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Joined: 5/6/2006
Msg: 49
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Favorite Family Guy LinesPage 2 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
Quagmire "Hello 911 ? Yeah its Quagmire.... it's stuck in a window this time"
Im still laughing at that one

That doctor good news bad news was brilliant...
Joined: 5/6/2006
Msg: 50
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Favorite Family Guy Lines
Posted: 11/19/2007 4:29:16 PM
The episode where Patrick (Lois's psycho fat guy killing brother) comes home to the house full of fat guys.
Stewie: Oh hell, I bet you guys can't even find your penises. Heeyy, find your penis for a dollar.
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 52
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Favorite Family Guy Lines
Posted: 1/2/2008 11:04:16 AM
Joined: 5/8/2008
Msg: 61
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Favorite Family Guy Lines
Posted: 6/25/2008 4:45:30 PM
"Sooooo... you got money to buy a fake mustache huh ?"
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 62
Favorite Family Guy Lines
Posted: 6/25/2008 7:03:20 PM
Stew Griffin: [after having sex with Fran] Um... that's never happened before.
Fran: Which part? The eight seconds of sex or the 45 minutes of crying?
Stew Griffin: Uh, I guess both.

Brian Griffin: Wow, look at me! Hanging out drinking with Ernest Hemingway, Van Gogh and Kurt Cobain. Still, it feels like we all got here a little earlier than we should have.
Ernest Hemingway: Yeah, well, I finally collapsed under the weight of my own genius and shot myself.
Vincent Van Gogh: I could not reconcile my passion with the way people around me were living so I shot myself.
Kurt Cobain: I hated the thought of my music become part of some bland corporate mechanism so I shot myself.
Brian Griffin: Yeah I, uh... I got into the garbage and ate some chocolate.

Tricia Takanawa: Here comes Mayor Adam West himself. Mr. West, do you have any words for our viewers?
Mayor Adam West: Yes: box, toaster, aluminum, maple syrup- no I take that one back. I'm gonna hold on to that one.

Stewie: Umm, feel free to say no to this but... would you mind shaving my coin purse?
Joined: 12/27/2008
Msg: 63
Favorite Family Guy Lines
Posted: 2/8/2009 5:58:53 PM
Stewie: "I would have to say Fvck!"
Lipton: "And what is your favorite curse word?"

Mr. Pewterschmidt: "He's violating Sea Breeze!"
Peter: "No he's not, he's just awkwardly positioning himself and... NOW he's violating her!"

After catching Brian with a Dog Magazine
Peter/Lois: "OMG Brian!
Peter: "So, do we rub his nose in it?"

Brian: "So Lois it's been six months, think we should put the beds together?
Lois: "Oh Brian, not tonight."
Brian: "Fine I'll be in the basement."
Lois: "Doing what?"
Brian: "What do ya THINK!"
Stewie: "Ya know, Somebody is gonna have to explain this to me."

Peter:"Meg, you have a very vital role, your what's known as a "practice girl."
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 65
Favorite Family Guy Lines
Posted: 2/9/2009 10:49:05 PM
Peter, casually interviewing Meg's new boyfriend, Michael:

Tell me, have you ever sat on your arm until it fell asleep, then played with yourself and pretended it was somebody else?

Michael (looking around nervously): Honestly...yes.

Peter: Well, not any more, because you are dating my daughter!

Family Guy is the funniest show in the history of television-and anybody that thinks or says different, in Peter's words, " a Douche."
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 66
Favorite Family Guy Lines
Posted: 2/10/2009 12:36:25 PM
Are you ready to Laugh? Seth MacFarlane's Harvard Class Day Speech STEWIE
Joined: 12/27/2008
Msg: 67
Favorite Family Guy Lines
Posted: 2/10/2009 2:07:08 PM
Peter: "What do ya want me to do, whack a guy, off a guy... Whack-off a guy??? "We we is how you say yes, what is no, doo-doo? Yeah, I'll be right back after I take a wicked "yes."
Joined: 10/1/2008
Msg: 69
Favorite Family Guy Lines
Posted: 2/10/2009 9:09:57 PM
follow-up to the one about stewie and the prostitute:

There were 7 prostitutes in Cleveland's living room.
Cleveland: Peter, you and 5 of those prostitutes leave right now."

Another one I loved:

Peter speaking to Joe's wife: "This is big fat Paulie and this is Paulie's big fat ass."
Joined: 3/14/2007
Msg: 70
Favorite Family Guy Lines
Posted: 2/10/2009 10:05:41 PM
You people should be as lucky as we Rhode Islanders, since we actually live in "Quahog"
It gives a whole new perspective to that show w/ a lot of the jokes/gags.... Giggidy Giggidy JACKPOT!!!! has a lot of local info and trivia.
Joined: 12/27/2008
Msg: 71
Favorite Family Guy Lines
Posted: 2/11/2009 8:45:35 PM
Brian: Oh God, just say something!
Stewie: Well I never knew biscuit as a dog, but I did know her as a table. She was always firm, sturdy; all four legs the same length....
Joined: 6/7/2008
Msg: 72
Favorite Family Guy Lines
Posted: 2/12/2009 12:04:28 AM
Peter being a body warmer for that skinny actress by hiding her under his belly flap.
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 73
Favorite Family Guy Lines
Posted: 2/12/2009 11:21:16 PM

peter:"Its called the poop deck... so that's where I pooped."

meg:"I'm going to pretend you're the New York Mets."

