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 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 24
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
It's not something that turns me on.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!
Posted: 8/14/2009 10:33:33 AM

OK....I'll admit to this.There is some initial pain involved in anal sex.....I enjoy anal sex....so does that mean I'm a masochist?

Other than that...DON'T HURT ME.....please.

So you are saying you've never had your hair pulled in doggy while doing anal? If you have, did you like it? Ever had your ass smacked?? And liked it?? Do those things make you a masochist?? Maybe in the loosest sense of the word, yes. What I was getting at is that everyone's definition is going to be slightly different, with definite areas of overlapping. Not everyone is going to agree on this.


Men have admitted to jerking off into thier own mouths,or taking a strap on up the a$$ by women and being considered gay by the masses,or jerking off in public....so I doubt this is the case. lol

Last time I checked, jerking off into their own mouth wasn't illegal. Beating someone with a whip or a cane or purposefully running currents of electricity to them while they are forcibly restrained IS. Most people are smart enough not to admit to doing those things on a public forum where any and everyone will see it and where the potential personal ramifications are huge. People lose their jobs. People lose their families. People lose their friends. All because they let it slip that they like to beat their partner or tie them up or worse. Sodomy is illegal in some places. As is owning more than 4 sex toys... can't remember off the top of my head which state it is.. but I will not be travelling with more than 4 toys in my suitcase. Hell.. oral sex is illegal in places too.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 29
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History
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!
Posted: 8/15/2009 8:31:26 AM
Sodomy defined by the UCMJ Uniform Code of Military Justice US Military as sex other then missionary. So philatio, cunnalingus...etc would be considered sodomy. As far as S&M it depends on how much you like it. Light spanking can be considered S&M .

Nothing Sweet: I admit I had to look it up. Now that I come off the ceiling, I find myself curious how that would work? IDK if I'd be confortable with something like that...it seems a little extreme in hurting someone I had an emotional attachment for. I would have to think long and hard about it.
 CoolMintCreme
Joined: 8/18/2009
Msg: 30
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!
Posted: 8/25/2009 9:51:27 PM
I will be glad to talk about it as soon as I get permission from Mistress.

Ouch!

Coming, Mistress.

 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 31
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History
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!
Posted: 8/25/2009 10:27:51 PM
closer 2u wrote:
There's no shame in sexual expression of ANY KIND....


I wonder, c2u, would you extend this statement to pedaephilia then?
What about pederasts?

Is NAMBLA an OK group in your mind?

I, for one, have never engaged in, nor defended, BDSM, S&M, or any other behavior in which one person harms another for sexual pleasure. Even if it is consentual, I think it arises from some inner sickness that prevents the person(s) from experiencing healthy sexual or other interpersonal interactions.

while I, too, have a high pain threshold, I would no more desire to have a woman rake my back with her nails; nor would I want to pull her hair to a degree that would engender pain. WHY?

TK
{Now, on the other hand, I have seen some leather outfits that are quite provocative}
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 33
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!
Posted: 8/26/2009 6:32:05 AM

Sodomy is illegal in some places. As is owning more than 4 sex toys... can't remember off the top of my head which state it is.. but I will not be travelling with more than 4 toys in my suitcase. Hell.. oral sex is illegal in places too.


Bama!! It's Alabama, No1bby. It's illegal to own or sell ANY sex toys there, according to some posts by 'Bamans that I've read on here. Lol The limit of four must be one of those more moderate southern regimes, although I can't for the life of me think which that could be. Lol
In Oklahoma, it is a felony (10 years imprisonment) for committing a "crime against nature". Actually, the Okie statute reads "the detestable and abominable crime against nature, committed with mankind or beast". Seems the State was targeting homosexuality with this enactment, but the drafters couldn't even say that unspeakable word, and opted to express their indignity with the chosen prose. As the courts have applied it, any kind of sodomy is verboten. In 1927, the Oklahoma Court of Criminal Appeals made national news by being the first to apply the prohibition to just about every sex act a lesbian can commit. But that sovereign state has incarcerated hetero couples as well, for the detestable and abominable stuff (snowman stuff? lol)
Lol Shyt, I lived there for 15 years, and didn't know I had been committing "felonious acts" before breakfast til shortly before I moved from OK to PA (where it used to be illegal to kiss someone while seated on a garbage can, but only on Sundays). And all those roughnecks were storied for falling in love with four-legged females. It is almost haute couture for a roughneck's jean inseams to be tucked inside the top of his boot- it's to expedite the planting of the hind legs of their lovers, inside the boot, to make escape more difficult. lol

