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 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 9
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excuses or lies? Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I tend to agree with your friend that probably "something better"came along and he chose to do that. I'm not saying you aren't "something better" just that he made a decision to spend his time elsewhere.

To cancel at the appointed time is rude and inconsiderate but at least he called to cancel. I had a coffee meet set up a couple of weeks ago and the individual failed to show up. I had a coffee and read the newspaper for 35 minutes and then went on my way. The excuses for not showing up were (a) the party went to the wrong location of the coffee shop and (b) the party was new to the city. These were the excuses offered even though I had e-mailed the location to the party and the party, in turn, telephoned me to confirm the date, time and exact location. Gone! Finito! History! Toast!
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 11
excuses or lies?
Posted: 7/19/2009 12:01:52 PM

Let me just elaborate here a little. About 10 weeks back, I got a call from a friend who had been in a wreck and said she was sitting on the side of the road and would I come and get her. The Ambulance people were trying to get her to go to hospital but she said she didn't feel like she needed to go. I was in my truck and headed in her direction before the phone call ended. Her vehicle had been totaled as a result of another vehicle careening off the originators of the wreck and hitting her car.


You are forgetting that this man was very close to where she was.. Usually ambulance drivers are aware people go into shock when in an accident. I am more shocked that they did not take your friend by ambulance to the hospital..

No one is saying he should not have gone but what we are saying is this did not sound like any kind of emergency where someone was injured. They could have waited an extra10 minutes for the ride.

thecatsmeoww
 sanchinkalady
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 13
excuses or lies?
Posted: 7/19/2009 12:04:40 PM
soldierbyte, you crack me up every time! I told you to stop stalking those people then you wouldn't have those restraining orders!

On topic, I agree, go with your radar....who knows where he really was, he might have been just across the way and decided for whatever reason not to meet, maybe he hadn't posted a real picture and figured you'd be disapointed! Chalk it up to being save the trouble of meeting him! Sounds like he didn't deserve you anyway!

Robin
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 14
excuses or lies?
Posted: 7/19/2009 12:06:17 PM

I did not see anyone looking remotely like his picture, so I just sat down to wait.


Another possibility is he was there before you were.. Did not use a real photo of himself and was scoping you out without you even knowing. They he takes off and makes the phone call.

thecatsmeoww
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 19
excuses or lies?
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:09:56 PM

catsmeow,
Er this is America, the Ambulance people cannot take her to hospital unless she wants to go, shock or otherwise.


The law says you can be taken to a psychiatric hospital or to the emergency room of a general hospital against your will if someone thinks that:

* you are dangerous to yourself;
* you are dangerous to other people;
* you could be helped by being in the hospital;
* you or others cannot take care of your physical needs; or
* a court has made an order saying you should be in a hospital.

If you go to the hospital against your will, you are called an "involuntary" patient. These people can take you to the hospital: a psychiatrist, a licensed doctor, a health officer, a licensed clinical psychologist, a parole officer, a sheriff or police officer.

I have seen this done twice when I lived in the US..

thecatsmeoww
 the SoldierByte
Joined: 12/25/2005
Msg: 20
excuses or lies?
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:20:31 PM
=================================
Jeepers Ms.thecatsmeoww,...

* These people can take you to the hospital: a psychiatrist, a licensed doctor, a health officer, a licensed clinical psychologist, a parole officer, a sheriff or police officer.

NOW I know why you wanted me to "wait at the bus stop"!!

I have seen this done twice when I lived in the US..

Yikes..!!!
how often do you utilize this "help" for others..??
No way I'm keepin any dates with you..!!
But you can come visit me in the hospital..
(I'll be in the "quiet room")
---SoldierByte--
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 21
excuses or lies?
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:33:00 PM
If a friend calls and asks for help in a serious situation, over and against a first face to face on PoF, the friend wins, especially if there's a car accident involved. Or a robbery, or a mugging, or a boyfriend suiciding. If he *did* meet me, and tell me he'd asked his friend to find someone else to help because he had to meet me, the dood'd be dead in the water for me. If *that* is the way he treats friends, I certainly would NOT want to get any closer to him. . . .

