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Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 44
Is she too young for me?Page 5 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
"I would really love to hear the follow up on this story.... and many others come to think of it."
I'll tell you what happened: her father beat the shit out of him. :)
 Hands of gold
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 45
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Is she too young for me?
Posted: 8/24/2009 8:15:24 PM
I have been contacted by a few posters asking for an update on my situation.

I knew even when I posted this thread that I would ask her out, and she said "What took you so long?" So we have been dating for a couple of weeks and it has been marvelous. I feel alive, full of passion, free and desirable. She is young but has understanding beyond her years. We talk politics (both of us are big Sask Party supporters), she listens when I talk about my kids, we ride along the river, we had a weekend at the lake that will be tough to out do. I know the beginning of every relationship is special, but this one seems even more so.

We don't do the clubs. I made it clear that I don't really like them, and she isn't a big bar star either. I am always busy with work and kids, but we have made time and email and talk on the phone when we can. In fact, I hate to be spending words here when I could be chatting with her.

One of the posters accused me of getting my ego stroked..... She was right..... I am on top of the world. What she missed is that it doesn't take a younger woman to do that, I am just in the fortunate position.

Long term? Who knows. Hasn't even met my kids yet and won't for many months. That rule applies to a relationship of any age. We haven't crossed our friendship groups yet either, but I can say my golf buddies are dying to meet her. I'll give it a while first.

I have entered this relationship with no expectations other than having fun with a good person. She has a great head on her shoulders and sees things the same way. So, in closing, about the age gap......? It doesn't matter, at least not so far.

Thanks for the input, much of it insightful, often intelligent, always entertaining.

 Hands of gold
Joined: 11/12/2008
Msg: 46
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Is she too young for me?
Posted: 9/12/2009 12:06:00 AM
My update as OP.

We are dating and things are awesome. We share a great passion for each other in a way that I have never experienced before. One surprising connection is that she is too young to have kids and I am too old (and too vasectomized) to want any more . It isn't part of the equation. A woman 30 or older without kids would likely want some, which would destroy the connection. And she hasn't met the kids yet, and won't until my self imposed 6 month line is crossed.

We both know this relationship probably isn't going to last forever, so we make the best of it every time we get together. For the first time in my life I am not sizing up a potential mate and mother of my children. My goal is to have fun like I should have been doing at age 22. Back then I was focused on career and my young marriage. Now the career is fine, the kids are older and away from me 50% of the time, and I am much wiser. Much wiser. And I am fit enough to maintain a relationship that is heavy on biking, hiking and canoeing through beautiful and remote locations.

The biggest downside has been that we don't really cross our friendship groups, beyond our business related acquaintances. Although my buddies are eating their hearts out in jealousy. It doesn't really matter though, we prefer to spend our time alone anyway.

So in summary, so far..... 19 year age gap is not a problem.

Hands of gold
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 47
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Is she too young for me?
Posted: 9/14/2009 9:15:19 AM
Up to you. Just know that 22-year-old girls are to dating are what million-dollar clients are to businesses. So any 22-year-old men who see you together, are going to be mighty jealous, and any women who see you together are going to get mighty jealous. So if I was you, then I'd find a place where older men date younger women, and take her there for dates, even if it is more expensive. Best not to avoid the knives that might be stabbed in your back. Literally.
Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 48
view profile
Is she too young for me?
Posted: 9/14/2009 5:25:43 PM
Pssssst... Scorpio, no one will know they're an item unless there's some PDA
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 49
Is she too young for me?
Posted: 9/16/2009 12:03:13 AM
if you have to ask yes
 dead fish
Joined: 10/21/2008
Msg: 50
view profile
Is she too young for me?
Posted: 11/9/2009 4:21:40 AM
over 18?
what was the original post? I forgot to read it.
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 51
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Is she too young for me?
Posted: 11/9/2009 9:35:42 AM
I like to date younger. They don't have the hatred towards men that women my age have and I am not paying for her last boyfriends mistakes. I dated a couple that were gold diggers and a couple that were happy anywhere we went. If she is a gold digger she will reveal herself.
Joined: 1/2/2009
Msg: 52
Is she too young for me?
Posted: 11/9/2009 12:41:43 PM
Relationships are very unpredictable. I don't think it's wise to analyze many factors and try to play it safe all the time by having the "ideal" circumstances"...

