Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > 22, Never had a girlfriend      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Drusurfer06
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 26
22, Never had a girlfriendPage 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Well it is very difficult to not be desperate if you have been single your whole life, c'mon, an overwhelming majority of people have their very first boyfriend/girlfriend as teenagers, in high school, I hate being a late bloomer with a passion.
 Drusurfer06
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 27
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 4:16:15 PM
Your making it sound like as if a girl is going to pursue and chase me, make the first move on me, and ask me out on a date, have you forgotten the fact that it is the Man's role to do that? Eventhough I hate it being up to the guy, there is nothing I can do to change it.
 chilledandserved
Joined: 5/12/2009
Msg: 28
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 7:26:17 PM
Just pick a fat girl, she'll do it with you. Then the monkey will be off your shoulders.
 Ice-ey9
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 29
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 8:17:33 PM
Half assed canned responses aside, ill try and relate to this problem. See I had a former co-worker who was also a virgin but he was in his late twenties. Sometimes the sex and experience discussions came up and I kept reflecting. Other then confidence there is an inherent 'value' system that is an important dynamic in modern relationships between men and women. In my younger days I never seemed to have issues with the ladies, its also interesting that I was the perfect description of an aloof laid back nice jerk. I'm not sure what it is but some element of self absorption attracts them. I never really thought about it much but I always found that the less chasing I didn the more successful I was. And of course, I had
my bumbling moments as I tried to navigate my way through 'the game'. But its more then self confidence. Its an ability to demonstrate one's WORTH, that YOU are a valuable catch without holding up a neon side over your head. Another thing is don't ever take any shit man, especially early on. Do what you do and act with conviction, never half assed. Make her believe that SHE's worthy enough to be with YOU and not the other way around. Reward her only when and if she deserves it.
 counterCLOCKWORK
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 30
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 11:22:25 PM
Thanks for all the replies and everyone being generally nice.

This is for some guy who responded earlier: The reason I didn't go for that girl with the boyfriend is that she had been going out with him for 3 years and was thinking of being with him forever. She was near her mid 20s and I at the time 21. Also, she said she'd give him 3 months then break up with him, but she never did so at that time there was really nothing I could do.

The most frustrating aspect is I often feel very lonely and wished I had someone to be with and hold. I got very close to being in a real relationship but it never happened but it was the single greatest time of my life, and I just want that back again.

Lots of it really is wanting to feel that great again. And I really want to kiss someone. I've done it before but I miss it a lot, and just wanting even that isn't too much to ask I hope.

I know what you mean about trying to be the prize and such, but I feel like I've tried every technique there is. When I try to "be the prize" I get called an ***hole who thinks too highly of himself (true story) and when I try to show my feelings I quickly get rejected.

I truly believe the best thing to do is the 100 percent be myself. I don't necessarily believe in a lot of "tips and tricks" because it's all a fabrication. What's the point of not being yourself to get a girlfriend when you have to be yourself around her eventually anyway? I really just want to be myself and be liked for who I am, it's just rare to find someone who thinks that same way.
 _jay_see_
Joined: 11/24/2007
Msg: 31
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/28/2009 11:27:26 PM

I always found that the less chasing I didn the more successful I was

That worked for you, because you've perfected being a stuck-up jerk and because you're already banging so many women that your confidence is just natural

But it doesn't work for everyone, especially not for less experienced guys.

I took several months off, not approaching women at bars/clubs, and not making any effort at all to attract a woman.

And you know what happened? Nothing.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 32
view profile
History
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/29/2009 8:23:17 AM
Can it be-? A Latino who doesn't "score"-?

"I'm not her type". Why do they give you their #s and say "yes" to a date then? Y'ever think that they're not YOUR type? Change your type, be open-minded to other types, if you're not getting anywhere with these types.

As far as the heart condition, doctors don't know everything. Step up the cardio exercise a bit. It'll be great for health and confidence. Pop a Vitamin E & Omega 3 & 4 fish oil every day. Lay off the saturated fats in food. Use olive oil for cooking, and throw in a little garlic for good measure (just not before a date...bad breath and garlic sweat lol).
 counterCLOCKWORK
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 33
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/29/2009 9:06:32 AM
I don't know what people mean by "type." I always thought that having a "type" was stupid and limits your choices, there's lots of great people of all different types. I've tried dating black, white, spanish, asian, indian girls...and girls of all different interests and looks. A girl I fell in love with my friends told me I was "out of her league" and I still didn't care.

If I did have a type I'd say it's girls interested in the arts like me, that's mostly what I want but it's more of a best case scenario. I have even less luck with girls who have the same interest as me even though that's most what I would want to date. I always thought it would be easier connecting with someone with similar interest but I find those girls pickier than most. It's not enough to them that we like the same music or the same movies or doing the same things for fun, they apparently need something else that they think I don't have.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 34
view profile
History
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/29/2009 1:42:51 PM

When humans lived in small tribes rather than large cities, there were smaller numbers of women available, and there were often dominant men (alphas) in the tribe, who had control over the females.


