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 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 26
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Paying for Majority of DatesPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

I have been dating a girl for about a month and a half. We have been on exactly 6 dates. I paid for the first two then she offered to pay for the 3rd one. I said no I will take care of it, I joked and said if we go out again you can pay for the next one. We did go out [4th one] and she paid.

Okay, so she didn't offer to pay for date #5 or #6, and this is where your worry is. Now, I'm going to be fair: You set a tone where you shouldn't expect her to. You set the tone that NO, don't pay on the 1st, 2nd, OR 3rd date -- pay for the 4th. So basically you set the tone that she is to pay every 4th date or so (ie every once in a while). So with this tone seemingly set, you shouldn't expect her to offer on the next 2. If on the next *4* she never even offered, then you should start to develop a concern.

What you Should have said when she offered to pay on the 3rd is to tell her she can get the 3rd, and that she can get every 3rd date.... or that you'll get this one, she can get the next one, but after that we can just have a routine where she can get the tip + after-dinner drinks... or chip in to whatever extent the next times. Instead, you set the tone that she should expect to pay every 4th date or so (or even less) -- which no, you Definitely shouldn't have expected her to offer to pay on the next one, nor even the next one after that (6th).

Has anyone read on a stone tablet somewhere that guys are supposed to pay everything? Did Moses come down from the mountain with an 11th commandment stating that men should always pay for meals, drinks, desserts or whatever? No, I don't think that he did.

I think back then women wouldn't be able to anyway - lol. But I do disagree that there no rules about it -- there are open-ended social rules to one degree or another, that the guy is under usual setup circumstances, expected to pay for the 1st date... and that after that, if he doesn't ask to Take Her Out -- that if the gal can financially hold her own just fine, she is to Genuinely expect to chip in to one degree or another, but at the end of several dates, the guy's going to have racked up a higher scoreboard on expenses of them VS her -- to one degree or another. Again, general expectations.

If you call me and ask me out to dinner, I would expect you to pay. I would offer, but the gentleman should pay. See, old fashion.

No, that's not old-fashioned. That's stupid game playing, plain and simple. Unfortunately, yes, it can and is encouraged to too many folks -- and some folks will try and hide behind some Faux "old fashioned" tree when invoking this silly game. A real woman's not going to give a Fake Offer to pay, and yes, that's exactly what that is. If he asked to take you out, you can still offer to chip in -- despite him asking to take you out = he's got it all covered -- but you don't do it unless you want to. Your method isn't old-fashioned, it's just good old-fashioned Game Playing. It'd be like as a 2nd date's winding down, a gal says "Would you like to come back to my place, and make out a little?" -- only to say that a real gentleman says No, and only says Yes until on a 3rd or 4th date. Come on.
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 27
Paying for Majority of Dates
Posted: 6/8/2017 8:17:03 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLAEGVd77zA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9m9EXv5ej9s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EhZSXnmeNQ8
 shaedow
Joined: 8/18/2017
Msg: 28
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Paying for Majority of Dates
Posted: 4/27/2018 12:28:25 PM
watched the videos, that is so true.... here is my experience.

In this day and age of equality, I still like to pay however the exemption is when she picks the place, and the day, calls it an early night and her bill along comes to around 65.00 without tip. Luckily she timed her bathroom run too soon and the waitress came back just as she arrive back and she immediately said separate checks.

I thought this is a modern lady and doesn't want to feel obligated for a second date or feel she owes anyone, cool.

I haven't heard from her since, Now I am thinking she was hoping I would interrupt and pay the whole tab. I am not going to pay that kind of money entertaining someone during the week so they can try out some new expensive restaurant, then run home afterwards.

there is a fine line between being a gentleman and a sucker.
 Cryptofabulous
Joined: 4/18/2010
Msg: 29
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Paying for Majority of Dates
Posted: 4/27/2018 1:48:02 PM

I thought this is a modern lady and doesn't want to feel obligated for a second date or feel she owes anyone, cool.
... there is a fine line between being a gentleman and a sucker.

I have found that when they INSIST on paying "their half" (even if it was just a coffee) it is because they've already decided there will NOT be a second date and they don't want you telling your friends you were suckered for having picked up the tab - and that makes her one of the good ones... but unfortunately she wants nothing more to do with you!

Then there's the ones who think nothing of using men for "free meals & drinks".
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 30
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Paying for Majority of Dates
Posted: 4/27/2018 2:33:49 PM
I read this wrong.
I thought someone was paying for dates, so I came here
to get some money for a movie and popcorn so I can
take myself to the movies tonight.

