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 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 2
I guess this is normal these days?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Unfortunately, it seems to be a somewhat normal occurrence for online dating. I've been fortunate in that it's never happened to me. We have either agreed that there wasn't a connection or we have remained friends. There are lots of threads where this is the subject matter though, so it must happen quite regularly. I don't know what to tell you to help prevent it from happening. Perhaps letting the men know upfront, that if they decide they aren't interested, you would appreciate them having the decency to let you know as opposed to just disappearing.

I don't understand why people chose to end a relationship this way. It's cowardly and cruel, in my opinion. At least have the common courtesy to tell the person it isn't working for you or that you've met someone else. Whatever has happened to manners in this day and age?
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 3
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I guess this is normal these days?
Posted: 8/19/2009 5:52:14 PM
Unfortunately, some men do this. It's immature, I know, if you both seemed interested. I'm sure you've done nothing wrong, he is the one who needs to grow up. It's just sad that some don't have the decency to say it's not for them. I think when you've had chance to read more postings on the forums, you'll see this is a common complaint. Only thing I can suggest is that you ask yourself how consistent and reliable they were before you met. Were there any signs of them not being considerate? If so, it's worth bearing that in mind for the future. Good luck on here. Not every man is like that.
 GoUSF
Joined: 5/19/2008
Msg: 7
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I guess this is normal these days?
Posted: 8/19/2009 6:30:14 PM
This is really alot more simple than you may think, Its because you are a Cardinals fan
 MrMiracle
Joined: 7/31/2009
Msg: 11
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I guess this is normal these days?
Posted: 8/20/2009 12:56:48 AM
don't worry, keep on doing what you're doing. from what you've said you're approaching this with an honest and open heart. there will be people who abuse that, but that's nothing different than anywhere else. so if a guy is a little rude to you, then he saved you another 30 or 40 hours.

and it's not necessarily you. a lot of people (not just guys) do that all the time.

don't worry about it. keep your head up. and keep on keeping on!

t.m.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 12
I guess this is normal these days?
Posted: 8/20/2009 11:36:33 AM
The "fade-away" is regrettably normal, yes, but I also agree with several others that you are spending way too much time talking before meeting. This is very counter-productive, as it will often net you people who would rather do that than be with you in person (they may not realize this themselves until after meeting).

A few hours or so oughta be plenty to figure out whether or not you want to meet, IMO. And cutting down that pre-meet time may well cut down on fade-aways.

Good luck!
 KinChandlerAz
Joined: 8/13/2009
Msg: 13
I guess this is normal these days?
Posted: 8/20/2009 8:58:45 PM
This sort of thing does happen, and it happens a lot if you meet a lot of men.

The best solution is to not spend HOURS of your life communicating with this perfect stranger. Strike a balance. Spend enough time emailing and on the phone (NO TEXTING) to get a feel for them and figure out if you want to meet them. Don't spend so much time that you build them up to be something they probably are not. I feel bad for my friends when they spend hours getting to "know" someone online and then meet them only to find it a complete waste of time.

And yeah, many people lack the basic manners to say "hey I'm just not feeling you" and that's never going to change. You'll never know the WHY of it. But if you control how much time you give them before meeting you won't feel like it was such a huge waste of your precious time.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 17
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I guess this is normal these days?
Posted: 8/21/2009 2:59:15 PM
From what I've been reading and have experienced, yeah, it's pretty normal.

Use online as yet one more avenue to meet someone.

In-person is better. Nothing's preventing you from walking right up to a guy in person and talking to him, flirting a bit and dropping a phone #-! At the supermarket checkout line, in line at a movie theater, wherever-! You can bypass the endless online buildup and get right to the gleam in his eye that shows if he's interested, or lack thereof. You may still get slighted after the first date, but at least you bypassed the endless online writing...!
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 22
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I guess this is normal these days?
Posted: 1/13/2010 12:02:27 PM
Countless hours emailing chatting or talking? Sounds like you are moving too slow and when the chemistry is not there the guy bails. Better to have a casual meet after an email or two. Why prolong something that won't work?
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 24
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I guess this is normal these days?
Posted: 1/28/2010 7:46:39 PM
This is why I've taken to meeting people a little more quickly than when I started.

As for them not giving an explanation - what does it matter what the explanation is? They aren't interested. It *might* help. I just recently got real blunt with a guy I went out with one time. He was a non-stop talker and *everything* - and I mean literally everything - he said was negative. I finally stopped him and told him but he kept doing it anyway. I wish him luck but I find negative people boring and he now knows exactly why I'm not interested.
 Happinesstoo
Joined: 11/16/2007
Msg: 25
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I guess this is normal these days?
Posted: 1/28/2010 8:22:10 PM
I guess it is really up to you how much time you want to invest before you meet someone.
I had a girlfriend who would look at someone profile, they would talk a couple of times and then she would request that they meet for 15 mins, no date just to see if there was chemistry enough in person to take the time to get to know each other.

A lot of times people can have great chemistry on the phone and over the net but when they meet the looks or personality are just not the same.
Good Luck
 Thunderstruck29
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 28
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I guess this is normal these days?
Posted: 1/29/2010 7:31:02 AM
Welcome to the world of online dating....
It's actually normal.

A few weeks ago, I get an email from a woman in a town about 90 miles from where I live.
We start chatting online and seem to hit it off.....
Despite the fact that she has triggered a LOT of my key indicators of a fake, flake or phony.
She had no pic on her profile. She delayed calling until the day of the date. She bragged constantly about how oversexed she was. Etc....