Just another sorter.

 SASSYN89178
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 22
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excuses or lies?
Posted: 7/19/2009 1:44:06 PM
Dayton Dennis,
Exactly! Did he have time to call you on the way to see his friend? YEP. If I'm on my way to work and my Dad calls me and says my mom is in the hospital ER, I head that way, but I still call my boss and tell him what's going on and that I will either be late or not at work at all that day.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There's a big difference between your DAD calling you about your MOM and this stranger not calling her.
 DaytonDennis
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 25
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excuses or lies?
Posted: 7/19/2009 2:31:37 PM
sassy writes:


Dayton Dennis,
Exactly! Did he have time to call you on the way to see his friend? YEP. If I'm on my way to work and my Dad calls me and says my mom is in the hospital ER, I head that way, but I still call my boss and tell him what's going on and that I will either be late or not at work at all that day.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There's a big difference between your DAD calling you about your MOM and this stranger not calling her.

ummm, well, actually I was agreeing with you, unless I missed your original point entirely. MY point is that even with my mom in the emergency room (and this has happened 4 times in the last two years), I still have the presence of mind while on the way to the hospital to contact my boss, or other family members, or both if the situation calls for it. If I have a date this thursday evening and at four o'clock I get that call about my mom, yeah, I WILL call the lady I'm supposed to meet and explain the situation and why I won't be meeting her. To leave her sitting there wondering what happened and where I am is inexcusable, in my view. Yeah, I know he DID call her, but the timing rings suspicious. I used the example of my mom because she would of utmost importance even over a "friend" I think the guy should have called her and let her know as soon as he knew he would not be able to make the meeting. The "friend in an accident" smells fishy to me, to be honest. And okay, let's give him the benefit of the doubt and just say he was so concerned with his friends welfare that he just plain forgot about the meeting. If that were me, I'd be doing some major kissing-up to make up for it. Thats just me, though.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 26
excuses or lies?
Posted: 7/19/2009 2:35:28 PM

Catsmeow
It would be a brave and determined Ambulance person that took those steps.


In one of these cases the person was very combative.. They called the police to assist them. Were they brave? Not in my mind they were doing their job which is to save life.

thecatsmeoww
 Dr Fakullo B.
Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 27
excuses or lies?
Posted: 7/19/2009 4:06:56 PM
You reasoned this letter out very nicely.

I am convinced now that the only noble thing to do when a man does not want to meet a woman is plain tell her. It will hurt both for a few moments only, but both will be able to walk away with their dignities intact.

If the guy comes up with an excuse like that, he's a coward, a slimebucket and a cad.

I am not so stupid as to give you advice how to proceed in the case.

However, I have a distant friend, who comes up with the best excuses in the world, so much so that everyone knows now exactly that that's what they are. The guy is completely unreliable when plans are made, unless the plans are to be executed within an hour of the original talk of planning. He, on the other hand, is a nice guy, the nicest you could ever meet. He stands up for his friends, and every person is his friend. I asked for his secret, and he said he sees something good in everyone. It is impossible to not forgive him. He is a kind, compassionate, good human being.

I attribute his inability to keep to plan to a form of disease. He is not doing this because he is irresponsible; he is doing it because of some effect of a disease. Something like a neurosis or a phobia, but of course, not that. I am quite sure he's very painfully aware of this, and I'm sure he's gone to great lengths to correct his behaviour. This is so becasue he's a good man. But he's a sick man, and I say that without the slightest disparagement; and as such I do take the care to work with him despite this anomaly in his social repertoir.

