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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Did you expect to be single this late in life?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 37
Did you expect to be single this late in life?Page 9 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

So to all my fellow 40 year old and above did you expect to be single still?


Never thought about it. I live one day at a time.


Do you feel like there is something amiss with the world or yourself?


I don't feel like anything is "amiss" per se, as I don't obsess with the fact that I'm single. I know eventually I will have the relationship that I desire, and until then just livin' life!
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 38
Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 10/28/2009 9:29:05 AM

Just wondering, after reading the whole thread, it seems that pretty much everybody is happy being single.... I couldn't help my self to start wondering, what the f*** are we doing in here then ?



Should we be miserable, suicidal and single?
 UTURN1
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 39
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Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 10/31/2009 9:07:27 PM
I never expected to be 40 and single. I divorced at 33 after a 14 yr relationship, 9 of it I was married to the girl. From that, I have two wonderful and beautiful kids. I've had more than my share of dates or even short relationships...since...that I can't complain about. I'm a very outgoing person and I don't seem to ever be short of a date if needed.

HOWEVER...One thing I think many people struggle with is knowing who and what they are. Most people can not look into the mirror and actually see who they are...they refuse to accept they are different than what they want to be. It takes a strong person to accept what they see and actually put into motion the things they need to do to change and be that person they want to be.

This is why I think so many people end up dating the "same type of person" over and over. I know from experience that a woman would tell me that they are this or that and they are looking for this or that, but they're actions don't reflect that.

Me personally, I'm waiting for that certain something to hit me with a girl. I've had it happen to me twice. That type of something that when people ask you what it is, you can't explain it. Its the way she walks, talks or flicks her hair...who knows. That something that hits you like a truck and leaves that empty feeling inside when she's gone. That feeling of having your heart hit the floor every time she walks into the room. That's it for me. I've been fortunate to find that with to women in my life, but for one reason or another, there were barriers that kept us apart...but it hasn't kept me from continuing my search. I know she's out there...

Some day, I'll find her. Some day, you'll find yours.
 SeatownMatt
Joined: 9/13/2009
Msg: 40
Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 11/11/2009 6:13:50 PM
No, I didn't expect to be single at this age, but it doesn't bother me anywhere close to what it used to.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 41
Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 3/9/2010 7:16:51 AM
Embracing my spinsterhood has freed me from the fruitless endeavor of chasing after that elusive wedding ring. Aahhh - Now I can relax, enjoy life, and think about things that really matter.
 DallasSBF
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 42
Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 3/10/2010 11:12:56 AM
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH NO. I am kind of shocked at what I have done. I screwed it up majorly somewhere .
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 43
Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 3/19/2010 8:59:52 PM

Have you ever thought you aren't of this world? For a human to be so above others they'd have to be unbelievably incredible.......or possibly a higher life form such as an alien. Crazy cat ladies are on the rise. My standards are not huge but maybe that's because I'm a lower life form......


Loving and caring for a pet is a compassionate trait that makes us more human and is a reminder of what unconditional love should be like. I draw the line when a man coughs up a furball though.
 upper_west_side
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 44
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If I go back to 2-person life again, I believe I can live it much better than before.
Posted: 4/8/2010 6:44:07 AM
No... I fully expected to be in love with someone absolutely wonderful, living with them, perhaps even married, and with talk of children, by the age of 30. To get there, I'd have had a few long term (1 year+) relationships, lots of shorter ones and some one night stands through my 20s, and would probably have lived with someone before. I'd live in London, have a job I love, have enough money to travel and enjoy myself, and lots of friends.

Well, the reality is that I'm nearly 32. I did move away from home at 18 for uni, and have never moved back. I'm very independent and don't *need* anyone to live my life. I live alone in London, have a job I adore, plenty of money and lots of friends.

So why do I feel so alone, unhappy and as if life is passing me by all the time?

My 20s were just 10 years of wanting a girlfriend and being ignored or rejected. Sure, I've had a few short relationships, and 120+ first dates, and a few ones night stands, all off the internet. But I've never lived with anyone. And I don't feel any closer to being able to attract my special someone forever now than when I was 20. I don't know how some guys do it... go out at the weekend, pull, take a girl home. Lots of relationships. Girls asking THEM out. Etc. Well, in a way, a lot of it is down to looks. Put simply, pretty people have it easier.

