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 coastalmermaid
Joined: 1/23/2011
Msg: 44
Single moms and pictures of their kids on profilePage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I have never posted pics of my kids because I believe it's actually a violation of their rights...just like those who post pics of strangers from their travels in third world countries...

A couple of years ago now, when I was fairly new and quite naive, I had two disturbing incidences about a month apart involving guys from this site. Of course on my profile it clearly states I have children at home. Both of these guys wanted to chat on the IM and during the course of both conversations they asked repeatedly about my children, how old, male/female etc. and I just told them the basics. However, after hearing about them the questions got more and more specific...how they dressed, what did they like to do, their social lives etc. They asked more questions about my kids than about me. Then weirdly enough both then said they really wanted to meet and wanted to take us all shopping...clothes shopping OMG well that was a real eye-0pener for me back then. These were both complete strangers and these were the first IM conversations I had with them.

Now older and much wiser I choose not to talk about my kids to strangers online at all, ever. Ironically many guys are HUGELY offended by that choice and call me paranoid, a man hater, closed-minded among other insults BLOCK. Good they show themselves up that early on and save me wasting my time.

The facts of life are that the vast majority of paedophiles are men. That is just a fact we all have to life with. Consequently, us women, who are raising our children alone have to be very very very careful online and in real life.

I personally wish POF would ban all photos of children from the site.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 45
Single moms and pictures of their kids on profile
Posted: 9/26/2011 3:13:15 AM
I don't get why people post pictures of their kids, either. I'm not looking to date their kid so I don't find it very attractive at all.

Lots of single parents go on and on about 'my kids are my WORLD and they come first,' (God if I read that over-used cliche one more time my brain is going to explode) and they splatter pictures of their kids all over their profiles.

THEN they say, "no one's going to meet precious little Junior for a LOOOOOOONG time!"

So why are you plastering Junior's picture all over your profile if you're guarding him like Fort Knox?
 AquanGold
Joined: 11/22/2010
Msg: 46
Single moms and pictures of their kids on profile
Posted: 9/26/2011 4:47:31 AM
I see nothing wrong with a women who has a picture of her pride and joy, namely her child....
Many, want to make sure if a person is interested they not only dating the women, but, the understanding a child does come with the package....
There are after all some people who don`t like to date a person with kids...
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 48
Single moms and pictures of their kids on profile
Posted: 9/26/2011 8:11:39 AM
For those people who said that posting a kid's picture puts the kid's life in danger because pedophiles will find those kids: If kids are in so much danger, why aren't you crusading to have kids removed from other web sites and every form of media-remove them from TV shows and commercials, magazines, modeling kids clothes in catalogs, etc? Do you think these kids will be tracked down by pedophiles? Any time there's an event in my area (festival, carnival whatever), the newspaper always shows pictures of kids having fun at these events and often mentions their names. Are these kids lives in danger? What about people who post their kids' pictures in Facebook? Are those kids in danger?
I think the real danger is allowing totally paranoid people to breed.
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 49
Single moms and pictures of their kids on profile
Posted: 9/26/2011 7:50:30 PM
I post photos of my kids on sites that i use to social network. When i was looking to date i took them down, but i only use the site for forums, mainly to connect with other parents.

I dont anyone is going to come through my computer screen, unless there is some new technology i have not heard about, & the people i know in person that i keep in touch with on the internet, are people i trust around my family.
Yes it is true that some unsavory pedo could be thinking bad thoughts about pics of kids, but those same individuals could be at the grocery store, the mall, the zoo, a restaurant, the park, at Disney World, or living on my street. I am not going to keep them locked in a tower a la Rapunzel because there might be a sicko lurking about.

Nobody is going to get past me , i am a redneck Mama, & go by the creed "my home & my children are protected by the Good Lord & a shotgun, you try to get past me & you will be meeting both.
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 50
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Single moms and pictures of their kids on profile
Posted: 9/26/2011 10:03:08 PM
Well lets see...because women are usually the ones who take care of their kids full time. they want guys to know that their kids are in their life and they are very important. and yes possibly to weed out guys who don't like kids or want kids. I have a pic of my son because he is adorable and the love of my life.
 aspophilia
Joined: 6/19/2011
Msg: 51
Single moms and pictures of their kids on profile
Posted: 10/3/2011 1:08:35 AM
I would never put photos of my kids on a dating site and I am very VERY hesitant to contact men who post photos of their kids.

My kids are my #1 priority and always come first. That is the reason I DON'T post photos of my children. Men need to know they will have my limited attention and be aware that until they reach a certain level of commitment, they will not meet or even be in the passing presence of my children. Since I've started dating (9 months ago) not a single man has met my kids. It has not gotten to that point with anyone. I do my best to keep my dating life totally separate from my family life until it will be appropriate to mix the two.

Some people introduce their kids when their date comes and picks them up for the first time and some never do until moving in or marriage is on the table. I hope to strike a good middle ground.
 missraven1
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 52
Single moms and pictures of their kids on profile
Posted: 10/3/2011 1:22:01 AM
Pride = showing off. Imo.
 shezabritelite
Joined: 9/24/2011
Msg: 53
Single moms and pictures of their kids on profile
Posted: 10/3/2011 9:43:44 AM
Be happy they have a picture?

Why do men post pictures of themselves with cars, bikes, boats, other women, mom & dad, 4 other guys....
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 54
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Single moms and pictures of their kids on profile
Posted: 10/3/2011 9:49:27 AM
Well yes i'm proud of my son. Doc told me i couldn't have kids so he is more like a miracle...that's why i like to show him off because he is someone i never thought i would have in my life.
 lovebeingmom
Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 55
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Single moms and pictures of their kids on profile
Posted: 10/3/2011 7:41:56 PM
My kids are in a couple of my pictures simply because most of the pictures i have , have them in them! not beause im showing them off. Just because.

as for the pervert issue, anyone who is a parent has to watch out for that regardless of picture up or not. i would think any one with kids is potential target because obviously we want our S/O to get on with our kids. it would happen less if we had common sense

But its kind of like pictures with alcohol or such IF all pictures have kids THEN i would wonder.( i love my kids and probably to some talk too much ao of is kids- i bout them, but i can and do enjoy talking about something else. But id wonder if someone with all kid pictures could talk about anything else!)

i also think its cute of a dad has a pic or two of his kids. i think its sweet, but thats just me.
 lovebeingmom
Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 56
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Single moms and pictures of their kids on profile
Posted: 10/3/2011 7:47:27 PM
Chrome-
know its not the place but because of your replies i looked at your profile- your son is very cute and dont care what anyone says if you are a parent ( especially since its a miracle you didnt expect) you shhould be proud. Nothing wrong with a little parental pride

Just my opinion
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 58
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Single moms and pictures of their kids on profile
Posted: 10/4/2011 8:25:59 AM
Shouldnt be legal

Shouldnt be allowed by sites

Shouldnt even cross the mind of a decent parent to even consider doing this in the first place


Although it is admittedly massively overhyped and one of the most commonly used forms of government orchestrated scare mongering there are still paedos out there

And like anyone else they have preferences

So, as with a normal hetro man or woman who looks at photos till they see something they like parents having photos of their kids allows a paedo to be able to do the same

Once they find a kid or kids they like the look of all they need to do then is charm the mother, say whatever she wants to hear etc

And the problem there as with many other undesireable types like con merchants, users etc is they are often very adept and skilled at intuiting what someone wants and appearing to be exactly that


There is absolutely no good reason whatsoever for people on a dating site to see photos of your kids, NONE