And I always expect to pay my share of dinner whether
or not I expect to see someone again.

And I've never met a woman who went out with someone
they didn't like just for free meals and drinks. But I hear
they exist.

Unicorns exist as well I think.
Paying for Majority of Dates
Posted: 4/27/2018 3:29:49 PM

And I've never met a woman who went out with someone
they didn't like just for free meals and drinks.

Me either, sometimes when I hear men make these comments I have to wonder where the heck they're finding these women. Most single women I know are employed, there is no way in hell they would put up with some bozo just to get a free meal.
 LucilleDixon
Joined: 12/18/2016
Msg: 32
Paying for Majority of Dates
Posted: 4/28/2018 1:18:36 AM
I agree with the poster that stated that whoever asks should pay but it also sounds like you lack creativity. You don't have to go on a date and pay money. There are plenty of fun and free things to do on a date that can cost little to nothing.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 33
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Paying for Majority of Dates
Posted: 4/28/2018 8:56:05 AM
What better things are there to spend your money on? Listen, men usually pay for dates........ men, if you think otherwise, you are in for a lonely life! Get a good job or a business if you want a woman! Read it and weep!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 34
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Paying for Majority of Dates
Posted: 4/28/2018 12:07:04 PM

And I've never met a woman who went out with someone
they didn't like just for free meals and drinks.

I had an ex-gf who admitted doing that when single to guys. Usually at the bar to get free drinks (certainly Not unicorns), or when a guy is trying to win her over but she's too shy to flat-out say she's not interested, she going for the date for free dinner & such if he seems harmless. It's not a rarity.

If the girl is not-that-into-him but giving-it-a-chance, much fewer would be going out on the date if she had to pay her way. In the 95% of those cases where it doesn't go anywhere after date #1... or much beyond that, as her lack of interest didn't change -- that's when guys get frustrated that she just wanted "freebies". That's pretty much true -- assuming being in the company of him was aimed to be comfortable, too. But if he's chasing her down for a 'chance', he can't get much sympathy. You can't give the gal 'freebies' and expect her to automatically like you in return. You can only complain when she Seemed to have tons of interest and she ghosted out of nowhere.

I agree with the poster that stated that whoever asks should pay but it also sounds like you lack creativity.

Yeah, but when it boils down to it -- trying to apply the 'rule' of whoever brings it up Pays for everything, doesn't work. On paper it sounds good... but when the rubber meats the road, it doesn't quite work that way. :) Maybe in some Formal way of practically going down on one knee to ask the other out... but asking out beyond a 1st date rarely works that way... it's usually just in the same manner as bringing up the notion to a friend. Girls do that all the time with the guy. It doesn't ever imply a paying shift.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 35
Paying for Majority of Dates
Posted: 4/28/2018 8:58:13 PM

And I've never met a woman who went out with someone
they didn't like just for free meals and drinks.


True, but some women are just interested in men because they have money. If a guys lacks looks or personality but has money they’ll always be women willing to date him. There are countless examples of this in the media.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 36
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Paying for Majority of Dates
Posted: 4/28/2018 10:31:04 PM

What better things are there to spend your money on?


My music collection. It will outlast any girlfriend...
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 37
Paying for Majority of Dates
Posted: 4/29/2018 6:03:30 AM

What better things are there to spend your money on? Listen, men usually pay for dates........ men, if you think otherwise, you are in for a lonely life! Get a good job or a business if you want a woman! Read it and weep!


What the cuck?!?!
 imanorangetiger
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 38
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Paying for Majority of Dates
Posted: 4/29/2018 6:13:27 AM

And I've never met a woman who went out with someone
they didn't like just for free meals and drinks.


Seems to work for Melania... ;)

I've only had one who never got her purse out. It didn't last long.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 39
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Cheapskate feelings are just as cheap as the go-dutch approach
Posted: 5/26/2018 8:23:39 AM

This chick doesn't give shit about you as much as enjoying the free meals and drinks that you're trying to bribe her with. I don't believe in gifts either - junk, such as jewelry, watches, bracelets, rings, etc. Again, you CAN'T buy feelings. It doesn't work. I don't mind paying sometimes, but I can do that with friends, family members or anyone I choose. It doesn't have to be during a date.


...and your dates can cook for themselves, gift themselves with that "junk" you don't give and give a shit about, and find somebody who doesn't use feelings as a means to cheapskate their way through women's lives. Feelings aren't worth anything, if you don't actually learn recipriocity in a relationship. The effort she might consider in making you a gourmet dinner with delightful ambience at her house is better spent on somebody who does give a shite about her.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 40
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Selfishness begets selfishness
Posted: 5/26/2018 8:35:48 AM

And I've never met a woman who went out with someone
they didn't like just for free meals and drinks.