But if you're traveling, and just from what professional athletes have owned up to, it seems that hotels are kinda like embassies in foreign countries, and the local laws don't apply to visitors. Oh, and the athletic dorms at OU enjoy a similar exemption.
 jacob8088
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 35
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!
Posted: 10/4/2009 12:14:58 PM
I find it quite boring. Speaking for myself, I prefer just plain old fashion f*cking
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 38
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!
Posted: 10/12/2010 4:21:32 PM
^^^^^ Gotta pretty much agree. I get spanked for more than enough other things- really not looking for same from a lover.
But there's nary a drop of divine blood in me, so can't claim worshipability, lol. Pedestals are such tricky things, lol, and I don't know how to do any miracles.
Closest I ever got was barefoot water-skiing. It tickled.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 39
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!
Posted: 10/13/2010 6:45:35 AM
I am recently undecided about the whole BDSM thingy ..I had always thought ...WHY whats pleasurable about pain ???

then I got this gig one night ..many Of you know that I do security work at bars and clubs and parties ...Yea I'm a bouncer ... many of the clubs and parties are not the vanilla type ..hell most of them add new definition to the word kinky ..ok ok I work swinger parties ...

One night I worked this hotel party ..they had rented the whole top floor of the hotel ..they had guest rooms you could rent and had three color door tags red meant private party... yellow meant you are welcome to come in and watch and if invited join in ...and green meant come in and dive in the pile ... they had theme rooms like a room size naked twister game ... room for mechanical devices such as swings and sabian machines ..as well as other reciprocating devices ...then they had the dungeon..complete with ST.Andrews Cross ..hot wax table ..and a staff of professionals in the field to demonstrate and assist in the use of this equipment

I watched as volunteers were tied to the cross and flogged ... both male and female ..I saw both men and women have multiple orgasms without their gentiles ever being touched ...just from the leather clad professionals spanking them with the flogs ...and I say professionals because they described to the audience just what hitting the subject in certain places and the effect it would have ...when a guy can ejaculate without having his penis even touched ..they made a believer of me ...as well as one young lady I know very well who volunteered... and within minutes she was having multiple orgasms and standing in a puddle of her own cum ...after it was over she said we will have one of these before the week is up ..she said sex had never been that good ..and knowing her I know she has seen some pretty wild situations

Now they were paying me for security ..and though they invited me to play also ..I declined ...but If ever I were to have the opportunity when not working ..you can bet I will try it
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 41
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!
Posted: 10/13/2010 7:23:15 AM

Bama!! It's Alabama, No1bby. It's illegal to own or sell ANY sex toys there, according to some posts by 'Bamans that I've read on here. Lol The limit of four must be one of those more moderate southern regimes, although I can't for the life of me think which that could be. Lol


whytwater as a life long resident of Bama ..as well as an ex police officer ...I can tell you that sodomy laws are never enforced on consenting adults ... sodomy charges only come into effect when the act is perpetuated on someone who is not legally able to consent ..either due to age or is mentally incompetent

as for toys ... you can have as many as you want here ..they just cant be sold in a part of the store that is accessible to anyone under 21 ..they like pornography are back room items in novelty shops ...however for some of them you do have to have a concealed weapons permit..