So however miniscule the risk might be isnt important when they just arent necessary to begin with
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 59
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Single moms and pictures of their kids on profile
Posted: 10/4/2011 11:26:51 AM
First of all, this mike guy likes to comment on every single one of my posts no matter what because i think he just likes putting me down. Anyway, it seems like people are calling me a bad mother because i do have pics of my son on here. I think he is adorable and i like showing him off. Nothing more than that. So if you think i put up pics of him to get guys to date me....that's far from the truth. If someone doesn't wanna date me because i do have a kid then that's fine they can move on but i'm telling you that there are not alot of women out there who don't have kids.
 CarKam1
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 60
Single moms and pictures of their kids on profile
Posted: 10/4/2011 12:11:20 PM
I have a pic with my Son in it. I think MikeWM knows I have a pretty good set of morals (from what he's seen here on the forums that is) and in his defense he's pretty level headed when it comes to his posts. chromelove08, I wouldn't take what he or any other poster has to say to heart. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, as long as they are not shoving their views down your throat then all is good in the world.

As mentioned, I have a pic with my Son. I put it in my profile to emphasize that he is part of who I am. But I am looking for a long term relationship and the man who meets him will be in the same frame of mind. If I was just looking for casual dating then I absolutely would not put a picture of him up. Mute point though since I have already found my fish...who also has a kid.
 Kariann71
Joined: 4/26/2011
Msg: 61
Single moms and pictures of their kids on profile
Posted: 10/4/2011 12:25:44 PM

I would never put photos of my kids on a dating site and I am very VERY hesitant to contact men who post photos of their kids.
My kids are my #1 priority and always come first. That is the reason I DON'T post photos of my children



I do my best to keep my dating life totally separate from my family life until it will be appropriate to mix the two.


Very well said and I couldn't agree more. Think of some of the creepy messages we receive on here. Do you really want those same people ogling pics of your kids? No way, no how, not happening.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 62
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Single moms and pictures of their kids on profile
Posted: 10/4/2011 12:26:54 PM
Chromey

Having been on forum and discussion sites for many years as both a user and administering them this and practically every other topic that crops up on here is one that has done the rounds MANY times before on practically ever site whether its a dating site or not

So as much as you seem to think otherwise I already have an opinion on this and many other topics not simply due to having seen it discussed countless dozens of times before but also due to also having been a parent myself for over two decades

So as much as you seem to think I dream up my responses purely for your benefit and disgruntlement youre sorely mistaken. Infact I didnt read any posts on this thread before or after posting as my opinion isnt likely to change on the subject now anyway so I wasnt even aware you HAD posted

Infact I can guarantee that most times I have probably posted near one of your posts that would have just been a coincidence too, and even if I've responded directly to one of your posts half the time I probably wouldnt even have realised that as I post my thoughts in response to whats written rather than dream up entirely new opinions on things to write based on who wrote it

As shocking as this might be to hear, but once you post on a thread that doesnt mean every single post that follows is directed solely at you nor is it written exclusively about you

Although you do seem to quite often take even the most general remarks on a topic in a personal fashion. But that alone doesnt mean they ARE personal


As for showing photos my view doesnt change based on the person, and would remain constant even with close friends who did the same

A dating site is for adults to see and meet adults so "knowing" someone has kids is really all the info someone needs along with maybe the age. Even the gender isnt really necessary to be perfectly honest

Facebook on the otherhand and sites like that are different. And even on here as I understand it photos can have a restricted visibility so even that would be "bwtter" (in my opinion)

But by the time someone became a "serious" potential partner and where knowing more about your kids was necessary surely they'd have actually met them by then anyway or would be added to facebook, could have been mailed a pic etc etc

My only point here, is that on a site that is really just for "initial" contact, and where those contacts are practically strangers which by the law of averages arent usually going to evolve into a serious relationships actually "seeing" anyones kids in a photo just isnt necessary at all as they dont have to find your kids cute really as part of deciding if they might want to date the parent,. and if they did then that would be more than enough reason to avoid them anyway

