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 BobbieSocks
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 2
My Best Friend's GirlPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I think if the friend makes you happier and he feels the same towards you that you should be honest with the boyfriend and tell him how you feel. Its really not fair to play with his emotions that way. Im sure you wouldnt like it if you were in his position.

Go with your heart tho, not lust.

Good luck!
 stin4thewin
Joined: 7/21/2009
Msg: 6
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My Best Friend's Girl
Posted: 8/23/2009 1:31:03 PM
If you and new guy both go behind your boyfriends back, multiple bridges will be burned.. speaking from experience.
 Greyfeld
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 8
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My Best Friend's Girl
Posted: 8/23/2009 2:18:24 PM

For gawddd sake she is only 19 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! People at that age date different people and it should be that way......

Oh man oh man you people take life so seriously. OP just be fair to your boyfriend. Then move on ... you will dates lots of different men until you meet the one.


lack of experience shouldn't be equated with lack of emotion. Sure, young, date around, whatever. But a decision like that has to be made with the informed understanding that your actions can hurt other people, young or not. We don't know the reaction the bf is going to have in this case, and whether or not it's going to effect him in the long run. Every person has to be treated carefully and with compassion.
 Greyfeld
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 10
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My Best Friend's Girl
Posted: 8/23/2009 2:33:21 PM

I'm more asking how to keep myself acting on these feelings or settle this once and for all between us so that I can continue in peace with the boyfriend.

Tch, I don't believe in "the one", of course I'll date many people. I just don't want to ruin anyone else's lives in the meantime.


The point, however, is that your feelings are unfair to, not only your boyfriend, but the relationship as a whole. Of course, I can't speak for all guys, but I know that if my gf was harboring feelings for other guys, I would be forced, on principle, to release her from any perceived obligation to stay loyal to me. Yes, I'd be pissed and angry and hateful (at least for a while), but I don't want to date somebody who wants to suck face with other guys.

This isn't saying anything bad about you, some people just aren't capable of devoting themselves to one person and one person only. There's nothing innately "wrong" with that, as long as you're happy with your choices. However, it's not fair to you, or him, to hang on desperately to a relationship that you don't need, and leaving him completely oblivious of this fact.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 11
My Best Friend's Girl
Posted: 8/23/2009 2:38:21 PM
OP

I was that guy once. Your boyfriend. I'll never forget the day they had "the talk" with me. They did it together to profess their feelings for each other. My best friend and my girlfriend. And I didn't see it coming like it looks like he might.

I took it pretty good. I was happy for them especially my best friend, because he wasn't that successful with women. And as time went on it was even easier. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. The alternative? Her staying with me while she wanted to be with someone else? No thanks.

btw- that happened when I was about your age.

It may be difficult to do, but be honest with everyone. If the boyfriends best friend feels the same way, maybe he will take a page out of my post and be with you when you tell him.
 Okietokie88
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 14
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My Best Friend's Girl
Posted: 8/23/2009 4:21:45 PM
Wow so many good answers......But I want to address the dude who spoke of his son being 21 and he was sweating the draft....seriously? Your son worries about the draft;only draft like initiative that might ever happen in America would be conscription and that's a hell of'a stretch.
 Maltese_CanadianGuy
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 15
My Best Friend's Girl
Posted: 8/23/2009 5:25:37 PM
leave your boyfriend and leave his friend alone. Find someone else. Things will only get ugly if you dump your boyfriend for his friend. You run the risk of ending a friendship. Stop being so selfish and thinking about what you want. There are other more important things to think about.
 Greyfeld
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 17
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My Best Friend's Girl
Posted: 8/23/2009 7:56:02 PM
You don't seem to understand...


And I don't believe you can be with someone and never be attracted to anyone else, that's silly. People are beautiful creatures. I would just like to understand how to flatline this thing while I can...


There's always going to be attraction to different people. But the average person does not flirt and play around with it, because they love the person they are with, and it's more important to remain faithful and loyal than to even tempt the thought of screwing up the relationship.

In your specific situation, however, you're not staying with him for these reasons. You're staying in the relationship because you think that doing so will make him happy. Which is the wrong reason, because you're cheating him, and yourself, out of potentially more fruitful relationships with other people.


I've actually openly told my boyfriend that I would be perfectly alright with it if he slept with any other girl or as many as he wants while with me so long as he's honest about it. I don't want to keep him from experiencing life.


You can't seem to get it through your thick skull that maybe he doesn't WANT to bang other girls. He wants to have a 1-on-1 relationship with YOU. Obviously, monogamous relationships are not within your realm of understanding, and as such, the best course of action is to cut this guy loose before the situation gets any worse.
 mcwr
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 19
My Best Friend's Girl
Posted: 8/23/2009 8:28:05 PM

I confess to having a bit of a soft spot for true free spirits, too; you are a rare breed, and though (perhaps because) I myself am very earth-bound, I find your outlook charming and delightful.


Thats funny. I was thinking the opposite: "Sluts are a dime a dozen".


I took it pretty good. I was happy for them especially my best friend, because he wasn't that successful with women. And as time went on it was even easier. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. The alternative? Her staying with me while she wanted to be with someone else? No thanks.


