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 Fresh fish is best fresh.
Joined: 7/29/2010
Msg: 100
Swingers..Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
^^^That's nothing, try being one of those poor souls who were told they were to small, or even be in what you thought was a loving relationship and get told by your sweet girlfriend that you are too small.. Now am I saying this happened to me personally, I am not, because since I have not been sober in 10 years, things seem a little cloudy right now, and of course it is raining outside. <img src=

And about swingers, never have encountered any so, I really can't say anything negative or positive.
Joined: 7/13/2010
Msg: 101
Posted: 8/19/2010 10:05:19 PM
To each their own, but for me when I think of swingers I think of risky behavior that can have serious health consequences. How do you know the girl you are screwing is clean? Because she says she is? It is risky enough just doing normal dating and trusting the person to be clean and honest about it!

Too much risk for me.
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 105
Posted: 8/20/2010 6:28:54 AM
^^^^^ I've told people that they're more likely to die on the road enroute to some wild rivers to raft (and you can use a different raft every time without raising the risk level at all!), which is about the most kick you can get doing something that doesn't involve sex, but never felt sufficiently knowledgeable about all the risks involved in sex to use that comparison. lol Hmmm, a cost/reward analysis of sex? That could take a looooong time to get through so that each participant might be said to have given "informed consent" (the legal age for which was recently raised from 14 to 16 in Arkansas-LOL).
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 106
Posted: 8/20/2010 7:42:38 AM
^^^lol... I look at it this way~ If people want to swing thats their business. I dont; I like one one one sex myself. However I dont want someone else preaching the stats to me if I want to bang half the state of NC.

Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 107
Posted: 8/20/2010 9:18:39 AM

At least driving on the highway, the greater experience you have, the less likely you will be affected... With sex, the more experience you have the greater risk...

This might be a good time for a statistic lesson. The relevant results may be obtained using the binomial distribution.

First, when interpreting statistics, it's important to understand the subtle difference in the question being addressed. For example, the question, (1) ``If you have sex with 5 infected partners and your risk of acquiring an std with each contact is 10%, what is the chance you become infected?'' is not the same question as, (2) ''If you have sex with 5 partners and your risk of acquiring an std with each infected contact is 10%, what is the chance you become infected?'' and both are extremely different questions than, (3)``If you have sex with 10 infected partners and after 9 partners are not infected, what is your risk of infection with the 10th partner?''

The answer to (1) is 41%.

The answer to question (2) cannot be determined unless you know the odds that each partner will be infected., but if the odds your partner is infected is lower than 100%, your odds will be lower than 41%.Since you cannot easily determine if your partner is infected, you should always assume your partner is infected without absolute proof to the contrary. If you don't, then your odds of infection are only as good as your judgment with regard to your partner.

The answer to (3) is 10%, because the risk is for each contact independent of any of the other contacts.

Now factor a condom into question (1) and assume it reduces the risk by a factor of 2. Your odds drop to 23%. Note that this is slightly over half of the original odds even though the risk of contact is exactly half of the risk of unprotected sex. That means that if you go out on a sex binge and have sex with 50 people in less time than you can verify you haven't been infected, the difference between using a condom and not using a condom becomes insignificant, even though it reduces the odds with each contact by exactly the same factor of 2. Th upshot of that is, that the primary benefit one derives from using occurs when your partners are few and to a greater degree than it might appear. By the same token, if your best guess is that your partner has a 50% chance of being infected, having sex with 10 people whose chance of infection is your assumption of 50%, doesn't buy you much. Using condoms with a best guess of a 50-50 chance that your partners are infected, does't buy you much more over protected sex, either.

Since the probability is the same for each partner, but the total probability is cumulative, your best piece of mind will come from being tested regularly. If after 4 partners, you know you aren't infected, then you know what the odds are for the next parter, (i.e., 10%). But since this is only a probability, you can still win the lottery.

Statistics are always true, but what counts is whether one interprets them correctly, so the exact wording of the question being answered matters a lot. Figures don't lie, but liars figure.
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 109
Posted: 8/20/2010 12:41:21 PM
Poster #107 is a smart and sexy irritant, therefore most people dont mind.
post #108 is simply the latter
Joined: 8/14/2010
Msg: 110
Posted: 8/21/2010 10:36:44 AM
I have nothing against swingers. But it's not for me. I don't want a boyfriend having sex with anyone else. BTW I knew a single woman who goes to some swingers parties. I went to a few swingers parties with her for curiosity. I was single at the time. While most of the people at these particular swingers parties were nice, the majority of them were older ( over 40 ) and /or overweight.
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 112
Posted: 8/22/2010 3:54:35 AM

Most of the people at these particular swingers parties were nice, the majority of them were older ( over 40 ) and /or overweight.

