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 stevelfun
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 76
Health issues and finding a partner at our agePage 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
karat, it is all part and parcel of the person - having the issue and trying to begin a relationship or having a relationship and then someone developing an 'issue'. Just as you lumped emotional and physical issues together.

There is an old expression 'warts and all'.

To me, if I cared for the person - I cared for the person. That is it. I would be with them regardless.

catsmeow, I wish that you were correct. Unfortunately, most women do not want such (e.g. someone who has had cancer, say) in their life. It is a reality.

I used to not have it in my profile and would tell them about it in the first or second communication. However, after most all of them doing the disappearing act after hearing that - I decided to put it in my profile.

Now, unfortunately, I get so few people interested in even talking. Ah well, it is what it is. Hence the comical pic of the cat. The 'forums' are the only thing of any value on this site, and the word 'value' is very loosely interpretted in this context.

My guess is that it will take a woman that gets to know me to discover who I am and how insignificant my having had cancer is. In other words, not a venue like a dating site. Someone that meets me in real life, knows and likes me for who they discover that I am.

To all the others out there who's thinking is at the other end of the spectrum. Your loss.

Ciao
 breath~
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 77
Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 8/6/2009 9:43:46 AM

I want to meet someone who has the "biggest" heart on this earth...it may be damaged slightly and it may need some medications to keep it at optimal functioning...but as long as it can still "feel", that's all I need.

I run two to three miles a day, does taebo a few times a week and rides my bike at least every other day along the waterfront. Would it be great if I could find a man my age who could do all of these with me? Yes, it would. But if I meet that "right" someone who is unable to do ALL of these things as often as I, I will still cherish the times that we spend doing other things. We could take a slow walk instead....or we could be just as happy sitting on the deck watching the moon rise over the water as it sends its beam of light onto the tips of the waves creating a shimmering path that seems to lead to back to the moon itself.

And I see that from the opposite position.
I can't do a 2 mile run each day, etc. (But I do get out there and do other stuff)
If the man enjoys running, biking along the waterfront.. that's fantastic!
Why would we have to do allllllll our activities together? Does he actually run/bike/mountain climb/swim 24 hours a day? (lol)

In answer to the opening post... No, I wouldn't worry over any health issues in a person who I see from the first email seems to be an interesting person to begin to get to know.
But that's just me.


As for "ending up being a caregiver"... if that happened, then so be it.
 Livingwithherpes
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 78
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Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 8/6/2009 10:02:02 AM
I think everything about a person should be considered at every stage of the relationship, especially at our age because the issues are bigger.
As a teen it might have just been about does he have a car or will she put out but we have accumulated many things along our journey and not all are wonderful.
I think the biggest issue is in the timing. We date to find out more about a person and in each discovery we have the option to move closer to them or back away. If someone has lied about their age or size that is pretty easy to see but most health issues must be discovered. If a relationship gets father than a long kiss I tell about my health issues but, I do not tell a date that I have Herpes, heartburn or a vacation home if I have no intention of ever having sex with her.
If I fall madly in love on the first date and on the second she tells you she is on parole should I feel deceived?
We really do not dump all our stuff on anyone right away, it is a process. Some things are not said right away and that is their choice.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 79
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Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 8/6/2009 10:45:03 AM
Unfortunately, most women do not want such (e.g. someone who has had cancer, say) in their life. It is a reality.


Stevel ~~ You're right. But it's *also* correct that most of the other fishies in this pond are not fishies that want *any* of us. That's certainly been true for me the whole of my life. . . . It doesn't matter a bit. "Most" is not something any of us is *ever* after, after all. Just the one, just that one. . .

I loved a man who was a stage IV colo-rectal cancer survivor. The after effects of the treatment were horrendous. Did knowing about it slow me down, at all? Nope. Nor do I regret one second of the time we were allowed, which was not long. I'd give a whole lot to have him back.

There IS someone. Promise. Hang around. Keep talkin'. Be proactive. She's there.

HugZ!
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 80
Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:01:01 AM

My guess is that it will take a woman that gets to know me to discover who I am and how insignificant my having had cancer is. In other words, not a venue like a dating site. Someone that meets me in real life, knows and likes me for who they discover that I am.


