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Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 58
Okay, I was wrong...he's a womanizerPage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I posted earlier telling about a wonderful man from this site who had asked me to marry him.... Weddings off, He's kicked to the curb. Seems he has trouble with honesty and faithfulness. And he blames me for his inability to be a one woman man. I was even willing to forgive him, but he kept lying and couldn't be honest to save his life, even after I confronted him about it. I told him I knew he was going on a date with someone else on Friday (he even cancelled our plans to go meet the woman). He finally did come clean about some of it, but I'm sure there is plenty more I don't know about. I told him we were through, and the whole incident has caused me to doubt whether this site works. Just very frusterating. I guess Im just a butt hole magnet! Message me if you want his I.D. ladies!!!!!! Steer clear!
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 60
Okay, I was wrong...he's a womanizer
Posted: 8/3/2009 9:41:16 PM
Even worse, just yesterday he wanted me to move the wedding date from June of 2010 to September 2009. He lied about everything, from how long he lived in texas, how long he had been single, his brothers birthday, how he lost custody of his kids, and, of course his other women. I just can't believe I fell for the whole "gentleman" act he was playing. I feel like a fool. The thought of dating is starting to make me ill. I wish there was a place to warn other women.
Joined: 8/4/2009
Msg: 62
Single mother's with disabled children, trying to find a man.
Posted: 4/18/2010 1:35:15 PM
I just met a wonderful woman who has a child with learning disabuilities I barely know her and her son. I could care less about his disability. I still want to date her and can't wait to meet him. So that just goes to show some people are just scum. Maybe you should raise your standards.
Joined: 3/13/2010
Msg: 63
Single mother's with disabled children, trying to find a man.
Posted: 4/20/2010 7:41:11 AM
As a single parent with three kids, one a multiply disabled child (full spectrum autism, ADHD, and bi polar) and two foster kids (both with emotional impairments) this is a topic of special interest to me.

It takes a lot of energy and time and love to raise children alone. It took me about two to three years after the death of my first husband before I learned how to do it. I got so good at it, that I no longer wished for a spouse to help me. My reasons were simple: only another parent with disabled kids is unafraid of dealing with the kinds of challenges I have to deal with, and has the skill to do it. The amount of ignorance is unbelieveable, and I've lost interest in providing sensitivity training to anybody I don't have to--I have to do it too often as it is with schools, neighbors and extended family. And further, due to the nature of the disabilities of my kids, my parenting style may be considered somewhat unorthodox-I am not an authoritarian parent, and in my experience with my recent ex husband I was constantly being belittled for my parenting choices (a man who abandoned his own kids telling me how to raise mine)

Single parents with kids who have disabilities face battle after battle, the kinds of challenges that only experience or extended higher education can teach you. It can make you hard as nails, very confident, and can unintentionally intimidate others. I've accepted and even embraced that I will be raising my children on my own. I feel it is highly unlikely I will be lucky enough to find someone who is as strong as I have become and finds me attractive enough to wish to become a member of my crazy family, and who will not feel threatened because I choose not to share parenting privileges with him. what I've got going works for me and the kids and I don't want to upset the applecart. I also don't want to subject my kids to further ignorance and insensitivity from people who think they know how to raise other people's children. (that's something that gets every parent angry). And I don't want to take the risk of falling in love with someone who thinks they are capable handling the whole situation and to only find out they are like 85% of the population and just can't handle it.

