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 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 126
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??Page 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Well, I do see a lot of older women lament the fact that men do not appear to be in hot pursuit. My only point is that if you go into this thing with a "Me! Its MY time! I don't want to get involved with YOUR issues!", etc, etc, its not particularly likely that those men looking at your profiles are going to be highly motivated.

Lets get real. We all have issues of some kind, kids being only one and far from the worst of them. If I have a mate, I want her to be involved with my issues, whatever they are, and I expect to be involved with hers. If that is not the way you want to look at things, then you should not even claim to be looking for "The One!", "LTR", "Soul Mate", whatever. You are really saying you want someone to support your own lifestyle and concerns without having to get involved in someone elses. Its called being single! Personally, I am happy to party with people who want to be and are single, but that has nothing to do with what a partner is about.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 127
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/12/2010 1:04:24 PM

Well, I do see a lot of older women lament the fact that men do not appear to be in hot pursuit. My only point is that if you go into this thing with a "Me! Its MY time! I don't want to get involved with YOUR issues!", etc, etc, its not particularly likely that those men looking at your profiles are going to be highly motivated.


Usually I get what you're saying, but you're all over the place today.
The woman here are saying no to young kids because they feel they have raised
their kids and now they want time for themselves so they can be part of
an adult relationship that doesn't involve children.
They are not saying its ME its MY time and I don't want to get involved with
YOUR issues.
They are saying I don't want a lifestyle that involves young children.

It's simply a matter of preference.
The topic of this thread is men our age with SMALL kids.

 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 128
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/12/2010 2:00:34 PM
Well, what is hard to get. If a guy has any kind of kids, its part of who he is. Yes, I understand the lifestyle choice thing, and I certainly understand how people don't want to get back into changing diapers and being duty Mom at the pre-school, etc.

On the other hand, its not simply a choice, its a statement. Lifestyle. It is a statement with implications, the ones I point out. I don't think that saying, for instance, you don't want to date short women is in the same league as saying I don't want a man with kids because i have been there, done that and now i want to be free. The dimensions of the statements are vastly different, and the implications are as well.

Sure, people have a right to any choice, but those choices communicate things about who you are. My only point is that the readers of those statements will form their own conclusions about attitudes, etc, and that will have an impact on attractiveness to both men with kids and men without kids. Whenever I see a "no kids" profile, in the sense of don't call if you have any, I am immediately put off by the underlying attitude. Simple as that.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 129
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/12/2010 2:57:48 PM
Here's what my profile says rearguard:

SINGLE GRANDMOTHER, RAISING 2 GRANDCHILDREN!!! LOL! THAT should say it all. I AM the the "dating world's worst nightmare!" LOL!
Clearly, that leaves my only option to be....catch me in 12-13 years when my child rearing responsibilities are fulfilled and I am "datable". LOL! until then...I'm just here for the social networking and the POF PARTIES!!!! LOL!


LOL! and even SO....there are still men (of all ages) in hot pursuit....but, granted....probably 70% of them are UNDER the age of 40.

And, you know....I DO realize that those "under 40's" are NOT interested in a relationship...but I don't brow beat them over it!!! I mean, seriously....are we not by this time after all, worldwise enough to at least suspect what people's motives are? LOL! so...I may flirt....ok; I admit it.....I've even dated a few of them on occasion but I KNOW better than to think that any of them are going to be my "One" ....LOL! and soul mates....nahhh, I'm not even sure I believe in that.

You are right however, that SOME women (of all ages) lament over men not pursuing them....but that's NOT what this thread is about. NOR do I think that the OP was in any way saying that she wants someone to support her concerns...but is not willing to support his. WHAT I DID hear her say...is that she looks at his concerns....and decided that it was more than she was able to consider.

