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Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 70
What do you think about men our age with small kids??Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I agree with you. I want someone who is at the same stage in life as me. Been there done that.
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 71
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 2/28/2010 6:19:06 PM
I've never been the maternal type and prefer to date either empty-nesters with grown children, or others like myself who've made the choice to be child-free.
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 72
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 2/28/2010 8:47:33 PM
~OT~ When my son died, my only child ~ the one thought that has plagued me seriously (aside from the obvious lose/heartbreak/sorrow/etc.) is that I will NEVER be a Grandmother. That thought has opened my eyes to a reality that may have kept me in some sort of "safety zone" for a long time ~ if "he" has children? I'm now open to that option, whereas, I was NEVER open to it previously. As life changes, I think it's best to evolve, my loss has opened my heart/mind/eyes to so many things ~ that includes a man who has younger children. JMO
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 76
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/4/2010 12:43:57 PM

I have come across many profiles of women over 45 who are still open to the idea of having more children.

I have undecided/open as my option about 'wanting kids'... however, that's to do with being open to the possibility of being with a man who already has children, Not to do with having more of my own.
Joined: 10/27/2007
Msg: 80
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/4/2010 6:10:51 PM
My youngest is 34, so I've been kid-free for a long time. I have two grandchildren, one 8, and one just a babe. I've recently become friends with a man who is just a few years younger than I am but has a four year old. I'm quite enchanted with both of them. If the friendship progresses to something more, the child will be an added sweetness in my life.
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 85
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/5/2010 11:19:43 AM
I do value and respect guys who have smaller children living with them, but been there, done that and don't wish to enter that again.

My sons are grown and I have time for myself. I would hope a man who' d be part of my future also has grown children.
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 87
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/6/2010 5:21:56 AM

I'm 58, and have a 10 year old daughter that I love dearly. She was not planned, and in all honesty, not wanted at that time, (conceived 22 years after a vasectomy, and no, it was not intentionally reversed, and yes, she is mine.) but she is loved, and I cherish the time that we have together.

I totally understand that raising a child at my age is a big responsibility and if someone chooses not to take on that responsibility I totally understand that as well. I have had more than one woman respond to my emails and indicate they do not want to start a relationship with anyone with such a young child. I'm also sure that my daughter is the reason some of the woman do not respond at all. While that is frustrating and I may wish it weren't the case, I do understand.

I also empathize. I know that if the tables were turned, I would feel the same way. Even though I have a young daughter, I would most likely choose not to get involved with a woman that had daily responsibility for a young child, either a child or grandchild. Given the choice, it is not a responsibility I would choose to take on at my age.

And THIS POST FOLKS.......represents the thoughts of a person who is actually MATURE enough to be raising children in the first place!

Anyone who thinks that someone else is "selfish" because they don't dive headfirst into a "less than ideal" plan doesn't have the brains God gave a goose! The ABILITY to look at circumstances OBJECTIVELY; not getting tangled up in some romantic, altruistic drivel.

Note: that he acknowledges that it IS a big responsibility...not to be taken lightly; AND, is honest enough to state that since HE wouldn't choose a woman his age who's raising children....he's also got enough SENSE to realize that other's can feel the same way without labeling them as "selfish".

I have a number of things that I look for in a profile, and if I don't find them, I don't send that woman an email. I expect the woman to do the same with my profile. My daughter is just one of the many factors that might influence decision to respond or not. I think that's the way it ought to be.

LOL! I don't even look at profiles....and I'm HIGHLY skeptical of the motives of any man who reads mine...and emails me anyhow! I'm 57 yrs old...raising 2 grandchildren (ages 6 and 9) and anyone who doesn't see that as a "hindrance" to any sort of "traditional relationship" is either brain damaged.....or up to no good!!! LOL!'s a's MY choice; one that I knew full well would exclude me from "dating" with the focus on "commitment". It certainly doesn't mean that I don't love my grandchildren or that they're a just means that it's NOT typical for someone my age to be rearing children (their ages).

In REALISTIC terms, and since the OP is about "Men" who have young children.....THEY at least have the "comfort" (I hope) of knowing that their child has a younger mother (in most cases) who will likely at least live to see the child to maturity. But then....maybe NOT. If their ex wifes are "immature"....and we'd have to suspect that that could be a part of the reason whey they're no longer married to the child's mother; then they (the fathers) have to worry about....what will happen if they fall over dead from a heart attack before the child graduates from high school.