I guess I am rather disappointed to read your post only to discover how few women are interested in you. I happen to meet another gentleman a few weeks back that is a Cancer survivor himself. This man is very fit and was easily able to do a 6 mile hike with me.. I am trying to recall but I believe he is close to pushing 70 now.. I highly doubt most men in their 50's could keep up with him. He walked at a very nice pace and in fact one of the few I did not have to really slow down for to feel comfortable walking with.

I think people really need to look at the big picture and not be on a fault finding mission. There will always be some faults it is the larger picture that will speak miles for most of us.

thecatsmeoww
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 81
Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:46:26 AM

Surviving illness makes you a better person


Like you I am sure both Steve and Tinkerbell were fine folks before they every got ill. However coming close to death can have a very lasting impact on us.. We might well view life for instance as more precious and not take things for granted.

I had near death experience myself that forever changed my life. No I was not ill but rather stranded on a mountain in a severe ice storm. The temperatures got well below the freezing point as I struggled to keep myself alive with my sleeping bag and my little lantern. That weekend was the longest weekend of my life as I felt hypothermia setting in. I wrote my goodbye letters that day to my family and told them how much I loved them.

My younger son and his best friend's dad ended up saving my life, by braving it through the downed power lines to get to me. An experience I will never forget. I would not be here today if it was not for them.

thecatsmeoww
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 82
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Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 8/6/2009 12:16:30 PM

Surviving illness makes you a better person

Why not change the quote to say:
Surviving adversity makes you a better person
so as to not limit it to illness even though the topic of this thread is "health issues".
Okay, back on topic:

Like you I am sure both Steve and Tinkerbell were fine folks before they every got ill. However coming close to death can have a very lasting impact on us.. We might well view life for instance as more precious and not take things for granted.

Thank you for the compliment, thecatsmeow, but I don't know if I would have been referred to as being "fine folk" before my little sojourn. I am inclined to think not. There has been a marked difference and improvement in my demeanor and in my outlook on life since embarking on that journey; it has been a positive one for me and and many others I have encountered. I am truly sorry that that has not been the case for the other cancer survivor.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 83
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Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 8/6/2009 12:54:43 PM
Stevelfun: I tried to send a private e-mail of encouragement to you but could not do so because you've limited those who can contact you to a Very Narrow age margin! possibly you receive few numbers of contacts due to THAT reason (your own restrictions) and not to your previous bout with significant illness.

overall, it seems like we Pofers are very quick to eliminate possibilities thru the Very Narrow Windows we set for ourselves ... and are then quick to theorize that it's due to whatever negativity we see in ourselves ...

 NewToMichiana
Joined: 6/6/2009
Msg: 84
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Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 8/6/2009 1:26:11 PM

we are all on the decline in this last chapter we call life


I agree,,,
the price to pay as a living organism is decay and eventually to cease living.
I understand that we break down materially. To not be able to accept a loved one doing so would be denial of the inevitable and absolutely cold.
 Gaddflye
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 85
Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 8/6/2009 2:02:11 PM
Some health issues such as obesity are obvious. Others become apparent within a short period of time when dating someone new. If they drink too much, are foolish enough to smoke cigarettes or use illicit drugs or licit drugs excessively their self destructive addictive nature repels me and sends me packing for the hills. Beyond that it is the mental problems that concern me. I have met far too many women in their late forties and early fifties who confide to me they are on psych meds. Usually they are on antidepressants, and I do mean more than one. As for younger women studies have shown that "the pill" negatively impacts their libido and even what type men they are attracted to. Pretty scary stuff? You bet!

Although we all age and physically and mentally deteriorate with time I am only interested in dating women who make good decisions, have will power and who lead healthy lifestyles.
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 86
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Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 8/6/2009 3:56:20 PM

... few of the men I helped lose weight told me right up front they were suffering from ED.
The majority of overweight men suffer from ED ... most especially the overweight men in my age group.

I really don't see them coming clean with that problem ... on a first date. However, I believe it does in fact influence the outcome of whether or not a woman might choose to get involved with a man.