.and some of them it is illegal to operate while driving ..this law came about from the famed rabbit wreck..it wasn't a pretty sight ...one paramedic asked .."is she breathing " the other said no but she is buzzing ...then she regained consciousness and wrapped her legs around his neck ...they had to use the jaws of life to free him ..and that may not have worked if the batteries had not run down

there is now a bill in the State house to outlaw Duracells
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 45
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!
Posted: 10/13/2010 8:25:04 AM
No one ever knows what they may discover.
My friend who is normally a very dominant person, hires professional help (female) once a month or so to be tied up, beaten, and sodomized with a strap on. He is too embarrassed to seek this out from someone who isn't a professional yet, perhaps a kink group could help him out.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 47
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!
Posted: 10/13/2010 8:38:59 AM

"Safe word"? - does everyone practicing S&M utilize a "safe word" when they want the action to be ceased?



everyone ..safe words are the mainstay rule ...in almost every kink ...many conventional swingers have two safe words of sort ..in swinging/swapping both parties have veto power over the encounter ... many have two safe words ..one means its on lets go for it ..the other means Im not into them lets go home ..these are words known only to that couple and they are words that wont come up in normal conversation ..just something to let your partner know you are on the same page ..very few will take one for the team ..every one I have ever discussed BDSM with immediately brings up the use of safe words
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 55
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!
Posted: 10/13/2010 10:31:03 AM

@deerdog: There are some people who play without safe words. I think most of those people are in seriously, long-term relationships where they know each other well. I know of others who find them a false sense of security and feel like they replace a top's attention to where his or her bottom is. Personally, I won't play without them, and the majority of the people I know won't, either. My experience is not that tops ignore where their bottoms are when they have safe words, but apparently some people have experienced this.


your experience in this is way deeper than mine and of my associations ... so I agree that in my case a safe word is of major importance



Why not just verbalize "I'm not into this........." or something along the lines vs. having a "safe word"? Excuse my ignorance...just curious is all.



the main reason for code words in a partner swapping situation is mainly to be able to bow out gracefully... no one wants to come out and say ..I don't like these people ..lets go home ..or I really want to do them if you do

my wife and I do go to swinger parties when I am not working them ... but we are not swingers ... and most of the regulars know this and there is no problem ... the reason we go is ...first there is hardly any pressure and unlike vanilla clubs my wife never has to be blunt to stop guys from hitting on her ...No always means NO at these events ...maybe not after people get to the rooms but ....and second reason my wife and I love to dance and these events usually start in a hotel ballroom .. third I am deathly allergic to cigarette smoke ..so I am sick the next day after going to a vanilla club /bar ..all hotel ballrooms are smoke free..when I work a vanilla club it cost them dearly ......but when we go we never get a room and always tell people up front that we have to go home after the party ... most times we say we have to work the next day ..that saves explaining why we are at a swingers party yet we are not going to go to someones room for sex ..yes I could be blunt and say no we don't do that ...but I have found it just goes over better to tell a little white lie ..and let the regulars explain to them if they come back that we don't play ..when I am working it is easy to say I don't mix work with pleasure

same with the code words ..its much easier to bow out without drama if both of you are on the same page and just say ...sorry we have to go home the baby sitter has to leave
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 62
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History
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!
Posted: 10/14/2010 2:40:36 PM
I get all the S&M I can handle on April 15th.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 63
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!
Posted: 10/14/2010 7:39:26 PM

No lopsidedness happens over here.


So that maybe explains why some of you Northerners come to the US for healthcare- you want implants!!!!
btw-had one of the best meals ever at a seaside hotel in Halifax. The waitress only offered tit sprouts, though.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 68
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!
Posted: 10/15/2010 5:48:05 AM
One would think that being submissive is giving the dom the "power". You crave a person's "attention", "affection", "approval", and his "control". Can you explain why you "crave" this, and how you feel that you have the "power"



I have heard many women on POF touch on this to a real small degree ..and excuse me for delving into your expertise namrael ..the subject of blow jobs ... a done to death subject but in every blow job thread you have women and guys that think that men have the power when getting their pipe licked ...inevitably some women think that giving a blow job is degrading ..then you have the women who love giving them ..and when asked why ..they inevitably say "its about the power " and I think that most guys understand that ..I know that when I go down on a woman to me its mostly an ego trip I really get off on being able to make her orgasm that way ... from my limited experience in the Ds I have concluded that its this dynamic that empowers the submissive or Bottom's as you may ...and in that respect I understand the aspect ..as I said in an earlier post given the opportunity I would definitely dabble in this lifestyle ...not that is is now an obsession or fantasy but my open mind refuses to rule out anything that I haven't tried..with the exception of a few things that just go against my morals