We arrange a date for last Friday.
I show up at 4 p.m. on the dot. I call and she says she is late and asks if I can wait two hours on her at the bookstore.
Being a bibliophile, I tell her its' no problem.
Two and a half hours later, she shows up...and walks right past me at the door of the bookstore. Despite the fact she had seen dozens of recent photos of me and knew what I was wearing.
She stops and talks to two guys and from 50 feet away, I can tell her hair is dyed and that she has lied about her age as she is obviously closer to 50 than the 41 she claimed. She also has wrinkles around her upper and lower mouth as well as eyes.
But to me, age is just a number and sexy is as sexy does.
I finaly catch up to her in a quiet section of the bookstore. We chat some, but she won't look me in the eye.
She keeps fidgeting with her cell phone, as she is apparently one of these shallow people who have one welded to their hand.
She says she is hungry and when I ask her where she wants to eat at, she says a restaurant downtown that I have been ditched at many times before by flaky older women.
We go outside where I am literally parked up front. I ask her if she wants to ride with me or if she wants me to follow her. She says she is parked at the end of the lot and for me to go ahead.
By now, I am pretty sure she is going home, where she will call her best friend and make plans to go to the Riverside Club as when we spoke on the phone earlier she had mentioned one of her girlfriends had asked her to go and she said she had a date.
So I get to the restaurant which is packed out and there is no parking. I park on the next street over and call my new friend -the one who had been talking about how we obviously had an intellectual connection with on the IMs and such- to tell her that I am parked behind the restaurant and there is parking there. The phone goes dead.
Half an hour later and she is not in sight, so I send her a text message to let her know i am out front.
I had a 98 percent sure feeling I had been ditched before i got in my truck to head there, by the way, but I am giving her the benefit of the doubt becuase she was an intelligent, sophisticated, urban woman.
Note I did not say lady.
Maybe she had car problems. Maybe she ran into a talkative friend, etc....
After two hours of waiting, I say to heck with it and leave.
I also send her a phone message saying, "Hey, if you didn't want to go out, you should have just said so, it woudld not have bothered or offended me in the least. However I am very offended that you chose to ditch me and stand me up in such a JUVENILE manner. I would expect such garbage from a hollerbunny half your age, but a woman of your years and sophistication should know better than to pull such an immature stunt.
The next day I check the dating site we met.
She's blocked me from veiwing her profile or talking to her.
I check for instant messages. None.
I check a forum we both are on.
Nothing.
So I post a witty little thing about the ten rules of online dating and note that if there is an 11th rule it should be don't waste the other person's time. If you don't want to go out or on with it just say so up front and don't send them to Applebees downtown and run to the Riverside with your friend.....

An hour later I get a bogus text message on my phone from her number claiming a friend of hers found it and that she didn't stand me up, she went to a hospital to see a relative.
Yeah right.
LOL...
As if she would let the phone leave her hand unless she's in the shower...
As if she would let somebody else check her text messages.
I text back "Look, if you didn't want to date you shouldn't have wasted my time. I don't know for sure you were at the Riverside, I just know that I waited at that restaurant for two hours. If you had a real emergency you could have called their from a pay phone at the hospital and paged me to go home. Or you could have just answered my cell phone calls or texts..."


Mind you, there are signals that you can use to screen out fakes, flakes and phonies.

•No pics. If they don't have a picture up, they either don't have access to a digital camera, or they don't want to be recognized. Strong possibility they have no intention of ever meeting anybody. It's just a game they play - a fantasy.

By not being recognized, it's easier for them to chicken out.

•Fake pics on their profile.
If the guy looks like Lee Stone and says he weighs 140 pounds or 270, or the girls pic looks like Briana Banks and the stats say she weighs 175 and is 5'2, chances are those pics ARE Lee Stone or Briana Banks and this flake stole them off a porn site.

I have actually seen people STEAL pictures from other singles on dating sites, by the way.

• Talking smack.
If they brag about how hot n horny they are, how they can't wait to get with you, how looks, age, etc. are not important to them, its a fantasy all right. As in they are fantasizing and have no intention of hooking up with anybody.
•Rude behavior.
If they just stop talking in the middle of a conversation and don't come back on line and then give you some lame excuse the next day, you are dealing with a fake, flake or phony.
Chances are their spouse came in the room and they had to turn the computer off pronto.
If you give them a phone number and they don't call promptly its probably because they have a spouse at home.
 Thunderstruck29
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 29
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I guess this is normal these days?
Posted: 1/29/2010 7:36:53 AM
PS, Redbird,
I would not stand you up.
I think your hot, LOL...

Remember, when these fakes, flakes and phonies pull these stunts, usually, its not you, its them.

Let me give you an example.

A guy I know trolls online for women every day.
He is unhappy at home, but rather than drag his mate to relationship counseling, he just swallows her crap and lives a fantasy life online.
He lies about his age, he lies about being single and then when he meets somebody who wants to hook up he panics and freaks out. Because he has no intention of changing the status quo and going back to being a bachelor and cooking for himself, doing his own laundry and so forth.

Chances are the jerk who stood you up was somebody like that. A lying cheater.
Many people like that like to daydream that if they could find an Angelina Jolie or a Brad Pitt they would leave their spouse, but in reality they wouldn't.
So they get online and they waste the time of honest people who are looking for love or fun, like yourself.
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