When you're partnered with someone your own age and level of maturity...these things aren't such big issues (I'd imagine). But when you're approaching 60....and I mean no offense to those who are younger.....but I have to tell ya....40 somethings really do look silly and me.

As for what *I* think about men in their 50s who have small children.....well, I'd HOPE that they might take their cue from Spudpapa and grow the hell up! Parenting IS a responsibility....a serious one; and anyone who thinks they can shame someone else into accepting that responsibility with them by calling them "selfish" is both delusional and too immature to parent, regardless of their chronological age.

Maturity tells us when we ARE or are NOT equal to a task....WITHOUT all the romantic, politically correct, "selflessness propaganda". It tells us that at age 65....we're worried about being able to see to drive at night.....much less being out at 1am looking for a teenager who didn't come home at curfew.

LOL! and how if ya'll will excuse me.....I have 2 children to get ready for their swimming lessons!!!!
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 92
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/7/2010 5:30:37 AM
Deal breaker more than anything is a guy who wants you to take over as a Mom because they can not do the job.

That's a little blunt; but...accurate in many cases. I think it's a huge mistake for women to just assume that these children are ONLY for "every other weekend and holiday". That's probably a big part of the reason that the "children" issues are the source of break up in so many "2nd marriages".

I know I'd certainly never approach the relationship counting on a very minimally part time situation....but then, admittedly....I've known as many Fathers who've had full custody of their children as I have mothers. In fact, I married one LOL!

Which...kinda brings us to....who the hell said this???
Oh please. Just because some of us had kids at a young age does not mean we were not well off.
This is the over 45 thread.....and I can assure you that with the over 50 crowd....if the female was over 20 yrs old and not yet married and producing offspring....she was being heavily questioned! I was 23, 24, and 28 when I had my daughters....and 23 was considered (back then) what the hell are you waiting for!!!! (I'd been married for 3 1/2 years)

But, 2nd husband, who was 10 yrs older than me, had full custody of his then 10 yr old son. (He was not sure that HE wanted to "start over", with my then 1 and 2 yr old daughters...and I sure as hell wasn't sure I was ready to take on a nearly teenage boy; but, it did work out....BUT.....we were all MUCH YOUNGER!) LOL! in fact....I've even taken my (now) 42 yr old stepson to POF parties and introduced him to some of my younger girlfriends.

This is all beside the point......which is; that parenting IS a full time job....EVEN IF you're only doing it every other weekend. I think that those who look at it in a minimalistic way are doing both the children, and their prospective partners are true disservice.

WHAT IF????? It became FULL TIME.....24/7/365? Would it then be a deal breaker? Yes, I know, it's easy to sit back in your chair and claim to be oh so noble; but in the real light of's a BIG commitment and responsibility. When you become involved with someone who has children....I don't give a damn how old they are (the parent) can't (or shouldn't) look at those commitments and responsibilities as something you're willing to "tolerate" on a limited time basis.

A lot of people look forward to having "grandchildren"; particularly...women over the age of 50. Well, I've got a little news flash for those of you who think you can be both parent and grandparent. It DOESN'T WORK. I won't go into the nuiances....explaining to your "children" why your "grandchild" gets to be spoiled a little...and they don't. Or explaining to your grandchild...why your "younger children" get more at Christmas; or why they get to go with you on the 30 day vacation "Out West". Or...why your "grandchild" gets to eat in the family room when he visits...and they don't!

Yes, it sure is easy to sit there and speculate how perfectly one would do things....but when you're the one up to your ass in alligators.....the view is an entirely different one.

I'm not saying it can't work out satisfactorily, but I am saying that it DOES require some very significant sacrifices.....PARTICULARLY on the part of the person who's trying to juggle being BOTH parent....and grandparent.

I certainly would judge NO woman (or man) who declined to enter into a relationship under those circumstances and those who DO judge them....are delusional.
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 96
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/9/2010 11:14:33 AM
What do I think about men my age with small kids?

I don't think about it. It's none of my business.
Joined: 10/26/2009
Msg: 99
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/10/2010 6:27:02 PM
This should surprise anyone? At age 57 the expectation of similar responses is why I wrote my profile the way I did. Obviously, if I'm any sort of decent person, my young children require enormous commitments of time and financial resources. What truly amazed me were the number of ladies that have actually contacted me. Given my interests, perhaps even more surprising.
Joined: 1/16/2010
Msg: 100
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/11/2010 2:48:09 PM
Hate it! Know this will piss people (male and female), but here is my honest, no holds barr response to this question. But, remember--this is just MY opinion--we all have one.

I will not date a man my age (48) who has small children. I think it is selfish to wait all these years because they were too busy having fun and playing, or building their fortunes, or not ready to make that type of commitment, whatever, only to then produce children after their 40;s-divorce, and expect a woman their age to want to join in their idea of "fun". A lot of guys think women WANT to raise more babies once they have raised their own--as if it would be an honor.

I raised my children while supporting them alone, and one just finished college, and the youngest has a couple years to go. I will never stop being their parent--but NOW, I can think of myself. I can make decisions based on what I want-not what they need.

I am ready to have fun and live. I don't want to raise another family.

Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 103
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/11/2010 5:56:29 PM
^^^^ Agreed that the comment was rather blunt, perhaps even bordering on rude; but she does make a valid point.
A lot of guys think women WANT to raise more babies once they have raised their own--as if it would be an honor.

I think one of the things that men fail to realize is that THEY can become Father's at ANY age; with women, it's considerably different. Even though medical science has progressed to the point that (for a female) having a child over the age of 35 is no longer quite as dangerous as it once was (when those of us who are now over age 50...were 35), it's still far from the "norm" and our minds do have that tendency to go where our bodies lead us.

I have a number of male friends who are, or have raised children into their 50's and 60's. LOL! One of them Father. I have a 1/2 brother, who is the exact same age of my oldest grandson (13 yrs). My father was 61 when his 37 yr old (3rd) wife became pregnant.
When people asked me what he was thinking...or how he was dealing with that....LOL! I doesn't matter to him....he has no intention of changing any I don't think he's considered that it might change his life in anyway whatsoever. Well, the poor child was born, and before the age of 2, they realized something was seriously it turns out, the boy is autistic. Shortly after the diagnosis, my Father left her....and the child...and hasn't seen the boy since. (no big surprise here)

I had a foreman, who at age....I think he was 54...his wife, of 32 years...became pregnant. Their youngest child was a senior in high school (a friend of my daughters). LOL! the poor man was dazed and confused at first, but by the time the child arrived, he was pretty excited about it. In FACT....2 years later...he and his wife actually PLANNED a 2nd child (who actually made #5) so the first one wouldn't grow up "alone". As far as I know they're quite happy and have found it very rewarding to have this "2nd family".

HOWEVER....what you do NOT EITHER OF on a dating website. And this is where the big difference lies.

For whatever reasons some couples have waited until later than "normal" to have children; there are still many more (particularly females) who have finished giving birth by age 35....and finished raising children by age 53-55.

While I fully agree that older parents do have much to offer children that younger parents don', emotional and financial stability......wouldn't we expect that PART of that emotional stability.....and responsibility would mean that they'd STAY MARRIED?

In the case of GB....yes, you were blessed...that after waiting so long; medicine progressed to where conception was possible. And I certainly don't mean this to be critical in any way....but, after 11 yrs of marriage.....where was that maturity and stability? Sure, we do realize that if one partner wants out, there's really no stopping them perhaps that lack of maturity was mostly on the other side...but still.

And I do have to agree and acknowledge that MANY of us "grandmothers" are approached frequently....being "expected" to be suffering from the "empty next syndrome"...which is an utter fallacy (for most women).

You have only to look at the first page of this thread....and numerous other threads to see that most Father's who feel that they're being discriminated against find the women who "reject" them to be selfish....yet THEY readily admit that they themselves are NOT OPEN to dating a woman with children who are still dependent. You'll also find that most of the women who support the edict of "selfishness" are those who are themselves biased because to be otherwise would be against their own self interests...or, they're childless and haven't got a clue!

If you look at the comments of women who state that "the kid is only part time"....if I were a Father, that would scare the crap out of me! I mean, seriously...what if you got involved with one of these women (who accepted your children on a part time basis only) and then....their Mother died....and instead of having a partner helping your raise them.....she said...."Ohhhhhh, Hell NO! I accepted this on the assumption that it wouldn't ever be more than every other weekend".... so then...not only are you raising your child're getting divorced.

Women don't generally have to worry about this; because usually they have if a prospective partner is serious...he knows it's a "package deal". MEN however....don't really have that luxury. You're pretty much dependent on whatever lip service she's paying you....and you'd better hope that you never have to put it to the test!

Now, one of the issues that I HAD, when I was seriously involved with a man (who was actually 7 yrs younger than me) but, he had a daughter who was 2 yrs older than my grandson. (she was 3, my grandson was 1). Over the course of our 8 yr relationship, he made it very clear that as his partner in life, my first priority had to be at his all of his daughters extra curricular events. We once argued when I promised to go watch my grandson's first little league game...but his daughter later informed him that she had a swim meet. We argued that, I paid for my grandson's Karate lessons....when he and his ex girlfriend (the child's mother) were worried about how they were going to pay for the girls ballet lessons. The straw that really broke the camel's back...was when his ex threw a tantrum and sent him back home with the child....and he expected ME to quit my job to take care of her.

Indeed, I do think that there are MANY issues that men over age 45, with young children do NOT consider when approaching women of the same age. And, as I said, I believe that much of that is due to the fact that men can father a child at any age; and while, yes...I realize there are many men who DO do it all by themselves...they are the exception, not the rule. Generally...they expect a "Mother" in the picture...somewhere.

Myself, I adore children.....always have, but would I date a FATHER with children the same age as my grandchildren (whom I am raising) NO WAY! And I've already stated the reason...they pull "rank".....their children are priority #1....grandchildren are.....#3, 4 or 5 on the list.

I truly enjoy reading comments from completely disconnected people as yourself. Here's a tip that might enhance your dating experience; think about other people once awhile too.
With all due respect; I think this comment would fall into the "physician heal thyself" category. One might see that as a manipulative way of saying that single fathers deserve MORE consideration than anyone else.
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 106
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/12/2010 4:15:29 AM
I found this article in "Men's Health"; and although it was actually related to the question about the effects that menopause has on marriage/ DOES explain why women over age 50 do not want relationships with men with young children...but yet why men over age 50 find it more rewarding than they perhaps did at age 25!!!

Throughout the child-bearing years, the female brain is marinated in estrogen, a hormone which effects the amygdala and prefrontal cortex, the emotional processor and emotional assessment and judgement areas of her brain. The effect of this heightens a woman's communication and emotional circuits, giving rise to those maternal instincts which tend, care and do the best they can to avoid conflict to give the family unit the best possible chance of survival.
The menopause puts an end to the fluctuating hormone levels and with it comes a much more stable brain and a less maternal woman. A woman who, says Brizendine, is "less worried about pleasing others and now wants to please herself" and that may mean taking on new challenges or a new job and leaving the old life, including her husband, behind.
A woman who wants more for herself and is not so concerned about pleasing and standing by her man, doesn’t inevitably lead to divorce, but it can put a strain on the marriage. As estrogen levels drop and the ratio of testosterone to estrogen increases in a woman’s brain, she becomes more "testy." For men, the opposite is happening. As his testosterone levels drop and the ratio of estrogen to testosterone increases, he becomes more "esty."

LOL! This certainly would seem to shed some light on how that estrogen precipitates those claims of "selfishness" both younger women...AND older men!
Joined: 9/27/2009
Msg: 108
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/12/2010 6:07:43 AM
I am 47 and have a 10 and 6 yr old..I have had women come right out and tell me that they have done that and don't want to share me every other weekend. Which i understand, but they are also eliminating possible great guys that have alot of youth because of kids that age.
I stayed friends with those women and they told me they went out with the guy that had grown kids and they didn't give them any more time!!! They drank too much, smoked weed (found out after few weeks) and wanted to ride their HARLEY ALONE!!
So they go back on the market to find the "bad boy" with the freedom and the guys don't want to give it up...
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 109
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/12/2010 6:07:57 AM

Maybe you missed that part of my post? Where in my post did I ask for preferential treatment?
LOL! No, I didn't miss anything, perhaps I interpreted the use of the word "disconnected" in
I truly enjoy reading comments from completely disconnected people as yourself. Here's a tip that might enhance your dating experience; think about other people once awhile too. exactly IS IT that she's disconnected from? LOL! I admit that those little buzzwords that feminists use to beat men over the head with (disconnected) do arouse suspicion when I hear them....but the implication is still there. WHO is she "disconnected from......if not from single fathers over the age of 45?

Additionally, when one says....."think about others once in a while too"..... WHO are those "other's" if NOT.....those identified in the thread title?

AND....well, yeah, I already admitted that she was rather blunt...LOL! but...maybe it was that testosterone kicking in....but in's NOT HER "problem" what other people choose to do....any more than it's YOUR problem what she chooses.

NOBODY is "right" or "wrong" here....until they start bashing someone else's choices as being "inconsiderate of others".

I just believe that women over the age of 45 who DON'T want young children (to parent) have many reasons for feeling that way...and that NONE of those reasons is "selfishness".

I do find it rather ironic that, not a lot unlike what many single mothers (of any age) have experienced are now finding it as equally frustrating that having children is definitely a deterrent when one is looking for a relationship. Maybe it's one of those cases of things coming full circle.

And please forgive me for finding humor in something that I do realize is a very emotionally sensitive issue for a lot of people....BUT (in my typical way of looking at things with a very cold clinical eye)....LOL!....are men becoming "baby factories"? It's a simple hypothesis, that I haven't tested, nor do I intend to....but from the standpoint of a mere observer:
Older men with young children are being rejected by women their own age...because those women don't want to raise a 2nd family. Older men with young children would love to have young women...BUT...those young women expect the man to father MORE children (hers).

So, I guess a pertinent question to finding some resolution about how people feel about men over 45 with small children would be.....Are these men willing to KEEP having more keep those younger women satisfied?

I have a male cousin who's wife left him and their 3 daughters about....18 years ago. The children ranged in age from 11 2 years old. In that time he's had numerous relationships...including 1 marriage which lasted only 6 months. She was apparently the epitome of the "wicked stepmother"...and treated his children like "slaves" compared to her own 2 children. He's now 53 yrs old, the last child in college...and the LAST thing he's looking for is a woman with children! LOL! unfortunately, that includes most "grandmother's" who are so busy doting over grandchildren that they see that as "entertainment". Is HE being "selfish"???? Well, I certainly don't think so! It's NOT that he doesn't empathize with anyone who's in the same position he himself was in for so many years....but empathizing and jumping in to help them out is 2 entirely different things. HE the person you found to be "offensive" for stating that it was "NOT her problem"....recognizes that it really ISN'T his problem! He's lived through that difficult time, done what was required...and should be RESPECTED for it....not labeled as "selfish" for being ready to move on to the NEXT phase of his life. But, the one thing that "society" is willing to grant to that he in fact DOES have.....another "phase" in life. All the person (an other women) are trying to say IS...that WOMEN TOO have another "phase" in life...that does not include raising more children.....WHERE is the equal dose of ...."Thinking of someone else"....for THEM?
Joined: 9/27/2009
Msg: 110
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/12/2010 6:34:52 AM
I agree having children at my age is a deterrent , but i am also talking to women my age and older than me that tell me that they don't mind at all i have younger children. I make sure i tell them up front so there is no confusion later...
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 112
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/12/2010 7:34:00 AM

I stayed friends with those women and they told me they went out with the guy that had grown kids and they didn't give them any more time!!! They drank too much, smoked weed (found out after few weeks) and wanted to ride their HARLEY ALONE!!

LOL..not ALL guys with grown children (or no children) are "alcoholics" or "druggies" who are selfish with their time and drive their Harleys alone. Not a fan of riding anyway, so if my guy wanted to ride alone, I'd pack him a lunch and happily send him on his way.

Having kids late in life doesn't make a guy more 'fun' or more 'youthful' just because he's chasing an 8 year old around the house. I'll definitely continue 'taking my chances' with guys who have grown (or no) children, every single time.
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 114
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/12/2010 7:59:29 AM
Well GB ( what you're apparently unaware of, is that this thread...which was started over 1 year ago....was revivved ....right about....yup...the SAME day that in another similar thread, a woman was taking a severe bashing for having a personal preference. LOL! this kinda tells me that someone is searching on the keywords, "small kids"; and since we are all aware that for each person who posts, there are probably 200 who read...but don't say anything.

In the interest of presenting a WELL ROUNDED view of those "options and preferences", you know....some people might think that a "NON EMOTIONAL"...and non-invested (personally) opinion could be a little more "realistic" (non-biased).

I don't think that to women (over 45) they really care about the reasons why an older man has small children...they simply know that they don't want small children. And, I think...that it's you who actually isn't listening to...or accepting THEIR reasons for feeling as they do.

LOL! Well, we won't even address the emotional outbursts; no, my granny panties are not in a bunch about men or their children; nor am I in any sort of "attack mode" LOL!

Who's looking for "younger women"? Again pure speculation on your part and probably sour grapes because of your age? Sorry I don't usually go into attack mode but your post really buttered my buns.
I guess my question here IS....WHY aren't you??? That would seem to me to be the perfect solution!

I'm not looking for a MOMMY for my kids, I'm looking for a friend and companion for ME.
I certainly don't question that....and I don't think that too many reasonable people here do either! What you're missing IS...that women over the age of 45....who's children are grown, are NOT in the position of having to "alternate" weekends....for the first time in like 25 YEARS! It's not really rocket I'm having trouble understanding what is so hard to comprehend about that.

They've ALREADY done the....plan around alternating weekend thing! One of the things that she was saying IS....that it's a new freedom that she for one (and many others) are not willing to give up.

And, you'll certainly never hear me say that I opposed EVERYONE having both options and opinions.....but seem to be ignoring the ONE solution......which simply date YOUNGER women....and stop worrying about the older ones.

I haven't seen one single woman here try to beat up any older Dad for HAVING young children. Indeed, I've even agreed that there ARE as you put it....both medical and socioeconomical advantages to having waited until the male is over 40 to have children.

But you continue to ignore the fact, and keep wanting to insist that women go through menopause an attack on men who did choose to wait!!! I assure you, there is nothing "voluntary" about's a FACT of life, and it's NOT something that us "old women" do....just to tick you off.

I just fail to see any logic in rejecting that basic biological fact and interpreting it as just another evidence that women are selfish for not wanting their lives to revolve around children until the day they die.

LOL! Believe me....I had no intention of touching your butter or otherwise so I don't know why your jock strap is in a twist. The answer to your "finding a friend and companion for YOU" is pretty out a women who is in a SIMILAR position! If you'd just look for a woman who's raising small children too...then you could co-ordinate those "alternating weekends" and everyone should be pretty doggone happy!!!!

Gee Grandma I don't know; disconnected from reality maybe?
I think that in the long run, YOU'D be a lot happier (and more successful) if you just realize that YOUR not the SAME "reality" for the majority of women over the age of 45. many pregnant women over the age of 40 do you really know? I know there are SOME....but it's just NOT the "norm".
Joined: 9/27/2009
Msg: 116
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/12/2010 8:31:17 AM
I wouldn't say I didn't want to date women that had children earlier in our lives because we were " partying or having a good time" but would say that in my situation, i was married at 25 to a single no children girl, for a year, and then at 30 found a woman (my second W), that was 6 yrs younger and had no kids, so she was 24. it took us 5 yrs to conceive and she was 29 and i 35 . Then not wanting an only child had another 4yrs later. So that puts me at 47 and with two young kids..
My focus is on my kids too...but i certainly don't want to be alone, but i don't need a mother for them cause of course they have a good one that i just didn't work out with.
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 117
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/12/2010 9:02:45 AM
^^^^ Thanks yourscooter. Your attitude seems a lot more reasonable (less like a victim). do you think you'll resolve that situation? It's obvious that you're going to run into opposition no matter which "dating pool" you decide to dive into. If you choose younger women.....they're going to want a commitment...and for you to assist in raising their own young children...and possibly even father more; if you choose older women...they're going to be less likely to make a commitment because you don't have the same "freedom" that they are now enjoying for the first time in 20 some years.

It is a dilemma ; but certainly NOT a new one....single mothers faced it for several decades; and many of them simply choose to wait until the children were grown to pursue serious relationships.

I'm in a very similar position as you men are....that I'm raising 2 small grandchildren who I'm in the process of adopting. The one advantage that I have over you single fathers is...that I do have every weekend available to do anything I want...and...of course, there are no "other parents" creating any unnecessary drama in our lives. But STILL....I've very much come to the conclusion that what we would call a "traditional relationship" is very much out of the question. (Realistically)

I think it all boils down to whether we're mature enough to recognize that the kids really do have to come first; and that we are quite likely going to have to make some sacrifices in our personal lives to accommodate that....but that we shouldn't condemn or criticize others for not wanting to make the same sacrifices. Doing so is kinda like having a neighbor who invested poorly in the stock market....and who then expects you to stay at home and entertain him during your vacation....because he can't afford to take one.
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 120
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/12/2010 9:37:51 AM
Oh, my, the horrors of raising a child! One wonders at how the human race survived all these millennia.

Indeed, post menopausal women are more prone to think of life in terms of benefits to themselves rather than the hormonally driven mode that causes them to find a mate and reproduce. Men are like that as well. When, however, a man does find himself alone with young children to raise, for whatever reason, he will seek a partner who will accept the situation, and its very much easier to find a younger woman than an older one who will fit in. Part of the negotiation often does mean the man is induced to have one or more children with the younger woman, and can therefore easily find himself in his 50s, 60s or 70s with kids still under the roof.

What is to me clear from the forum posts is that older women want the benefits of a relationship without the hassles. Men want that as well. Only trouble is, the men discover that its easier to connect with the younger women, and so fail to pursue the older ones. The older women then ascribe all kinds of negative attributes to a phenomenon they have themselves created.

The other point that I note is that it is only recently in history when anyone lived any significant part of life without being surrounded with children. Its "normal" still in most of the world where local wealth has not given way to the selfish hedonism that pervades western society. Personally, I do not look forward to the day when the last of my own children depart for distant shores, leaving me all the time in the world to satisfy my own private interests. I don't think I am all that odd in this view either. In the neighbourhoods that I have lived in for most of my life, a typical action by people is to sell out and move closer to the kids once the house is emptied.

Yes, its work to raise children, but its darn lonely when you only see them 2 or 3 times a year because they grew up and moved far away.
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 121
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/12/2010 9:54:26 AM
^^^^ nice post. But the question is about dating men with YOUNG kids?
Not sure anyone is really suggesting that when your kids grow up you
forget about's just that your interest has changed. You're no
longer in the position of having to raise them, be home when they're
there, arrange for babysitters, etc. Most people are surrounded by
children most of their lives...first their own children then their grandchildren.

I don't see how the older women have created the phenomenon that is
older men with children seeking younger women with an interest in
raising children still?

There are lots of reasons men (and women) have children at a later date.
But if one chooses to marry someone younger and have children with
them and then faces a divorce, how did someone older have anything to
do with that?

It's pretty simple for me. It doesn't really interest me why someone has
children later in life...I figure it's their business. It's also my business
whether or not I choose to date someone with young children and if by
choosing not to I limit my possibilities...well I guess that's my problem.
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 122
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/12/2010 10:01:42 AM
For me, it is just as simple as compatibility as far as lifestyle. I am soon to be an empty-nester and I look forward to having the freedom that comes with it without the demands of child-rearing.

I haved loved raising my girls, but at 51, I am looking for a less stressful lifestyle with fewer demands on my time.

I was 30 when I had my first child due to fertility issues and ten years of trying. I am older than some fish my age with 20 and a 21 year0 old. There were men who did not want to date me because I had kids at home still and I never took offense.

I will say that I think there are situations, where the man has been married twice, has kids from both marriages, that may find dating a bit more difficult just because of how many people need him already nights and weekends when most of us have time to date.
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 123
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/12/2010 10:20:27 AM

I am looking for a less stressful lifestyle with fewer demands on my time.

This is a classic fallacy that one sees in all kinds of situations of anticipation. What is actually the case is that if you are alive and not forced into idleness by some means such as bad health or being imprisoned in solitary confinement, your time is always full to the brim. It is just the nature of life. The only difference is the (perceived) source of demands on your time. You can easily verify this by simply talking to retired people who are in good health. The first thing you hear is "I have no idea how I ever found time to work for a living!".

Its the same with raising a family or anything else in life. You will never have enough time or freedom to deal with all the things that will place demands on your time, space or energy. The reason I inserted (perceived) above is because the source of demands on your time is always you. You decide how you will live your life, and those decisions fill up your time. It stops when you either become incapacitated, or you die. Kids are just one decision out of many possible ones, and in the end, if you feel you are time constrained, you are, and probably always will be, regardless of what other decisions you make.

My own view is that kids contribute to one's quality of life. Of all the people I have met in my own life, I find my kids to be right up there in the group of people I would most like to spend time with.
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