But how do *I* do it? How do I get the thing I don't *need*, but crave so much. I won't settle for someone I don't like or am not attracted to, but certainly from a looks point of view, I would happily date 75% of women from within my age range I see every day. Yet the only ones I ever DO date, or who like me, are in the other 25%.

Time feels very much like it is ticking away from me. Yes, I know men can have kids in their 40s and 50s, but I want the fairytale... I want to meet my soulmate and spend 30 or 40 or 50 years with them, watching ourselves and our family grow old happily. I still have some hope now, but each year, or even month, that goes by chips more and more of it away.
 upper_west_side
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 45
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Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 4/8/2010 1:57:42 PM
I agree that being single is better than being in a crappy marriage / relationship. But being in a BRILLIANT marriage / relationship is far better than being single!
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 46
Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 4/13/2010 9:22:26 AM
This is a depressing thread. To answer your question, OP, I never thought about being single or married at any age. I read that 32 is the best age to get married. I'm 30, so I have a couple of years before I really start to feel like I'm getting older and my chances of having a life long relationship are slim to none. I still have my health and people tell me I look younger than my age. So, I'm not really in the dumps about being single, yet. If I hit 40 and I'm still single, I think I will have very little chances of being married. My mother has married and divorced 4 times. I have yet to have one husband. lol. So, when I think how old she was and was still able to get a man, I thought maybe I will marry in some years to come.


I agree - It always irks me when people are whining to me about finding someone when they've already gone through one or more spouses, popped a couple of kids out, etc. , and also have the nerve to tell me that I rush into things? WHAT?
It's almost as if they are telling me I have no right to want commitment or happiness for myself, and I should just give up, be happy with living like an old maid, jump on the man haters wagon train and ride off into the sunset.
People who married foolishly, had kids with someone that now that can't stand, etc, have NO business trying to give me advice or stepping in line for love in front of me, when I have patient and waited, practiced birth control, and didn't just take the first thing that came along.
 KrimsonGray
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 47
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Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 4/14/2010 11:28:40 PM
Well, I'm not 40 yet but its less than two years away for me. I've had some interesting knocks in my life, and too be honest I'm kind of surprised I'm still breathing. My health really went to heck a few years ago (when I hit 300 lbs). Somehow, I managed to get working again, and lost 40 lbs. Like most Canadians, I live from month to month and am lucky to be able to pay my bills. So being single doesn't come as a surprise to me. I just try and enjoy what I have, because you never know when it will be taken away. If I am fortunate enough to find someone to share that with, then great. If not, I'm not going to let it get me down.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 48
Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 4/20/2010 5:39:09 AM

I wanted to slit my wrists when I read the words-This late in life!!!!No offense to the OP but at 35 my lifes not over yet.

Tell me about it. Unless we're all in our mid-80's, "late in life" is a ways off. Not that being single in your 80s is the end of the world, either. It's all a matter of what you think is important.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 50
Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 5/10/2010 5:11:03 AM
Wow repeat one - After a 25 year marriage you have far from spent your entire life alone. I saw this thread as did you think you'd STILL be single this late in life. Having a partner for a quarter of a century would hardly make a woman a lonely old spinster but I guess singleness would be more difficult on someone who is used to having a partner around.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 51
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Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 5/25/2010 7:22:15 PM
When I was in my teens, I didn't expect it (I believed in "true love" and that there was somebody out there for me and one day we'd meet and get married and have kids, etc. etc., etc.), but by my early 20s, I knew this was exactly where I was headed, assuming, like many of you in this thread, that I actually lived this long. I may stumble upon a few more dates every now and then before I die, but I don't really expect to ever be in a normal relationship -- I think you have to be "normal" to qualify for a "normal" relationship. My best friend has known me for 14 years, and even she thinks my life experience is bizarre, and she's lived through quite a bit of the bizarreness. I actually finally met my prototypical "dream girl" on Match a couple years ago, but she had led a completely normal life and thought mine had been too abnormal for her to deal with. There likely isn't going to be a second woman like her who is also physically attracted to me, so that's probably that. This is not to say I don't think I couldn't get married at some point, but it would almost certainly be an abnormal marriage, considering all of my so-called "relationships" to date have defied description.
 nobrumski
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 52
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Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 6/1/2010 10:05:19 PM
I expected it as best I could.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 53
Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 6/2/2010 1:02:35 PM
^^^You forgot to tell us what country you moved to and when the wedding is.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 54
Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 6/2/2010 6:19:37 PM
^^^Your profile says Dallas Texas, but I knew you couldn't possibly live in the US if you feel there are no women here, that'd be rather - hypocritical.

Congratulations to you for actually having the stones to move out of the US rather than live here and go on and on about how miserable dating is here. Obviously if you support out of country dating, you have to also live out of country to back up your point - since bringing a woman here to marry just produces another American - and one that gets instant citizenship at that; I'm sure you wouldn't put yourself in that position.

P.S. Of course a lot of women in other countries aren't concerned with money, they tend to not have much, or assume you have more. But if you're moving to them, that's irrelevant once you meet the family and get settled.

You're right I'm never looking. If I see something I like, I go after it. It's rare, tho.
 ilovehistory
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 55
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Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 6/2/2010 8:31:05 PM

^^^Your profile says Dallas Texas, but I knew you couldn't possibly live in the US if you feel there are no women here, that'd be rather - hypocritical.

Congratulations to you for actually having the stones to move out of the US rather than live here and go on and on about how miserable dating is here. Obviously if you support out of country dating, you have to also live out of country to back up your point - since bringing a woman here to marry just produces another American - and one that gets instant citizenship at that; I'm sure you wouldn't put yourself in that position.

P.S. Of course a lot of women in other countries aren't concerned with money, they tend to not have much, or assume you have more. But if you're moving to them, that's irrelevant once you meet the family and get settled.

You're right I'm never looking. If I see something I like, I go after it. It's rare, tho.


He didn't say there were no women in Dallas, he's saying he doesn't like any of them, lol.

My question for guys who go for foreign women is this: Thy can't these amazing women find men in their own countries? He claims they only want love and don't care about money, looks, etc. I don't buy it. There are plenty of men in countries where mail order brides come from (eg. Russia, Latin America) and in Russia at least there are a LOT of highly educated men. A larger percent of Russia's men have university degrees than American men. There are educated men in Latin America too. What are these girls after Anglo-Americanos for if not for la tarjeta verde? (that's Spanish for the Green Card, lol).
 Out_of_the_Ash
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 56
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Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 6/23/2010 7:26:06 PM
This might sound jaded, but I don't think marriage and ending up with someone forever to be something that's for everyone.

Not everyone finds themselves with one person for the rest of their life. Recently, I have sort of been wondering if or how I shall come to terms with that.

I'm pretty cute, funny, loving and have been through all long term relationships... even a marriage, but like many others those have all come to an end. It seems that is the way it goes these days.. are we all really cut out for one person forever? A lot of us are and romanticize this. So do I, but it might not be realistic. Marriage was, after all, created to unite kingdoms and wasn't about love.

I just try to take one day at a time, and yeah, I do wish I could find "The One" some day but I think I should enjoy my time alone now as much as I can :) maybe I need this to become a good mate to someone who might deserve it.
 Eryx_UK
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 57
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Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 6/26/2010 3:59:58 AM
I never thought I'd be single at 36. I figured I'd meet someone who would find me an attractive option, but no. One thing or another and I just turn them off it seems.
 HappierAbroad
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 58
Did you expect to be single this late in life?
Posted: 7/6/2010 6:08:28 PM

My question for guys who go for foreign women is this: Thy can't these amazing women find men in their own countries? He claims they only want love and don't care about money, looks, etc. I don't buy it. There are plenty of men in countries where mail order brides come from (eg. Russia, Latin America) and in Russia at least there are a LOT of highly educated men. A larger percent of Russia's men have university degrees than American men. There are educated men in Latin America too. What are these girls after Anglo-Americanos for if not for la tarjeta verde? (that's Spanish for the Green Card, lol)


God, Americans can be so ignorant sometimes. (rolling eyes). The answer is that men in thoe countries treat their woman like crap. Ever look up domestic violence abuse rates in most asian, russian, latin american countries compared to the US? And even worse, the laws in those contries dont really protect the woman or the guy buys off the law/judge etc. Its called Corruption dufus! Also, ever heard of machismo? Look it up if y ou dont know the word. The perception by these ladies is that Western/american men treat their woman very well, and certainly far better than their local men who gamble the family money away and where mistresses is an ongoing problem because it is accepted in those cultures.
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