I always wondered what those peeps who populate the nude beaches did apres sand and surf- seems they congregate at S gatherings. Lol Wouldn't you think that only the most fit and desirable would engage in these activities? Like, if you got it, flaunt it?
Self-image (even when laced with delusion) trumps presentation every time.
Joined: 8/1/2010
Msg: 114
Posted: 8/22/2010 12:50:47 PM

e all bad or just misunderstood? Anytime I mention that its my lifestyle choice I am rebuked and frowned upon. Yet I feel it better to be open about this part of my life as it stops any confusion and misleading anyone the more you get to know them. What's your opinion? i'd like to know what POF members think about being sexually liberated as a POF member. Does anyone have an experience of a similar response. TY x

I could go all day on this subject. American's in general have a totally messed up view of sexuality and this goes back to our puritan roots and sex being taught as "bad".

I am new to POF and my wife and I have been married for 25 years. We have had an open relationship for the last 15 years and have enjoyed it a great deal. The key is OPEN and HONEST.

Regarding how others perceive open relationships it's all over the map. I hear everything from total disgusted to genuine curiousness.

Regarding sex what I find funny is that many non-swingers are worried about desease. But in my experiences swingers practice safe sex with more vigilance than the general population.
Joined: 8/1/2010
Msg: 115
Posted: 8/22/2010 12:57:29 PM

i've experimented with that lifestyle a few times, and yes its fun. but i dont think its the lifestyle i want to be in on a daily basis. every now and then to put a random spark in the relationship, if both partners are willing and accepting of it, thats a different story.

This is how my wife and I operate. We do it a 3 - 4 times a year tops. And we only play with people we have developed real friendship with. Many non-swingers tend to view swingers as sexual deviants out trying to **** everything that moves. That is not the case for the vast majority of them.

sls and aff are extremely out there sites, theyre all about sex. and you talk to the couples or individuals on there and its a race to see how fast they can get you in their bedroom.

I agree these sites are to extreme. They are 100% about booty calls. I am more interested in friendship and if something sexual comes along then Woo Hoo, but it's not my main focus.
Joined: 8/1/2010
Msg: 116
Posted: 8/22/2010 1:00:31 PM

I once read an article that said swinging was a way for "beta" males to feel like an "alpha" male...

Very interesting comment. I have never thought of this and I think you might be right. My wife and I don't "swinger parties" or "swinger clubs" but on the rare occasion that we have I have seen this.
Joined: 1/1/2008
Msg: 118
view profile
Posted: 8/22/2010 6:44:53 PM
do swingers have foreplay?
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 119
Posted: 8/22/2010 9:43:12 PM
I think it's very good that you are open about who you are and what you are into sexually very early on so that people who do not want any involvement with this lifestyle don't waste much time.This is something that you should tell someone no later then a third date.

Condom whether for male or female reduces that risk.

It reduces it not eliminates it.

Driving on the HWY is very risky too. 18 Wheelers may demolish you and you car. Never stopped any one from driving on the HWY

I would much rather die of being hit by an 18 wheeler then of aids.

Joined: 8/1/2010
Msg: 120
Posted: 8/22/2010 10:35:34 PM

Well, my girlfriend was a swinger before I met her...
Despite condoms she managed to get a couple of STD's...
Her Ex, died a little while ago from Aids...

Everyone she was with kept trying to get her to let them not use a condom...

So I tend to take the "swingers practice safe sex" with a bit scepticism...
Aside from it's not "safe sex" it's just safer sex than without a precaution...

I am sorry to hear that, however, neither my wife nor I have had one yet. If we were with others that wanted non-safe sex we'd run for the hills I assure you.

[quotes]Sometimes people go along with it, but are not totally happy with the lifestyle... but won't admit it to their spouse...[/quotes]
Well then that is their own fault. They should speak up. I holy cow, if you cannot be open and honest with your own spouse why are you married?
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 121
Posted: 8/23/2010 1:02:05 PM

What i have seen more than ever before are couples who are into "Cuckold". This is type of sexuality for a women is becoming more acceptable than ever before!

If I were no longer able to perform sexually ...and my wife still had the desire/need ...I would totally accept this lifestyle
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 122
Posted: 8/27/2010 7:56:30 AM

there is a certain type of power or feeling taking another man`s women in front of them and doing as you please!

When you exercise possessory rights over another human, you've pretty much foreclosed any kind of continuing relationship. They'll wander off on you, often right under your nose, and your leash will break.
I understand that you spoke of "another man's woman" in context, and it grew the point you were making; howver, that construct is not only faulty, but offensive to most.
To paraphrase an adage, if you love someone, set her free- if she comes back, or stays, she loves you, too; but if she doesn't, she never loved you back anyway, and you have lost nothing worth retaining.
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 124
Posted: 8/28/2010 3:11:59 PM

WOW! I didn`t reealize there were so many vanilla thoughts emanating from tis thread.
To criticize anyone for doing something different,sexually that you have no realm about nor venture into doesn`t mean its wrong!
Yet, some attack others who do enjoy the swingers lifestyle attempting to demean them.
These things occur. There are some who do like domination as well as people who do enjoy experimenting sexually.
Just because you have personal sexual issues, doesn`t mean you have the right to attack others who don`t quite share you`re 1950`s views..
Swingers aren`t into relationships...
Try to open your mind and understand not everyone is narrow minded..

