Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 HotCocoa87
Joined: 1/8/2009
Msg: 37
Is being faithful a thing of the past? Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Among certain people cheating is not frowned upon. It's actually quite accepted. That's when a man does it of course. When a woman cheats amongst these people it's like she's committed the greatest sin.


There is no such thing as "faithful" in today's society. Practically everyone cheats in one way or the other.
 HazelRose
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 39
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/3/2009 1:38:52 PM
I hope that someday, heaing will be a thing of the past. Until then, I can dream about a perfect world.
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 40
view profile
History
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/3/2009 3:30:23 PM
Not for me. I've always been a faithful lover....but that's just who I am.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 41
view profile
History
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/3/2009 3:34:26 PM
Nope - being faithful is NOT a thing of the past. Being faithful is what a person with class will do in a relationship. It's not because they "should", but because they "want to". It comes from the heart. Anything less is UNACCEPTABLE!
 ausatutah
Joined: 12/3/2008
Msg: 42
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/3/2009 4:47:50 PM
Couldnt agree with you more Luthion. I just came out of a 6yr relationship where I found out she had cheated on me and then stayed with me for a year, and those words are exactly what she said to me. "people make mistakes" I told her no it was your "choice" not an "accident".
I've never cheated and just cant see how people can. if You feel the need to cheat on your significant other then its over, end the relationship and atleast give them that much
 stayinalive-2-44691
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 43
view profile
History
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/3/2009 9:12:06 PM
77-angela

i am really with you on your statements. i never cheated on either of my 2 wives: lst on divorced--she cheated on me; 2nd one deceased.
 City Nytelytes
Joined: 6/17/2009
Msg: 45
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/4/2009 4:19:51 AM
I'm pretty sure many have degenerated into selfish individuals or have always been.Not all hope is lost though some people really do have to do stupid things and suffer the consequences so that the chances of it happening again are reduced. For some the consequences wont deter the next incident and so on, but this is all part of life. I have been cheated on and eventually it just became clear to me that sometimes no matter what you do to prevent something bad from happening it happens. Instead of being cheating on it could have been a car that hit me, but the point was, it was coming.
If you look all around us we are surrounded by many options today in many forms, not just relations but in the way we choose to have relations. Immediate gratification has become the norm for most people .The average person can satisfy almost every little whim, its not unreasonable that this attitude would carry over to personal relations , and to be easily justified thought not rightly.
Cheating is a lot easier if you surround yourself with people who do it, they will be less likely to judge you for it and probably in fact condone it,help you hide it, I see this factor come into play a lot. I would not attribute being faithful as a generational thing , if we had a national mandatory paternity test, you would get some surprising results across the age range,i'd bet on it.
 IsabelK
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 46
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/4/2009 11:08:39 PM
The boyfriend and I are monogamous, but then again, we're quite dull. :P
 HazelRose
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 48
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/5/2009 5:31:12 AM
I will never believe that being faithful is a dead art.
 IsabelK
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 50
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/5/2009 3:16:50 PM
My parents celebrate their 53rd wedding anniversary this month.

I will *not* be following in their footsteps (nor would I want to). ; )
 Transcept
Joined: 5/6/2009
Msg: 51
view profile
History
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/5/2009 5:28:42 PM
Moonchild

What a beautiful, humane, wise summing up of so many of the aspects of the type of person who devalues the relationship they are in/cheats.

I found your post very sustaining.
 City Nytelytes
Joined: 6/17/2009
Msg: 52
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/5/2009 6:16:57 PM
Monogamy does exist in the animal kingdom and does exist with a few rare mammals, and I think even a few insects. I agree not all humans choose to practice monogamy but not because of some primal urge (there is a reason our frontal lobe is the size it is). Humans,birds, greats apes can actually plan ahead but where we differ from the other groups (maybe not so much as apes) is that we have the power of will, we can actively decide to take an action or no take an action AFTER thinking about said possible action. This last part of what I am saying is only valid in the sense that the subject thinks that cheating is wrong, and serves to knock off the assumption that man in general is unable to control this part of social interaction (from some of the statements I read).
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 54
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/5/2009 9:34:30 PM
Sad to say but I don't think people can remain faithful long term...I think stress and boredom get in the way ...people stop appreciating each other and start taking the stress out from the day on their partner. Although I've cheated in the past I haven't cheated in my last 2 relationships...I've just simply ended them when things stopped being good....after trying to work things out, of course. I don't believe religion has anything to do with it.


