Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 25
view profile
History
When guys get cockyPage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Actually around the same time he starting acting c0cky, he also said to me "he is getting older and wanted to settle down soon".
I would have liked if he spoke more on the sexual side, but he never did. I was respecting him. Guys have no problems bringing up sex, so i was waiting till he was comfortable.


sounds like you both wanted sex but had no clue how to communicate it. so you're both pissed off and acting out verbally: he's saying whatever it is you label as 'c+cky,' and you're complaining about him in this forum. what's the big deal? it's ok to want sex, and it's ok to be the one to open the discussion. if you're a grownup, that is.
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 26
view profile
History
When guys get cocky
Posted: 8/18/2009 6:55:01 PM
^^^Huh? Why would someone you've been dating suddenly be intimidated? Did I miss a post? Was she yelling at him or beating him or something? Also, why would you call someone "weak" in this situation? Is kicking someone when they're down a good thing in a relationship? What a strange post.
 CChauncey
Joined: 5/22/2009
Msg: 27
view profile
History
When guys get cocky
Posted: 8/18/2009 7:12:32 PM
A sociology professor told me that if a guy is too smooth on the first date, he's no good. But if the guy is kind of shy and awkward, you should give him a second chance. I think it's sort of relevant to this discussion. :)
 ffryan
Joined: 10/10/2005
Msg: 28
view profile
History
When guys get cocky
Posted: 8/18/2009 7:13:20 PM
Cockiness is a trait that takes years to develop. It's nothing you did. My guess is that the guys you've been with have just taken a little while to show their true colours. Don't blame yourself.
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 29
view profile
History
When guys get cocky
Posted: 8/18/2009 10:33:56 PM

The nice guy "act" wont work so they start being crazy


I might have said that you were driving them nuts after a few months.. and the notion of exhibiting some of that seemed a good plan,.. but yeah.. its probably just a different tactic after conventional failed.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 30
When guys get cocky
Posted: 8/19/2009 3:11:59 AM
If I'm dating a guy for a couple of months and haven't gotten even remotely close to having sex with him, that means I've put him in the 'friend zone', and to act like I have intentions of 'maybe' throwing some on him later is just misleading to the man.
I'd say if you would lay out the 'ground rules' before you begin dating him, he will not have unrealistic expectations. Your profile pics do not look like you are the type to hold out for marriage, so how do you expect the guys who ask you out to know that you are sexually off-limits? And being Christian has nothing to do with being in a committed relationship and it turning sexual in a moderate amount of time. I am Christian, and Methodist, but I sure didn't make my boyfriend wait forever for a little nookie...hell, I wanted him so much it was hard to keep myself in check!

Look, you are leading these guys on, obviously. When men get cake shoved under their noses and are never allowed to take a bite, they get a bit cranky and frustrated. It sounds to me like these guys are just acting out because you obviously aren't giving them the validation in their attractiveness and sexiness that they crave. Men need that just as much as women, you know.