Piggy-backing, here. I think the FLOTUS before she became a FLOTUS had either ideas beyond just mere chain-restaurant meals and drinks.

I wouldn't go out with a man just to get cheap meals and drinks. I can make better meals and****ails at home, without spending the time and effort of wearing my best clothes and make-up, just to waste my time. I would have to have an emotional and social connection with the man to be able to sit at the same table with him, sharing something as intimate as a gourmet meal together, over great conversation and genuine mutual interest.

Of course, there are women who do avail themselves as polite escorts to keep an older man entertained for the evening, as a business contract -- there isn't anything wrong with this, per se; he can afford it and will give her what she wants and needs including great sex if it becomes that. It could romantically evolve, too.

If your reason for attaching yourself to somebody -- regardless of who you are -- comes down to money on the most trivial of expenses, then you should expect the same of another kind, in return.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 41
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Paying for Majority of Dates
Posted: 5/26/2018 9:49:46 AM


And I've never met a woman who went out with someone they didn't like just for free meals and drinks.

True, but some women are just interested in men because they have money. If a guys lacks looks or personality but has money they’ll always be women willing to date him. There are countless examples of this in the media.

No such thing - a guy lacking looks or personality.
Everyone has some kind of looks and some kind of personality.

We just may not like them - the looks or the personality.
we may not even like the guy with money.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 42
Selfishness begets selfishness
Posted: 5/26/2018 10:07:24 AM

I wouldn't go out with a man just to get cheap meals and drinks. I can make better meals and****ails at home, without spending the time and effort of wearing my best clothes and make-up, just to waste my time. I would have to have an emotional and social connection with the man to be able to sit at the same table with him, sharing something as intimate as a gourmet meal together, over great conversation and genuine mutual interest.


THIS

when I did OLD, I turned down 99.9% of offers bec. why bother to get dressed nicely, put on even minimal makeup, minimal hair grooming, put gas in my car & drive (even if close to my home) to be w/ a man who was boring/stupid, ugly, or cheap.

In this forums so many men lament they can't get a date, maybe that is bec. they fall into the no-date category

Seinfeld had sponge-worthy, well the men who b1tch & moan are you dateworthy?

And if the food is barely above mediocre, most women can make themself gourmet PB &J sandwich at minimum, or cll up a gal pal to go out to eat at a nice venue.

Some women don't need or wants some man's crumbs.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 43
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Paying for Majority of Dates
Posted: 5/26/2018 12:15:39 PM


If you call me and ask me out to dinner, I would expect you to pay. I would offer, but the gentleman should pay. See, old fashion.


No, that's not old-fashioned. That's stupid game playing, plain and simple. Unfortunately, yes, it can and is encouraged to too many folks -- and some folks will try and hide behind some Faux "old fashioned" tree when invoking this silly game. A real woman's not going to give a Fake Offer to pay, and yes, that's exactly what that is. If he asked to take you out, you can still offer to chip in -- despite him asking to take you out = he's got it all covered -- but you don't do it unless you want to. Your method isn't old-fashioned, it's just good old-fashioned Game Playing.


I'm in agreement here. If a woman offers to contribute to the bill, she shouldn't be turned off if the man takes her up on her offer. That's insincere. She should offer to chip in because she wants to do it - not just offer as a way to test a man to see if he fits her idea of a gentleman.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 44
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Paying for Majority of Dates
Posted: 5/26/2018 4:42:49 PM

why bother to get dressed nicely, put on even minimal makeup, minimal hair grooming, put gas in my car & drive (even if close to my home) to be w/ a man who was boring/stupid, ugly, or cheap.

So you never have enough gas in your car when it cums to meeting up with a guy + never have any makeup on already or were planning to? :) I think the usual thing is, during the week, the gal already has makeup on from work earlier in the day (touch things up at most), and on the weekends is going to likely be out of the house where makeup would be put on if she didn't do so already during the day on Saturday. In the end -- that's usually not an effect. It's just about time spent when one could be doing something they like more.

