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 AUTHOR
 zephyrmoon
Joined: 5/30/2009
Msg: 6
I get too nervous to go on dates so I always cancelPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Make up your mind ahead of time that, not matter what, you will go on the next date you set. Just like you make yourself go to work when you don't want to or go to the gym or do your laundry, you just have to set your mind to it.

Try to stop yourself from wondering if he's "the one." He doesn't have to be The One, he's just a guy, a person, you're seeing for this one evening. A few hours! You don't have to worrying about marrying him or bearing his children. That's just your anxious mind, spinning out of control.

Make sure you're very clear that you won't let yourself make any excuses. Stick notecards reminding yourself you WILL do this on your mirror, if you have to. You have to endure the discomfort of your nerves before you can get through an actual date and understand that yes, you can do this. And the next one won't be so hard. Really.
 Monkey_brains
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 11
I get too nervous to go on dates so I always cancel
Posted: 8/7/2009 12:02:11 AM
Nerves are easily handled with bailey's n' coffee in the AM.....followed by a liquid lunch of bloody mary's...plural yes...and a couple of shots just to calm the nerves....
by the time he picks you up, your confidence will be soaring...he is a complete and utter gentleman, shows up at your door with unbound confidence and pure manliness... takes you to a really hip grill/pub on the river and proceeds to order appi's and vino, as in bottles, while genuinely engaging you in slurred conversation....you spend a wonderful evening telling him 'everything' including the fact that he is your very first date and you aren't really hungry....order tequila shots for dessert...demand to pay for the bill...end up ordering two more shots because he won't allow you too, almost pun ch the lovely waitress in the nose because he kinda smiled at her....take the left over appi's to go...roll outta the big honking very expensive truck, appi's in hand or on head, and smash through the door, fall down on your face in front of your Mother, who happens to be babysitting for your very first 'date'.......

meh....could be worse right...?
 Monkey_brains
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 16
I get too nervous to go on dates so I always cancel
Posted: 8/7/2009 12:31:56 AM
Speaking strictly as a Canadian longing to live in the southern parts of North America, with hot sun, sandy beaches, waves, waiters, hot sun, not so hot sun, temperatures not below -25 celcius, palm trees, sunshine, waiters, etc....

"Nope"...it's part of our taxes here in the frozen tundra.....we are non-existent unless we engage in political judgements...yeah, I know...sucks to be me.........could explain our nervous first date tendancies....?
 Monkey_brains
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 17
I get too nervous to go on dates so I always cancel
Posted: 8/7/2009 12:45:17 AM
Oh man...how does an "I get nervous on a date" thread get to this^^^^?

Canadian...American....Plutonian.....Sanctimonium.....doesn't make no difference where you come from boys....or who landed on the Moon first, (OMFG, are we still debating that?!)...sometimes people get nervous....it's not necessarily a bad thing....I'd be more worried about the guy/girl saying "yeah baby, aren't you glad you met me?"...shows you have human tendacies....kinda like that in a guy yanno?.............sheesh


by the way....would you care to explain the "Canada is out of the recession" comment now?...because I'm thinking that you must live in a very little part of this country....and maybe you don't get to watch the good news channels...?
 Monkey_brains
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 19
I get too nervous to go on dates so I always cancel
Posted: 8/7/2009 1:05:51 AM
^^ I hope you are talking to that Canadian guy that brought his seemingly argumentative much less Canadian testicles too....because I've been drinking a whole bunch of schmirnoff and vino..and schmrinoff and am incapable of articulating my completely non-judgemental Candian views on American politics..which by the way, I happen to be an aggressive supporter of the Republican party down 'ere....


edit: LOl...now you made me giggle and I kinda like you again....damn those Americans!!!
 Monkey_brains
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 21
I get too nervous to go on dates so I always cancel
Posted: 8/7/2009 1:34:21 AM
OH man....that's a big hit...confused NDP'er...cannot be possible?

Speak for yourself bandito man...I don't know who built this city...I'm not from TO...but I like vino...and more importantly, I understand Americans...especially the ones that have an Oceanview condo in Malibu...
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 25
I get too nervous to go on dates so I always cancel
Posted: 8/7/2009 3:27:16 AM
its very early and I have no inclinations to be politicaly correct this morning, especially with such trivial thing, so am gonna make it short:

OP, you are weak and out of touch with reality:

Are you gonna die, jailed, banned, exiled, tortured, lost you soul or anything if something turn the wrong way during the date?

Is anyone you know, friends, family or even pet dog will suffer any of what I mentionned if your date turn wrong?

Is your date will be executed by your or his family if it turns out to be a bad date?

NO.

Therefore you got nothing to lose and nothing to be affaid of.

so get frinking grip on yourself and replace things in perspective!!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 27
I get too nervous to go on dates so I always cancel
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:14:09 AM

Only Americans helped put a man on the moon eh...I guess you forgot about all the engineers/scientists who worked on the project from Canada/Britain/Etc...And built democracies in the harshest conditions...like in VietNam/Korea/Etc...And speaking of the other Wars I guess all the other Allied Forces were napping...


Interestingly enough, at the center of the American rocket program was a guy by the name of Verner VonBaun (can't spell german for the life of me). This guy was GERMAN, not american, and used to work on Penemunde building V1 and V2s. Remember those? Those were the rockets that NAZI germany used to bomb London.