I gotta say, this may be the first time anyone on this site has hit me with the "vanilla thoughts" charge.
I don't have any realms, nor crowns, no monarchial bloodline, either- but I have had quite a few (ad)ventures, in just about all the "realms" that I could slip into, lol, even another man's territory. Not proud of that, but I reach for it sometimes to find the audacity to speak on the "edgier" issues.
1950's thinking!! Cuckholding was an oft-used plot thickener in Shakespeare's tales, as well as Chaucer's, and it was old hat even then. There are biblical prohibitions of it, and horror stories in the old part of that book, that rabbis wrote, about what happens to those who trespass on another man's woman. And it probably never would have been included in that book of books had it not become a social problem before then. The "disapproval" you source to the '50's dates back at least two additional milennia, O Master in search of a relationship. lol
Nor was my post (or this one, either) intended to demean anyone- just pointing out some apparent pitfalls to what struck me as an aged brag.
 Beyond the Cleavage
Joined: 6/5/2010
Msg: 125
Posted: 8/28/2010 3:42:43 PM

I once read an article that said swinging was a way for "beta" males to feel like an "alpha" male...

A woman that's a swinger told me all the men she has meet are small

there is a certain type of power or feeling taking another man`s women in front of them and doing as you please!

Boom boom!
I think the same could be said of women swingers, too.
Joined: 8/1/2012
Msg: 128
Posted: 9/26/2012 6:51:52 PM
So how does a couple go about finding another couple or person...i mean you cant just walk up to someone and ask if they swing....
Im new to this lifestyle and I swear Ive got a million and one questions and no one I know has this lifestyle. Matter of fact if my family knew they'd prolly disown me :P
Joined: 8/10/2006
Msg: 129
Posted: 9/26/2012 7:27:40 PM
Just Join AFF.........Plenty of people are into it!
Joined: 6/25/2012
Msg: 130
Posted: 9/27/2012 11:13:27 AM
Each too there own on swinging i cant see what it proves i mean as a male if i care about a women and had emotions there is no way i could share her with another man, or be with another women, it just wouldnt feel right and ethically i wouldnt let myself do that, i couldnt really respect a man who did swinging, as i proberly respect people for values, honesty, and ethics. I think if someone wants that lifestyle then its fine as long as they didnt want me and the lady i am with too be involved.
Joined: 7/27/2012
Msg: 131
Posted: 9/27/2012 11:45:06 AM
One of my best friends is a swinger and has been for years. Although it's not for me, I don't judge her on it. Anyone you run into, that has a problem with it doesn't have the swingers mindset. Not everyone will look upon that lifestyle like it's no big deal. I can't do it because I just can't see myself having sex with multiple people and multiple parties and you don't know how many other multiple partners they have had. I know all of her swinging friends. To each their own. Sure they all "claim to wear a condom" but oral sex performed on 100 of people over a life time, to be sexually liberating doesn't sit well with me. It does to her though! It's a different lifestyle for sure, and yes very open minded and liberating if that's what you call liberating. It won't and can't sit well with everybody the same as not everyone will agree with your sexual lifestyle.

You have a group of people that understand and enjoy the lifestyle .. don't worry about the rest of them that don't get you, or frown upon you. That's neither here nor there. You have the right to be who you are just as much as they do. POF unlike Adult Friend Finder does not have a sexual lifestyle selection. This is a pretty vanilla site that offers the married man an intimate encounter or a FWB is about as far as POF allows. There are no nude pictures or videos like AFF that you can post Nothing in here encourages the swinging lifestyle profile to come alive! They don't give you the choice of wanting a man AND woman or couples.

NOT that it matters but.... the site where you will be accepted the most is where people think most like you. And that would be Adult Friend Finder. There you KNOW it's people looking for sex and only sex.

Just be you and don't worry a bit what other people think of your open minded lifestyle. We all have our own life to live!
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 132
Posted: 9/27/2012 12:34:20 PM
^^^^^ actually AFF is a commercial site ..they have one purpose like many vanilla dating sites make money ..and you will pay well for the opportunity to successfully use them ...Swinglifestyle dot com is kinda the pof of the swinger community POF they do have a premium status .. but the site is also like POF in that one can use it and actually contact people on a free account ... like POF they have to pay expenses some way thus the premium accounts
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 133
Posted: 9/27/2012 9:04:04 PM
I went to some swinger events as a single man. Most of the people I met in the lifestyle seemed to be nice people. Some men enjoy watching their wife having sex with another man ( or woman in some cases ). Especially if it fulfills a fantasy that she has. Having said that, I would not go to a swinger events when I'm in a serious relationship.
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 134
Posted: 10/23/2014 8:43:08 AM
There is nothing wrong with a couple who want to swing. Do i think you can meet swingers on POF, the answer is no, however, there are plenty of swinger sites available to satisfy one`s curosity.. As for consenting adults, whatever feels comfortable for you and your partner is acceptable IMHO...
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