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 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 51
Benefit of Dating Single Dad.Page 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
OK, an angry ranting lunatic hillbilly racist, homophobic, misogynistic "man".
I live in the south and have never seen such a redneck attitude.
Must be awful to live life so angry.
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 52
Benefit of Dating Single Dad.
Posted: 8/24/2009 7:54:35 AM
How is being a housewife BS? I know lots of married couples where the woman is home with the child and it was the decision of both parents. Before you were divorced did you work? It's a lot easier to build credit back when you've had uninterrupted work and experience doing something. It's almost impossible to find a job that will pay the bills if you haven't worked in 10 years, regardless of possessing a degree. I could see your point if the woman was hiding behind the fact and not pursuing a career or trying to better herself because she was a housewife for so long. But it's not as easy as, OK.. I'm now divorced time to get a high paying job and support my kids. *snaps fingers* poof it is done.

I would suggest that you need to meet better people if the ones you know do not have the things you describe. I don't generally meet people like that and I live in one of the hardest state to make it in. I know the type of people I want to be friends with and those are the people I choose to befriend. It's all a choice. I'd argue that the majority of single parents fit into the categories you describe yourself as fitting into. Yes there are more single mothers on assistance, as there are more single mothers out there. The housewife thing is not BS and most who are on welfare are on it temporarily. It's a small percentage of people in it who are abusing the system, for you to assume otherwise tells me what kind of person you are.

I agree with sweetness.. I'll forward you my bills as well.. :~)
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 53
Benefit of Dating Single Dad.
Posted: 8/24/2009 8:05:28 AM
mddog... there are plenty of men who have ridiculously low child support ordered and don't pay it and the courts do nothing about it. It's all about which ones know how to play the system and how persistent the CP is. It has nothing to do with gender. I know a good father who missed a payment because he was in Iraq fighting in the war and they issued an arrest warrant for him. I know of a deadbeat dad who owes a ridiculous amount of money, the state knows where he lives and they do nothing. The whole system is screwed up.. but that's another thread..
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 54
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Benefit of Dating Single Dad.
Posted: 8/24/2009 8:52:55 AM
^^^Agreed on CP which is not uniformly enforced. NC has tough support laws.

I wasn't trying to dig on housewifes. I get upset at those that use it as an excuse, not to better themselves. A minority of women I would say. This isn't supposed to be about who is superior, but more about the good things a single father has to offer a woman, as a potential partner.
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 55
Benefit of Dating Single Dad.
Posted: 8/25/2009 6:17:24 AM
There are good things a single father has to offer. But that's only true if the woman is interested in the man himself and is willing to deal with his child. I'll date single fathers and those who aren't. I've met single fathers or are more irresponsible then their child free counterparts and vica versa of course. No one is better then anyone, it's completely dependant on the persons involved. I'm not knocking single dads. You could say the same about any person who has a child and any person who is a little bit mature.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 56
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Posted: 8/25/2009 8:53:41 AM
I mean custodial single fathers. Do you really meet irresponsiable custodial fathers?
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 57
Benefit of Dating Single Dad.
Posted: 8/25/2009 9:21:26 AM
Yep.. just as you have said you've met irresponsible custodial single mothers.. Not all of them on either side are irresponsible of course.. but to say that fathers are better simply because they are fathers is ridiculous. Making a blanket statement like that about any one group regardless of what group it is or the statement being made is ridiculous.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 58
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Benefit of Dating Single Dad.
Posted: 8/25/2009 5:49:31 PM
That wasn't the point I was making with the arguement. The point is the point out the many good qualities that single fathers have. Of course this is a generality, but a good population sample of most single fathers. That is why it is titled the benefits, and not why single fathers are superiour.

5. I want to add something to my list of items, generally speaking of course, single fathers tend to be more responsible with there money. That there bills are paid regularly, and they save. I mean this can be generally presumed to be true, whereas, with single men without family responsbilities it can be a crap shoot.

6. Single fathers tend not to be drug abusers, or dealers. Generally speaking of course.

Maybe you could add to the list of positives about men with childern.
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 59
Benefit of Dating Single Dad.
Posted: 8/25/2009 6:04:36 PM
Sorry.. I can't. I've experienced the opposite of what you are claiming. The single fathers I've gone out with lacked many of the qualities you list. Their child free counter parts that I have dated, have their act together. I respect single fathers and haven't met one that didn't love their kids and treat them well, it's the other areas they are lacking. I don't want to turn this is to a negative thing, so I'll just stop there. Maybe it has a lot to do with age and area you live in?
 daydreamin_honey
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 60
Benefit of Dating Single Dad.
Posted: 8/27/2009 7:36:06 AM
While it was his single father status that initially drew me to my ex, it is ultimately one of the major factors that destroyed our relationship as well (that combined with his cheating and lying, finally abuse).
1. He has a job, yes, but used it to do many things behind my back.
2. He had less than a semester of college because it was too hard.
3. He will never own his own place because he has such terrible credit and doesn't care to fix it, instead got us all evicted twice due to his lies and lack of paying bills due to his secret habits.
4. He did not own a car of his own the entire time we were together while I on the other hand owned 2 outright when we met.
5. He made himself out to appear family oriented in the beginning, but as I got to know him, discovered he was too immature to be a parent and left his daughter to be raised by his parents and sisters so that he could run around without care.

Not to mention he continued to put HIS daughter from his prior marriage ahead of OUR daughter together rather openly.

So while your benefits are likely true of many single fathers, it's sadly not true of all of them. Before I met him, I had a great job, my own apartment, decent credit that was building and lots of friends. HE insisted we move in together because he didn't like my complex, HE chose for me to stay home after our daughter was born more to raise HIS daughter for him than to care for my son and our daughter I see looking back, HE ruined my credit when I was forced to get bills in my name just to keep utilities on.

I'm not letting my bad experience with him keep me from seeing the possibilities of other single dads, I still believe that a guy raising his kids is more able to understand what i'm dealing with as a single parent than someone without kids. But I definately have a better idea of what I will and won't put up with now thanks to him.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 61
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Posted: 8/27/2009 4:05:09 PM
Shaniqua,

I just hope that your never in a postition to effect a families life (your's exclued of course). I have no idea why your an angry bitter woman. I would wager that you're in social services. Pitty. I got my son through no maliace, and no I did not pay off his mother. I do resent you even insinuating such a thing, it reflects poorly not on me but you. I will say a prayer for you.
 a1970boy
Joined: 11/29/2007
Msg: 62
Benefit of Dating Single Dad.
Posted: 8/27/2009 8:07:00 PM
You sound very angry(personal?)...or do you just hold the same arcane assumption as most in the system that a vagina automatically makes you a capable parent? How about a parent who was given custody of his two biological children(ages-2yrs.2mos. & 7mos.) AND a five yr. old girl her mother had from a previous relationship?Then the mother goes weeks/months without so much as a phone call with intermittent spats of seeming to care for the kids followed by heartache and broken promises. My kids have been with me three years now, and yes, I have a penis! Just give men their due please, there are many great moms who juggle work in and out of the home while insuring their children are raised as happy, well adjusted children. The men who also do this deserve as much credit I think. Lord knows it would help us over the slap in the face we receive while we do our best with none of the support from courts,government run social services for single parent families. or heaven forbid...financial aid from the other parent!!! Single dads will understand the added roadblocks.
But again, if your kids are happy, congratulations to you whether you are a mom,dad or couple.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 63
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Posted: 8/29/2009 3:58:33 PM
Lizbeth,

I've crossed swords with FS on her postion before. I say something when I see something wrong. I am sure that FS can answer her own questions. But I do not wish to see such anger and hate directed at anyone. Shaniqua comes off as a biggot, and I don't have to like it.
 singlesuperdad
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 64
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Posted: 8/30/2009 7:01:13 PM
Don't forget that nowdays some of os singledads are the fulltime parent, which can change everything you all are talking about.
 SlingDad
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 65
Benefit of Dating Single Dad.
Posted: 8/30/2009 7:21:18 PM
I understand he only has them twice a month and wants to please them but if you want a woman around (and just not for a boody call) it won't last long.


I didn't read all 6 pages of this, but you are aware some of us are CP's, right? Not from some diabolical power struggle payback crap but rather for what it should always be, what's in the childs best interest? Please don't make assumptions about single dads the way *some* others do about single mom's. No one fits into a nice, neat compartmentalized life experience.

When my kids were younger I got the "OMG" because I had *three* Eddie Bauer barcalounger child seats mounted in my truck. I take my kids to the park, I get the "he's a weekend dad" snickers. I take them to the Dr. or Dentist and it's "um, where's mom?" I show up to open house at school and everyone tiptoes around why I'm one of the few men there period, needless to say one that's there by himself.

So, yes, many men are 2x a month guys and the whole visitation situation sucks. It sucks for them and my ex as well. Hell, it sucks for everyone involved. Not many (if any) set out to have this lifestyle.

It's kinda funny how after all of our collective life experiences, the reason I'm here is because I just want some semblance of normalcy in my childrens life *and* mine.

That's it.

Too much to ask?

Single mama's get it. Even though I wasn't the one who fathered children with you, insofar as I am a man, I am there with you in a manner that (most all) non-parents can't be.

/rant off
 SlingDad
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 66
Benefit of Dating Single Dad.
Posted: 8/30/2009 8:31:35 PM
I get it now, I think Shaniqua is really Fairmont.

Too bad my magic wand is in the shop and my crystal ball broke before I got married.
 singlesuperdad
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 67
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Posted: 8/30/2009 9:20:28 PM
If he is custodial-- That means he had a nasty custody battle and ripped the children away from thier mother and he rapes her paycheck for $$$. No woman would want to date a guy like that because he might do it to her next. Its cruel to make a loving mother only see her kids twice a month and it's not masculine to take money out of a womans paycheck. Or he got them because she is unfit that means he was stupid enough to have children with a drug addict or a criminal.

Shaniqua, Wow thats alot of hate!
Not every situation is the same. And you have a right to your opinion. I don't need to explain myself. But what the hell.
I had no nasty custody battle and did not rip the kids from their mother and never imagined my life would take this turn. My ex was not the way she is now, when we met. At least I don't think she was. She may have been hiding it all along but there"s nothing I can do about it now. I gave her many chances to be a good mom and partner but she was at the point of no return. she chose to leave and doesn't see her kids by her own choice. I don't think being with someone for years and then they change makes me a stupid person. I think it makes her a stupid person for abandoning her kids, one of which wasn't mine. She was from a previous relationship. I can't make her change, or love her kids. I stood up and took responsiblity of the kids so they wouldn't be lost to the system. I think I am a wonderful father and now mother too. And in your eyes, I am stupid and a loser? You know what, I forgive you for your ignorance.
 singlesuperdad
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 68
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Posted: 8/30/2009 10:14:27 PM
Of course I have them (not took) because I love them with all my heart. And will do anything to keep them happy and health. What I was trying to say was that if I wasn't there for them they would be gone. I was a good provider and lover , etc. but she had other ideas I guess. But my point was that being a single dad does not make me stupid or a loser or a bad partner in the future. In fact I think it is a good thing, It is obvious that when I commit to something I'm going to make the best of it.
 SlingDad
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 69
Benefit of Dating Single Dad.
Posted: 8/31/2009 7:32:43 AM
(This is in response to Shaniqua's ((Fairmont or whomever you're pretending to be these days)) vile sweeping brush stroke of all single dad's)

I, too had a situation where my childrens Mother didn't exhibit any aberrant behavior until 12 years of being together and 5 years of marriage (we divorced after 7 years). Yes, we did try counseling, and tried to 'work it out' but the bottom line was that it had evolved into something poisonous for everyone, primarily our children.

I receive a pittance of $360/month from her (as low as I could set it and still be legal). Out of that I cover their health expenses 100% and I'm currently owed $8,000 for the last 5 years in additional medical bills that I'll never see. To add insult to injury, not once in the 5 years since the divorce has she 'been able to take them' during spring break and summer vacation as was stipulated in the consent final judgement. Hell, 10 months of the year those monies have to be saved for summer camp that's $3,000 for *partial* summer *day* camp.

So...who ripped what from whom for financial gain or punishment? Actions speak louder than words & your words are shed like water off a duck.

Anyway, no ones situation is the same. Even though there are issues in my life, they come about maybe once a year then we work it out amicably in the best interest of all involved. No drama here, I've been trying to 'get my Zen on' for a long time now.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 70
Benefit of Dating Single Dad.
Posted: 8/31/2009 7:45:52 AM

Its cruel to make a loving mother only see her kids twice a month and it's not masculine to take money out of a womans paycheck.




That's a great line.

Women wanted equality and I'm all for it. Women keep saying they are independent, strong, educated, make their own money, blah, blah, blah....

.... well, they need to woman up to their responsibilities just like most men do when they are the NCP.

So, is it feminine to take money out of a man's paycheque?

 singlesuperdad
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 71
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Posted: 8/31/2009 8:26:08 AM
When my kids momhad unsupervised she wouldn't come and then showed up in court on drugs, now she only gets supervised but doesn't see them. the kids want to see her and tell her on the phone but she still hasn't seen them in about 2 months. personally I don't care to see her but have no problem with the kids seeing her.
 singlesuperdad
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 72
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Posted: 8/31/2009 8:38:41 AM
But back to the topic. I don't really see any "benefit" of dating a single dad or mom for that matter. We are no better or worse than anyone else. Having kids doesn't nessecerily (oo thats not right, lol) mean they are family oriented or even likes kids just means they have them. Doesn't means they have higher education, job, house or any of that. They probably do, but partners without kids, can be family orient, with jobs, cars, education, love kids, etc. So I don't see the benefit. Oh you can be apart of a family and have kids without giving birth, there's the benefit. We are just as awesome as everyone else!
 a1970boy
Joined: 11/29/2007
Msg: 73
Benefit of Dating Single Dad.
Posted: 8/31/2009 6:39:12 PM
If anyone is getting upset by shaniqua777's rants, just have a look at her profile and you'll probably come to find that whatever spews out of the kids mouth really doesn't matter.
 purple73
Joined: 1/29/2006
Msg: 74
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Posted: 8/31/2009 8:20:19 PM
I hate to do it but I have to agree with you.

I am a single mom who happens to fit all five of your criteria, but in all honesty I find myself in the minority category.
I have always had a job, post-secondary education (and currently enrolled in more classes), had my own place, vehicle and totally family oriented.

But yes I get frustrated because society makes an assumption about me. However I get tired of hearing from other single moms "how do you do it".
Honestly I just get off my ass and do it, and that's how I usually respond.
In 5 years of my child playing hockey I have never missed a game. I am the parent all the kids know, I have taken van loads of kids to the beach, the movies etc. We spend quality time with family and friends.

I get so sick of woman who sit and mope.............get over yourself and get out there.

Having said that most men shy away when they realize I am a single mother. I am so tired of this reaction. Not all of us sit on our asses and complain
 SlingDad
Joined: 5/28/2007
Msg: 75
Benefit of Dating Single Dad.
Posted: 8/31/2009 10:58:16 PM

So she never sees her children? What happened to her that made her like this? It is astonishing that a mother has no interest in seeing her own children, to me at least.


It's not a supposed lack of interest, but rather a compelling feigned inability or real desire to make accomodations for those periods of time. She moved 280 miles away (another 160 miles from a previous move)

I meet her 1/2 way once a month, that way it's less of a hardship with respect to the traveling distance -v- every other week.

The whys are not for me to answer.

Actions speak louder than words.

We're off topic.
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