You're also right that assumptions abound; BUT, I still say...(to any man that I consider a friend...or a relative) to watch out for those women who look at his children as "only part time". LOL! I'd think that those are the ones who could be "up to no good"....NOT the ones who say...."thanks, but I'll pass".
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 130
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/12/2010 3:12:45 PM

Usually I get what you're saying, but you're all over the place today.
The woman here are saying no to young kids because they feel they have raised
their kids and now they want time for themselves so they can be part of
an adult relationship that doesn't involve children.
They are not saying its ME its MY time and I don't want to get involved with
YOUR issues.
They are saying I don't want a lifestyle that involves young children.

It's simply a matter of preference.
The topic of this thread is men our age with SMALL kids.


As a single mother, I can tell you that there are many, many demands on our time which absolutely affected my ability to date with ANY sort of freedom when kids are fairly young. I have given my kids priority, as far as time goes, for the last several years and now that they are grown women, I am ready for a different sort of lifestyle.

I love kids, I am a teacher, but I do not want to deal with babysitters, exes, CS, interruptions in our plans, etc. at this time in my life. I have lived it for many years and I am ready for a change. It is does not make it all about ME, it is about respite from a very long and difficult, at times, journey, albeit a very joyful one. His kids need to be older or it is a no-go for me.

Grandmabooboo is right, women do not have the option of waiting until middle-age to have our first kids, like a man can choose to do. We have them when we are younger and now there are some fish that we simply are not interested in getting to know better because we do want to be a partner in a relationship which includes small kids.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 131
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/12/2010 3:42:08 PM

Sure, people have a right to any choice, but those choices communicate things about who you are. My only point is that the readers of those statements will form their own conclusions about attitudes, etc, and that will have an impact on attractiveness to both men with kids and men without kids. Whenever I see a "no kids" profile, in the sense of don't call if you have any, I am immediately put off by the underlying attitude. Simple as that.


I'm sure that it IS very simple to men who want what they want....regardless. Couple of years ago I was talking to a gentleman....who TRULY believed that he was making me the "offer of a lifetime". You see, he has 4 teenage sons...and he drives a truck for a living. This requires him to pay a pretty hefty live in housekeeper fee. LOL! He actually said stuff like...well...he could give me a "home"... and that I could help him....and he'd help me...blah, blah, blah! LOL! All the while...I'm laughing at WHERE in the world did this man come up with the notion that 1) I was homeless, 2) I was destitute, and 3) that I was looking for a "job"????

The reality IS, that I'm retired from a very good job....and my monthly pension is probably MORE than he earns. 2) I have a home....paid for....cash...all by my little ole self and 3) I have all the "job" I can handle taking care of my own 2 little ones. The man was truly insulted and thought there was something wrong with me for not considering his generous offer!!!! What became obvious to me, is that he knows entirely too many "welfare moms"....and the fact that neither of my grandchildren's parents pay child support...is NOT an issue. (to our survival)


Whenever I see a "no kids" profile, in the sense of don't call if you have any, I am immediately put off by the underlying attitude.
Well, ya know....that's a drop down menu that we have to select from and the choices ARE: 1) "Prefer not to say"...which indicates that you're about to LIE.... 2) Do not want children....at my age would be pretty stupid to check cause...hey.....57 here....I don't think I'm going to be getting pregnant again in THIS lifetime....3) Do want children....which would pretty much make 99% men who are MY age avoid me like the plague...because I don't know of any 57 yr old men who are currently looking to impregnate any 57 yr old women, or
4) Undecided/Open...which again, would put us in the "liar" category.

That whole think is no any different that those who think that if you checked "friends or hang out" that you're a player looking for nothing but casual sex.

I just came from one of the "Single Mom" threads.....and lo and behold...there are 111 PAGES of single mother's looking for a man who will accept the fact that they HAVE children. So, still...for the life of me....I don't know why the MEN who also have children aren't LOOKING for a partner from THAT category! I would certainly think from the few posts I read that any woman there would be thrilled to have the interest of man who's also really into raising small children! I know that's where I'd be looking!

LOL! which....ya know....is maybe not a bad idea.....start a Single Grandparent's page. There's something like 7 MILLION of us now!
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 132
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/12/2010 6:15:01 PM
"What do you think about men our age with small kids??"