Sadism is enjoying pain..Masochism is enjoying causing pain.


closer don't you have the concepts reversed ??

sadism-The deriving of sexual gratification or the tendency to derive sexual gratification from inflicting pain or emotional abuse on others.
masochism-The deriving of sexual gratification, or the tendency to derive sexual gratification, from being physically or emotionally abused.

but as to my earlier point ..there is defiantly a psychical aspect to being flogged .. the demonstration that I witnessed shows that there are pressure points on the body that turn the stimulation of pain into pleasure ... and the experts in this field know them well
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 71
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!
Posted: 10/15/2010 7:37:40 AM
I always thought the one most likely to be subservient is the one that either by choice or by necessity is in control of every aspect of his or her life outside of the bedroom. I always thought it would be a type of mental sanctuary. They give up control. . . .


I always thought that the one giving head, not getting it, is in the driver's seat. I've only dabbled a little in tops and bottoms, never reached full-blown Dom/Sub, or SM, in practice, but mentally, it's not stretching it to expand the power of, and means to, giving pleasure to reach the place/places that Namrael generously describes. What Deerdog has witnessed adds a dimension, though, to my logic approach- the skilled wielder of the whip can give actual sensual pleasure to the "powerless" one.


Why do I crave that? I don't know exactly, though it's clear that I've always wanted it (and I think that fear that I would be giving up my power is what stopped me from exploring it before). Now that I'm having the sort of sex I've always wanted but didn't allow myself before, I'm smiling more than ever during sex, I feel more myself, . . . more balanced . . .


Have been reading/enjoying Namrael's posts for two years, and there is always balance in her approach, and grounded thought in both her recommendations, many of which are lead-by-example. Drives/needs of any kind (the source of power) usually employ the rational part of the mind (the tool) to find a way to satisfy the needs. Drives/needs often defy the "Why" inquiry, although speculation by both "experts" and others abounds. It's enlightening to read/hear the well-developed (rationally) path that an actual practitioner has taken, and makes alot of sense to me.
Many of what seemed to me to be more than mentally competent women on this site have outed themselves as subbies, and I've had the pleasure of chatting with some of them online. Nothing "abnormal" or imbalanced about any of them, far as I could tell. And while I'm still burdened by some "socialization" limits in the pursuit of my own drives, passions and needs, so that I probably won't get to Nam's places, the discussion in this thread is, well, highly enlightening. Still, kinda makes me feel like a rookie. lol

\/\/\/\/ Awwwwww. Not many of us, on this thread, have much of a clue either, Closer. But I'm always drawn to the brave hearts who step into the unknowns. Just brush off the dust and make another run at those walls.
 DemonLeather
Joined: 8/10/2007
Msg: 73
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!
Posted: 10/15/2010 7:51:51 AM
I'm a sadist in that I won't hit a masochist....
Hmmm,.. isn't that like me saying I'm a lesbian, because I only have sex with women.. (well I DO have sex with myself,.. but I don't think that counts as Bi, because I'm attached to the other end )
God, I hate curious vanilla text voyers.. always looking for kinky gratification without stepping over the line. grow some, take the plunge feel the whip, sink your teeth into someone next time you cum.. It'll do wonders for you,. and don't worry, scars build character!
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 75
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!
Posted: 10/15/2010 9:10:02 AM

What Deerdog has witnessed adds a dimension, though, to my logic approach- the skilled wielder of the whip can give actual sensual pleasure to the "powerless" one.


one thing to add..well maybe two... at the event I witnessed ..and these people were truly professionals ..or experts as you will.. I had the opportunity to examine their props ... there was nothing there that could be considered a whip ...except in appearance ...the flogs consisted of a handle with tails made of suede leather ..I actually tried them out on my bare arm ..my hitting my arm as hard as I could resulted in only a sting ..during the demonstration on the female the dom started hitting her in various places real softly with a rhythm and increasing severity as the skin of her bare back and buttocks turned red ..after a while he could just rub the handle of the flog across certain places and she would have one screaming orgasm after the other ..and he never touched her in the places that are considered erotic

the same thing happened with the guy who had a female dom ...though I admit that I was not as intrigued by him as I was by the leather clad dom ...I did notice one thing in particular ...I saw this guy ejaculate without ever being touched in the conventional places ...both subs were first timers..I know both of them and know this to be true ... .and both swore a new allegiance to the practice after it was over

again I was so intrigued that had I not been there in a professional capacity..( a rule I never break ) I would have hollered NEXT when invited to play
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 78
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!
Posted: 10/15/2010 9:29:02 AM

Floggers are so ubiquitous partially because they're so safe. It's really hard to do any real damage with a suede or leather flogger. You can redden the skin, sure, but it's difficult to do anything more than that


well at least for starters Me thinks I don't want any real damage done ..and these people definately achieved the desired results

like you namrael one kink I will own is that I have no problem with nudity or having sex in public ..or with an audience...I actually enjoy watching and being watched ..the one aspect of the swinglifestyle that I do participate in



inevitably some women think that giving a blow job is degrading



just read the BJ threads... admitted they are in the minority on the forums ..but me thinks the concept is more prevalent in the wild ..hell with being PC ....im here to tell you that there are thousands of women out here that .even if they do give oral sex they do it with a sense shame ..I tend to forget that in the forums I am among some of the most open minded sector of women kind ...been there done that ..a guy can tell if he pays attention whether a woman really enjoys giving head ...with that said ....now I'm going to put the top back on this can of worms



Me thinks not being into SM is no different than a preference of like not having anything shoved up yur azz.

Does not make someone a social misfit or damaged goods .



AGREED ..but being into it doesn't make you a social misfit or damaged goods .EITHER
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 86
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!
Posted: 10/15/2010 11:45:04 AM

People can do research, sure, but there's a lot of knee-jerk reaction to what people assume to be abusive behavior.



yes people can do research... and I have done research...but one thing you cant get from research is a first person perspective ..before my little adventure ..I was like BDSM not me I'm into pleasure not pain ... that is why I think forums so valuable ..I have a big mouth in these forums ..but It has been an education ..my opinions have been influenced and changed by other posters ...especially ones with first hand information and perspectives

and even though the good old USA has publicly subscribed to a liberal outlook on sexuality ..dont think for one moment that your associations /sexual practices wont get you fired or cause you other civil trauma
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 88
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!
Posted: 10/15/2010 12:35:10 PM
I think kink should be hidden... its a privat thing..


exactly any sexual practice should kept only be between the few dozen people involved ..well and the farm animals...and the UPS delivery man

and it is pretty much ..of all the kink parties I have attended ..I have met all kind of people there ..people you would have never thought ..people that I know from the vanilla side of life ...yet I have never known of anyone being outed ..lots of people are afraid of this ..but my philosophy is if you see me there it means you are there too...these parties are events you don't just happen to attend ..if you are there it goes without saying you are at least interested
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 91
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!
Posted: 10/15/2010 12:51:52 PM
You would think that there would be some camaraderie amongst them. Thus, one should not be afraid.

Is this not the case?


yes ...pretty much...except for newbes ..lots of people are afraid with every step they make into a alternative lifestyle ...first they are afraid of what their partner will think ..then when they find their partner is open to it ..they are afraid to discuss it with other people involved ..then they meet more people and decide to go to a function of like minded people and again the fear that they will be seen and outed ...most times after a while they realize just how not alone they are in their new kink ..and the fear of being found out subsides

I know one professional woman who was scared to death that her boss would find out that her and her husband were swingers ...well he did find out ...this couple went to a swinger party/club and found out her boss was a charter member ... when they met they had the talk .. formed the pact and were successful in keeping their night life separate from work

they actually found a new trust at work ..the boss had as much to loose as the worker ...this was 5 years ago ..she still works there and they all still swing..however not with each other ...most people in the lifestyle have swinger friends ..and friends that are swingers too...usually they don't swing with people close in the vanilla world ...but they dont judge or talk about them either


oui ??
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 97
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!
Posted: 10/18/2010 5:36:34 AM


people you would have never thought ..people that I know from the vanilla side of life ...yet I have never known of anyone being outed ..lots of people are afraid of this ..


^^Deerdog1: You would think that there would be some camaraderie amongst them. Thus, one should not be afraid.

Is this not the case?

namrael
thank you for answering for me ..I had met my max on post limit...so I couldn't respond ..but your answer as always was right on

I think my assertion that newbes tend to fear being outed was taken wrong ...

like namrael said ..I have found at any event where people are participating in any activity that is of a taboo nature ...you really find an atmosphere that is accepting and easy going ...whether its swinger parties ..bike rallies...kink conventions ..nudist events ..or whatever ..when one goes to these events you have to pretty much admit ..to at least a curiosity in non-main stream activities ..if your there you pretty much are participating in something that is considered deviant by society ...there fore hypocrisy .. arrogance..judgmental thinking and social status ..is usually out the window ..or at the least left at home ...this creates an atmosphere that is hard to describe ..an atmosphere of acceptance and laid back fitting in ...this is why I went to and enjoyed these events even before I was ready to consider joining in the festivities ..the better side of people comes out when they have to admit they have a touch of kink in their blood ..it transcends bigotry ...racism and all other social maladies ...I have never seen anyone that didn't fit in at one of these events ...you will see lawyers and doctors partying with people that have nothing ..and social status never enters into the picture

I guess it comes down to if you were too good to associate with the other freaks ...you wouldn't be there...god I wish people could act this way everywhere else
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 98
Sadomasochism..yeah i started it...lets talk about it!
Posted: 10/18/2010 10:18:53 AM
People can do research, sure, but there's a lot of knee-jerk reaction to what people assume to be abusive behavior. Few people who haven't partaken understand the dynamics of consensual sadomasochism and power exchange. Further, people still lose jobs, custody of their kids, etc for being kinky. The world is not as accepting of kink as you might think, though I'm happy that it's beginning to shift. There's still a lot of need for education on this topic, though.

Yes, indeed. People can research ~ but if one already has a closed-mind, research doesn't do anything but send the researcher on a quest to prove and/or validate the opinion they already choose to opine (i.e.: one feels this is abuse, they will likely choose to "research" the websites that accommodate their already existing opinion, ignoring and and or all of the opposite information.) And the knee-jerk reaction is more "norm" than exception when on this particular topic, especially on this particular forum site.

I guess it comes down to if you were too good to associate with the other freaks ...you wouldn't be there...god I wish people could act this way everywhere else

Wouldn't that be grand?

~OT~ With regard to being outed....in my opinion? That is one of the only things that I think, not only goes against any and all of the values (that most of us who subscribe to, believe in and aspire to, in this particular part of our lives) ~ it's the one time that I personally will choose judgment over acceptance of another. When someone chooses a culture or sub-culture for their own self, it's entirely up to that person to be in the closet or not (for lack of better terminology.) I believe it's (universally amongst lifestylers) deemed highly offensive when that particular respect is broken or damaged or maliciously made into an issue of character. And that is what "outing" is likely attempting to do. Assassination of character/morality. Most often, "outing" will succeed in doing, exactly what it's designed to do ~ hurt the party being outed. As has been stated, BDSM has been deemed a lot of things and although minds are opening to the realities, it is still a very misunderstood acronym, and an even more misunderstood lifestyle, whether one's interest is 24/7 situation or simply part of their bedroom. I came out of the submissive closet long ago. I still get the questions and comments from a few people about my "weird" choices, and that's OK. At least they are getting the answer from me, not someone else ~ just as it should be. JMO
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