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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 dessertguy
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 73
Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.Page 17 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)
It all depends on how you define "settling" and "your type" and "not your type"....

Is "your type" someone who is a mirror image of you?
Is "your type" someone who always agrees with you and does things YOUR way?
Is "not your type" someone who is the complete opposite of you?
Or is "not your type" someone who doesn't have ALL of your requirements and /or preferences?
Is it "settling" if you have a laundry list of 100 requirements and/or preferences, and you meet someone who has 99 of them, and the only one they don't have is your preferred eye color?

Obviously, it is better to be alone than in an abusive or unhealthy relationship, but how far can you reasonably take it regarding "your type"?
 Adam 4 Coffee
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 74
Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/23/2008 6:34:36 AM
Who cares about types? Do you know what your type is? should we change our types? are we to quick to judge who our "type" of person is? just meet someone give thema chance if it does nto work it does not work what;s the worst that can happen?
 lolLori
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 75
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Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 2/27/2008 3:00:11 PM
i think it would be funny to finally realize your type is all wrong for you like x amount of people say Like the girl that likes the bad boy or the women who always end up wit abusers there is usually more that can go wrong if you go for a type they dont call it playing the field for no reason its to meet all types instead of narrowing your perceptions. The Stones infamous lyrics "You dont always get what you want-you get what you need"
 veloise
Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 76
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Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/3/2008 5:41:17 PM

Better to be single then sorry


Yup, and in the immortal words of Ann Landers:
"it's better to be alone than to wish that you were."
 BuzWeaver
Joined: 7/7/2007
Msg: 77
Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/3/2008 7:09:37 PM
Never settle, why compromise your values, ideals and principles?
 lolLori
Joined: 5/16/2006
Msg: 78
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Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/3/2008 7:23:16 PM
I mean pre-judging people on type my type might be wrong for me. I guess its insinuated by settle that if its not your type its someone that isnt someone you like or get along with definaitely if you cant get into the relationship its not worth having.
 tam879
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 79
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Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/9/2008 12:14:16 PM
I`d rather be alone. Can you imagine being with someone you don`t care for and they nag you or want this or that.
 Nancy54534
Joined: 1/30/2008
Msg: 80
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Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/10/2008 6:04:12 AM
I lost my love of 10 years about 15 montsh ago. Met someone here online, it was nice to have that person, kind of was a wake up call that I can move forward. We had fun and enjoyed things but maybe we were both alone to long. Trouble is now that I've been alone, don't want anyone full time, high maintanence or underfoot. To enjoy some quiet time, do what people do is fine but what I want now is to take things slowly and when the door closes it is me alone which is fine. Am not going to ride the merry
go round and grab for and at a cheap brass ring, just take the slower ride and savor
the time. You would end up with trying to meet some demands and expectation that neither of you is able to meet or want. Better to close the door on yourself with sanity peace, dignity and emotions intact then get shredded and pulled into an emotional and physical wreckage of diminished hope and expectatons
 youmightthink
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 81
Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/10/2008 11:30:26 AM
Be alone. Someone who isn't your type eventually you'll leave. That isn't fair to them or you. Find that which you seek.
 fra59e
Joined: 6/4/2005
Msg: 82
Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/18/2008 8:56:55 PM
Any person who considers me a "type" instead if an individual human being who is just what he is, no more and no less, will not be allowed in my life.

Making an agreement with a person you decide to share your life with should be approached on a rational, not emotional, basis. When you have created a contractual relationship then it is time to allow yourself to develop emotional attraction.

But meeting up with people isn't a shopping process. Human beings are not like boxes of cereal, sorted into "types." I never want to be classified in a "type."

And people who want a serious relationship or a marriage should consider how well corporate law works while domestic law seldom does. People join for a shared purpose and make a commitment and stick to it. The relationships in the corporation are not emotion-driven but are reasoned contracts. Ideally your agreements are worked out so that they are win-win and everybody benefits.
 betterlate
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 83
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Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/18/2008 9:11:34 PM
much better to be alone than to be with someone you dont love and is not your type. Why ruin the chances for that person or yourself? Be available for the love of your life and let them be available for their love. I much rather sleep alone, not have to clean up or answer to anyone else, enjoy my house, life and be happy.

Using people is not right, and it doesnt feel good to be used as just something for now...
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 84
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Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/19/2008 9:40:13 AM

I decided to read all the pages to help me understand one more time why one who I'm guessing all have dated said b/f or g/f for a least 18 months or more before be exclusive with & or decided to marriage.
And why, I assuming dated for at least a year or more with said person why would one stay, date,settle or marry one if there was not at least 80% or more similar goals, idea's and beliefs?

If you can help the rest of us in how to avoid theses pitfalls. Was it just bad choices,or did you think because this person was not really that good for you,yet you though you would change said person in your prefer likes or was it totally something else unbeknown to you about the person?

Good question Just Jim.
My bf has been joking that we've been together long enough now that he's counting on inertia to carry him the rest of the way, lol.
Even though he is joking, I think there's likely some truth to that in many relationships. A point where they have "good enough" so there isn't any glaring reason to break it off. Humans give much more slack to people they know, so there are things that you'd let go once you know someone that you wouldn't have "let go" before you'd made such an investment in them.

I suspect one of the reasons people declare "don't settle" so emphatically is because they are recognizing the soul of a relationship is collaboration (and often compromise, although I don't like that model in relationships). There will inevitably be some degree of "settling" in a relationship... the question is, how much? Therefore they want to get it as much right from the get-go before things start to morph as each makes more of an investment in the other.