Agreed. But now there are huge numbers of available women contrasted with guys almost everywhere on earth. Men are actually the rarer commodity today, so simple assertiveness should guarantee a woman for every guy who pursues it. Don't count on women initiating relationships, even when a woman wants a certain guy. They are simply less likely to pursue it, given their biochemistry and, to a lesser extent, their conditioning.



I always thought that having a "type" was stupid and limits your choices, there's lots of great people of all different types.


Agreed. Some guys may be too picky, and that might limit their success in establishing relationships.
 Drusurfer06
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 35
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/29/2009 6:39:26 PM
Yeah I believe that, but it's still very rare for a girl to pursue and chase a guy, ask him out on a date.
 Drusurfer06
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 36
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/29/2009 6:40:02 PM
Why do you think it's better if the guy initiates everything with the girl in the beginning?
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 37
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/29/2009 8:14:50 PM
Hey man it's a numbers game, their has to be people like you, there has to be certain types of people, what i mean by that is not everybody can be successful with women or "get lucky" if that was the case there not be sites like this and dating guru's and such the best thing you can do is roll with the punches, sooner or later somebody just as miserable or feels like you will run into you and you guys would in love and live happily ever after with the picket fences and the works. chill out your just a kid.
 _jay_see_
Joined: 11/24/2007
Msg: 38
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/29/2009 9:25:22 PM

Men are actually the rarer commodity today


Not really. There are more old (over 50) women than men, and after you take out pregnant women, lesbians and women who are already taken, there are very few single women compared to single men.

Also women don't mind sharing a powerful, popular guy with other women and this makes it harder for the less popular ones like me.

Nature is nature. It's not fair or kind. For there to be winners there must be losers too.
 _jay_see_
Joined: 11/24/2007
Msg: 39
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/29/2009 10:08:08 PM

Do you mean skanks? True women or ladies do NOT like to share their man,,,


This isn't skanky, it's just natural behavior.

Generally a woman doesn't want to share, but if it's a choice between sharing a popular alpha male or having a beta male all to herself, she'll generally choose the alpha. There are evolutionary models that explain why this is the better choice.

It's ironic that women go on and on about how the value faithfulness, loyalty, trustworthiness, etc.

Yet one of the entry-level requirements for having a relationship with them is to be a confident, alpha guy who's sexually experienced.
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 40
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/29/2009 10:10:32 PM
I really dont understand you guys in your twenties who are virgins and dont want to be ... When I was your age I was very very shy ... a nerd and otherwise known as one of those guys ... i was not into sports and basically a social outcast ...in my peer group ... I was the one they taunted and accused of being gay ...basically I was a social introvert ....

BUT I got laid way to much ..and even had several girlfriends ...even broke a few hearts ....,. I moved out of my peer group...I made friends ...you know there are nerd girls also girls that are social introverts ... that have not yet entered into social popularity ... they need company and yes even sex also ...spend all your time chasing the popular girls who are more socially evolved than you and all you are going to get is used teased and hurt

just dont do as I did ... after getting laid a few times and getting a few girls to care about me....and breaking a few hearts ...gaining confidence I moved into the realm of popularity I became the thing I had cursed ... I even found out that all the jocks that were sleeping with all the cheerleaders were lying ... after I became popular and became friends with the star jock at my school I fixed him up with the first girl he had ever slept with ...I even got a date with the head cheerleader who all the jocks were said to have had ...and I took her virginity ...I became one of them ..which was a far worse curse than being a social outcast

Get your mind off getting laid and get it on making friends having sex will happen all too soon ...when you stop chasing it

I think I have heard it said ...be careful what you wish for ...you might just get it
 Drusurfer06
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 41
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/29/2009 11:30:33 PM
I hate it with a huge passion when people say, "grow a pair", "be a man", "because you are a man, you need to be one", I hate all those sexist phrases, people say those phrases as to the reason why the guy has to take the initiative, be the one to approach the girl, make the first move, start a conversation, ask her out. Why? Is it because Men are the more dominant, stronger Sex? Is that why? Man I wish the Dating and Courtship process in us Humans is like the Animal Kingdom, that way I can fight another Male in order to get the girl. I would love to beat up or even kill a girl's boyfriend just to take out my anger and frustration, I WOULD MAKE HIM SQUEAL AS I BREAK HIS ****IN' NECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 42
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/29/2009 11:39:37 PM

I would love to beat up or even kill a girl's boyfriend just to take out my anger and frustration, I WOULD MAKE HIM SQUEAL AS I BREAK HIS ****IN' NECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


You dont need a woman ...you need a doctor ...fast !!!!

where is the pleasure in sleeping with someone who dont want you ....or who wanted you because you won her in a fight
 Calientecutie
Joined: 4/5/2009
Msg: 43
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/30/2009 1:20:14 PM
you should be proud of yourslef...i have met women who are virgins ...and they are in their late twentys
it should not be double standard...if you are socializing and dating...it is not a problem
i would rather know that you are descent than a slut
good luck
 Erinlove
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 44
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/30/2009 3:25:24 PM
The answer seriously lies in the alpha/beta man stuff. Like take that guy that keeps whining. He sounds like a woman, he is going on and on about how he wants to be treated like a lady. He is not turning anyone on lol. He is after beta, whats that? delta?

So if you want girls, don't be like that lol. The problem with sharing feelings is you become beta. When you act like a jerk, women can tell you are acting and you become a yucky beta.

There are things you can do to make you more alpha without being a jerk you know lol. Just don't call often, don't praise her for everything, don't compliment her constantly and hang back and let her call you sometimes. Take your time about it. That doesn't require changing anything but your urgency, not your personality so much.

You're only 22. If you want loads of women become a doctor or fireman xD.. Even the nerdy ones pretty much have their pick. You have to be fun, sexy or a provider type to attract women. What they all have in common is a certain degree of selfishness and male pride.
 Drusurfer06
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 45
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/30/2009 4:38:49 PM
Well it is very frustrating having been single for 21 years, most people have had their first boyfriend/girlfriend already, I hate being a late bloomer.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 46
view profile
History
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/30/2009 4:40:34 PM

I hate it with a huge passion when people say, "grow a pair", "be a man", "because you are a man, you need to be one", I hate all those sexist phrases, people say those phrases as to the reason why the guy has to take the initiative, be the one to approach the girl, make the first move, start a conversation, ask her out.


Choice #1: Sack up. Grow a pair. Be a man. Be assertive in initiating relationships with women. Get going. Just do it.

Choice #2: If you happen to be one of the very rare guys out there whom are able to successfully sit back and wait around for an assertive woman to sweep them off their feet, then just sit tight and wait.

Choice #3: Resign yourself to being alone in life, not wanting the pleasures of sexual relationships.

Those are the three reasonable choices. Whining about not being able to find someone is not one of those reasonable choices. Whining is based on both weakness and delusion. There's nothing for an able-bodied, average guy to whine about when it comes to finding companionship. You have your choices (listed above), so go with what suits you. That's all that needs to be said.



Why do you think it's better if the guy initiates everything with the girl in the beginning?


Men have, on average, 10 times the testosterone levels that women do. All of our social arrangements have been shaped by that fact for millennia. Even in today's cultures, men are generally expected to take the lead in initiating and maintaining relationships with women. That is what most commonly works. There are exceptions; but the exceptions are much more rare.

You have all that testosterone for a reason. Use it.
 _jay_see_
Joined: 11/24/2007
Msg: 47
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/30/2009 6:36:57 PM

There are things you can do to make you more alpha without being a jerk you know lol. Just don't call often, don't praise her for everything, don't compliment her constantly and hang back and let her call you sometimes. Take your time about it. That doesn't require changing anything but your urgency, not your personality so much.


You can do all the above and still look like a beta. Little subtleties in your body-language, lifestyle, etc. will reveal that you're not really getting laid much.

I don't think that *not* calling a woman has *ever* worked for me.

For example, I met a girl while speed dating and we exchanged contact details. I decided to play hard-to-get and not give her a call. Guess what happened? She didn't call either.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 48
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/30/2009 6:38:21 PM
Dr Surfer

It's not right that you hijacked this thread for your own purposes. You have your own thread on the topic of why men have to initiate relationships etc etc......

If people wanted to talk about that they would go to your thread. You are taking away from the OP's thread. Your topic is not he same as his.
 _jay_see_
Joined: 11/24/2007
Msg: 49
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 8/30/2009 8:29:45 PM

Maybe the local girls only bang dudes who wear Fenchurch this summer and OP is behind the times. The local Fonz will know whatever it is. You don't have to BE the Fonz. Just learn from him.

So say I notice that this guy is wearing Fenchurch and getting chicks.

There are 2 problems with imitating his dress style:

1. You don't know whether it's his fashion style that's getting him laid, or something different (e.g. good body posture, being funny and witty, having a reputation for being good in bed, combination of the above).

2. If it is his fashion style after all, maybe it works for him because it suits him, but would look strange if you wore it.
(See 'Congruence tests', http://www.pualingo.com/pua-definitions/congruence-test/)
 ali.fayad
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 50
I'm not looking for sex, I'm looking for a serious, long-term, committed relationship, seriously, wo
Posted: 8/30/2009 10:57:18 PM
this is right because usually girls dont start a relationship. they will always have the choice to accept or refuse.
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > 22, Never had a girlfriend