Stewie: "Uh, there's a half-dead-fat-man eating a I the only one who realized? Oh, okay..."


Stewie (to one of the prostitutes at Cleveland's house): So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?


Lois: I'm gonna go get some oranges Stewie. Here, hold the rest of these bags for mommy."
Stewie: Oh, what brilliant parenting Lois. Leave a tiny infant with a plastic bag. You know I might asphyxiate myself just to teach you a lesson. Here I go. Just like that boy from INXS..(Stewie tries to put bag over top of his head.)
Stewie: I'm going to do it! (Tries to put bag over left side of his head then climbs into it and tries pulling it over his head.)
Stewie: BLAST! Good Lord Lois, either I was a c-section, or you're Wonder Woman!


Stewie Griffin: And then I'm gonna gag her with her own brassiere!
Brian Griffin: Oh, ho-ho!
Stewie Griffin: What?
Brian Griffin: No, no, nothing, nothing. That's-thats all part of your diabolical plan to... humiliate her!
Stewie Griffin: Yes, yes, she'll be humiliated!
Brian Griffin: Maybe you'll hand-cuff her; She'll hate that.
Stewie Griffin: Then I shall do that as well!
Brian Griffin: And call her a ****.
Stewie Griffin: Until I'm hoarse with rage!
Brian Griffin: Maybe smack her ass with a riding crop?
Stewie Griffin: Yes, and then ... what?
Brian Griffin: No, I mean, that-that would, like ... that, that would show her!
Stewie Griffin: Are you... You're getting some kind of sick, sexual thrill off this, aren't you

Joined: 12/27/2008
Msg: 74
Favorite Family Guy Lines
Posted: 2/13/2009 8:25:52 AM
Mr. Pewterschmidt: Peter what are you doing here?
Peter: Aw hi Mr. Pewterschmidt I just thought you could use a little extra semen on your poop deck. (Mr. P slaps Peter)
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 76
Favorite Family Guy Lines
Posted: 2/14/2009 12:02:03 AM
My ULTIMATE family Guy fav moment is when Peter was talking about Micheal J. Fox being Zorro and 2 guys, I believe they were mexican (forgive me I haven't seen this moment in a very long time) stood where the mark was made. One says to the other "Look he left his insignia" and it was a scribbled attempt at a Z.
Joined: 12/27/2008
Msg: 77
Favorite Family Guy Lines
Posted: 2/16/2009 4:41:11 AM
Herbert: "Um I was just wondering where the paper boy was. I'm sure hoping he could come by and bring me some good news... Get your fat ass back here... You little puggly SOB your pissing me off, Call me!" Creepy, creepy, creepy! And that episode where Herbert dreams they are married made me BARF! I can't listen or watch that. Yuck!
Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 78
Favorite Family Guy Lines
Posted: 2/18/2009 6:32:15 AM
"Stewie:(Playing a banjo) "Met her on my CB, said her name was Mimi, sounded like an angel come to earth. When I went to meet her, man you shoulda seen, twice as tall as me three times the girth. My fat baby loves to eat. A big ole buddha belly and her breasts swing past her feet."

Stewie: Mother! I got blisters on me fingers!!
Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 79
Favorite Family Guy Lines
Posted: 2/18/2009 6:35:28 AM
Peter: Shave a mans back and he'll pur like a walrus. Whooooroo

James Woods: Oh piece of candy! Oh piece of candy! Oh piece of candy! Oh piece of candy! Oh piece of candy! Oh piece of candy! Oh piece of candy! Oh piece of candy! Oh piece of candy! Oh piece of candy! Oh piece of candy! Oh piece of candy!
Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 80
Favorite Family Guy Lines
Posted: 2/21/2009 10:45:49 PM
It's like having sex with Kobe Bryant - you can fight all you want, it's still going to happen.
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 82
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Favorite Family Guy Lines
Posted: 3/2/2009 7:56:26 PM
peter where do you keep getting these things
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 83
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Favorite Family Guy Lines
Posted: 3/2/2009 7:57:43 PM
something september 11th eee
omar north tower
Joined: 7/30/2005
Msg: 84
Favorite Family Guy Lines
Posted: 3/3/2009 10:30:23 PM
you ever let your baalls hang out beroni?
ever do that bri?
drove my chevy to the levy but the levy was bri--

and i know this doesn't constitute as a quote but did you see the episode where the boys all drank epicac?
i don't want to i don't want to ewahhh
Joined: 11/26/2007
Msg: 85
Favorite Family Guy Lines
Posted: 3/3/2009 11:18:59 PM
Waiter: Hello, can I take your order

Peter: Well I don't think that's any of your business...
Joined: 6/20/2008
Msg: 86
Favorite Family Guy Lines
Posted: 3/6/2009 7:51:50 AM
Lois's Father after Peter Bankrupts him:

*door bell*
Peter: I'll get it
(Lois's father at the door with a shot gun aimed at Peter)

Peter: Oh, hey Mr. Pewterschmidt, what's up?
Mr Pewterschmidt: Good. Aw, damnit. I mean Not Much.
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