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 Eagle Fish
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 1
how long would you wait Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
While arguing with a close friend on the telephone, she gets angry and hangs up. Assuming she is at fault and makes no attempt to contact you, how long would you wait to get in touch with her? Making sure I have my composure, I would call her back right away. What would you do?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 2
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how long would you wait
Posted: 8/10/2009 1:40:09 PM
I would never call back because I'd be glad the phone wasn't ringing, I hate phone calls. Seriously, if she's at fault and doesn't want to talk about it, bye bye, I don't have time for silly games with adults.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 3
how long would you wait
Posted: 8/10/2009 1:52:15 PM
I wouldn't call back. I don't have relationships with people who pull that rude, childish stunt. It's an insightful behaviour. In your case, it's up to you to decide whether or not she's worth the effort to see if you can teach her effective communication skills. Given your age, I can only imagine she's probably close to the same age so good luck with that. Then again, it's difficult to know what your own communication style is - perhaps you deserved to be hung up on?
 UnzippedPassion
Joined: 10/30/2005
Msg: 4
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how long would you wait
Posted: 8/10/2009 1:56:24 PM
If she's at fault she should really be the one to call. However, sometimes it's difficult for some people to communicate or make the first move. If you value her friendship then unfortunately it may be necessary for you to take the first step needed to correct whatever is wrong.
Personally I feel that a short cooling period off may be needed in many situations however anything more than a few hours to a day max will only put distance in your relationship because one or the other will start to feel the other one sincerely doesn't care about them or how they feel and that's never a good thing.

I don't like when things are unsettled and want/need them talked about as soon as possible or the distraction renders me incapable of going on with other important things in my life, especially if the disagreement is with someone I really care about. Hurt feelings on either side can destroy the best of relationships and the more time that goes by, the more hurt we feel.

Therefore, communicate, any way you know how...asap. Hopefully your friend will learn from your reaching out to her what it means to care about someone as a friend, as much as you care about her, and IF there is a next time perhaps she'll be the one to reach out to you. Friendship is a two way street and it's so much nicer when it's shared.
how long would you wait
Posted: 8/10/2009 2:29:51 PM
I am a firm believer there are three sides to every story. We tend to personalize our side, so while we may believe the other person is "at fault" this may not be the case. I also wonder why we need to assign blame at all.

To answer OP's question, for me, it would depend on the circumstance(s).

Is this person a close friend or a peripheral friend? What is the basis for the argument? Is it being blown out of proportion?

IF this person hangs up on me, the assumption is I am at fault. Whether I am or not, I have said something to upset this friend. I would immediately communicate an apology informing him/her this was not my intent (not apologize for what was said, just apologizing for the misunderstanding.)

If s/he makes no attempt to contact me, s/he is not a close friend and quite possibly someone I am willing cut loose. If s/he hangs up on me, s/he is quite immature and I would need to evaluate the necessity of actually continuing with this person in my life.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 6
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how long would you wait
Posted: 8/10/2009 2:47:37 PM
What chameleof said.

To me it is not a matter of who is right or wrong, rather it is a matter of behavior: was her response a childish one or did you perchance provoke the response and her only viable option was to hang up. I have a hard time with adults behaving as children. While we cannot be responsible for other's actions, if you were the childish one then you should call or write back and apologize.

On the other hand, if she was the childish one then you initiate the contact, if you think it is worth wihile, by asking what happened in the last conversation. That would give her a non-threatening way to adress the issue. Be wary of her inappropriately makingyou the one at fault or totally ignoring the behavior: both are signs the other has not grown up yet.

TK
{adult or grown up children; didn't this use to be an oxymoron?}
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 7
how long would you wait
Posted: 8/10/2009 3:16:47 PM
Hmmm....I don't have close friends that hang up on me or vice versa. I'd question the friendship. I'm assuming this is a friend and not a woman you are dating?
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 8
how long would you wait
Posted: 8/10/2009 3:31:46 PM
Someone who cannot communicate as an adult should not be catered to, especially if it is over something trivial. Now if you were rude to her she would have had the right to cut the communication off and you should be calling her back to apologize if you wish to continue a relationship.
how long would you wait
Posted: 8/10/2009 4:18:19 PM
I guess it would depend on what was said in the conversation that provoked her to hang up. Was something said that you knew would push one of her hot buttons? Or was she just throwing a childish tantrum because she was not getting her way in the conversation? If I felt I may have said something to set them off I'd call them back. But if they were just continuing to be childish every time we had a conversation I'd have reconsider their friendship. That's not very friendly behavior towards me so I'd have to think they don't value my friendship much.
 OpenRoad72
Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 10
how long would you wait
Posted: 8/11/2009 8:41:37 AM
Wait just long enough to open the phone book and send her some flowers.. then call.. Never let a girl idol with a hang up.. it is like they storm out of the room.. they want you to follow.. they want to know they are important to you.. they want to know you care.. anything else is a mistake..
 daveincarson
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 11
how long would you wait
Posted: 8/11/2009 10:51:59 AM
I don't even think women can understand each other.. There is no way we are going to ever figure them out.. lol.

Just have to guess. I let them cool down for a few days... they'll call back.

If they don't send a very short e-mail.. She should bite.
 boinkboinkboink
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 12
how long would you wait
Posted: 8/11/2009 12:57:20 PM
I recall being in this position years ago. I was so disgusted with a woman that I absolutely had to hang up the phone. I needed to get away before I said something I would regret later. I clearly recall saying to her: "I can't talk to you right now. I am too angry."

If I hang up on you it is because I am so disgusted with you that I absolutely must get away for a while. Chances are very good that if I am this disgusted, I have already decided that you aren't worth my effort.

Every person is different; only you can assess your friend. If it were me, you should NOT call. You will only make the problem worse.
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