Your guy is I'm sure quite different. But maybe not. I don't know. If the guy you liked tremendously, and you feel you are at a loss, it's worth investigating to see if your guy is like my friend. My friend is very happily married. So there you go.
 CissyLuv
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 28
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excuses or lies?
Posted: 7/19/2009 4:18:47 PM
Always trust your gut instinct when it says something is fishy. With that said, I have to admit I would probably run to a friend's side if she/he needed me because of an accident. He called you, didn't leave you hanging. He could have been on his way to meet you when the friend called. Maybe he was flustered and wasn't thinking straight. I wouldn't stop to take you with me as someone suggested. I would never get in a car with someone I didn't know, nor would I expect someone else to. He did ask to reschedule which means he does want to meet you. You are the only one who can answer if he sounded sincere or not. It sounds as if you have already made up your mind about this man. I wouldn't be so ready to judge him but I am a forgiving soul and if I really liked someone, I would give him another chance. That is unless my intuition tells me something doesn 't feel right. Then I say "Off with his head!"
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 32
excuses or lies?
Posted: 7/19/2009 5:37:49 PM

I would never get in a car with someone that I do not know, nor would I have wanted to go along. I think it was something in his manner that turned me off.


No one said you should get into the car with him only that he could have offered. Most men I have spoken with are not afraid of the women that they are meeting.. However your last sentence about his manner speaks miles to why you felt the way you did.

As the saying goes.. NEXT!

thecatsmeoww
 miraclgal
Joined: 6/22/2007
Msg: 37
excuses or lies?
Posted: 7/19/2009 7:33:20 PM
The people I have met online or even emailed or have spoken to on the phone have been a Hugh disappointment.I am thinking that I will be better off by myself but that's not what i think is the best for me. I am eternally hopeful but is this like looking for a four leaf clover?
 MondoVman
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 40
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excuses or lies?
Posted: 7/19/2009 10:56:27 PM
I call "abuse of forums" on this OP. These forums are for "adding" our insights and opinions, not back-and-forth chat - which is what this OP does in all forums (I've read)by most often responding, judging, agreeing or correcting *almost every* others' post.

The man talked to the OP three times on the phone.
The man picked another activity over the OP.
The man called and apologized and asked to reschedule.
The OP is too infantile to wait out the reschedule and meet or not and THEN start the thread.
The OP is Not Understanding The Situation (think "acronym", dear readers)
 lorelei1960
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 43
excuses or lies?
Posted: 7/20/2009 5:12:31 AM
Interesting responses here.

I have had numerous dates cancelled, none quite so last minute as this and yes, sometimes my "radar" tells me the excuse is not the real truth.

But, how I usually handle it is by first giving them a benefit of a doubt and sending them an email reassuring them that I would like to reschedule. I have found that some guys when they cancel for legitimate reasons, think that women automatically will think they are a heel and won't give them a second chance (and from some of these responses, I think that might be true) and so they won't contact the woman again out of assumption of rejection due to their cancellation. I don't know if that last long sentence made sense! LOL!

I had a guy who actually cancelled on me twice! But he was also very clear that he really did want to see me, and did eventually set up a date.

Yes, I have had a few that flaked out on me and didn't seem sincere and weren't but I don't get all worked up over it because if they didn't want me, why would I want them?
 Gaddflye
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 44
excuses or lies?
Posted: 7/20/2009 6:15:11 AM
This has happened to me twice. They probably got cold feet. Who knows? Who cares? Do not dwell on it, OP. It is his loss, not yours.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 45
excuses or lies?
Posted: 7/20/2009 8:57:49 AM

I do not know where you got this half information, but like google, it can be dangerous.