Personally, I don't think about them at all. Just not my scene. They are welcome to date women other than me. It is all good. We just wouldn't be a match.
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 133
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/12/2010 7:41:16 PM
Well, I'll be 61 next month and actually met a gentleman my age about 2 years ago who didn't bother to tell me that he had a little boy until I met him for a late breakfast ... sort of brunch. The little boy was barely 5 years old and at first I thought it was his grandson, but it wasn't.

I'm a nurse and proud to be a nurse, but I swear that there are an awful lot of men out there that either want me to be their personal nurse or the nursemaid for their children.

I don't want another batch of children to raise. I had four and lost my youngest and only son back in the fall of 2005. I have one grandchild and there's no question that if it were necessary I'd take him in a minute ... no questions asked. And I'd also understand if a man doesn't want to be saddled with something like that.

I have to say that deep down inside, when I meet a man my age with young children ... I just want to ask him, "What the hell were you thinking?" or "Which head decided this would be a good idea?"
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 135
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/13/2010 6:57:45 AM
It is not at all selfish, raising kids is a huge time comittment and they need a parent who can devote the time necessary to raise them well. I think you can have a partner and raise your kids, it is a wonderful thing for kids to see a relationship that works well, but getting to the point of partnership is the hard thing.

We are not really meant to raise kids forever and God bless those who want to, I am just not one of them.
 Sassysouthernbelle762
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 136
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/13/2010 8:01:08 AM
My youngest is 6.5.....yes he was my OOPS baby, lol As for men "Our Age" with younger childen....."Bring Em Baby".......if I don't have to go through Pregnancy, Labor and Delivery......I can pretty much deal with anything else that follows. Besides I have custody of 2 grandkids ages 2 & 3 years...so who am I to talk, lol I personally don't care......I love children.....mine, yours...who evers. All kids need all the love they can get these days so for me personally...........Bring Em Baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 pmynx
Joined: 3/25/2009
Msg: 139
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/15/2010 6:18:40 PM
Take it from someone who married said man and had full custody of 3 children from his very young ex wife. They are not in the position to be a romantic couple anymore than we were when we were raising our children and it's a lot harder to accept that when they are not your children and you are 50 years old. It is very hard to just give up on the thought that it's your time now. We should be able to run to the beach when we want at our age without having to find a babysitter first.
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 140
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/15/2010 7:06:17 PM

are there children, grand-children, elderly parents or relatives who might possibly be coming to live with us in the near future? I know that you can't foresee everything but getting the basics out of the way is a first step in the right direction.


I think these are a couple of really good points! It is crucial that before you enter into a relationship with anyone, you discuss what is important in their lives, including their children, extended family, and pets! I have met several guys that - after a couple of conversations - it was obvious they would not be happy on a beach vacation that included the kids, grandkids, brothers, parents, dogs and all! While this is certainly not how I spend every weekend, I certainly would not consider getting involved with someone who wouldn't enjoy that type of family interaction!

I also think that if you meet a guy that has young children - whether he has custody or not - you need to understand that his obligation to them comes before his obligation to you! If you can't deal with that, then you should move on!
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 142
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/16/2010 5:29:35 AM

Also... those parents who proudly proclaim that they're not looking for a mother/father for their kids and/or who go on to say that I wouldn't even be a part of their kid's lives for a very long time only reinforces the fact that we're so NOT compatible ... how can you get close to someone if you're not even allowed into his life?

Because of my own personal circumstances, I know all too well that parenting is a full-time, life long responsibility - I have nothing in common with those who think I shouldn't mind their young children because they are "part-time fathers" ... how can anybody think that being a parent is a part-time thing?
ABSOLUTELY!!!! That's what I've been saying all along!!! Be very wary of anyone who would even suggest that they could deal with it...."being only part time". This is a person who is not willing to FULLY commit to YOU....and ALL of your life, "baggage"...for better or worse, etc.