However, there is a % of gals who will go out on a date with a guy when she doesn't have (that much) interest -- but the concept/expectation of a guy paying is what keeps that % noticeable. It doesn't require one to have any real ill intentions -- it's just an example of how most people in general take the guy-pays thing for Granted. It allows a certain % of gals to crop up like that. Now, if she lets the guy know she's not that interested in-that-way but, sure, if he still wants to go out on the date where he's trying to charm her, that she's game -- sure. The guy Should pay the whole thing, nor does he have any room to complain if she's not "charmed" enough - lol. But a gal should Not put on the "face" that she's interested "to be nice".

If a woman offers to contribute to the bill, she shouldn't be turned off if the man takes her up on her offer. That's insincere. She should offer to chip in because she wants to do it - not just offer as a way to test a man to see if he fits her idea of a gentleman.

I agree. It's certainly just as "old fashioned" to Not play the faux-offer Game. But in society, if grandma did it back in the day, that = a-okay, if not Good. Which is an eye-rolling concept. If the guy asked to take a gal out on a date, he Should be expected to pay the whole date. But past 1st dates, usually it's not a "I want to take you out", as he's not going to want to chase her Interest after that, thus, it's then relying on the cultural-assumption that the guy pays pretty much the whole thing. When the gal takes that cultural concept with a "you're damn right" attitude, it turns many guys off (it's not the guy whining; it's the girl).

That said, I think a better cultural "upgrade" in the not Too distant future would be that if the gal realizes some lack of interest, she should always chip in to cover a nice slice of the bill(s), within her comfortable means. But doing so Only then would be more than a "hint hint" of lack of interest -- hence, beyond blatant asking-to-Take-you-out-to-win-you-over flavor of dates -- I think it should naturally be that the gal should always chip in a nice slice, within her comfortable means.
Paying for Majority of Dates
Posted: 5/26/2018 9:13:27 PM
After reading the posts in this and the other current thread about paying, it seems like some women think they are doing the guy a favor by going on a date with him. They want to be wined and dined at his expense but that's where it ends. What happened to two people being interested in each other and really wanting to spend time together to see if they can develop a relationship?
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 46
Paying for Majority of Dates
Posted: 5/27/2018 3:00:40 AM
"get a good job or own your own business if you want a woman"

>>or if you have pride in yourself and want good things in life....either of which can be attractive to some women, too. Now, in the interest of fairness, I know there will be some guys who don't like my comment about having pride. i'm sure you are in a temporary downturn and took what paid the bills until you got back on your feet again (or got mommy to talk daddy into letting you back into the family business again). may I suggest, you get back on your feet again first, then go stalk the jungle for the lioness by your side?

my dry spells last for years, and I accept that...but I can find reasons while i'm alone, to have a few extra shekels jingling in my pocket. They won't burn a hole in my pocket, but its always fun to not have to worry about having them, either.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 47
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Paying for Majority of Dates
Posted: 5/27/2018 1:39:21 PM

What happened to two people being interested in each other and really wanting to spend time together to see if they can develop a relationship?


It's gone the way of the dinosaurs and 8-track tapes.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 48
Paying for Majority of Dates
Posted: 5/27/2018 2:21:23 PM

get a good job or own your own business if you want a woman


That’s what everybody wants - both men and women are competing for the best jobs and most successful businesses. If it was that easy to be the top dogs, everybody would be doing it. Most businesses go bankrupt within the first year and you have to work very hard when you’re first setting it up - it’s not uncommon to work seven days a week. What time does that leave for dating? A lot of the highest paying jobs also require long hours and a lot of responsibility- managing people is the most stressful thing.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 49
Paying for Majority of Dates
Posted: 5/27/2018 5:28:12 PM
everyone does want it, the competition is fierce...and that's why I don't hate women for choosing the man who made it. But there are women who won't put up with the 12 hr a day and weekends work schedule. If we men can just go out with someone in our league, we might be surprised our success rate goes up.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 50
Paying for Majority of Dates
Posted: 5/27/2018 5:39:18 PM

some women think they are doing the guy a favor by going on a date with him.

That is bec. some women are doing some guys a favor just by showing up.


They want to be wined and dined at his expense but that's where it ends.

Did u get dumped this weekend?


What happened to two people being interested in each other and really wanting to spend time together to see if they can develop a relationship?

Two people= one has the masculine energy, one has the feminine energy, animus & anima

Even among gay couples, one is the top, one is the bottom, etc.

One needs to initiate, the other should be receptive.

Read David Deida's Intimate Communion where he describes masculine energy vs feminine energy.

https://www.google.com/search?q=deida%27s+description+of+masculine+energy+and+feminine+energy&rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS780US781&oq=deida%27s+description+of+masculine+energy+and+feminine+energy&aqs=chrome..69i57.18423j0j8&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
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