Check out the law in the state of Ohio. The cases I stated the two people were totally delusional. I know only the history of one of them. That one had suffered a major seizure and thought the ambulance drivers with robbers invading his home. He was focused on the red light and was very combative. He also had recently suffered a major stroke 3 months prior during a quadruple bi-pass.

thecatsmeoww
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 47
excuses or lies? (OT)
Posted: 7/20/2009 2:10:14 PM
Yes...it was big deal!
For me...it was just canceling date.
 ALilMsChevious
Joined: 12/8/2007
Msg: 48
excuses or lies?
Posted: 8/1/2009 6:35:37 PM
I offer this story...I was on a first date meeting when my car was broadsided at an intersection. After the inital daze and seeing if I was ok/ alive/ no broken bones/not bleeding that I could see/ calling my best friend for help!/ I called the person I was supposed to meet who was only 2 blocks away. As I waited for the ambulance and EMT's to arrive to confirm that I was not hurt in a life threatening way...I also hoped that the person I was meeting would arrive to see if I was realllllly hurt. He did not. Nor did he call later to see if in fact I was ok . I find THAT not acceptable. I could have been dead for all he knew.

In answer to your question.. no... he is a liar. No show, not making another time to meet..never mind...drive by. I mean... heck.. I CALLED in the middle of being IN a major accident!
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 50
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excuses or lies?
Posted: 8/1/2009 8:55:58 PM
It doesn't matter anymore, what was offensive was the very last minute, I mean on the dot of the meeting,cancelation. I really could care less now. We did not reschedule. We all would go help a friend, I have said that over and over. I would go help my child or a friend, the timing was very suspect. We have exhausted this subject, IMO.

The are two views, either he was lying or he had to go and help someone at a very coincidental time. I usually do give the benefit of the doubt, but my radar told me that it was very fishy. Like I said, it no longer matters and I am done with this subject. Maybe I overreacted, but lots of things came into to play here and I usually find my radar to be spot on.

Live and learn, and c'est la vie.
 starofgaia
Joined: 4/11/2012
Msg: 51
excuses or lies?
Posted: 5/6/2012 2:55:08 PM
They lie about being in car accidents. deaths of family members, illness - everything to manipulate you into hanging on to you. It's always best that they don't return a phone call, instead of hearing the horrifying dishonest excuses.
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 52
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excuses or lies?
Posted: 5/6/2012 8:38:51 PM
I have not had this experience ever again, and it is interesting to read all of the posts from so long ago. I now visit with someone on the phone more than once before agreeing to meet them in person. I listen to my inner rader still, and to be honest, it is rarely wrong.
 cariboolady1
Joined: 3/22/2012
Msg: 53
excuses or lies?
Posted: 5/6/2012 9:59:50 PM
This brings me back to a story that happened to a good friend of mine. She was one that could smell a rat 10 miles away. She is also very good-looking.
She was supposed to meet a guy for a date (first meet) at a pub. When she came in there were only four other people there.....all were men. She noticed that none looked like the guy that she was supposed to meet and so she decided to wait it out. While looking around something caught her attention. One of the guys was pointing his cellphone at her and looking like he was taking her pic!! She immediately turned her back to him and sat there wondering WTF???? Then...ahhhhhh! Lights went on. He was going to send the pic to the man she was supposed to meet! Was HE sitting somewhere nearby waiting to see what she looked like when his friend sent the pic? Piqued, she got up, dropped her money and marched out into the parking lot. Looked around and saw a vehicle with a man sitting in it. He was looking down at something and didn't see her walk up. She walked up to the car and saw it was the man she was supposed to meet. She knocked on the window and startled the Hell out of him. The poor little mouse didn't stand a chance. All he could do was squeak when she nicely chewed him out and left.
How many times did this guy do this? Be a no-show? Probably lots if she didn't come up to his expectations.
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 54
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History
excuses or lies?
Posted: 5/7/2012 10:06:56 AM
It's just possible, I suppose. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt once, maybe, if I wasn't annoyed about it or felt he was lying. If your instinct tells you he was lying, write him off. It's just rude not to turn up when you say you are going to. He's not worth it. He's telling you that he's not worth it by making excuses and not turning up, having confirmed shortly before. There are lot more guys out there who have manners and will turn up and be respectful. Don't take his treatment of you as being the norm and the way other guys will treat you. There is no rational explanation for what attracts one person to another and the next guy may well be the opposite of this guy.
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