What is a little different about this issue compared to others is the bluntness with which the rejections come. Men and women alike, if they were told repeatedly they were too old, too unattractive, too fat, too poor, etc. ad nauseum I have no doubt that they would react, and not in a good way. Somehow it's socially acceptable to tell them it's because of their kids, which really hits at a personal level, but the same person would be castigated for telling someone they were too fat, uneducated or anything of that sort. Instead they would be brushed off as a lack of chemistry, or "not their type." A much more gentle letdown wouldn't you agree?
Well, I can't disagree with you there that a few "little white lies" could soothe ruffled feathers....however, I do think you're dismissing the "logic" that many of these men have.....which is that these women are just being "selfish" for even considering that there ARE drawbacks to such a relationship.

These assumptions range from assuming the men would want the women to raise their kids to assuming a ton of other factors, too numerous to go into here.
I don't think anyone assumes that at all. I think we've been pretty realistic is recognizing that a man (a father) who has his children every weekend would probably expect his SO to be there, as part of a "family". That means that SHE would be...cooking breakfast, planning weekend activities and participating in them.


IMO, the shoe could as well be on the other foot with empty nester men. I'd wager that a number of them are not going to want to spend vacations visitng grandchildren, or have small grandchildren running around, even for visits, and God help those where "Grandma" is local and a regular babysitter. And again, while not directly responsive to this topic, there's the whole issue of the older folks, and getting involved with someone who could potentially be responsible for caring for aged parents.
EXACTLY!!!! Then WHY is it that "he" doesn't consider THAT "selfish"???
I think we can all see what an "empty nester MAN" would find a doting Grandma to be incompatible with HIS life (I've met a LOT of them....but have NOT labeled ANY of them "selfish"). The problem that we've discussed "ad nauseum" as you say, is the ASSUMPTION that older women should want to "mother" until they're 90.

There's another thread just started....same topic... guy ...needs some "hand holding"....and ya know.....I REALLY feel sorry for this man (and all the others); because he's right....it's hard. BUT...it's NOT impossible....the PROBLEM IS...that he's NOT looking in the places which would RESOLVE his "problem". The thread has degenerated to....the only women who would consider him are "fat"...and they HAVE KIDS!

The obvious solution is for these older fathers to seek out younger mothers...who have ex husbands who don't support or visit those children. And, yeah....realistically, they're not going to get the "model" types. Those young women are going to find babysitters and go on dates on Friday and Saturday night. But there are plenty out there who " can't get dates", who would be thrilled to have a stable older man to spend those weekends with them....and ALL the kids (his and hers).

I'm NOT un-sympathetic to the plight of these older fathers; truly. I may laugh when I think of the irony...that they don't want a women with children...but they want a woman without children to want them....but aside from that...they really are "screwed". (being not generally attractive to either younger or older women). But....it WILL get better....they just have to hang in there :-)

LOL! now.....I'm off to find a Grandfather raising grandchildren......who ships them off to the "other grandparents" every weekend......to go dancing ....or to fly to Cancun for the weekend to lay on the beach with ME! LOL!
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 143
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/16/2010 8:12:16 AM
Again, what I find amazing in this thread is the level of unreality that is expressed. Whatever your personal situation may be, you will be able to find an attractive companion of the opposite sex who will fit into whatever you are up to. Its not always very easy, but it will happen if you are open to it.

I really have never run into anybody who wanted to be part of a fantasy life, jetting off to the beach for the weekend, managing a continuous series of events involving wine, fine food, world travel, etc. The vast majority of people get pretty bored with that stuff pretty quickly. Myself, I won't even go to Cancun any more. Been there, done that plenty, and if I ever see another Mexican with a sign saying they are looking for tips again I will probably lose it.

"Small kids", in my experience, don't really last all that long, and while when they are really small they are a lot of work and responsibility, it gets easier by the month. People have lives to live, and they look for and find partners who want to share those lives. You may not want to be involved with other people's kids, and in general, its a rare bird that will be able to fit in there in any complete sense, and that is perfectly fine. I don't see, however, how you can ever really avoid some level of family related constraints on your life unless you take up with a childless single person with no family connections at all. Its all a matter of degree and it can change in an instant. There is never any guarantee.