For me, it's the underlying problem that causes the ED that would influence me ... Diabetes, Heart Disease, Stroke, Obesity, Depression. I don't think women should be labeled in any way if they choose not to want to deal with such a problem ... straight off in the relationship.

Personally for me, it would not be a reason to end a relationship if it should occur down the road. It's not something that happens overnight and so couples have adjustment time to deal with it and try various different solutions.

I don't think men should withhold that information too long into a relationship, but it's definitely not conversation for a first date
 andserendipity
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 87
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Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 8/6/2009 3:58:01 PM
farceur: "That sounds nice and all, but what if their needs came between you and buying the newspaper? Huh?"

compact hot air balloon out of briefcase, climb into basket, float over, buy newpaper, return to earth, offer to share, ask what's up...

those with skateboarding skills could substitute sproingy boots...
 eschec mat
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 88
Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 8/6/2009 4:12:20 PM
And I see that from the opposite position.
I can't do a 2 mile run each day, etc. (But I do get out there and do other stuff)
If the man enjoys running, biking along the waterfront.. that's fantastic!
Why would we have to do allllllll our activities together? Does he actually run/bike/mountain climb/swim 24 hours a day? (lol)
They don't do it 24 hours, but they have jobs and limited free time, so they do the activities they enjoy during their free time and want to find someone that shares that interest. Some things you can go and watch, but what I found is that someone that runs or bikes, in particular, spends much time doing it and you can't sit and watch them do it. They finish the activity and go home. They don't want to then do another date or activity. I understand that and have no problems with it. I just skipped past profiles that had mention of activities like that that were important to the man.

I know that I am really lucky and blessed to have someone that understands my abilities and has a similar experience/accident/injury. He found me. It is difficult to find matches, and differences are interesting, but there is reality.

And of course there is always personal preferences.
 Gaddflye
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 89
Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 8/6/2009 6:41:41 PM
In response to Cotter's post what I find is many women over 50 suffer from AV, atrophying vagina, and are no longer interested in sex. I wish they would be up front with it so they would not waste men's time and money. But they are not so we frequently just end up spinning our wheels, spending our time and money on them for nothing.
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 90
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Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 8/6/2009 7:07:34 PM
Mr. gaddflye wrote:

what I find is many women over 50 suffer from AV, atrophying vagina, and are no longer interested in sex. I wish they would be up front with it so they would not waste men's time and money. But they are not so we frequently just end up spinning our wheels, spending our time and money on them for nothing.

In an effort to save you from possible financial ruin, might I respectfully submit that perhaps you request potential new lady friends complete a detailed "application form" and submit same for your consideration prior to actually having a date with you. By pre-screening potential new dates, it ensures that you will get the biggest bang for your buck!
 stevelfun
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 91
Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 8/7/2009 5:50:44 AM
I do not think that anyone needs 'cancer' to get them to 'look in the mirror' nor gain a better appreciation for all that one is.

My point was that we all have our own characteristics that someone else might well view as a 'shortcoming'.

I really don't 'fault' anyone for viewing someone having/had cancer as such, however I wish it weren't so popular a viewpoint.

Basically, I view it as any other 'characteristic' - age, body type, geographic location, color of eyes, career, income, religion, hair color, hair and on and on and on. These are all things that we 'evaluate' the viability of a potential mate. What is the difference with this??? I didn't have a choice in my hair receeding either - so it isn't 'choice'.

I think that many people tend to focus on the 'negative' rather than the positive.

In life, in general, I try to look at the negative and find a positive aspect to it. Like with the cancer - the fact that it has made me so much more (or at least re-iterated to me) than I was (or realized) before. Being widowed, I view it as the gods blessed me to bring my wife to me for the remainder of her life in this world.

If you look - you will always find negative things about anything/anyone. It is much better to look at positive things people.

As for people sending me emails, I have tried to remove any/all restrictions. Age is not a restriction by the way. More likely the 'intimate encounters' thing. Something that has been on there since forever and always been a problem. Don't know how it got there - must have been a selection I didn't pay attention to when I was creating my profile here years ago. I have tried to change this, but I think that they do not allow that. Such is life. Besides - this site isn't and the people on it are of a different mindset than I believe I will find someone that will fit for me.