I agree. I liked a girl in highschool, but my friend liked her more. So I let him have her. She actually contacted me earlier this year, and I found out that they had broken up, and she had dated over a dozen men AND women since then. And she has an STD. Then she started to send nude pictures. Gross!
 winteragain
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 20
My Best Friend's Girl
Posted: 8/23/2009 8:36:50 PM
ask for a threesome and hope your bf turns homosexxxuals then you get both of them. win win
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 21
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My Best Friend's Girl
Posted: 8/23/2009 9:22:02 PM
Dump the boyfriend. For the love of Benji, you are 19. Go out, have fun. Don't be rooted to some guy you aren't happy with.
However, stay the hell away from his friend. That ship has passed. It is NOT a good idea to date your ex's friends or family members. Nothing good can come out of it, no matter what "your heart" says.

Did I mention it's not a good idea to date your ex's friend or family?


I don't want to leave the boyfriend for the best friend, that would destroy my relationship with him, and divide all their friends. But I just can't be around him without feeling it. And I can't just avoid him.

Yes you can "avoid" him. Once you break up with BF, you got no reason to hang around best friend.
 rentahusband
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 22
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My Best Friend's Girl
Posted: 8/23/2009 9:27:57 PM
I used to think it was because it made them happy, and when people around me are happy, I'm happy.


Not that I'm a licence trained therapist or anything but from what I know, what you just said is almost the clinical definition of co-dependency. Relying on someone's else's feelings in order for you to feel the same?

As stated, you should NOT be in any sort of a relationship right now. What you're doing with the friend in front of your boyfriend is just cruel.......


And I don't believe you can be with someone and never be attracted to anyone else, that's silly. People are beautiful creatures. I would just like to understand how to flatline this thing while I can...


How shallow of you. Yes, you can be attracted to other people but that doesnt' mean you have to act on that attraction. Kind of like cars: just because you would LIKE to drive an aston martin doesn't mean you should neglect the car you own......

Sorry, you have a LOT of maturing to do before you get involved with anyone beyond a casual fling.....
 HazelRose
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 24
My Best Friend's Girl
Posted: 8/24/2009 3:31:05 AM
At 19 either it took you a while to graduate from high school or you are in your second year of college. From this perspective, relationships are like grades, ey go up and down depending on how much time you invest in them. You are getting a B+ from the beaus bestfriend (disgusting, but it happens), and a D+ from your main man. Either change majors, or flunk both, and start anew.
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 25
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My Best Friend's Girl
Posted: 8/24/2009 5:55:59 AM

I'm the kind of person that hates to pass up a connection. You know that spark you get when you meet someone and you just know there could be something awesome there? Whenever I feel it with someone it almost physically hurts to ignore it for him.


Sigh. This will happen to you throughout your entire life. Even when you are married. Even with married men. If you go flitting from one 'spark' to another, you will leave a heap of ruined men and relationships behind you. Don't kid yourself, you can't do this kind of thing without hurting people. Read what Invictus74 wrote to you.

Here's the thing. Life is not all about YOU. The planet was not constructed to please YOU. Therefore, you have to learn/understand that 'ya can't always get what you want'. That's one of the tasks of becoming a mature adult - NOT going after everything you want just because you want it. There's a thing called 'sacrifice' - meaning you give up something you want. People do it to be honourable, decent, and ethical. Hopefully, you aspire to be something other than a selfish little twit excusing your way through life and thinking that your duty in life is to make yourself happy - even at the expense of others.Which means that yes, sometimes you feel that 'spark' and you turn it away because to do otherwise will cause harm to somebody else - often, the person you have the 'spark' with.


Hard to ignore the feeling that says Kiss! when it's screaming in my brain because that's who I am. I'm not a whore, I just want to live in each moment given to me.

What do you think 'whores' do, exactly? Do you not think they want to 'live in each moment given to them?' I have news for you, kiddo - you're on your way to being just that.


For gawddd sake she is only 19

Meaning she's an adult. Time to start behaving like one.


of course I'll date many people. I just don't want to ruin anyone else's lives in the meantime.

People have feelings. They will develop feelings for you. Trying to pretend otherwise is selfish and shallow.


But it's who I am and I have to live with it.

And that, my dear, is utter and complete cr@p. We all have the power to change ourselves, control ourselves, behave responsibly, kindly, decently. Read some Albert Ellis. In fact, read pretty much any book on self-help - the whole point of therapy, self-help, etc. is precisely that people CAN change. Most importantly, they can grow and that is what you need to do.


Habitual tardiness is HUGE sign of disrespect.

Not true. It can be a sign that someone has executive function trouble (sometimes it means people have ADHD).
 TOMic bomb
Joined: 10/5/2008
Msg: 26
My Best Friend's Girl
Posted: 11/21/2009 7:15:37 PM
if you decide to go with the friend, PLEEZ

break up with the boyfriend FIRST!!!

don't go sneakin around his back.
 BlueEyes1712
Joined: 4/24/2008
Msg: 28
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My Best Friend's Girl
Posted: 11/21/2009 7:45:40 PM
Ya break up with your boyfriend and go with his friend. I have a feeling this friend doesnt have that long either.
 DIVISION77
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 29
My Best Friend's Girl
Posted: 11/21/2009 9:35:14 PM
You need to grow up.

Why would you even want an open relationship?

Would you really want to share him with other women?

Do you realize what kind of pandora's box that is?

Personally, I've never dated a woman who would want to share and I would wonder about one who would be OK with it.

Then you have the issue of STD's and sharing partners.......it's just not safe or clean.

The connection you have with one person is special and sacred.

To cheapen that by sharing your body with other men is just..........dirty.

It's the same as being a whore, essentially.

You can rationalize it however you want, but the end result is the same.

If I was your boyfriend, I'd dump you and let you and the best friend go at it while I talk to someone else.

Pale goth chicks are not exactly hard to find.................monogamous ones.


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