So the next time you do decide to date someone, how about making him feel wanted and desired. If you are holding out for marriage, fine, but six weeks in a monogamous relationship is certainly long enough to hold out on the lovin. It takes a lot of caring for a man to wait that long, and you were pretty lucky he didn't dump you for a woman who was much more willing to show him some affection. And for the record, if you see a man behaving like you described your ex, how about wrapping your arms around him and agreeing that he is the hottest man you know, and you are lucky to be with him. After all, that's all he's really wanting.
Better luck next time. Quit blaming every man for what obviously is caused by your own unwillingness to give them the validation and love they crave.
Beth
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 31
view profile
History
When guys get cocky
Posted: 8/19/2009 8:13:36 AM
Dr. Nick: Listen to Karma. She's a woman and it DOESN'T work. Surprise surprise. All the guys that say it works are deluded because they approach women who aren't intelligent or have no dignity then get all high on themselves when one out of ten idiots falls for it. DeScamgelo likes to brainwash people that being polite or nice doesn't work but I've had some great long term relationships and I never acted "cocky", "confident" or anything else. So your idea of being "nice" must be skewed.
 Applette
Joined: 4/13/2007
Msg: 34
view profile
History
When guys get cocky
Posted: 8/19/2009 4:04:28 PM
If the guys you are dating look they way you do ........ then I get it! Otherwise I think you are picky pretty boys who really aren't into relationships ... real mean don't say things like that .... sounds very shallow to me.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 35
When guys get cocky
Posted: 9/1/2009 12:38:47 PM
To be honest with you I think women have a hand at creating monsters. Although the monsters are already simmering they just need extra pepper and salt which is a pretty girl. Take my little brother for example he was this nerdy, skinny(still is) guy, now all of a sudden some girl has told him he is cute now he is "DON JUAN DEMARCO" the world's greatest man.
 pearlj
Joined: 3/1/2007
Msg: 36
When guys get cocky
Posted: 12/17/2009 6:34:18 AM
Ok so this is what's up. Don't listen to most of the douchebags on here (you are effing stunning! and for some wrinkled up hag lookin' man...or was that a woman?? to say that you are just "cute" betrays his/her/it's disgusting character). Most men on these forums are c. u. n. t. s which means that they Cant Understand Normal Thinking. They're priority is sex. They know you are out of they're league, thus they put you down and encourage you to devalue yourself by putting out to douchebags. They have not a shot in H with you, and see you as nothing more than a walking vag.
Im sure the guy you were dating only revealed his true character when he could no longer maintain his facade and you dodged a bullet there. Good job with that. Trust your gut, stick to your standards, and dont be disillusioned by the assfaces that reply thinking their possession of a pecker qualifies them to tell you "the way the world is".
Charity
 VF102
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 37
view profile
History
When guys get cocky
Posted: 12/17/2009 8:22:14 AM
I'm a**** jock up front. Why hide the fact? She is going to find out anyway. And some women like it. :)

Jason the Fed
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 38
When guys get cocky
Posted: 12/17/2009 8:45:34 AM
"When guys get****"
-----------
They're brainwashed by David D'angelos' rubbish.

As for not having sex even after a few months of dating, sorry, but that's not going to lead anywhere. If there's attraction it only makes sense to sleep together unless you wait to get married first... A chick who refuses is nothing but a waste of time in my opinion and it has nothing to do with being desperate either. Attention seekers waste other people's time and energy, possibly money too.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 39
When guys get cocky
Posted: 12/17/2009 12:12:54 PM
You're not creating that OP. After the "honeymoon" period is over they begin to show their true colors.

I know one at work that is how he is. Some days you say something to him at he is just plain****. He has a smart remark for everything.
 pearlj
Joined: 3/1/2007
Msg: 40
When guys get cocky
Posted: 12/17/2009 1:20:53 PM

Little bit of an overreaction there Pearl. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. To say someone has "disgusting character" because they don't agree with your opinion on who's supposedly "hot" doesn't mean it's any more than what it is. One person's ugly is another person's hot. Insulting people (I'm assuming me) because they have the gall not to worship at the feet of someone you consider "incredibly hot" is no reason for the immature and ridiculous comments you've made. There's nothing wrong with being cute. Maybe your gigantic ego views being cute as some sort of insult but in a sane world it isn't. Grow up and stick a pin in your ego. Maybe some of that venom will drain out.