Best to all.
 peek~a~booo
Joined: 1/3/2007
Msg: 92
Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 8/7/2009 6:05:08 AM
it takes focus to stay in positive light...no fear fishy practice makes perfict....

me thinks when you find yourself focusing on the bad in others simply redirect to the postive aspects of that human...not one single human is unloveable unless you make a choice to only see the bad. recognision does not mean you have to give away your soul but understand that every human does require the respect of dignity in their lot in life....

I find now that i am older my pool has grown cuz others can relate to feeling yucky and surviving without fear(when i was younger often times the recognision of others was just not developed yet!)...even if we are not a match I almost always have a open communication about the reality of health and how it can change up the sequence of your life.

a big goodluck to all those fish who think your not loveable....cute as a button ...


don't allow others the power to not shine your light...even if it is not as pretty as everyone elses..................takes out sunshine.......perfict just the way you are indeed....goodluck fishin

ones individuality is unique to yourself..there is not another human on the planet just like you...only YOU don't realize it..........well REALIZE IT and OWN IT!

goodluck lil fish...kisses on forehead....all for one and one for all.

 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 93
Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 8/7/2009 6:08:55 AM

In an effort to save you from possible financial ruin, might I respectfully submit that perhaps you request potential new lady friends complete a detailed "application form" and submit same for your consideration prior to actually having a date with you. By pre-screening potential new dates, it ensures that you will get the biggest bang for your buck!


Hilarious!!!! Now ladies just remember to practice your Kegel exercises: to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles.. Men would be wise to do them as well!!!

After all we do not wish to atrophy while we bide our time twiddling our thumbs?

thecatsmeoww
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 94
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Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 8/7/2009 5:22:01 PM
Message 91 (gaddflye) ...
In response to Cotter's post what I find is many women over 50 suffer from AV, atrophying vagina, and are no longer interested in sex.
I don't know if you are trying to be funny, but vaginal atrophy is a series of natural changes which take place in the vagina as women age and their estrogen levels decrease. It has less to do with "interest" in sex and a lot to do with lack of hormone production after menopause. That can mean having sex could be quite painful (which no doubt probably contributes to lack of interest ... eh?).

As estrogen production declines, the tissues in the vagina become dry, thin, and shrunken. This can cause aches and pains, and it tends to make intercourse unpleasant because suitable lubrication is not available.

Amazing isn't it ... the women are basically not at fault (except to get old enough to stop having their period), can live a healthy lifestyle, not be fat or obese, not have diabetes (as a result of letting themselves go) ... they are just no longer able to bear children, and the vaginal tissue can get so dry, thin and shrunken that it's extremely painful to have sex. FYI ... the atrophy can also spread to the urinary tract, leading to difficulty urinating, bloody urine, and other problems.

On the other hand, for the most part, most men who have ED ... have basically gotten that way related to a lifestyle of choice ... getting overweight, which leads to Diabetes, Stroke, Heart Disease, Hypertension ... but they also have ways of getting help for their problem whereas there is not much help out there for the women once the damage has been done.

I wish they would be up front with it so they would not waste men's time and money. But they are not so we frequently just end up spinning our wheels, spending our time and money on them for nothing.
I guess the conversation was not worth it ... for sure not the time spent not being totally alone. Spending time and money on a woman who is not going to "put out" because it's so very painful ... that's a bummer!!!

Too bad there is no Cialis, Viagra and Levitra for vaginal atrophy. Then men could stop wasting time and money on women ... spinning their wheels for nothing. Then men could actually date women and get them to put out all the time ... eh?

As I posted above, I have my HRT, so I don't have that problem, but LMAO ... I still don't "put out"!!! Bummer eh?

OT ...
I think it's perfectly acceptable to want a partner who is about the same level ... health wise and financially able to take care of themselves. Personally, I'm still interested in having sex and want a man who is also interested in that as well.

LMAO ... I once dated a man who had ED and didn't tell me until things started heating up a few months down the road. He had a little box of toys that he wanted to use ... instead of his "winky". I basically told him I really don't want to put anything up inside of me like that ... I just want the real thing.