Because as we all know even in the best and safest of circumstances, relationships don't work. So I say...Go for it, Life is too short and give her the benefit of the doubt don't immediately jump into the relationship thinking she will be inmature, or unstable or not want to fully commit.

You may be pleaseantly surprised. Give the relationship a real chance and rid yourself of preconceptions!
Joined: 10/21/2009
Msg: 53
Is she too young for me?
Posted: 11/9/2009 1:48:04 PM
Go for it and have fun. I am 51 and was dating a 32 year old. We had a great time together. Tonight I am going out with a 22 year old singer/songwriter. Depends on the person and if they are fun.
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 54
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Is she too young for me?
Posted: 11/10/2009 12:20:39 AM
The only thing I would worry about is what would happen if things went south. In other words, would this damage your working relationship with your client. If it won't, go for it.

You don't need a reason other than it's what you want to do. The only people who'll have problems with it are either jealous they can't do it, or mad because it reminds them their age signifies their diminishing value in the dating world.

Yes, I know that's harsh. But, I get sick of guys getting tore down on these forums because they date younger women. It seems like men always have to apologize for being men and liking what a man likes. She's 22. She's legal. Just don't be so dazzled by her youthful "appeal" that you become her "Sugar Daddy." Keep your wits about you and above all else, have fun.

Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 55
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Is she too young for me?
Posted: 11/10/2009 2:55:03 PM
They're an item now ~ they're digging each other, it's a done deal

 TOMic bomb
Joined: 10/5/2008
Msg: 56
Is she too young for me?
Posted: 11/15/2009 1:48:55 PM

Would it be wrong to date someone who is 19 years younger?

only if she is younger than 18. go for it.
Joined: 9/8/2009
Msg: 57
Is she too young for me?
Posted: 11/24/2009 9:58:15 PM
At that age, she is only looking for a fling and fun. If that's what you are prepared to give her, then ok. However don't be surprised if she leaves you for a much younger man down the track. Sounds like you only want the "Christmas present" anyway and are not looking for anything more. You said she is confident, but at her age, I am almost positive she is not all that secure & confident in her sexuality. I hear from men of all ages, young and older, that they love older women because we know what we want. She is good for a bit of fun, but keep in mind that you may also be disappointed.

I knew a guy who was close to 70 yrs old, and I must say he was pretty good in the sack for his age. Quite good actually. He told me he had the chance to have sex with a 19 yr old girl, as she wanted the experience of having sex with an older man, he said he could hardly wait for it. Well weeks later, I wrote him and asked him if he had sex with her yet. He said yes. I asked him, well, how was it? He said terrible. He told me he would rather have sex with me ANY day than her. She was too young, too inexperienced, and just laid there like a cold fish wanting him to do everything to her.

When I was 19 yrs old I dated a man who was 41. We had a fling for about 2 wks. He wanted more, like he wanted me to move in with him after his divorce. I had no intention at all to be serious with this man. I laughed at him and told him no way was I moving in with him. The 2 week fling was good while it lasted, but it was over. Nothing more. We had nothing more in common. Obviously he had more intentions than I did.

So I guess it depends on what you are looking for. However once again, I do have a friend your age who has a daughter the same age as the girl you are thinking of dating. He told me he would never date a younger girl that age, because he has a daughter that age and it is just not the right thing to do. Up to you I guess.
Joined: 11/12/2009
Msg: 58
Is she too young for me?
Posted: 11/24/2009 10:24:55 PM
Let me just say this, My sister is 25 years old and her bf is 50, they have a 3 yr old son, If you saw these two together you wouldn't think they were more than 10-15 years apart, they are compatible and compliment each other.

My other sister who is 28 was seeing a man who is 41

My ex gfs consist of women between 35-40 I am 27

I know its a little different, but Age is just a number.

OP, who really cares what anyone thinks man, You only live life once and you deserve to be happy, if this younger women is everything you've ever wanted in a woman and is secure in herself mature independant, and got it going on, than there should be nothing holding you back.

You will never be happy if you're doing things just to appease other people, you need to do what makes you happy regardless of what others might think, In regards to who you date.
Joined: 3/1/2009
Msg: 59
Is she too young for me?
Posted: 12/2/2009 5:44:20 PM
Your kidding, right?

The average age of women who are interested in me is within three years of my age, and 9 out of 10 look much, much older and out of shape.

19 years? If she has a brain, attractive and a good person, sure.

At the same time, I would date a women substantially older who fit the same criteria - but I have found most people of both genders just let themselves go. When I post a thread about such things, the fatties and the bible babblers delete as fast as they can. The truth is not always popular.

Another thought - I prefer younger women because they tend to be fitter. Here I am, busting my hump three to four days at the gym to be as fit as I can, then I get the "accept people as they are" lecture - from people who are destroying their bodies.

Our health is too important to claim we are "focusing on the beauty within" while so many of us are supersizing ourselves to death.
Joined: 10/15/2009
Msg: 60
Is she too young for me?
Posted: 12/3/2009 8:06:41 AM
Speaking as someone who recently dated a 22 year old (I'm 38), I say tread cautiously. Nutshell version: she approached me, taking me completely by surprise. I figured it was just going to be a fling with no complications, but that changed. It SEEMED we both fell for each other pretty quickly, but when things got serious, she turned tail and ran, leaving me a broken-hearted mess. I had ZERO intention of becoming serious with her when we started seeing each other, and honestly thought I'd be the one to break her heart. Boy, did I get that one wrong. The worst is that this girl (yes, girl) was able to turn off the part of her brain that was into me like a light switch, which is emotionally devastating. Many girls this age are the same.

Long story short: never again. I tend to be more attracted to and want to date women slightly younger than me (within 5-10 years) because I have more in common with them than women my own age, but I'll never date someone that young again.

If you want to have a little fun, by all means, but my experienced opinion is to NOT. GET. EMOTIONALLY. INVOLVED. That road leads to ruin, my friend...
Joined: 10/15/2009
Msg: 61
Is she too young for me?
Posted: 12/3/2009 9:30:21 AM
Not to turn this into a thread about me, but I should've been clear: we BOTH had no intentions of it being anything more than a fun distraction, because the logistics of something serious weren't there for either of us. It took us both by surprise. I was willing to throw all the dumb logistics crap aside to be with her. She wasn't. The end.

We said we'd remain friends because we started out that way, but it's becoming increasingly difficult, because of the emotional immaturity on her part. I mean, just last night she trotted some guy who is a fatter, uglier version of me in front of everybody in a clear effort to either make me jealous or feel bad. This after she's been saying she doesn't want a romantic relationship with ANYONE, not just me. Bleh. She broke it off with me, so why would she be trying to make me jealous, which is pretty much what everyone thought she was doing? That'd be the immaturity, which is why I told my story as a warning to older men seeking younger women. Go right ahead, my friends, but the odds are strongly against you getting anything meaningful out of it.
Joined: 11/2/2008
Msg: 62
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Is she too young for me?
Posted: 2/11/2010 6:59:01 AM
I loved Compensation's 19 year old wisdom but one statement stood out.

What if she doesn't immediately fall into step behind you, eagerly sucking up the "wisdom" of your old age?

She stated that your 41 years of age is "old" age. That is how 20 somethings looks at 40 somethings so don't kid yourself that she sees you differently.

What I think is that it depends entirely on the two people and what they bring to the mix. I think Landra makes some valid points on some of the not-so-pretty motivations men have for dating younger girls and you need to make sure this isn't some kind of ego-boosting trip for you. On the flip side, 21 year old girls who want to date someone 19 years older may have their own bagage. A daddy complex, the thrill of dating one of her dad's business partner or a gold digger are a few that come to mind.
So like with any relationship regardless of age, dip a toe in and take it slow while unraveling what is really underneath.

The main thing about this whole thread that my butt is the mud slinging at older women and taking broad strokes with a very biased paint brush. We all age and how we age is very unique. At my very advanced age of almost 53, I can tell you I am a happier, less jaded, more accepting, more open, enjoying life to the fullest kind of old fart. I detest bitterness, take responsibility for my own happiness and create joy every chance I get. I figure if you stay positive you attract positive and I have kicked up my old hippie heels with a peace, love and understanding state of mind. I have more fun now because I now have the money and no young children in order to have more fun. You will find me at any great concert, traveling where I want to go and all with a smile on my face. I can enjoy watching my 14 play football as much as I do spending time with my 86 year old mother and can appreciate people of all ages. When it comes to men I know it will take someone secure and unique to keep up with me no matter the age. I keep my heart and mind open and know that if I want to find love then I have to be willing to seek it out and be open when I find it. So I am not a man-hater, could not care less if men in my age group want to date 20 years younger and don't find reasons to pick some one apart without even knowing them. So as far as you old women bashers....
Joined: 12/24/2006
Msg: 63
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Is she too young for me?
Posted: 2/11/2010 9:38:02 PM
There is chronological age, then there is actual age.

If you take care of yourself physically, have good genes, and a youthful, energetic, (but not immature) outlook on life,
then you are really younger than your 41 years.

If you are grossly overweight, wheezing, huffing, puffing, wrinkled, and sickly,
it's unlikely a woman of any age would be turned on to a mess like that.

At 41, you could be a divorcee, father of children,
thus be considered by society as socially mature,
or be a lifelong swinging bachelor, once again younger than your 41 years.

22 year old women can be like 15 year old girls
(i.e., any girl attenting San Diego State, or any girl living off her parents),
or 22 year old women can be mature and grown up.

At age 37, I dated a 23 year old, but she had been in the workforce for 5 years,
was independent, and sophisticated.

We were at the same maturity level.

A friend of mine at 42, never been married, looked and acted 32, met and married
a 22 year old girl, very mature, talented, employed, acted like she was 30 years old.

In general, if you mutually turn eachother on, go for it.

One more thing:
22 year olds vote, serve in the military, and pay taxes, so they are adults,
though some don't want to extend their childhood.
Joined: 4/1/2009
Msg: 64
Is she too young for me?
Posted: 2/12/2010 5:07:59 PM
What can you possibily have in common with her? She probably after you for financial security reasons. And if you need "arm candy" go for it. She may dump you after a few years And hook up with a man her age.
Joined: 10/17/2008
Msg: 65
view profile
Is she too young for me?
Posted: 2/12/2010 6:52:29 PM
Thread number 15884 asking if it's OK for old dudes to bang young chicas.

Can you do it? For every older dude that can actually attract women half his age, there are a couple hundred or thousand creepers with attitudes like those Celeste described.

Why do you care? If you can do it, why would you care what a bunch of random people on the intrawebz thingy think? I mean, if you're ripped and sportin a sixpack, how likely is it that you're on forums asking whether it's OK to do what you've been doing??

Didn't think so.
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 66
Is she too young for me?
Posted: 2/14/2010 10:06:16 AM
No she is not,soceity says a 13 year old is considered an adult when it comes to theaters,resturants,and a few other places,then told they're minors for anything else,so that is where the too young comes in,over 18 is not too young,eventhough eighteen has the " teen " in it,they are considered adults. Now if the law decideds to make 20 the minimum age , then there are more problems,in short,over 18 is not too young as long as you both are happy,and enjoy your selves... sorry about the drawn out survey,but there u go. My wife is 28, I'm 58,so what r u worried about,I'm called a perv,baby f,er,cradle robber,but her mom is ok with it as we are happy.
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 67
view profile
Is she too young for me?
Posted: 2/14/2010 11:33:53 AM
It is highly unlikely that her parents had anything to do with her dumping you! You are trying to save your ego and it is very apparent ... fickled to some degee? ... lacking in maturity? .. you make me want to puke all over your sandels!!!!!!
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 68
view profile
Is she too young for me?
Posted: 2/25/2010 7:10:41 AM
ok all you haters,
it just so happens that there was a 20 year age difference between my mom and dad
they had a great marriage, and they where great parents
my mom was career minded, and my dad had to share the domestic side of rais
ing 3 kids
there parents did not accept there marriage at first
they had a lot of respect for each other, and to be honest, i have never seen 2 people love each other more then they did
none of us there children ever had anything to do with anyone much younger then us
age really does not make a difference, neither does race, size and shape or wealth,love either happens or it does not
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