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 totoman
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 113
sex drive in women over 40Page 5 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
sex drive in women over 40


Wait. What are we talking about here? "sex drive" in women over 40 or a "sex drive-in" for woman over 40?
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 114
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sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/5/2009 1:01:43 PM
All I can say is that I'm currently involved with a woman my age (48), and she is an absolute wildcat. I'm kicking myself and wondering the hell I was ever thinking when I was wasting my time chasing those 20somethings.
 widowsdesire
Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 115
sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/5/2009 1:47:45 PM

Women's peak years are about 36 - 46. After that, there is a slow decline in their libido


I would like to know who comes up with these numbers? so many woman on these fora at whatever age, 30s, 40s , 50s seem to thing their sex drive is higher than it has ever been.

I for one am 54, soon to turn 55 this month. My sex drive has NEVER been higher than it is now.

I think each woman has their OWN personal sexual peak, and it varies from woman to woman. It is influenced by their culture, their personal life experience, their hormones, their presence of a willing partner. All these studies of when a woman reaches her peak are just plain BS.

As a scientist I would like to see the controls for a real study to make these statements.
Without controlling for these kinds of factors it is just FLUFF and meaningless.
Any scientist worth his or her stuff, would agree.

Women in unhappy relationships who would not be willing to cheat are going to have a low libido.

Women in happy relationships may have a very high libido.

Women with a high libido normally, who don't believe in casual sex may repress their sex drive if they do not have a committed partner.

If someone has a scientific reference with well defined controls I would like to see it.
For now, I believe a woman's drive depends on her life experience and her availability of an acceptable outlet.

If a woman of 60 says her libido has never been stronger, I would believe her. In fact, I would believe the self report of any individual woman rather than any other source.

Things changed when reliable birth control became available. What is true in 2009 would not be the same as the 1960s. There are two distinct populations of women, those who enjoy sex and those who don't. There always has been. You can't make a blanket statement about them all. Half my friends, like me can't get enough, and half my friends could not care less if they ever have sex again. Stop generalizing about women as a whole. Listen to the one you are with. That will be your only reliable report.
 Head451
Joined: 5/14/2006
Msg: 116
sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/5/2009 2:00:52 PM
Bull!...I'm 61 and just as horney (and able) as I was 30 yrs ago! Just that now I'm blessed with a catholicity of taste and the experience and care to share what I've learned.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 117
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sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/5/2009 2:59:26 PM

I for one am 54, soon to turn 55 this month.


It's laughable that anyone would think a post-menopausal, 55-year-old woman would have a greater sex-drive than a healthy, ovulating, 36-year-old female. The fifty-something woman usually has much lower levels of all relevant hormones----estrogen, FSH, LH, oxytocin, testosterone, DHEA, etc. Countless studies have shown that there is a gentle, but perceptible, decline in sex-drive (desire and arousal stages) in both men and women as the aging process continues. Here, as with everything else, notable exceptions don't nullify the rule. Apparently, there always has to be someone who questions the obvious.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 118
sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/5/2009 3:30:21 PM

Here, as with everything else, notable exceptions don't nullify the rule. Apparently, there always has to be someone who questions the obvious


Some people seem to need rules to cope. Others prosper in their absence. Some resort to rules selectively, and partially. Spitfire, I see nothing in your position to address or account for the mind, or mindset, of the sexual protagonist in your squinting view and reproach. Nor do you factor in the conditioning of the body. The mind is the center, and even lowered levels of whatever in the blood that feeds it are sufficient to support awesome levels of activity, ime, and routinely.
Btw, WidowsDesire has more credentials directly relevant to this subject than most of the authors of the reports of the "obvious" to which your post refers, and upon which your post's credibility rests. If she shares what she knows, I listen and absorb. I recommend that you do the same.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 119
sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/5/2009 3:33:46 PM
Yay, whytwater!

I agree with WidowsDesire. I'm almost 51 and my sex drive is as high as it's ever been (which means pretty much on "overdrive" - too bad I'm so choosy - LOL).
 widowsdesire
Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 120
sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/5/2009 4:03:22 PM

It's laughable that anyone would think a post-menopausal, 55-year-old woman would have a greater sex-drive than a healthy, ovulating, 36-year-old female.


Its laughable to think that a male thinks he knows more about an individual woman's sexuality than the woman herself.

I could gladly provide references to support my statements about my personal sexuality, however, documented proof would likely fall on deaf ears.

