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 AUTHOR
 daveg61961
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 22
Dumb Blonde Jokes..Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Did you hear about the blonde engineer’s new project?
She’s putting ejector seats in helicopters.
 daveg61961
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 23
Dumb Blonde Jokes..
Posted: 11/10/2009 8:08:52 AM
A Blonde came home one day from work and found her boyfriend in bed with another woman. She was so devastated that she grabbed the gun out of the dresser drawer and put it up to her head threatening to commit suicide.

The boyfriend in shock screams, "No honey don't do it, I am so sorry!" Then the blonde says, "Shut up! You're next!"
 daveg61961
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 24
Dumb Blonde Jokes..
Posted: 11/11/2009 5:55:29 AM
My blond next door neighbor bought a toy poodle. It didn’t live very long though.
It died when she tried to put the batteries in it.
 daveg61961
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 28
Dumb Blonde Jokes..
Posted: 11/17/2009 8:54:29 AM
High School Government Class....true story....unfortunately.



Since we're at the end of the presidential campaign, I figured
some political humor might be in store.

The following is a funny and true story shared with me by KC Williams who teaches AP Government at Santa Fe High School . In one of KC's classes, they were discussing
the qualifications to be president of the United States . It was pretty simple.

The candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age.

However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was
the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was
this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president.

KC and the class were just taking it in and letting her rant, but
everyone's jaw hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating ...

"What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this
country than one born by c-section?"



And someday she'll vote!



She probably drives now, too.
 daveg61961
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 30
Dumb Blonde Jokes..
Posted: 11/19/2009 6:29:55 AM
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help
Me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get
Started.'

Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?'

The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over
The table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to
Her and says,

'First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
Assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'

He takes her hand and says, 'Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a
Nice cup of tea, and then ..' he said with a deep sigh, . .. . .. . .. .
















'Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'
 Scheherrazade
Joined: 11/5/2005
Msg: 31
Dumb Blonde Jokes..
Posted: 11/19/2009 7:06:02 PM
What do a blonde and a computer have in common?
You don't' appreciate either one till they go down on you!

What does a blonde and Jello have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.
 daveg61961
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 32
Dumb Blonde Jokes..
Posted: 11/20/2009 9:06:04 AM
A Native American man approaches 3 women on a reservation and asks them, "What are you"?

1st one replies 'I'm an Arapaho

2nd one replies "I'm a Navaho"

The blonde responds, "I'm just a regular ho"
 AmericanPieQT
Joined: 10/1/2009
Msg: 35
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History
Dumb Blonde Jokes..
Posted: 11/21/2009 10:08:26 AM
A pretty blonde decided to make some money by doing odd jobs for folks.

She stopped at this nice yellow house in the country and asked the man answering the door if he had any work to do around his place. The man replied "Actually I would like a new coat of paint on my porch. How much will you charge for that?" She said $50. He told her the yellow paint and all brushes were on the side of the house.

Later the blonde comes back to the door and tells the man she is finished and said that she had paint left over so she gave it a second coat. He paid her the $50. Before leaving she said "By the way, it's not a Porsche, it's a Mercedes".
 daveg61961
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 36
Dumb Blonde Jokes..
Posted: 11/23/2009 7:56:55 AM
A blonde and her husband are lying in bed
listening to the next door neighbor’s dog.
The dog has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, 'I've had enough of this'

She goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, 'The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?'

The blonde says, 'I've put the dog in our backyard, let's see how they like it.'
 daveg61961
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 38
Dumb Blonde Jokes..
Posted: 11/24/2009 6:21:06 AM
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.



Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'

The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.

'

The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax and rest.

'

'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.

'

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically.



'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.



'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my sister.

Her mother died, too!
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 39
Dumb Blonde Jokes..
Posted: 11/24/2009 10:20:13 AM
During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde
was using the following password:



MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento

When asked why such a long password, she said
she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and
include at least one capital.
 daveg61961
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 42
Dumb Blonde Jokes..
Posted: 11/25/2009 7:50:06 AM
Why isn't there any brunette jokes?
Because the blondes would have to think of them!
 daveg61961
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 45
Dumb Blonde Jokes..
Posted: 12/1/2009 7:55:50 AM
A plane is on its way to Toronto, when a blonde in economy class gets
up, and moves to the first class section and sits down.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket.

She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class, and that she
will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Toronto
and I'm staying right here."

The flight attendant goes into the c-ckpit and tells the pilot and the
co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class, who belongs in
economy class, and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because
she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Toronto
and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police
waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.

The pilot says, "you say she is a blonde? I'll handle this, I'm married
to a blonde. I speak blonde."

He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, "oh,
I'm sorry." and gets up and goes back to her seat in economy..

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said
to make her move without any fuss.

"I told her, "first class isn't going to Toronto ".
 daveg61961
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 48
Dumb Blonde Jokes..
Posted: 12/24/2009 7:49:46 AM
A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they ended up at ''Lovers' Cove'' where they were making out. The guy thought that things were going pretty good and maybe he would get lucky tonight, so he thought that he would ask her if she wanted to go in the back seat.

''NO!'' yelled the blonde.

The guy just figured that she wasn't ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again .

''NO!'' the blonde yelled again.

Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped.

''Do you wanna go in the back seat yet?'' asked the guy.

''For the last time, NO!'' said the blonde.

Frustrated, the guy asked, ''Well, why the hell not?''

The blonde looked at him and said, ''Because I wanna stay up here with you.''
 caseydean
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 49
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History
Dumb Blonde Jokes..
Posted: 12/24/2009 8:22:19 PM
Then there was the Blonde on the beach,
watching the sun set & wondering why?

It finally Dawned on her!
 abigrose
Joined: 12/23/2009
Msg: 53
Dumb Blonde Jokes..
Posted: 12/29/2009 6:39:36 PM
do you know how to turn a blonda on....blow in her ear
 Sherlock101
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 58
view profile
History
Dumb Blonde Jokes..
Posted: 1/2/2010 2:09:12 PM
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
 daveg61961
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 63
Dumb Blonde Jokes..
Posted: 1/4/2010 9:36:28 AM
BLONDE IN THE 6th DEGREE

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang
at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife pi cked up the phone,
listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles
from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?'

The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know
if the coast is clear.'

SECOND DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the
door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really
angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is
overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'

The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'

THIRD DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all.'

A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'

The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy , it's W.'

FOURTH DEGREE
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: 'Is it mine?'

FIFTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US
Government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what
Roe vs. Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision
George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .'

SIXTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,
and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde
ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then
sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come
home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do
they do? They send me a BLIND policeman !'
 daveg61961
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 65
Dumb Blonde Jokes..
Posted: 1/11/2010 6:46:10 AM
A blonde was suspicious because her boyfriend kept looking in the mirror.

One day she decided to look into the glass. She fumed, 'so that's the ugly b!tch he's running' around with.'
 daveg61961
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 67
Dumb Blonde Jokes..
Posted: 1/13/2010 6:53:48 AM
What do a blonde and a computer have in common?
You don't' appreciate either one till they go down on you!
 daveg61961
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 69
Dumb Blonde Jokes..
Posted: 1/15/2010 6:08:51 AM
"That stupid program insults my intelligence every night!"
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 74
Dumb Blonde Jokes..
Posted: 3/21/2010 2:32:53 PM
Two blonds are sitting on the porch admiring the night sky. One asks, "Which do you think is closer Texas or the moon?"

The other blond is stunned. She looks knowingly at her friend and responds, "Dah. Can even you see Texas from here?"
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 77
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History
Dumb Blonde Jokes..
Posted: 5/18/2010 5:09:37 PM
Three pregnant women are sitting in the lobby at the OB-GYN's office, waiting for their appointments. A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They start talking to each other and the conversation turns to the gender of their unborn children.

The brunette says, "I'm going to have a girl, because I was on the bottom."
The redhead says, "I'm going to have a boy, because I was on top."
The blonde thinks for a minute and then breaks out crying and sobbing.
The brunette says to her , "Honey, what's wrong?"
The blonde screams out, still sobbing, "I'm going to have puppies!!!"
 SunnyBlueSkies23
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 79
Dumb Blonde Jokes..
Posted: 9/26/2011 6:19:44 PM
These 2 Blondes walk into a bar.........kinda silly ,huh?? After the first one did it,you would've thought the second one would've noticed.... *******************************************************A Blonde woman got a job at a clothing store. A woman shopper came up to her to ask for assistance,and the Blonde said,"Can you help me?" :D ******************************************************What do you call a Blonde with half a brain?? Gifted!
 SunnyBlueSkies23
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 80
Dumb Blonde Jokes..
Posted: 9/27/2011 4:47:16 PM
Another answer to "How do you change a Blonde's mind?" First....you have to find it... :blush:
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