And the story goes that him and all his scientist did not want to fall to the Russians, so they rush to the Allies towards the end of the Second World War.
 CEO of Hoagie Inc.
Joined: 7/30/2007
Msg: 29
I get too nervous to go on dates so I always cancel
Posted: 8/7/2009 8:42:25 AM
get some medication for the anxiety if it's that big of a problem. Until then don't date if all you do is cancel. It opens the forums to all those whint guys about how the chick always cancels on him. You'd be doing the rest of us a public service.
 SASSYN89178
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 39
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I get too nervous to go on dates so I always cancel
Posted: 8/7/2009 1:25:55 PM
It's normal to be a 'little' nervous. You can try doing 'play dates' with a friend. Have the friend act like he or she is your date, and do role playing.
How do you know if he's the right one or not if you haven't met him?
If you decide during a phone call that something's not right, you shouldn't make plans to meet in the first place.
If you're really frustrated you'll go see a psychologist. There are probably other things that you're not doing from fear.
Sorry, but you seem to have some issues going on.
 SASSYN89178
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 40
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I get too nervous to go on dates so I always cancel
Posted: 8/7/2009 1:31:03 PM
In addition from reading more about you, are you taking med's for your general anxiety? If not you need to. If you are, they're not working.
In addition, NOT EVERY MAN YOU DATE, DO YOU MARRY!!!!
I really don't know what it is with women. They minute they start talking to a man they start to try and figure out IF he's the ONE!!!!
You're 25, you shouldn't be so nervous about meeting a guy for coffee or dinner.
Do you partake in any co-ed sports? If not, try doing that. Go to volunteer work and maybe there will be some men your age there.
At your work place are there men? Are you able to talk to them?
You need to learn to go out and just have FUN!!!
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 43
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I get too nervous to go on dates so I always cancel
Posted: 8/7/2009 2:15:14 PM
look at it this way, OP - the worst date you ever go on will never be the kind of geopolitical clusterf^ck this thread has turned into.

but seriously - i can get stuck in my head too, so what i do is really focus on the person i'm with. really try to sink my teeth into the conversation, and into experiencing her. then i'm not thinking about myself.

and remember, all you owe the guy is to show up when and where you agree to, and be civil. you owe that to yourself, too, because that's taking another step on the path of relationship, which is what you want, right?

but you are under exactly zero obligation do anything else he asks you to do. you do NOT have to stay there one second past when you know it will never go any further. you do NOT owe him any explanation for your decision. you DO have power to control what happens. so exercise it. go. date.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 44
I get too nervous to go on dates so I always cancel
Posted: 8/7/2009 3:20:17 PM
I saw a TV show about social anxiety disorders. Kim Bassinger, whom we all know is a big movie star", talked about some of her experiences. She would do things like invite people over for dinner, have one of her attacks and lock herself in her bedroom. Can you imagine? I guess I'm saying if you are sufferring from a medical issue the advice wouldn't be the same as it would be for a normal case of the jitters.

I never get nervous on dates. I do get excited though. Keep yourself busy for the hours preceding your date. Don't let the anticipation build up and get the best of you.

I remember a lesson I learned when I was a teenager. I use to be so afraid to ask my parents if I could go to some social function like a high school dance. What was I afraid of? I was afraid they would say No. But by not even asking I was telling myself No. I'm not sure what you are afraid of (rejection, humiliation), but by not going on the date you are not giving yourself a chance.
 HarrNels
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 46
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I get too nervous to go on dates so I always cancel
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:15:02 PM
OP - I think you need to "practice" dating more. Just like anything you're not comfortable with, it will get easier with time. I recently went on a date with an attorney and about half way into the date, he told me I was his guinea pig - he had been married for 30 yrs and had only been out with 2 other women in his life. He was extremely nervous, which surprised me, given his occupation. I wished him good luck and we parted ways. No harm done - he got in some practice dating and I helped him build a little courage for his next date. It was all good.
 SASSYN89178
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 49
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I get too nervous to go on dates so I always cancel
Posted: 8/8/2009 10:25:03 AM
Doctors who are probably high themselves and considering the little she included may even have other causes for her behavior which in short makes this absolutely ridiculous...if you take this advice before trying other easier solutions there's a good possibility you'll end up on drugs forever,depending on them and never finding solutions to any of your hidden issues by only taking more medication when times get tough.And if you do take these medications that should be prescribed by really qualified physicians...not even your GP should do that before seeing a specialist.
=========================================================

Any decent md will not continue to prescribe meds for anxiety without consultations every month. I know from past experience after living in NJ after 911. You just don't get drugs from SOME psychologists without an evaluation.
The girl stated she has anxiety.
You don't need a degree to see that she has fears, probably has negativity in her life etc.
 19justice78
Joined: 7/23/2008
Msg: 50
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I get too nervous to go on dates so I always cancel
Posted: 8/8/2009 4:12:27 PM
Yea this is very normal in fact I hate to date. I hate the first month or so when your trying to get to know someone. I compare it to the same thing as a new job. You know where you don't know anyone, you don't know what your job duties are and you don't know anything same feeling. My way of getting over this is practice and treat the meeting like you don't care what happens, do it like your going on a job interview. Treat it like you don't care whether he likes you or not and stop putting so much pressure on it being a date and look at it like your meeting a girlfriend for lunch or drinks.
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 59
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I get too nervous to go on dates so I always cancel
Posted: 8/10/2009 4:21:07 PM
Hi,

I've only met two people; they both had a lot of confidence and experience, so maybe this doesn't apply,. but just try very easy things like.. umh:
- we'll pass by at a bus stop at 3:15.
- i'll pick up a hotdog at Yew and Arbutus at 5:30
- my gf and I leave the gym at 7:30Pm

the girls I met, 1 was at a beach, could scope me from a distance and bolt if she'd wanted to, the other was at a pool, could have just stepped out the other way, or not gone on for a ride after we walked.

People we contact like this are so much less familiar from anyone that we've even sat beside on a bus that its natural to not be comfortable seeing them. There are all sorts of ways to alleviate that; a few emails, explore each other's profiles on other types of sites. talk on the phone.

good luck.
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