We continued to date and did a lot of snuggling, but eventually parted as good friends. We still go out singing together from time to time.
 barra60
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 95
Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:02:51 PM
Well I have two bad knees which slow my running down a bit ,,,, and yet none of you ladies has caught me !!!!!!! you mustn't be trying very hard
 eschec mat
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 96
Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 8/7/2009 11:05:06 PM
As there is a connection between hbp and ED and meds for hbp causing ED too, I know I witnessed it. They can get r up but can't cum as they don't realize they really aren't fully...

Beer bellies often indicate too much alcohol and too much alcohol leads to ED.

Diabetes is another problem with people that are overweight.

It is a generalization, but when you check to see who predominately has ED, the above groups top the list.

Not trying to defend anyone, just stating things I have read about etc.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 97
Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 8/8/2009 5:07:34 AM

what I find is many women over 50 suffer from AV, atrophying vagina, and are no longer interested in sex. I wish they would be up front with it so they would not waste men's time and money. But they are not so we frequently just end up spinning our wheels, spending our time and money on them for nothing.


Okay I answered this just for fun the other day. However this morning I promise I will not joke around. The above condition is very easy to remedy with proper diet and working those muscles.. Having lived a celibate life for 14 years I found myself in this horrible condition myself. If you do not use those muscles chances are that will be the outcome.. So even if not involved in a relationship you would be wise to work those muscles on a daily basis. I will do it between grooming, waiting at a bus stop or at the bank. So put the big squeeze on and get the blood flowing to those areas of your body!!

As for men with ED work your core muscles and try and simulate the
"plank position "(missionary position without leaning on the woman). Work it and get that blood to flow to those areas will be beneficial.

What is to be upfront about something that can easily be dealt with? Use a lubricant until such time as her muscles get used to being worked once again.

thecatsmeoww
 stevelfun
Joined: 10/23/2005
Msg: 98
Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 8/8/2009 6:10:30 AM
cats - if the hormone level ain't there - all the kegels in the world won't help

yes - part of it indeed is blood circulation, HOWEVER if you were to understand the male anatomy and 'how it works' - the problem typically with ED is that the blood is not retained were it needs to be to maintain an erection. Kegels will not help resolve this problem.

Just as in women - blood circulation, hormone levels and muscle tone all play into the 'functioning'

They have meds that 'tweek' the nervous connection between the brain and certain body organs. One example is a med that chemo patients are given - EMEND - if I recall. It blocks the nervous systems connection between the brain and stomach that will cause one to vomit.

Imagine if you would if they could 'tweek' the nervous connection between the brain and ones sexual organs - causing one to become aroused.

I am sure that day will come.

All of these things for both men and women enter into it - the brain/body connection causing arousal, the hormones, the blood circulation, the muscle tone.
 Phoebe48
Joined: 12/5/2007
Msg: 99
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Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 8/8/2009 6:16:21 AM
There are two excellent products available for women and recommended by gynecologists.

One is Replens*gel. With regular use, this product helps to restore and maintain the normal pH range and helps induce the body's natural process to provide moisture in the vagina. The other product is *Astoglide, which is a fragrance-free lubricant and can be used prior to intercourse.

For women, who have chosen not to do HRT therapy, due to other health risks, these two products help keep the vaginal area healthy.
I'm not sure if they're available in the U.S. but readily available over the counter in Canada.

As Ms. Cat states if a woman also works those muscles, in addition to using the above-mentioned products, then all systems should be a GO!
Suffice it to say, that both genders are responsible for their own "sexual health" so that making love, can continue to be enjoyable for both partners.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 100
Health issues and finding a partner at our age
Posted: 8/8/2009 6:23:21 AM

cats - if the hormone level ain't there - all the kegels in the world won't help


Well hormonal levels for men could be helped with testosterone could they not? As for women I do not think hormone levels play as big factor. In fact when I went through the change in my 30's my hormone levels were checked it showed I was almost male. My testosterone levels were very very high and almost no female hormones. I must admit I was rather shocked to hear this. I am sure this could have been due to excessive time spent working out. My libido was certainly very very high at that time.

Indeed the nerves play a huge factor as well, and not just the muscles. It will be nice once they can 'tweek' the connection one day and solve the problem and I do not think that day will be all that far off. However I am an optimist by nature.. lol

thecatsmeoww
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