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 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 30
Always on?Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
OP...I know of someone that is exactly the same. He's a friend so I can deal with it. To allow your mind to be 'still' is one of the hardest things anyone can do, it comes from inner acceptance, tranquility so hard to explain in mere words.

Your date seems to suffer from really low self esteem, don't let he's so called outgoing personality fool you because from my experience anything that's OVER done normally requires 'something' to be UNDONE....that 'something' could just as well be a constant need for reassurance. It's tiring and takes an enormous amount of energy to be with someone like that.
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 31
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Always on?
Posted: 7/27/2009 5:24:19 PM

Your date seems to suffer from really low self esteem, don't let he's so called outgoing personality fool you because from my experience anything that's OVER done normally requires 'something' to be UNDONE....that 'something' could just as well be a constant need for reassurance. It's tiring and takes an enormous amount of energy to be with someone like that.


Arabianangel, this really is an absolute stellar point... My son is small in stature, so as the "little guy, who's oh so fun to mess with", his armor is his sense of humor. He can't beat the jocks, and being a brainiac isn't all that hot at 13, so to deflect the entertainment OTHER get out of picking at him for his size, he takes on the entertainer role... It is also part of his personality, however I think you really hit on something when you said when it's over the top.

My son is still finding himself, and I am sure will survive with out over whelming women with unend shticks... It makes a lot of sense when someone feels they have to compensate for something that has made them feel like they have something less than others seem to want...

Great point...
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 32
Always on?
Posted: 7/28/2009 2:25:25 AM
Nexthyme...at 13 your son still has a lot of growing to do, my youngest is 14 isn't tall at all, he was constantly nagging me to ask our local doctor lol...apparently whatever their height was at the age of two you just double it and this should be the height they end up with......looks like my son will be a approx 5ft11 which is a good height.

I've also noticed this trend with overweight people, ever notice the fatter a person is the funnier they tend to be?...(no offense intended).
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 33
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Always on?
Posted: 7/28/2009 7:51:45 AM
If this is newly emerging behaviour... or an amplification of who he usually is (which seems to be what you've indicated)... look for what might be causing it. You've mentioned he's watching the RE market slide. It occurs to me his days might be a bit blech right now and so going out with you represents a significant "high spot" for his day which might make him be a bit more 'on' than normal. Oddly enough, it might just be the euphoria of being with you AFL.

It also occurs to me, he might be feeling a bit down or insecure on the inside because of his current work situation and works up more of an 'act' to compensate for it. Given the possible interior landscape, he might be worried he'd be a real drag to be with otherwise. Kind of like "I'm laughing because the alternative is to cry" (well, the man card equivalent of that).
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 34
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Always on?
Posted: 7/29/2009 6:31:56 AM
Two things. My father was this way, it mortified me as a child/teen. Now, I don't know that he was into the silliness that you have described with the glass on the head, but the rest of it, the shameless flirting and talking to people, yup, that was my dad.

Guess what, that's me AND my kids. Something I noticed a few years ago, and something that I did recognize about my father as well, we get better service anywhere we go, people will break company rules to help us out, they may roll their eyes but most people in service jobs in particular are talked AT all day long, and people tend to like you even if they think you are too forward. I think if you asked him to chill and he didn't, I might have just gotten up and said, I thought I was with you, not everyone in the building and walked outside. No scene, just make it clear you've really had enough. My dad was one who more than occasionally didn't know when to stop. I don't think they mean to.

What is more strange is your comment about him not turning it off when you two are alone, that would strike me as a total inablity to deal with whether you really like him. I think mom's right on this one and depending on how long you are dating, will this continue to wear? I know there are worse things but bottom line it would mean constant ego stroking.
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 35
Always on?
Posted: 7/29/2009 12:22:14 PM
Op, a person who is 'on' is not focused on an audience -- you or anyone else -- other than to make sure he's holding their attention. He's focused on himself, experiencing and stroking himself. Even at home, you are an audience so he doesn't feel weird being that way with no one else present.

If he is not engaging in normal conversations with you, there is no connection really, other than as an audience, in my opinion. The age difference is more in line with a father/daughter image, anyway.

If he ignores you on outings and dates, in favour of whoever else is present, it is not a date; it is an opportunity to scream to a new audience, "Look at MEEEEEEEE!".

What you do about this is up to you, but if you can look at it from the outside, I think you will know what you have, and don't have, in terms of a 'relationship'.

My condolences.
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