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Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 32
No Confidence...Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Unfortunately, these big hearted people are not very "marketable" these days unless they are good looking.
Joined: 1/31/2007
Msg: 33
No Confidence...
Posted: 7/27/2009 4:03:31 PM
Just go in with no expectations and you could be surprised at the results.
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 34
No Confidence (A vague, general outline)
Posted: 7/27/2009 7:51:28 PM
Hi Gary. Having once been quite shy and insecure myself, I feel I can jump in here and give you some advice that has worked for me. Face your fear. You seem afraid of social situations because of the way you imagine those in attendance will react to you. Go there with the intent to speak to at least a few of the other guests. Join in a conversation, or start one yourself.

If it is a dance, you may feel more comfortable getting up with a group of people rather than dreading the task of asking a lady to dance. Don't worry so much about doing the right thing, having the right moves, whatever. Just relax and step outside the box.

One way I overcame my hesitance to be in a crowded room was to take up public speaking. The way I see it, if you can get up and do karaoke in front of strangers, you should have no trouble introducing yourself to a few people at a gathering. Remember too that it is unlikely you will be the only "newbie" there.

I've been attending the local POF functions for nearly 3 years, and have made many friends through my involvement with the group. I hope you will have the same measure of success.
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 35
No Confidence...
Posted: 7/28/2009 5:59:19 AM
gourmetchef2009 makes a valid point in the post above mine. He says
<div class="quote"> personality is huge for women....act more positive...and then just throw yourself out to the 'wolves.' For many women, though looks may be important, the man's personality will be what makes or breaks the connection. I find a shy, though friendly, man much more attractive than one whose always got to be the center of attention. To the other extreme, I find a man who is overconfident,**** and obnoxious to be a total zero; in other words, totally unattractive to me, no matter how good looking he may be.

By the way David, msg 73, thanks for your comments.
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 36
No Confidence...
Posted: 8/1/2009 11:29:12 PM
Confidence comes from facing fears.

Scared of heights? Go skydiving.
Scared of spiders? Hold a tarantula.
Scared of being rejected? GET REJECTED A LOT!

Look, to build confidence you need to get out and talk to women. You have to face the fear of being rejected. You have to be prepared for it and not let it bother you. Not every woman you meet is going to be interested in you, but you will NEVER meet the one who is unless you talk to a lot of them.

I used to be scared of being rejected. Now, I just brush it off. It doesn't bother me anymore because I don't gain my validation from other people, especially women.

I have found it within myself.

Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 37
No Confidence...
Posted: 8/2/2009 11:57:33 AM
Great post. I have self-confidence issues myself that I hide with an "aloof" attitude which surprisingly some people find attractive. They assume you are keeping to yourself because you are "cool". I realize I have to love myself first because no matter how great guys I attract they can't make me love myself if I don't do that. I think even with attract girls you have to deal with the issues that bring about your lack of confidence. Eg maybe you need to work out so that you can be the best of you and not feel deficient.
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