No, this is EXACTLY what you tried to do with your previous comments on "and she's only cute anyway" etc... you placed the responsibility for this**** @$$'s behavior squarely on this woman's shoulders simply because she was not "putting out". Then you further insulted her. And it WAS an insult. To back peddle now is cowardly, and you know it. There was NO reason to even bring her looks into the subject unless it fit into your way of thinking which is this "I get into a "relationship" with a woman, the value of the woman, and the way that I treat her depends on one thing, her vagina and it's accessibility to me" You start with a flawed premise (that a relationship entitles you to sex, and if no sex then you and all other men have a reason to treat this woman bad.) No sex entitles you to devalue her and treat her as if she has lost "value" as if she is a one dimensional object to be treated in accordance with her level of vaginal production. NO ONE is responsible for YOUR behavior. If you are unprincipled enough to treat ANYONE like crap simply because they don't behave the way you want them to and/or give you what you want than you are a very very sad man, and the type that I would advise women to run, not walk away from. This mentality of yours is abusive , and there seems to be a prevalence of it on this thread. I was trying to respect this woman's rights and encourage her self-esteem to grow from her standing up for herself seeing as how so many men on here were manipulating, posturing, accusing, and blaming her for another person's obvious bad treatment of her. She's a sharp woman who didn't feel badly enough about herself to fall for manipulative abusive treatment. You are supporting abuse, I was supporting a potential (but too smart for you! lol) victim. I call that being a decent human being, something of which quite a few men on this thread know nothing about. Thus I don't expect you to relate, I am only sounding the warning bells.
Merry fookin' Christmas
Charity
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 41
When guys get cocky
Posted: 12/17/2009 3:17:26 PM

If you do not feel comfortable letting them bang you like a screen door in a Mississippi windstorm within a certain time, fine.



how eloquantly put.. pure poetry..


My feelings exactly.


If she finds him attractive/sexy, and she feels secure that he wants to stick around for a long while, then frolic away....!


And this is a good statement as well.

Okay, this has to stop. Too much agreeing here.

So back to a more cantankerous tone of voice.

I believe that being co ckie, up front works better than pretending to be a nice person only to when you are not getting any turning nasty. I think this is a problem that a lot of guys get themselves into. They play to whatever the girl wants to the point that they have no spine.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 42
view profile
History
When guys get cocky
Posted: 12/17/2009 3:27:34 PM
Op,when i was your age i never saw a woman that looked the way you do that was with any other kind of man,no reflection on you....just a law of nature perhaps.
 lateef7842
Joined: 4/14/2008
Msg: 43
view profile
History
When guys get cocky
Posted: 12/17/2009 9:05:47 PM
I believe, what this really comes down to is, what does the OP think is c0cky? There are three sides to his story:

1. Maybe, these guys really are a$$holes?
- She may be going through a bad streak of guys. Guys in that age group are like that.

2. Maybe, the OP mistakes confidence for c0ckiness?
- She may be use to guys putting her on a pedestal. And, when they stop doing that, she gives them the boot.
or,

3. Maybe, the OP is attracted to weaker willed men?
- She may be genuinely attracted to men with less will power than her. When the newness of the relationship wears off and the guy begins to just be "himself" and starts to lead, she may become turned off. Some women like men who follow. She may be that kind of girl. It's not a bad thing. It's not a good thing. It just may be how it is.

I think it's more about perception than anything else. I will say this; if it keeps happening over and over again, there is more to her situation than what is known here.

Lateef
 pearlj
Joined: 3/1/2007
Msg: 44
When guys get cocky
Posted: 12/18/2009 2:49:14 AM

Pearl: I don't know what you're on, but you couldn't be further off base about the way I think or the meaning of my post. I'm not even sure what you're rambling about. I can't find any post anywhere that says I think women should be abused if they don't put out. You sound delusional to me. I simply agreed with somebody else that she was cute but not "hot" in my opinion. You're a bit of a hypocrite since your insults have been A LOT worse than anything said about the op so you're basically just a liar and full of crap. You need to shut up because you're rambling without any meaning about the op who you don't even know.