The basis that you will be able to find a fantasy life with those who have no child responsibilities is, however, to me, a silly illusion. That kind of dream was fine at 18, but at this age it just will not happen. Most people have been there, done that decades ago and have moved on.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 144
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/16/2010 8:21:24 AM
"The basis that you will be able to find a fantasy life with those who have no child responsibilities is, however, to me, a silly illusion. That kind of dream was fine at 18, but at this age it just will not happen. Most people have been there, done that decades ago and have moved on."

Not all of us feel that way. I travel regulary, and never get bored of it. Being involved with people in other countries does makes me very happy. Will be with my international friends again soon, and can't wait.

Could I just walk (fly) away, if I commiteed myself to a live in relationship with a man with small kids? Don't think so.

In my opinion, it is best that we know how we want to spend our lives, and do so. We aren't doing anyone a favour my getting involved with their livestyle if it isn't for us.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/16/2010 8:44:36 AM
The vagabond lifestyle does indeed have an appeal, and to those who love it, more power to them.

I don't suggest that taking up with people who have small children in tow is for everyone. I only suggest that not taking up with such people based on a fantasy of life, as opposed to an actual life, does not make sense. People should not take up with such situations based on the life they are living, not the one they dream of living, unless they are pretty sure they will actually live it. I only point out that its a fantasy if you expect to meet someone who will create such a life. If you already have created your fantasy life, by all means look for those who will be compatible with it.

In any event, children, in themselves, do not generally limit life's possibilities. They only make them more complicated. Of course, this is also true of anybody you bring into your life.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 147
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/16/2010 10:43:27 AM
I never called anyone selfish or any other negative adjective.
I too have raised kids and really am enjoying seeing that come to an end
I too would not particularly want to become involved with more kid raising
I too have a family with "issues", some severe, just like most everyone else in the world
I too am completely burned out from raising kids, and its something that never ends, regardless of their age.

I am also aware of the "Life is what you make of it!" expression, which I firmly believe in. My observations on this matter are entirely related to the idea that there is nothing intrinsically wrong with people who have kids in tow, and any type of relationship and life is perfectly possible with such people. It depends on you, them and how creative you are. Just because someone has no kids in tow does not mean the two of you will be able to create a heavenly life together, and the opposite is also true.

My point is that being restrictive about a person's family situation just cuts down your opportunities and provides no tangible benefits.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 148
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/16/2010 12:03:41 PM
With all due respect rearguard:
I really have never run into anybody who wanted to be part of a fantasy life, jetting off to the beach for the weekend, managing a continuous series of events involving wine, fine food, world travel, etc. The vast majority of people get pretty bored with that stuff pretty quickly. Myself, I won't even go to Cancun any more. Been there, done that plenty, and if I ever see another Mexican with a sign saying they are looking for tips again I will probably lose it.
Maybe YOU are tired of doing those things....but FYI.....

I worked 70-90 hrs a week (that was 10-12 hrs a day), and raised 4 children. DURING that time....I DIDN'T "jet off" anywhere....I was WORKING. So, while YOU may be tired of it....how can those of us who have HAD the responsibility of a family and job in our younger years possibly be TIRED of something we haven't yet had the opportunity to do?


"Small kids", in my experience, don't really last all that long, and while when they are really small they are a lot of work and responsibility, it gets easier by the month.
Please define "Last all that long"??? LOL! because...let's see....I've been raising kids for 34 years now...and I ONLY have 12 more years to go...that's a grand total of....46 years!


The basis that you will be able to find a fantasy life with those who have no child responsibilities is, however, to me, a silly illusion.
I think that's pretty much what people have BEEN saying....LOL! but I'm also .....perhaps reading into this...that you think that people WITHOUT those child rearing responsibilities are the ones living the fanstasy...because they're not going to have that life anyhow???

