ask him questions and you found out that he smokes too much pot, does meth and needs money to buy more stuff. Now you also get pregnant with his boy. Then you found out that he has stolen stuff again and is into a couple of deals. And he needs you to stash some stuff where nobody can find it. Only for a couple of days. You hide it over your parents. He gets caught, makes you accessory to the crime. He goes back to jail, you get probation. But now you are stuck with a baby.

Scenario two. You ask him about his past, all the details, realize that it's not for you. Go out with him a couple of more times, decide not to even invite him home. Then meet Jeff, like him better.
 TOMic bomb
Joined: 10/5/2008
Msg: 84
So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/17/2009 7:16:56 PM
he's a loser. dump him. kick his azz to the curb...fast.

his next victim may be YOU
 Bluesman2008
Joined: 4/2/2008
Msg: 85
So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/17/2009 8:29:11 PM

its not about him being a bad boy its deeper than that he is a good guy........ we all make mistakes.


You have to be kidding, right? Mistakes? Putting on a black sock with a dark blue sock - THAT is a mistake. Home invasion? You're joking, right. He is a good guy? Lady. Wake up and smell the coffee. Good guys don't go to prison.
 sweetb2006
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 86
So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/17/2009 8:59:52 PM

BY your logic....everyone, who has ever made a mistake in their youth, should be not forgiven. you pass judgment on a man that you do not know





who could be made up, by a 44 year old man pretending to be a 22 year old girl


Same thought crossed my mind & if that's the case, or not for that matter! I would like to personally thank the OP...


Again. None of you even know him...she admittedly barely knows him herself.
She should get to know him...just as Anyone should get to know anyone.


 tommy63
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 89
So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/17/2009 9:47:45 PM
ok heres the deal every one deserves a second chance i notice all these blogs are all very negative my god he who is without sin cast the first stone there must be alot of angels on the site,all the best aligirl if you are into this guy i say give it a shot go for it,as for telling your folks what they dont know wont hurt them its no ones buisness....
 airconditioninthesummer
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 90
So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/18/2009 1:26:28 AM

.looking for advice on that not if he is a good guy or not.....


i do believe people can change. did not Obama once say " if your brother has wronged you, do not forgive him 7 times but 77 times?"

now, if your parents support you 100 %, perhaps it's time to flap your wings, move out and support yourself 100%. that way, you're in control of your life. and when you feel the time is right, you can tell your parents of his learning-experienced past. by that time, you two would have been together for more then 2 years and your parents would have already met him.
 Bluesman2008
Joined: 4/2/2008
Msg: 91
So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/18/2009 2:22:26 AM

I see the individuals, that seem to think that it is a revolving door... They leave, they come back....they leave, they come back....they leave, they...... does anyone else recognize the pattern here.


sugar62law. I don't envy you. That's a hellova tough job. You're so right. The recidivism rate, I think, ranges from 60% to 80% depending on the nature of the crime. They are NOT taught to get better in prison. They're taught how to defend themselves and survive...hopefully.


How many jail personnel go to prison for asking for sexual favors from women at facilities for trades? (Deoderant, gum, shampoo.) None.


apainlessend you're missing the whole point. Sex and pot crimes (absent violence) are nowhere nearly as violent as breaking into someone's home. THAT is a crime of violence and your argument against prosecution of drug and consensual sex cases is a completely different issue even though I agree with it. Here, however, you're comparing apples to oranges. It won't fly.


How many cops take their childhood agenda's into their profession, and have the innocent Joe American take it on the chin for them to make up for what happened to them in highschool?


Generalizations? I'm absolutely certain some do and some don't. But what's that got to do with the price of fish?


When you are told you are worthless every fukcing day, and are treated as such, you begin believing it.


And worse. You start acting that way.


And lastly, this man is out. If you are still judging him, then you have some deep seated issues you need to work out on your own.


I'm not judging him. I'm advising HER!!


I mean, come on....don't our tax dollars pay you to make these men decent humans?


SEE ABOVE.
 MissNoWhere
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 92
So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/18/2009 9:56:28 AM
I have to say this... y'all are killing my sides from laughing so hard at some of the comments.