Secondly, you fail to acknowledge the FACT that the greatest sex organ is indeed the BRAIN, not the vagina, nor the penis, and where their is a will there is a way.

I stand by my prior statements.
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 121
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sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/5/2009 4:56:08 PM
An interesting subject. I have a few questions for the ladies:

1. How much of this increase is due to not having sex available on a regular basis (long term partner)? Pent up sexual desire over a long period of time.

2. Is this:

a. A hormonal increase (however, a hormonal increase would be questionable after menopause.
b. Increasing emotional need

3. For women who claim higher labido after menopause:

a. Can they experience an orgasm?
b. Does their body self-lubricate the vaginal area for intercourse?
c. Does sex partner interaction create the same physical (not looking at emotional) reactions they did 20 years ago?
d. Does sex partner interaction generate only strong emotions which are being interpreted as high libido?
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 123
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sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/5/2009 5:48:09 PM

widowsdesire----Secondly, you fail to acknowledge the FACT that the greatest sex organ is indeed the BRAIN, not the vagina, nor the penis


No....I acknowledged that when I said that levels of hormones tend to be significantly higher in 36 - 46 year old women than they are in 55-year-old women. Hormones and neurotransmitters (found abundantly in the peripheral structures AND the brain) help the brain to coordinate sensory stimuli with arousal responses.

Less estrogen and testosterone in women = lesser sex-drive. There is a drop-off in libido as people pass through middle-age. A decline doesn't mean that older people don't desire sex at all or don't have sex. Understand?



widowsdesire----where their is a will there is a way.


People with lower levels of sex hormones (such as many 55-year-olds) are much less willing to pursue sex. So, they are consequently less interested in finding a way.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 124
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sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/6/2009 8:12:54 AM
There sure are alot of "exceptions" to this rule of yours Spitfire.......

Maybe if all these professionals would actually just listen to women.....instead of
making all these assumptions based on chemical levels......people wouldn't be as misguided by the "facts" as you are.
 Hang2HeartU
Joined: 8/16/2009
Msg: 125
sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/6/2009 8:30:08 AM
'crystal.....'
Happy Birthday..!!
I'm saddened by your condition....
No Beautiful, eager Lady should have to be alone with their H****ness..!
Write me...Let's talk..!!
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 126
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sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/6/2009 12:18:50 PM

Maybe if all these professionals would actually just listen to women.....instead of making all these assumptions based on chemical levels......people wouldn't be as misguided by the "facts" as you are.


What assumptions? Hormones greatly affect sexual response. Healthy levels of sex hormones ensure a healthy sex-life, and low levels portend sexual dysfunction and/or disinterest. If a guy's testosterone, LH, FSH, and NO levels lower because of age, his libido drops. If a woman's estrogen, FSH, LH, oxytocin, or NO levels dwindle because of age.....same thing. Libido perceptibly drops. It's a natural, common occurrence. We know that if you give a woman a hysterectomy, or castrate a guy, libido plummets because production of vital hormones is reduced by those procedures. It's a FACT.

Age tends to do over time what reproductive surgery does in a day.

There's no need to "listen" to anyone's subjective accounts. There have been countless studies which directly correlate hormone levels to physical arousal to sexually-based stimuli. The correlations are incontrovertible.
 arabbeaut
Joined: 4/12/2009
Msg: 127
sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/6/2009 1:09:11 PM
You know I don't get it. Women and men both are horny teenagers. Then women settle for a while and loose it, while men keep on going that is why they cheat.

While we are preoccupied with cooking, cleaning, kids and work they use that excuse to have sex outside the relationship. When we are done with all the BS we have more time to focus on our own lives and that is when we put on our "youth" usually around 40 (kids grown up, husbands told off and life back on track) So our sex drives go back to our teenage years with the freedom and the smarts added on. Mine went crazy at one point, still good but there was a time when I couldn't control it.
 arabbeaut
Joined: 4/12/2009
Msg: 128
sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/6/2009 1:09:56 PM
Hey hun on this site you will not have a problem finding a playmate. LOL
 phedra de comtesse
Joined: 3/29/2009
Msg: 129
sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/6/2009 1:19:11 PM
i will say i have been a nympho for as far back as i remember....not a slut mind you...only had long term relationships...but i want sex ALL the time!


and now? its crazy....i swear im going to jump some poor man in line at the grocery store!!

so yes it gets stronger...i want it all the time...and if i do happen to get lucky and get it i want it even more.....

men have no idea that woman walk around with these strong sexual urges do they??

sex is on MY mind every second......good thing i have self control or those men would be in trouble...lol...
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 130
sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/6/2009 2:32:33 PM

men have no idea that woman walk around with these strong sexual urges do they??