Statistics show that disability in a spouse leads to divorce in around 70% of marriages. Not a promising number to say the least, and very likely correlates to a similar statistic for single parents with disabled kids. It's hard work to be a caregiver and while I would be thrilled to find that special someone who will understand both my boundaries and needs, I'm not holding my breath, because I'll surely suffocate.
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 64
Single mother's with disabled children, trying to find a man.
Posted: 9/1/2010 10:28:27 AM
My son is almost 8 and is borderline Asperger's/PDD-NOS and moderate/severe ADHD/ODD. The ADHD is genetic from his father and is an age resistant strain so there is lil hope he will outgrow it. I knew when he was 2 that something was "off" about his behavior and was lucky to have an amazing family doctor that listened to my concerns. They don't diagnose ADHD before age 5 so we had to go thru 3 daycare centers because of his behavior issues and my inability to medicate a 3yo! Once we reached a diagnosis, there was more than expected and we have been researching, treating, trying new treatments, changing diets, medication trials, therapy, etc. etc. ever since.
I don't put this on my profile but I do inform people right up front about it and if they aren't up to the challenge, they aren't worth my time. My children and I are a "package deal" so there's no chance of things working with those particular people. I have gotten the "oh that must be rough", "i'm sorry to hear that", etc. But I don't want anyone's pity, I was hoping to find a man that would be my support, keep me going and remind me of what a precious gift my kids are, special or not.
It was hard to find a man worth my time, sure. My daughter's dad and I were together for 3yrs and all I ever heard from him was how bad my son was and comparing him to his daughter (6mnth age difference). That drove me crazy bc he KNEW that my son was not like his daughter but all he ever did was compare them and my son always came out on bottom.
Don't lose hope, there are people out there that not only want to fit into your life, but welcome special children with open arms. I was lucky enough to find such a fishy and his only complaint is that he can't keep up with my son's bottomless energy! Lol.
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 67
view profile
Single mother's with disabled children, trying to find a man.
Posted: 11/24/2010 12:54:37 PM
My mate who has Autism with her daughter with mild ADHD, got married & had a 2nd child
The secret wasn't being desperate or pinned all hopes in finding somone

Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 69
Single mother's with disabled children, trying to find a man.
Posted: 12/10/2010 9:21:57 PM
Concentrate on yourself and your child...the rest doesn't matter....
Joined: 8/21/2010
Msg: 70
view profile
Single mother's with disabled children, trying to find a man.
Posted: 12/12/2010 8:02:48 AM
I am matt my son has austism. He is sixteen he he use a pecs to comunicat. He is my world I love him. I know how. You feel god bless you
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 71
Single mother's with disabled children, trying to find a man.
Posted: 12/13/2010 10:48:36 AM
This thread started 5 yrs ago. I'm sure that more progress has been made in dealing with autism spectrum disorders.
No one is 'forced' to pay child support or support a disabled child that has reached adulthood. There are programs like Supplemental Security Income that provide a modest income to disabled persons who were never able to work and pay into the employment-based old age/disability pension system.

AND, there is such a thing as long-term dating relationships where marriage or cohabitation are NOT planned goals, the plan is to provide mutual emotional support,adult companionship, physical affection, etc,without formalizing the relationship to the point where anybody's wallet is jeopardized by factors in their partners' lives. As the epidemic of pathological fear of having to actually GIVE something in a relationship(as opposed to just taking) grows, I am sure that these non-cohabiting LTRs will become increasingly common among adults who have concerns about financial risks. I am not, for even one minute, discounting the need for guarding against serious financial risks related to pair-bonding,but when people run away due to being misinformed or underinformed, how is that much of a loss?
To the dads here who are loving and helping their special needs children, kudos. It takes special people to parent special kids.
Cindy O
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 72
Single mother's with disabled children, trying to find a man.
Posted: 12/13/2010 11:13:18 AM
No, I'm trying to track down the source of a bad smell-and inaccurate information.I have no wish to date men who are wilfully underinformed.
Sounds like a few people feel that they have been hard done by because the laws require them to contribute to the well being even of their OWN kids.
I don't date men who feel that women are just out to get men's money...because from all I've experienced and heard, men that are over-focused on womens' supposed interest in a man's money,don't have much-or much of anything else-to offer.
The discussion is about dating and relationships for single mothers with special needs. My answer is that is IS indeed difficult because of so many stereotypes and bad information out there. I sought to give BETTER information and point out possible inaccuracies in statements made by other posters.
Cindy O
Joined: 9/30/2010
Msg: 73
Single mother's with disabled children, trying to find a man.
Posted: 1/7/2011 10:17:14 AM
It takes special people to parent special kids.

Well, thank you, times 2...My older son, A, turned 26 last October & happens to have autism, albeit high-functioning. He still lives w/ me & has a job & contributes to the household

My younger son, B, who turned 20 last August, also is autistic & high functioning, but was diagnosed w/ juvenile diabetes right after his 7th birthday. I raised them as a single parent since they were 6 & 12, respectively, on very little $ I might add, w/ very little help in way of respite or childcare. Do you know through that entire trying period, I dated & ALOT? Even the 2 LTRS did NOT lead to cohabitation or marriage. Well, when B turned 18, he wanted to go live w/ Dad. Hehehe, Dad certainly got only a teeny tiny taste of what I went through & B!TCHES about it- turnabout is fair play.
So, now that I an free to come & go as I please & work FT, etc, guess what? hardly any dating! Yep...see, when I was unavailable (sort of) I attracted unavailable men. Now I am available, so the unavailable men who want a fling or short term relationship stay away or I don't tolerate them. When I hear some dad w/ a normal healthy chld whine about how hard it is being a single parent, I'd really like to strangle them-sorry-I'm just being honest
My advice to anyone who has a special needs child is to live your life as full as possible not just for your child, but yourself as well
Good luck everyone
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 74
Single mother's with disabled children, trying to find a man.
Posted: 1/9/2011 6:05:51 PM
If someone's not interested they'll find any reason to leave

If they are interested they'll look for reasons to stay

...and everyone has a point they can't go past, for some that may legitimately be being around people with disabilities... best to find that out near the beginning of any potential relationship anyway, in reality - less chance of deep hurt that way
Joined: 9/23/2010
Msg: 75
Single mother's with disabled children, trying to find a man.
Posted: 1/14/2011 9:58:30 AM
My oldest son has autism, high functioning and verbal. I just recently disclosed that fact on my profile because I am a honest person and I like to lay the cards on the table. I also have 2 typical kiddos. I wouldn't want to date someone who didn't know this fact about me because in the long run they deserve to know what they may be getting into and it raises awareness. I wouldn't be the person I am today without my oldest challenging me to advocate, fight tooth and nails for him so that is part of my character.

Mostly men say wow, when do you find time to date but I think that is more about the fact that I have 3 kiddos than my oldest's autism. I explain that the children go to their dad's on the weekends and I do have time in my life.
Joined: 8/8/2011
Msg: 76
Single mother's with disabled children, trying to find a man.
Posted: 8/17/2011 4:24:14 PM
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 77
Single mother's with disabled children, trying to find a man.
Posted: 8/19/2011 4:08:41 PM
hi i am a single mother of a legally blind, adhd 4 yr old. i know what its like to have guys run away screaming all bc a child has disabilities. its rough, but if they run they arent meant to be in yours or your childs life! keep your head up
Joined: 9/19/2012
Msg: 78
Single mother's with disabled children, trying to find a man.
Posted: 9/28/2012 11:36:18 PM
I have had exact same problem, but also had a couple of guys who were completely ok with my disabled son. I think the good guys are few and far between, but they are out there.
Joined: 9/19/2012
Msg: 79
Single mother's with disabled children, trying to find a man.
Posted: 9/28/2012 11:37:53 PM
I agree. My main concern will always be my children, our lives are pretty complete. If a man comes along and happens to be icing on the cake, great, if not...great. Unlike so many people, a man wont complete my life.
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 80
Single mother's with disabled children, trying to find a man.
Posted: 11/5/2012 5:48:28 PM
I am single parent of an autistic son I know exactly what your going through I've lived with it.
Joined: 8/17/2012
Msg: 81
Single mother's with disabled children, trying to find a man.
Posted: 11/11/2012 12:24:20 PM
I have a handicapped daughter and its hard indeed to find a good man... But for me.. My kids comes first and formost, so gave up a relationship to spend my time trying to get help for my daughter, Now she is a lot better , I try to find a good man.. but still no luck. But I understand where you are coming from, if you ever feel like chatting say hi.. Nan and for 10 yrs took care of Autistic children.
Joined: 8/25/2012
Msg: 82
Single mother's with disabled children, trying to find a man.
Posted: 11/28/2012 12:35:16 PM
I didn't read everyone posts but, I will say a while back I met a young lady about my age on this site. She had one daughter she was Autistic and deaf. It takes alot to step into a relationship like that. I tried and it would have worked but she left me. I know my thoughts going in with me having three small children of my own was how am I going to do this. People do not like to be uncomfortable and dealing with a special needs adult is uncomfortable enough they don't think of the innocence of a child. They do need more attention and care. I think that a guy who would not date you or give you a chance out of the fear of being umcomfortable with ur child without giving them a chance is just a douche. I was raising 3 on my own and still helping her with her little girl. A man can do it they just like it easier if they can sit back go to sporting events work and watch u raise them. That's not the type of man u want anyway. In due time someone with a big heart and isn't lazy or scared of the unknown will come along. They will be perfect for your little one. I do hope all works out for you and ur child. Good luck and God bless
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