Sometimes I think we fall in love with people's personalities but then have to live with their character. We judge a date based on their entertainment value but forget to consider the totality of life isn't entertainment.

80% compatibility is probably about as much as we can hope to find in another person. Sometimes quantifying that is difficult. Or people don't realize that what is ok to let go now in a date, is not going to be something they have really envisioned as being missing for years and years. Or they simply don't realize how much its absence will bother them over time.

LOL, I guess, my short answer to the question is a lack of awareness in themselves. If you don't have a clear idea of who you are and what your goals, ideas and beliefs are... how in the heck do you recognize it in others and recognize how well you line up?
 jf468
Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 85
Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/19/2008 9:41:20 AM
This may have been mentioned already, but I didn't read all 18 pages of this thread. It is okay NOT to settle when you have realistic expectations. Sometimes lowering your expectations so that they become more realistic is NOT a bad thing.
 quietcowboy
Joined: 12/25/2007
Msg: 86
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Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/19/2008 9:49:44 AM

This may have been mentioned already, but I didn't read all 18 pages of this thread. It is okay NOT to settle when you have realistic expectations. Sometimes lowering your expectations so that they become more realistic is NOT a bad thing.


This very true. To me a realistic expectation is to not expect anything more(usually slightly less) of the person I'm with than I do of myself. That includes physically, character and personality.
 Goldengirl2
Joined: 10/30/2003
Msg: 87
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Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/19/2008 2:43:45 PM
It is no wonder, so many of us remain single for soooo long despite the hundreds of thousands of dating sites and other match making facilities. GAAWD. Yep we are fast becoming a singles nation
 sweetest
Joined: 10/8/2007
Msg: 88
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Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/19/2008 6:36:27 PM
This is very timely post. I was out with a girlfriend last evening and over dinner she told me about her on/off again relationship with a man she described as the love of her life for over 22 years--most of that time unfortunately, spent in separate lives. They were together for only a few years, and revisited their relationship intermittently between other relationships/marriages. Their last parting was about 2 years ago--The final impasse: she wants marriage it's her deal breaker...he doesn't want marriage.

Meanwhile they've gotten older and know intuitively (as do both of their respective sets of friends, colleagues and families) that the other is the only one that each will ever truly love--so transforming is the love they have for each other.

At a random point in the conversation with my friend, I mentioned going forward and revisiting the hold out and perhaps, to just let it go...finally. Really, just how important is marriage if the alternative is no life together with this man who is essentially everything to her? After 2 years incommunicado, she launched an email over that embankment only this morning, resulting in a flurry of back and forth contacts all day long. We'll see how they emerge in a few weeks.

My 2 cents: Don't settle--You do yourself no favors--but do revisit your 'deal breakers' and your 'hold outs' periodically--especially if you've been single (for forever-or what feels like forever)...is it still as important as it ever was? Think beyond what you're holding out for and clear that obstacle mentally. Sometimes straight ahead is what you've been looking for...no more hurdles no more excuses and that’s not to my reckoning, settling - it's simply realizing that you have changed priorities.
 Mirage111
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 89
Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/19/2008 7:24:28 PM
I think it would be better to be alone. There are so many couples in loveless marraiges, tortured and alone.
 carleedann
Joined: 8/22/2007
Msg: 90
Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/20/2008 9:51:35 AM
I believe in chemistry and if there's none there its just not a whole lot of fun, isn't love spossed to make you breathless or are people only out for materialist things now days.
 cmdr_iceman
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 91
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Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/20/2008 5:20:33 PM
It is better to remain alone.

Besides it is selfish because you are depriving that other person of what it feels like to have another person feel genuine passion toward them.

What is more, you’ll most likely end up cheating on them or breaking their heart when you meet someone you do feel passion toward and abruptly dump the person who was never your type.
 virgogidget
Joined: 11/10/2005
Msg: 92
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Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 3/29/2008 5:46:28 AM
Alone
I wont settle for less.
It wont work as time goes by. little things annoy you about them

I dont believe in changing someone either to suit you
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 93
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Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 10/24/2012 10:14:34 AM
ALONE, ALONE, ALONE!
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 94
Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 10/24/2012 2:04:53 PM
Why does it even need to be a matter of "better" or "worse"...it's simply a choice each person has in front of them.
The problem of accepting a relationship that isn't really what you want-is whathappens if someone who is so much more right for you comes along?

That said, there are lots of people for whom being unpartnered is a slow, quiet, painful hell-why should we tell them that a decision to pair bond with someone who isn't the God-selected "RIGHT ONE"-is a "worse" decision?
There is no better or worse in this kind of a decision, only taking responsibility for the choice you make and not trying to put that choice onto everyone else as "better"-whatever THAT means.
Cindy O
 ARTSYLADEEEE
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 95
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Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 10/24/2012 4:22:06 PM
Keep your options open instead of narrowing your choices into a certain "type".
 warmheart050
Joined: 2/4/2011
Msg: 96
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Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 10/24/2012 4:33:14 PM
I would not settle,if someone is not ur type,most likely it wont last very long IMO:)
 blondindian
Joined: 10/6/2009
Msg: 97
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Is it better to be alone Or settle for someone that is not Your type.
Posted: 10/26/2012 1:08:01 AM
Better off being alone, it just makes it easier on both when it doesnt work out some would say thats shallow to want one type or another that its whats on the inside that counts ....How many people do we all know that are attracted intially to whats on the inside of someone they dont know yet .....hmmmm People know what they like ,whether they settle or admit is a whole different story
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