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

@ msg 94 vvvvvvv

Using your kids as a crutch is just cruel

Especially if you have smelly armpits or weigh a lot
 mtpelion
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 63
Single moms and pictures of their kids on profile
Posted: 10/4/2011 12:42:12 PM
Here is my position on pics of kids:

If you are a parent it is assumed that you care about your kids and are a parent first.
If you put pictures of your kids then it is assumed that you want everyone to know that you put your kids first and will put anyone you are dating second. This is obviously not science, but the vibe I get from profiles with kid pics is that they are not serious about dating and they are using their kids' pictures as a crutch to prevent people from getting close to them.
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 64
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Single moms and pictures of their kids on profile
Posted: 10/4/2011 1:43:08 PM
Well i don't use my son as a crutch to get close to anyone. As a matter of fact if you wanna know, the way guys have treated me in the past have made me hesitant to get close to anyone. My babies father is actually the best man i have ever been with. We just didn't work out because we were complete opposites.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 65
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Single moms and pictures of their kids on profile
Posted: 10/4/2011 1:53:34 PM
Nobody said "YOU" did thought chromey, it was a "general" comment on the topic at large

Thats exactly the type of thing I meant when I said about you taking things that arent about you nor directed at you as though they are both

(DISCLAIMER - I the poster do fully acknowledge that in this particular instance this post WAS infact specifically and directly intended as a reply exclusively to the user chromelove08)



Just to avoid any further missunderstandings you understand
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 66
Single moms and pictures of their kids on profile
Posted: 10/4/2011 9:54:43 PM
A simple question for people who post pics of their kids:

Would you put the very same photos on the hood of your car for all to see?

You realize that POF is a public place with virtually no restrictions on access? You realize that anyone from anywhere with any purpose can look at your kids?

If you wouldn't advertise your kids on your car 24/7/365 to a few thousand people in your neighborhood, WHY would you show your kids to millions of people around the world?
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 68
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Single moms and pictures of their kids on profile
Posted: 10/5/2011 8:52:15 AM
Ok well i guess that's how you guys feel but i don't. It's not like anyone knows where i live or anything. I have a pic of my son wherever i go. That's just how i am. I love to take pics because i love photography. If you think its wrong or bad for a woman to have a pic of her child on her profile then that's cool but not how i feel.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 69
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Single moms and pictures of their kids on profile
Posted: 10/5/2011 9:02:06 AM
People might not know where you live, and infact most of us probably dont even live in the same country as you

But how do you know how many POF members you might walk past on the street in a month? Infact unless I'm mistaken you can view profiles on here and quite a bit of the message boards even if youre not a member

They might not even have a photo displayed, but they could easily recognise you

Theres a thread at the moment about people seeing other POF members they dont know whilst out and about and obviously that will only apply to the ones where you have seen their photos and assuming they even have one to begin with

So imagine for a moment that someone on here without a photo recognises you because they thought our kids looked hot and decided to follow you

Perhaps a 1 in a million chance. Maybe less

But as no prospective partner "needs" to know what your kids look like is it really worth taking that chance

After all, its yout that has chosen to be on the site, not your kids
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 70
Single moms and pictures of their kids on profile
Posted: 10/5/2011 5:54:20 PM
You may have pics of your kids in your wallet, your phone, your iPod, but those places are not visible to strangers 24/7.

Go to a specialty shop and put a vinyl decal of your kids on the hood of your car, so everyone in town can see your kids everywhere you go, even when you're not in your car....NOW THAT'S WHAT YOUR PROFILE IS DOING.

Do you understand the difference? There's quite the jump from listening to The Beatles on your iPod and having them give a concert on the roof of a building where everyone has to listen to it or "get back to where you once belonged..."
 chromelove08
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 71
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Single moms and pictures of their kids on profile
Posted: 10/5/2011 6:01:05 PM
I live in the deep woods so i don't run into alot of people anyway. The only people i see is at the store and i have known them for years. Only seen one guy from pof at a bar and grill and i've been on here for at least a few years.
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