It's because (out comes my cynicism) people are, generally speaking (because it doesn’t apply to everyone) are relationship challenged.

They rush into them because they can’t tell the difference between lust/infatuation and love. They get caught in the vicious cycle of chasing the wrong types. They’ve become more collectively self-centered over the years and only caring about their immediate needs and wants.

I would never date someone who’s had a past of cheating – even if they’ve only done it once – because chances are they’ll do it again under the right circumstances. That’s a huge no-leeway deal breaker for me.

Is being faithful dead? I don’t know how people can blanket-statement answer with an unqualified “yes” since not only myself, but many, many people I know have never crossed that line leading to one of the most selfish acts a human being can participate in.

At 37, I’ve had more than my fair share of relationships – never once have I cheated.
 army3
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 55
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/5/2009 9:40:07 PM
Woah- don't drag religion into this. Religion doesn't mean much anymore. I am not really into any religion personally, but I have also NEVER cheated- an yet all of the women I was with identified with one religion or another, and thought cheating was ok- or at least it was ok if they did it to me. The fact of he matter is that uncle sam is taking away parental rights to discipline kids- therefore, more and more nasty people are raring their ugly heads. You are not too selfish. People are just too scared of getting hurt I think- or holding grudges against the other gender........ the problem ain't you- I can assure you of that. Religion taught me lies, so tit for tat on that. There are faithful couples. I think it has something to do with all of the freedom this and other countries embrace. In the military, adultary is a crime.

Don't feel bad- I am right here with you. I am plagued by this question myself.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 56
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/5/2009 10:00:54 PM
It's a crime if the GI does it - used to be a potential 5 year sentence... don't know if the UCMJ has changed.

I will say this - as I've said in other post. In my 12 total years I saw exponentially more wives/GFs cheating then husbands/BFs.

I wish I could find it now, but I did read some report a while ago that claimed women, by and large, are more apt to cheat then men - generally speaking - according the article. It seemed to make sense, but I am not sure how valid it was.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 57
view profile
History
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/5/2009 10:41:41 PM
I don't think it's necessarily a thing of the past, but I do think there is rather new found "sense of entitlement", in all aspects, for many, especially the "youngins' (forgive me!). As for me, I have never been unfaithful, to any one, and I never will be. We seem to have forgotten that relationships have ups & downs, and many choose not to ride out the downs. In my opinion, it stems from the fact that contentment is highly underrated, and speaks to low self esteem. After all, if you are okay with who you are, and it's not working, why feel the need to find someone else before ending it?

If it is true that women are more apt to cheat, it speaks to the issue of women feeling the need to be taken care of, unable to"make it" alone. How sad that, in this day & age, things haven't really changed all that much.
 Glenoran1
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 59
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/5/2009 11:31:00 PM
Yes, it definitely is possible. I've only been in one relationship (with my husband), and neither one of us ever cheated on the other, or ever had the urge to. We did everything together that we could, and when work was finished we hurried home to each other. At that time, we had CB's in our cars, and couldn't wait to get in range to call our partner. We were, absolutely, soulmates.

Perhaps if the ties aren't as strong, or the partnership is too rife with unresolved problems, people become disillusioned and start looking elsewhere for whatever they most need; I don't know. I can only say, unequivocably, that mutual monogamy is indeed possible and probably happens a lot more than people realize. Think of your long-term, middle-aged or later, neighbours, your grown kids, etc. Are they all cheating? NOT!
 Jestmus
Joined: 7/30/2009
Msg: 60
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/6/2009 12:55:44 AM
By Jingies

You either commit or you dont.
You either love someone or you dont.