I fail to see what is "fantasy" about it??? I'm raising 2 grandchildren.....they are ages 6 and 9...and I assure you...that I DO get on an airplane and GO. This summer, I'm taking the kids out west (camping...30 days), but before that, I'm flying to NYC to spend 5 days with my cousin...and AFTER that, I'm going to spend a week on the beach with my girlfriend in North Carolina. LOL! Next year...I'm going to Ireland (ALONE) for 2 weeks.

I also don't see where any 45+ woman is thinking, or saying...that she's going to
managing a continuous series of events involving wine, fine food, world travel, etc.
either! I think that ALL they're saying IS...that they expect to be able to do those things...OCCASIONALLY. And, since you can't seem to comprehend the differences, then I'll SPELL IT OUT for you.

I'm 57 yrs old...my grandchildren (soon to be my son and daughter...when the adoption is final) have 2 other sets of grandparents. Those other grandparents ACKNOWLEDGE the "sacrifices" that I'm making in order to provide "OUR" grandchildren with a good home and decent life. THEY therefore.....CALL ME...and tell me...."Hey...we're going to take the kids off your hands this weekend so you can relax and have some fun."

I just don't see a 35 yr old Mom telling her 55 yr old ex that HE needs to take a weekend off and have fun! It's MORE than likely....that she is telling him that she has the kids all week..and that the LEAST he can do is take them every weekend so SHE can relax and have fun! Futhermore...I can just see what a 35 yr old Mom would say...if she thought for a second that her ex was going to miss a weekend of visitation to go on a 4 day weekend cruise.

Since men really seem to not be able to relate to the concept of time and energy...then here's one thing that perhaps they CAN relate to! MONEY. I'm NOT giving my social security number OR MY W2s to HER lawyer. Ohio is bad enough...but Canada??? forget it! Here's how the Ohio Revised Code views "disregarding traditional guidelines in "special circumstances""
Combine G with K (it becomes F): F. The relative financial resources, including but not limited to disparity of
income between parties or households, other assets, and the needs of each parent.
Retain H (it becomes G): G. Benefits that either parent receives from remarriage or sharing living expenses with another person;


If this guys child support order is increased $500. to $1,000. a month because he's in a living arrangement with me.....WHO exactly is supposed to pay it? Me? Him? AND, if he has the extra (average) $750. a month to pay then WHY is it a "silly illusion" that we be expecting to enjoy a little time on the beach once in a while?

I think that too many of you just ASSUME that women are all poverty striken empty nest grannys. Sure, by the time I'm 70 yrs old....I probably will be ready for the "rocking chair". That's WHY we do all those things we'd always dreamed of...between the ages of 55 to 70! We're old enough, and have the money and the energy to still do them. But this IS the "trade off" that guys make. Get real here! What would ya'll tell me if I got dumped by a 40 yr old man? LOL! You'd tell me...I should have KNOW that he was only after sex...and I shouldn't have ever believed that he'd stick around til I was 65! RIGHT???? Of course that's right! Well, likewise....with a 50% divorce rate for 1st timers....and like a 75% divorce rate for 2nd marriages.....HE should have KNOWN that he was going to be a 55 yr old weekend Dad....who can't get a date. It's NOT rocket science, and it's not as if those statistics aren't published in about every nook and cranny one looks into. Life may be "unfair"...but this is a situation where HE has been the one who's unfair both to HIMSELF...and to his children. It's HE who gambled that she was going to "love him forever"...and he lost; but for pity sake....STOP making these poor children feel like they're responsible for your unhappiness (due to not finding a new partner) They SHOULD be thankful for those children; put them first and worry about finding another woman.....LATER. Finding a "man" is the last thing on my mind. LOL! Hell, I trip over them every time I walk out the door...but for the next 12 years...MY priority is raising my grandchildren...showing them that WE ARE responsible for our OWN happiness. I certainly am NOT so cruel as to sit around the house moping that because of them....I have to sacrifice finding "love". That's just a ridiculous and a cruel thing to do to kids.

I hope that when I'm dead and buried for 25 years they'll always remember that I showed them that instead of laying around bemoaning all the things that you CAN'T do...I was busy DOING the things that I COULD (do).
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/16/2010 12:16:09 PM
EDIT:


I only point out that its a fantasy if you expect to meet someone who will create such a life. If you already have created your fantasy life, by all means look for those who will be compatible with it.
Rear....You're REALLY missing the point that Danielle and I are NOT even defending ourselves! 55 year old Fathers are not interested in Grandmother's. And the women that they ARE UNJUSTLY calling "selfish" are those women who are 50+ who do NOT have either children or grandchildren in the home...and so they "selfishly" wonder....WHY NOT? We're simply trying to TELL THEM....why not!

Every time a 50+ woman without children opens her mouth....you men...and even some women are beating them to death with all this nonsense about them wanting to live some "silly illusion".
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 150
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/16/2010 12:26:08 PM
I seriously don't get why this is still a question for some.
Not wanting to date someone with young kids is simply
a preference. Hasn't anything to do with being selfish
or living in a fantasy life.
Has nothing to do with why people choose to have kids
later in life and it certainly doesn't put down those that do.
If we choose NOT to date someone with toddlers or young
children, we are indeed eliminating a portion of the population
from our search. But we do that anyway when we eliminate someone
who is too short, too tall, too fat, too skinny, too poor etc.
etc. It's all about preference. Last I heard...we were still entitled
to preferences.
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 151
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/16/2010 1:08:20 PM

My point is that being restrictive about a person's family situation just cuts down your opportunities and provides no tangible benefits.


Time is precious to me, dear rearguard, and how I spend my time is very important. Being restrictive about a person's family situation protects my valuable time and how enjoyably it is spent. Money is a tangible thing and raising/educating two daughters has taken every spare cent that I have made, and I was happy to do it. Now, it is my turn to enjoy the fruits of my labor and to allow them the opportunity to take care of themselves.

No thanks to raing anyone else's kids ever in this lifetime, unless one of my children needs for me to raise theirs due to some unforeseen circumstances, if and when they ever have kids. I will do that with all the love and joy I can muster.

If that makes me selfish, then I am selfish.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 152
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/16/2010 2:27:26 PM
recently becoming acquainted with a man my age, who was seperarated for a long time with half custody of his young teen. mom has unexpectedly died.

i totally admire this man and what he is doing for his child, who has had many losses at such a young age. certainly, i won't hold it against him. too many people i meet are dead inside, critical of others, boring. he appears to be none of those things.

i don't know if it will go beyond friends. but, he has my support, no matter what. becoming a mom at age 50, i know the drill and i know how extremely difficult it can be. but, i find the alienated ones and couch potatoes, way less attractive.

that being said, we've all had different lives, different experiences. there is a star shining bright for each of us, if willing to do the work to get through that tunnel! people are not commodities, they are human spirits. each person has an interesting story to share. doesn't mean you have to marry the person. but each person has the right to first demand respect w/o inflicting your "stuff" upon them--and second, as they say in professional circles, to be entitled to "due process"! you can learn something from everyone. for all you know, the person may have a friend or brother who is "right" for you or vice versa. just extend a hand. you don't have to give up your soul on a first date!

ps it does help if you are both retired or have a decent buy out package from your redesigned employer! but often people with extensive work and grown family demands are just as unavailable as a person with a child. also, many are just unavailable by nature!
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 153
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/16/2010 4:28:46 PM
Yes, everyone does have something to offer others, that is very true. However, lifestyle is a choice and everyone is entitled to their own preferences. I choose not to be a stepmother and I think being an authentic person, true to what you really want and need, is the greatest gift that you can give yourself.
 pmynx
Joined: 3/25/2009
Msg: 154
What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/16/2010 4:39:27 PM
Very well said. It is no reflection on the children at all, nor the man, only that some of us women have passed through that phase of our lives and do not wish to start it again. Not all of us dream of taking care of the grandkids either.
 Blue-Eyes-Shine
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 155
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What do you think about men our age with small kids??
Posted: 3/16/2010 4:40:34 PM
With small kids? No thank you. I'm 52 and have spent my time taking care of everyone elses needs. Call me selfish but it's time for me to have a little tlc.
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