I want to throw in my 2 cents (with taxes it's worth about 1/2 of a cent).

My ex husband is a convicted felon. His career now is working at a convenience store making just a touch over minimum wage - he used to be a programmer/analyst pulling a heck of a lot more than maybe 9 bucks an hour. When he was being investigated for his crime(s), they didn't just investigate him, they investigated everyone associated with him (family, friends, coworkers, neighbors). That means they did background checks on all of us, ran our plates, watched our house to see who came and went. Anytime his pre-trial officer wanted, she would stop by the house and demand to be let in. As a condition of his release he had to let this woman in my home. She went through everything, my drawers (including my underwear drawers), my children's rooms, every nook and cranny looking for evidence that he was up to no good.

When he was convicted he was given time to put his affairs in order. He asked me to drive him to the prison (fed pen) in the middle of the desert in California. I declined and dropped him off at the Marshall's office with 50 bucks to see him through and ran like hell away from him and his issues. He spent his time in prison, got out and went to a halfway house for the first 30 days post-prison. He then went to Texas because I refused to allow him back in my home. The invasion of my privacy and my childrens privacy was too much to bear.

I have a working relationship with his probation officer in Texas. He is not allowed to travel to Washington for at least another 3 years because of his behavior and threats to me (control and manipulation and oh my gosh, so much anger). He is not allowed to use a computer to communicate with me. He requested he be allowed to travel to Washington, but his behavior was becoming erratic and therefore he has now had to undergo a year of random drug tests, psychiatric treatment and is not allowed to travel. He admits he's still mad as heck with me. He told me once when I divorced him I would pay, and I have paid, but the freedom I got was totally worth it.

The OP doesn't realize what she's in for. The least of her worries are her parents. But what do I know...
 Jwill5502
Joined: 2/18/2009
Msg: 98
So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/25/2009 9:01:25 AM
The past means nothing.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 99
So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 7/25/2009 9:27:08 AM
Your parents are overprotective, and you're dating someone who would give them a heart attack....

anyone want to analyze just this statement? anyone?

If you're being supported 100% financially, WHY do you want to screw that up?

Answer, honestly to yourself, these two questions.

From that, you will find the answer. Everything else in your post doesn't matter. Yes, people can change. People make mistakes. But really, focus on the two questions I posted rhetorically above.
 LOVESTRUCK_wannabe
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 102
So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 10/18/2009 5:42:22 PM
It's not so much the prison part that jumps out at me first, op. It's that he's only been out for one month so you barely know him and that does not bode well for any couple regardless of their mutual pasts.

I think it's far too early to meet the parents although you seem more concerned about simply telling them. And that begs the question about just how sure of the situation you really are within yourself -- otherwise, why bother?

The other thing that concerns me is that my nearest and dearest male friend who did seven years in prison still had issues with his experience for years after he turned his life around and never looked back.

On some level of his being he was still living there and this was indicated by some of his reactions to normal social situations.

Only time will tell if he 'changed'. But it will no doubt take a very long time before his first response in certain circumstances mirrors his stay in prison -- and whether you are going to be able to understand that.
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 103
So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 10/18/2009 8:56:41 PM
Home invasion second degree, that's a felony kiddo, he will have a felony record for the rest of his life.
He can't vote, own firearms or be around them, and it is EXTREMELY difficult to find a decent job.
If he has any work skills that is, other the what extra skills he learned in prison.
Leave it alone, there are plenty of young men without criminal record out there.
If you were my kid, I'd tell this guy to leave you alone.


 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 104
So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 10/18/2009 9:47:07 PM
Sorry, but your parents have every right to be concerned. Home invasion is a violent crime. What is the matter with you?
 BrownEyedLeo
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 105
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History
So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 10/18/2009 10:17:50 PM
Hate to break the news to you but amazing men don't violate other people's privacy and break into their homes.Con men however can be quiet amazing.
 startle
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 108
So he has been in prison so what right?
Posted: 10/19/2009 6:05:12 AM
please girl...where are your standards...is it anyone who will have you...get out now...and don't be surprised if you see his dark side when you try to get out...run, don't walk...this is trouble ...and deep in your heart you know it..you can do better...
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