Lol. Nooooooo, just an inkling about some, a flash, maybe a leering slow smile, deliberate tongue moistening parted lips, but on the whole, we're hip-deep defending ourselves against the torrent of quasi-criminal charges for the very same offense of lusting in our hearts. Lol

I know that Phedra, goosed by a goddess, lusted after a boy, but I shop in the Giant grocery store in Limerick, PA.
 phedra de comtesse
Joined: 3/29/2009
Msg: 131
sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/6/2009 8:04:51 PM
lol...oh too bad
 Hang2HeartU
Joined: 8/16/2009
Msg: 132
sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/6/2009 8:26:10 PM
'phedra...'...You poor Lady..!!
I'll bet the line is forming as I type....all the way around the Block...!!
But it sounds familiar...!!
I was Spoiled-Rotten by my late wife...for 5 very enlightening years...!
I was SO fortunate to find a woman that taught me how to arouse...then satisfy a woman...
And that it's even More enjoyable to please your partner as being pleased BY your partner..!!
I'm not sure if I Pity...or...Envy the next person to get _Either_ of us in the sack...[or the tub...or the diningroom table...or the livingroom floor...or...*...*...]
[Can we Talk..?? You'll have to write Me...]
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 133
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sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/7/2009 6:44:53 AM

What assumptions? Hormones greatly affect sexual response. Healthy levels of sex hormones ensure a healthy sex-life, and low levels portend sexual dysfunction and/or disinterest. If a guy's testosterone, LH, FSH, and NO levels lower because of age, his libido drops. If a woman's estrogen, FSH, LH, oxytocin, or NO levels dwindle because of age.....same thing. Libido perceptibly drops. It's a natural, common occurrence. We know that if you give a woman a hysterectomy, or castrate a guy, libido plummets because production of vital hormones is reduced by those procedures. It's a FACT.


Let me explain how there are numerous women in these forums alone that disprove that FACT.
The biggest sex organ is the.........brain!

I am in full blown menapause......all my levels are low.....and I don't take anything for them. So why do I feel like a cat in heat ready to brush up against my guy's leg every time I see him?
 13karat
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 134
sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/7/2009 7:21:48 AM

There sure are alot of "exceptions" to this rule of yours Spitfire.......

What I don't understand is why a 41 yr. old male is trying to "enforce" this rule on women over 40 anyway??? That makes as much sense as those men trying to tell women that they aren't ejaculating when they squirt, they are peeing.


If a guy's testosterone, LH, FSH, and NO levels lower because of age, his libido drops. If a woman's estrogen, FSH, LH, oxytocin, or NO levels dwindle because of age.....same thing. Libido perceptibly drops.

@ spitfire - by the age of 41, I would have thought that you had learned by now that women and men are not the same..... especially in the bedroom. Some men may need only hormones by which to measure their libido....but most women are not built like that. Most women have the mind involved... the emotions involved.... and thankfully, so do a lot of men.

There is a whole new field of medicine that is all about the mind body connection.... and especially how it affects the hormone levels in the body.... you might want to look it up. Unfortunately, they are primarily researching this connection in regards to the immune system, as that is a life or death thing quite often, where sexuality is not.

BUT... if you wish to read some intelligent research on female sexuality, find a copy of the Hite Report.... makes for very eye-opening research, by and large. It is not entirely up to date, but it is more up to date than you are. Sadly, Shere Hite quit writing in that field and moved to Europe, primarily because of the biases she ran into in the US.... go figure, eh?
 CharmedinKtown
Joined: 5/25/2009
Msg: 135
sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/7/2009 7:29:57 AM
Sure a woman's sex drive decreases with age, usually in the same amount her man stops caring for himself and complaining he wants someone younger lol. Ok all kidding aside, everyone is different and there is something to be said for meno and andropause. However that doesn't mean we need to let either grind down our physical side. Hormones play a part... of course.

But the intellectual, spiritual side of sexuality generally isn't affected by hormones. You may not physically want it as much but you still can think about it. Make the most of the times you do want to have sex. Experimentation, diversity and an understanding partner can make those times exceptional.