Everyone I have ever heard of, gou or girl, that has cheated on their partner has allways made up some lame excuse.

If you are not happy, with the one you're with, and I mean heart and soul happy, and you are having wandering thoughts, then say bye and move on.

Better a clean break rather than leaving someones heart in pieces.
 GeekedNow
Joined: 7/27/2009
Msg: 64
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/12/2009 2:15:46 PM
From what I have read on this subject is that its actually natural for BOTH the male and the female to want another partener after a length of time that would normally raise a child which biologically is suggested to be 7 years. This is where the "7 year itch" word comes from.

What is new is the research that seems to suggest that women are actually just biologically promiscuous as men (meaning they might not actually act on it becuase of social norms but biologically the same).

How they do this study is by studying our closest relatives in the animal kingdom as well anthropological data from human past and more recently brain chemistry as it responds to stimulus.
 onetruesweetheart
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 68
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/14/2009 2:36:00 AM
rockon: you have a lot of insight for someone your age. My advice is to try not to analyze things too much, because reality is a real bummer sometimes. In the big picture, everything is dust in the wind...I think we're best served in this lifetime by learning to really appreciate and enjoy whatever's good in our lives for as long as it lasts, without worrying about when it will end. The only thing constant in this world is change. Our partner changes, we change, and sometimes it's in opposite directions. Sometimes the best thing we can do for someone we really love is allow them the freedom to seek thier happiness without trying to force them to stifle themselves to preserve ours. That's not to say we shouldn't be faithful to our relationships while we're in them, but it does mean we should be willing to let things go when they're no longer a source of joy and satisfaction for both parties. Don't wish for things never to change, wish for the strength and fortitude to take it in stride if and/or when it happens, and have faith that every ending presents the opportunity for something new, and (hopefully) better suited to who we are now, to come into our lives. Sometimes goodbye is a second chance...
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 70
view profile
History
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/14/2009 11:15:53 AM

From what I have read on this subject is that its actually natural for BOTH the male and the female to want another partener after a length of time that would normally raise a child which biologically is suggested to be 7 years. This is where the "7 year itch" word comes from

Helen Fisher especially has promoted this viewpoint, though it's four (or five) years (that being the time it takes to have and raise a kid to where there's a high probability of it surviving) not seven -- it taking a couple of years now for it to sink in that whatever was once there is now gone and won't be coming back, or for the two to get really good at making each others lives impossible.
 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 72
view profile
History
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/15/2009 4:04:35 PM
Could it be all the "sex, sex, sex, sex" we see on tv and in sitcoms. They can't seem to write some sitcoms in them anymore without throwing tacky sexual jokes into...some tv shows have "no class" anymore at all because they have too much sexual subplots in them to be REAL...if the doctors and nurses were all running around with their love lives constantly on their minds ALOT of patients may croak...lol...Could it be allt the sex we see on tv has everyones minds so programmed to think about sex constantly?
Could it be our hollywood writers don't have intellect anymore?
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 73
view profile
History
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/17/2009 4:09:24 PM
this whole 'faithful' argument seems to revolve around four doors.

Behind #1 are a bunch dabbling but still in the game with side arguments messing over fundamentalist Christian rhetoric.

Door 2 has the wolves accusing the sheep over the missing lambs

Door 3 hasfolk who've observed that their completely devoted relationships have a cadence that might be represented within their anthropological background

Door 4 contains 1/4 of the populace that don't form pair bonds and find the whole "wait 4 years" idea as foreign as not going all in.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 75
Is being faithful a thing of the past?
Posted: 8/17/2009 8:03:00 PM
I do not care about fashion or tendencies; it is what i own to myself and my partner that only matters.

Never cheated, and the tough never even crossed my mind.
Why? I got integrity and self respect; discipline and strength. enjoy that peace of mind.
Also that I loved my partners, they where close to me, and no matter why our relationship have ended, have too much respect for them to do such treason, especially for such trivial thing as sex, which I anyway get from my relationship while in it.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >