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 mcwr
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 13
Should I move on?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
So.. Either she is telling the truth, and she is crazy, or she is f ucking someone else. In either case, find someone that actually will love you.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 20
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Should I move on?
Posted: 8/18/2009 9:26:11 AM
Littlemoon, you may be appalled but it is not possibly without compassion that people speak but the pain they endured trying to remain in a relationship with someone that is bipolar, and imo, the people that aren't on meds are worse to deal with than the people that are on the on and off cycle. Yes, it is a shame that people who can control their illness with medication then feel like they are well and stop taking it, but what about the people who know they have a problem on some level but refuse to seek any treatment whether pharmacological and therapy or just therapy.

It has been my personal experience as well as many other people I know that the bipolar personality will not seek counseling and your life consequently is a living hell on their emotional roller coaster. Living with an unpredictable drunk is similar to trying to navigate the irrationality of someone who is mentally ill. My mother-in-law once told me, trying to be helpful, to just do what he wants you to do and I told her I would be happy to do that but from day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute, what he supposedly wanted would change. He complains that a meal is not on the table when he didn't bother to call and tell you he was headed home, so the next day you go to the store to cook and then get ragged on because you weren't there to talk to him when he woke up.

The OP has tried to be a compassionate person but he has also obviously realized that there is very little he can do to help this woman or to try to create any type of environment that is healthy in terms of the relationship. Even if she is on meds and gets therapy, it still is not an easy road. The OP needs to figure out whether he can live with her worst day every day for the rest of his life, because there is no guarantee that any given day will be better than the worst day.
 cncgandolf
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 23
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Should I move on?
Posted: 8/18/2009 10:16:03 AM
"what about the people who know they have a problem on some level but refuse to seek any treatment whether pharmacological and therapy or just therapy."

There is a line in 12 step literature "you wouldn't be angry with me if I had diabetes or cancer" .... and my answer is consistent. If you knew you had diabetes and you did not regulate your diet and take your required meds then I would be upset and you might call that angry. I'm not the kind of person who can watch a person self-destruct and not hurt for them. Same is true for cancer - if you aren't seeking treatment and following your regimn then I'll be upset.

So, if a person is bipolar and in treatment and following their treatment, I'll support. If they are not ... then I am not going to allow their self-destructive behavior to not treat their illness to be a reason to get destructed along with them.

So, supportive recovery ... and if they won't do recovery actions and you are being harmed by their active disease then practice self-care ... walk away.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 28
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Should I move on?
Posted: 8/18/2009 7:45:47 PM

The effect of dating someone like this, especially who doesn't take their meds, is that you spend enormous amountts of energy thinking/feeling how to help, fix and cope both dy to day, as well as long term. That same amount of energy could be used in the forward advancement of your own hopes, dreams and goals, but as long as it is all focused on the 'problem', it isn't available for YOU.

Wiyan, this was beautifully stated, people are essentially sitting and spinning because everything revolves around the ill person. I have behavioral issues with my children, primarily about house cleaning and it is due largely to the fact that during their younger years when I should have been strict about them doing their chores, we were all focused on placating dad and the easiest way to do that, run a business and take care of three kids by myself was to pay someone to clean the house. And that is just one example, bedtime, meal times, numerous things were impacted by the chaos. I take full responsibility for my choices but realistically from a parenting perspective, things would have been better if I had done it alone from the beginning.
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