And if you are not experiencing this OP, why are you asking??? Who cares what the "norm" is. In this case not being the norm is a GOOD thing.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 136
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sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/7/2009 7:39:33 AM
The most current research suggests that the mind = the physical brain. Nothing more, nothing less. So, the hormone and neurotransmitter activity in the brain is what dictates sexual interest and response. Certainly, conditioning and personal experiences play a role in sexual interest; but hormones are, by far, the determining factors regarding the strength of sexual interest.

Are men and women different? YES. Men and women naturally produce very different levels, throughout life, of the same hormones. Of course there are differences in sexual expression between the genders. But, what remains the same between male and female is that sexual interest and activity in both genders are foundationally shaped and driven by the corresponding hormone levels in the brain.

Subjective accounts of sexual interest are worthless. Can anyone say for sure that they are more or less sexually driven than they were 10, or 25, or 30 years ago? Those answers are prone to be inaccurate. Memories can be faulty...they can be embellished or minimized.

Testing present arousal capability is much more reliable than trusting some 56-year-old to remember exactly how horny she or he was 35 years ago.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 137
sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/7/2009 8:16:42 AM

Memories can be faulty...they can be embellished or minimized.
Testing present arousal capability is much more reliable than trusting some 56-year-old


Mere repetition doesn't strengthen an argument. Neither does having a last word.
In this continuing colloquy, those with a differing view probably heard you the first time; I can't tell whether you have listened to anything directed to your posts. Reminds me of trying to communicate with someone who doesn't speak my language- yeah, the Babel fable. You can raise your voice, which is a common first resort, lol, or continue to reiterate what was neither understood nor accepted the first time- and it doesn't get you anywhere.
I have to wonder how accurate your lab test of my sexual response would be. Lol I mean, I can fvck just about anywhere, but venue does matter, as do the number and identity of the onlookers. And, what kind of gear or instruments are you gonna wire onto or into me to gauge my amorous passion levels? I really like to be free in those moments, one on one with a woman.
You're a finance guy, very smart, according to your profile. Do you know how many lab results are driven by the researcher is hoping to find? Did you know that a heartbeat/blood pressure tested in a doctor's office is always higher than it would be in a less stressful environment?
If you really think that human sexuality, and the merger of two, is an exercise in pure science, you haven't lived, my friend.
 widowsdesire
Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 138
sex drive in women over 40
Posted: 9/7/2009 8:33:24 AM
In the last decade I have been able to shut down my libido, and turn it back on.

My husband was ill and became impotent after a cancer surgery. I turned off the libido.
I became celebate and stayed faithful to my man. After his death I found my sex drive reared its ugly head. LOL

I do not engage in casual sex. At this stage in my life I find it meaningless. In a loving relationship I have a sex drive that knows no limits. I have said it before and I will say it again, I would make love with my man, any time, any day, anywhere. If the place would get us arrested, as long as he was willing to pay the bail and court costs, I would be up for it.

Recently when he came over for a quick visit before leaving town he asked me if I was hungry and wanted to go out to dinner. I said, "Sure" then as an after thought asked if it was a trick question, "Is this an either or offer, either dinner or sex, because if its a choice between making love and food, I want to make love, I eat three times a day every day, and would rather make love than eat any day." Thankfully, it was not an either or question, I got my dinner and my lovin'.

Sex drive in women and men IS NOT THE SAME. We are not built the same. A woman whose body does not make lubricant like it did when she was younger can use any number of products and still make love. Unlike a man who has to achieve an erection, we women have no limitation. If you can think it you can do it.

My body still responds to my man. Just thinking about him makes me wet. Talking to him on the phone just the sound of his voice makes me wet. Put me in the same room with him, and I can't hardly keep my hands off him. Good thing it doesn't take much to get him in the same frame of mind. He has to work at it to keep up with me, but he is
up for the challenge. I think he loves having a woman who desires him as much as I do.

Now, I do not give a dang about hormones. Like MsMicki, my libido is controlled by my brain, not my hormones. I shut it off when my husband was sick. I turned it back on when I met my current love. My sex drive is through the roof with no signs of stopping. It is a case of mind over matter.

There is plenty of evidence to say that younger women with a full complement of hormones, lose interest in sex if they have a partner that does not show them affection, attention and courtesy. When the men in those women's lives shows them appreciation, then all of a sudden their interest in sex returns. WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT! When will some of you men learn this. You do not want to accept the fact that we ladies if of the right frame of mind can be wild and live life with abandon well into our geriatric years, because it is our ATTITUDES and the WAY WE THINK that makes it so.
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