No I am speaking about the men on the forum that automatically felt the need to devalue the OP once they found out that she didn't have sex with the man. I am also referring to the men that are saying that her not putting out is what is responsible for him treating her like crap, as if there is any sort of justification for that. You added fuel to the fire and furthered the mentality by unnecessarily insulting her looks. Thus, in my mind after reading page after page of men telling this woman that she deserved being treated like crap because she "gave them blue balls" I became upset for her. You were simply one of the last threads that I read and I lumped you in and assumed you were advocating the general mentality here. I apologize that you got the full extent of my fury because I didn't differentiate between individuals that all seemed to have the same attitude.
As far as defending the OP, I don't need to know her in order to know that she is being treated badly. And I don't need some sort of "justification" for standing up for her. I don't think in terms of "am I invested in this person" in order to defend her. She is human and deserves to be treated with respect and dignity.
My issue is that I have a hard time extending that same common human courtesy to those that withhold it themselves.
Charity
 pearlj
Joined: 3/1/2007
Msg: 45
When guys get cocky
Posted: 12/18/2009 3:08:19 PM
Gotchya, I read through some of your replies and found that I lumped you in with a lot of the guys by assuming you were advocating their mentality. I also shouldnt have attempted to make my point by insulting you, and I am sorry for that as well. It was a knee jerk reaction, and I should have advocated my own stance further by not stooping to the level of name calling. It was wrong and mean, and I apologize.
As for the man that says it must be windy on my high horse, if I throw a stone in a pack of dogs and one barks you know which dog the stone hit. Think about that. And as for the wind, my hair looks quite nice blowing about, and while you may be riding a Shetland, my experience tells me that the general population is riding Belgians just as I am.
I still hold my ground (assuming the couple were close enough to speak of intimacy and had already done so,) that he simply couldn't hold up the facade anymore and his mask started to slip. As for "closing the deal" there is no "deal" to close. A relationship is a partnership NOT an exchange of goods and services....I think some guys here are confusing "relationship" with "prostitution". A long term arrangement (using these men's "terms and conditions") doesn't mean that its NOT prostitution, it just means that you are a regular john.
Charity
Ps, and I STILL think she's a stunner, and educated as well! It doesn't get much better than that guys lol
 Unfold
Joined: 4/22/2007
Msg: 46
When guys get cocky
Posted: 12/18/2009 9:02:30 PM
Of all your relationships the only Common Denominator is You! Just something to think about...

 VF102
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 47
view profile
History
When guys get cocky
Posted: 12/19/2009 5:06:45 AM
The problem is you are a stuck up SOCAL girl. Haven't met a girl from SOCAL that didn't have a 'tude problem. We have at least 3 offices there. All the girls are the same. Stuck up with a 'tude. The bad econ should knock them down a notch or two. lol

Jason the Fed
 LivnnTX
Joined: 4/27/2011
Msg: 48
When guys get cocky
Posted: 8/7/2011 8:21:47 AM
You both have it wrong. Since you’ve been dating him, finally the poor guy has developed some self-confidence and probably feels the best about himself that he ever has before. So what you perceive is****ness is merely his way of re-assuring himself that he is attractive, because you’ve told him he is; or he is a good lover, because you’ve told him he is; or that you do actually care about him, because you’ve told him you do.

Ironically enough though, you find yourself offended by this new self-confident man that you created; so offended in fact, that you feel the need to crush him and bring back to reality. Shame, shame, shame on you.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 49
When guys get cocky
Posted: 12/10/2011 5:16:46 AM
Ahhh...there is a difference between being c ocky (confident & self-assured) & the Dave Deangelo version (a-hole & slightly insulting). I have no time or interest in someone who tries to get my attention by insulting me. I like c ocky, but I realize not every woman likes it. Some prefer a more laid back kind of guy.

Ha...I'm from South Carolina & we like it so much we even named our college mascot C ocky.
 quarked
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 50
view profile
History
When guys get cocky
Posted: 2/15/2012 5:57:52 AM
I tend to get**** after I shoot down pursuing TIE-fighters.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 51
When guys get cocky
Posted: 2/15/2012 12:49:09 PM
Ahhh...there is a difference between being c ocky (confident & self-assured)


Several times I have come across women's profiles that say:

"I am looking for a guy who is confident but NOT c*ocky."

Like we are supposed to know exactly where the line is.

Any 2 different women can have different ideas about what "confidence" and what "cockiness" is.
The extremes might be easy enough to see, but the middle area can get gray and muddled.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >