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 Uncle Fist
Joined: 12/18/2006
Msg: 76
22, Never had a girlfriendPage 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

Maybe SoSuave.com is a better choice.

(Although my take on the seduction community is that the advice only works for some guys, but always works for the one's selling books/CDs/seminars.)


As someone who has personally benefited from SoSuave, I strongly urge you to at least look into it now that I've looked at your profile.



when you said that assertive men get the women, not all the time, because even if a man is confident and assertive, he is still going to risk getting rejected.


As the great Wayne Gretzky once said, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."

The thing about rejection is this. Simply put, fear is a motherfücker. It magnifies things to bigger than what they really are. A lot of people are afraid of getting punched in the face. But if you've ever actually been punched in the face, sure it doesn't feel good, but it's not exactly a big, permanent, life altering event. It hurts for a minute, and then it goes away. It's not nearly as terrible as the fear in your mind made it out to be. It's not even uncommon to laugh at how little it actually hurt compared to how much you expected it to hurt.

This is the underlying principle of fear no matter what it applies to in your life. 9 times out of 10, your fear of an outcome is much worse than the actual outcome itself. When you worry about and fear rejection, your mind builds it up into this huge, catastrophic, life-destroying ordeal. You assume the worst. "What if she thinks I'm an idiot? What if she tells me to go fück myself? What if she makes fun of me?" The truth of the matter is that this rarely ever happens. The most you are likely to get in a typical rejection scenario is a reasonably polite "no thanks." No different from asking someone to borrow a quarter and them telling you no. It's really that uneventful. And if you do find yourself in a situation where a woman is shìtty and rude to you, consider yourself lucky. She just saved you the time you would have wasted on getting to know a mean and nasty person.

Once you've been turned down a few times and you realize it's not the end of the world, you'll laugh at how big of a deal you used to think it was. Then it takes all the scariness out of approaching, and you can just relax and have fun with it.



8soldierfalcon8 - You've made some excellent points on the topic of attraction (i.e. people naively expecting a soul mate to fall out of the sky, people who hate themselves expecting other people to love them), but your overall outlook on life seems rather grim. It seems to somewhat contradict the good advice you gave earlier about getting out, being happy, and enjoying life.
 Technical Buddha
Joined: 3/11/2005
Msg: 77
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/2/2009 5:16:58 PM
In regards to the OP. short of you truly valuing your virginity, which is admirable....

I suggest a um..... what's the politically correct term? A call girl. Certain street wise limo drivers will know exactly where to point you. ( cabbies/ limo drivers rock)


Its relief, its experience, its fun, and it will get any insecurity you have out of you. Like other people have said before me, you have what it takes and I seriously doubt you have bad luck.

In my opinion, you're still in the kiddie pool and you need to take a dive in the lake. You're much more likely to catch a fish in the lake, catch my meaning?

By any means , this isn't a strict to do list, just some suggestions here.

You'll make a girl happy pretty soon, I'm sure of it.
 counterCLOCKWORK
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 78
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/2/2009 8:06:38 PM
I would never go for a call girl. I'm not going to do something illegal and in my opinion gross. I just have to find what works for me.

And yes I have bad luck, and I'm not using that as an excuse though you easily could. I know you don't know me so it's hard to gauge but any friend I have will tell you the circumstances that have happened in my life seem almost impossible at some points and a female friend of mind once told me I should seriously consider writing a book because my stories are so unbelievable they almost seem like fiction.

One time I was almost guaranteed sex when a girl was going to come to my empty house one friday morning. We planned it the night before, and knew what we planned on doing. Waking up I was so excited and I look out my window only to see a foot of snow. It was the worst snowfall of the year and she couldn't get her car out of the snow to drive to my house. Another opportunity with that girl never again surfaced because she told me she didn't actually like me a couple weeks later.

This is one girl out of an uncountable amount of crazy similar situations, not necessarily pertaining to sex because I do care about other things.

Yes, I know "shit happens". BUT for ONCE I want that shit to go my way.
 counterCLOCKWORK
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 79
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/2/2009 9:42:28 PM
When I woke up there was a foot of snow outside, it got much worse as it went on and I wouldn't want anyone I cared about driving in that weather for any reason.

I liked her very very very much, and still do to this day...so idk if I would've cared if she liked me or not to tell the truth.

It really is just hard to find someone who feels strongly for you, and it's much harder to find that mutually. That's why I don't believe in a lot of tips and tricks...I'm not trying to "trick" someone into liking me...they have to just get to know me and like me for the person I am or not. Unfortunately so far it's been the "not" part. I rather be true to myself and be happy with someone who knows what I'm really like.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 80
view profile
History
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/3/2009 9:50:09 AM

Another opportunity with that girl never again surfaced because she told me she didn't actually like me a couple weeks later.


What many of us don't understand is why didn't you attempt to create another opportunity to get with this girl (that you claim to like so much) during those 14 days between the time you got snowed out and the time she told you she didn't like you? It's almost like you had a "now or never" mentality concerning that one opportunity with the empty house, and since that didn't happen, you gave up.

I can tell you that lots and lots of plans get thwarted during the dating process. That happens all the time. You have to improvise and keep changing/updating plans in order to make sure that you can be with the girl you like. Opportunities don't just surface---they are created through male initiative. I'm really wondering why you're not receptive to that when it's been mentioned again and again on the thread.....
 Drusurfer06
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 81
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/3/2009 10:19:43 AM
Well after too many years of being single, I just have to let my anger and frustration and jealousy out of myself.
 winteragain
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 82
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/3/2009 10:23:13 AM
Yo dawg it's hard to get arrested for kissing so when you get a girl in your room alone go for one little smooch. Worse thing that happens is she never wants to see you again which I think is unlikely I mean how many girls do you know cuts off all communication with a guy just for kissing them. Shows them you mean Biznazz nawm sayin G
 Ice-ey9
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 83
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/3/2009 10:27:54 AM
You make being single sound like some kind of prison sentence or punishment. It really isn't. I'm assuming when you say 'girlfriend' you are meaning more then just a friend in the sense of the word. Ie: you don't mouth f**k your female friends. Look man, being single really isn't that bad. Have you entertained the possibility that you are capable of finding someone to play with while your still single? It will certainly help with the self defeating attitude. Usually women will respond more favorably to a man who is getting his needs fulfilled one way or another, takes the desperation out of the picture.
 Drusurfer06
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 84
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/3/2009 10:28:46 AM
Well sometimes Women can interpret it as Sexual Harassment, geeze, I seriously ****in' hate it how Women think Men are stalking them eventhough they still expect us Men to do the pursuing and initiating, I know that stalking means you keep pursuing someone when they are not interested in you, but often times Women make it very unobvious or unclear that they are not interested in the Man, like I wish they would tell the Man straight in his face to **** off or go away, because often times I mistake playing hard to get for being uninterested, I have a very hard time picking up and reading subtle hints.
 counterCLOCKWORK
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 85
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/3/2009 2:05:17 PM
Spitfire...it wasn't a one and done thing..I had tried many times but I'm not gonna go into that on this message board. Also, I know things go by male initiative, which is why I always try to initiate everything. But then when I do that and it doesn't work my friends say, "just sit back, something will happen."

To that other guy, I know kissing isn't illegal, but every time I've tried to kiss a girl out of the blue I've been rejected. It doesn't stop me from trying though haha.

And to another guy...Yes I've thought about getting with other people and not having a gf but that's just as hard. No one in my life hasn't rejected me or wanted to hook up with me, so trying that hasn't worked as well.

I just get frustrated because I feel I'm smart and talented and fun to be around and I don't get why no one sees that as admirable...and the ones that do are always involved with someone else already.
 Uncle Fist
Joined: 12/18/2006
Msg: 86
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/3/2009 5:07:55 PM

I liked her very very very much, and still do to this day...so idk if I would've cared if she liked me or not to tell the truth.


You liked someone who told you they did not like you. This person was willing to give you pity sex but realized they could not go through with it because they were not attracted to you. And you still have feelings for this person.

Are you a masochist? I'm not saying this to be mean. Sometimes it just helps to have a neutral third party point out the obvious.



That's why I don't believe in a lot of tips and tricks...I'm not trying to "trick" someone into liking me...they have to just get to know me and like me for the person I am or not. Unfortunately so far it's been the "not" part. I rather be true to myself and be happy with someone who knows what I'm really like.


The problem with this common mentality is that it's the ego talking. It's well intended but misinformed. Ultimately, you do have to be who you are in order to be happy, but if who you are is not able to attract a mate and this is something that bothers you, then you are not truly happy being yourself as you currently are. Giving yourself the ultimatum of "being myself and being single" vs. "tricking someone into liking me" closes off the possibility of personal growth and change for the sake of your own continuing happiness.

People become very married to the identities they've acquired by the time they're adults. They become closed off to new things and new experiences that are not in line with "who" they already are. As children, something new comes our way and we explore it. If we like it, it becomes part of us. If we don't, we move on. Once we reach an age where we feel like our likes and dislikes as well as our experiences have defined us as people, we tend to close ourselves off to the possibility of any further change or new experience. We develop ruts and routines that we cling to for purpose of safety. If these things are who we are, we wouldn't know who we were without them. We've forgotten how to just be like we were when we were kids.

When you develop a personality/identity that does not possess basic traits considered to be attractive to most other people, it is unrealistic to expect everyone else to change to meet your need for a mate. You can opt to rigidly adhere to this identity you've acquired that might be enjoyable to you but is clearly not giving you everything you need to be truly happy (since you still desire a mate), or you can let go and feel free to experiment with that identity as a free flowing, constantly changing thing. As a result, you experience a variety of different things, acquire a variety of new personality traits, and ultimately get much more out of life.

It is a much freer and more rewarding way to live than steadfastly clinging to who you currently think you are. It's that clinging that is keeping you from the things you want.
 Guardian27
Joined: 11/21/2007
Msg: 87
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/3/2009 8:44:26 PM
Dude, I feel your pain, been there done that. Seriously though, you're trying WAY too hard. It sounds like you need to build up some self confidence. You're so upset that things aren't happening for you on a relationship/sexual level that it sounds like it's become a focal point in your life. Why try to force something like that to happen? I was 23 when I lost my virginity. I waited until I was married and it was the best choice I ever made. (Maybe not the best woman I've ever chose, but still best decision.)

Seriously, relax and let it happen naturally. Women love a guy that's confidet and sure of himself. If you've got yourself together, everything else will fall into place. Don't get down because some loser didn't want you. If she didn't want you, then she's not worth your time.

KEEP YOUR CHIN UP!
 counterCLOCKWORK
Joined: 8/21/2009
Msg: 88
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/3/2009 10:28:49 PM
I don't know why some people think I only go for hot girls with nothing in common with me. I almost never go for "hot" girls or conventionally good looking ones. My friends say I chase ugly girls all the time and it's annoying because I don't see it in that way and it's not nice to call these girls they don't know ugly. I go for girls based on their personality and similar interests. When a girl and I see things in similar ways I find it very attractive. If I can ask a girl what her favorite Malle is and she has an answer I'm sold right there.

The reason I am frustrated is because I feel like I've tried everything plausible. I've tried getting to know a girl for a long time and then telling her I think she's cool for years and the only thing it ever did was let girls tell me I was only their friend. So after awhile I decided to stop doing that and decided to go after girls more with more serious intentions. That worked much better than the being friends method did, but obviously still hasn't panned out. I've tried waiting months and months before kissing girls and doing it when I thought they liked me and I've tried just doing it spontaneously a few times and everytime I've been rejected.

Why does it bother me? Well aside from some personal reasons, I mean, I'm a dude! I love women and I see them on the street or in my classes and I love being around them and wanting to be with them. It's just something natural in me and I desire women so much. I also just get lonely. I don't have a ton of friends at home and want someone to cuddle up with a watch a movie.

and Guardian, I think it's great you waited. Believe me for certain girls I know I would wait and marry them before I had sex and I woudn't care one bit. I'm not trying to be a player, I don't care about that. But see by 23 at least you were able to find someone who loved you and you loved back and wanted to be in a relationship with you. If that could happen to me I'd wait too.
 Vanders Mark
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 89
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/3/2009 11:18:33 PM

I've tried waiting months and months before kissing girls and doing it when I thought they liked me and I've tried just doing it spontaneously a few times and everytime I've been rejected.


There's a fine line you're missing here...and it has to do with getting out of your own head and really focusing on the interaction...LOOK at her...pay attention to her eyes...her SMILE...if her face doesn't light up when she sees you...you're not just gonna plant a kiss on her....

And you're on to something here...it's not respectful to wait around to kiss a gal...they're waiting for you...and they need to be "taken" WHEN YOU SENSE THE TIME IS RIGHT. There are no ambiguous "subtle cues"...just pay attention to her and soon enough you'll be able to read people like a fricken book....


I'm a dude! I love women and I see them on the street or in my classes and I love being around them and wanting to be with them. It's just something natural in me and I desire women so much.


RIGHT ON! And you'd probably derive no greater pleasure than making her scream in orgasmic ecstacy...you just need to reprogram your unconscious beliefs about sexuality.....

http://masterful-lover.com/

I think you need a success story that you may be able to relate to...you know I started dating rather late due to some unusual circumstances...of course I didn't know what the hell I was doing...NONE of us do when we first start out. After years of figuring myself out and screwing up a bunch of opportunities...I stumbled across that lil website...and the lightbulb went on...it's more than just techniques...this guy has some truely inspiring ideas of what it means to truely be a man...and you'll discover a lot about your OWN sexuality in the process. You know what? at the ripe old age of 25 I finally lost my virginity...but I did it right...I connected with a woman (7 years my elder, btw) and I blew her f*ckin' mind...SHE blew MY f*ckin' mind with her capacity for pleasure....

She'd probably still be with me if circumstances had been different...but you know what the best thing is? I know damn well that a barely scratched the surface with this gal...knowing things can be THAT much better than they already were....there's all the confidence you need....
 Technical Buddha
Joined: 3/11/2005
Msg: 90
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/4/2009 5:51:34 PM

I would never go for a call girl. I'm not going to do something illegal and in my opinion gross. I just have to find what works for me.


In some places, its not illegal, and no, its not gross. Especially not in most places in California like Beverly Hills, LA, and San Diego for example. I'm not 100% sure here, but you can get some sort of license for it.

There's never been any gross dealings. Always discreet, always had class, and always an educational (and satisfying) experience. They can teach you how to be a true gentleman, and not just in bed. You seem confident enough already in that , which brings me to...

IMO, I simply think you need to get laid a few times before you have your head on straight. (both of them.) I don't intend to be offensive or anything, what worked for me might not work for you.
 Ice-ey9
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 91
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/4/2009 8:50:03 PM
Picking up and interpreting signals is definitely not an easy skill to acquire. Its not something that can be learned from a book. Once you have determined that someone has already taken a liking to you, it doesn't end there. Securing her admiration is one thing - releasing her from her inhibitions is another. It all starts with the first kiss - should come naturally because the positive signals will be there. Don't divulge all your secrets before this - that can be anti seductive if you reveal too much too soon. You will get maybe one or two opportunities to grasp and it is imperative to make that one bold move at the right place at the right time. Screw that up and it isn't going to go anywhere - do nothing and it certainly won't go anywhere. Waiting for her to do something in that moment is absolutely wrong, a big no-no, it is that one time that you can reveal your true intentions. You don't need permission from her to do it, the point of the bold move is to demonstrate that you are willing to take the risk. The point I'm trying to make is that reading her subtle cues is absolutely key to success and happiness especially when trying to court a new love interest.
 Drusurfer06
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 92
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/5/2009 1:02:26 PM
Seriously, us men have it so much harder.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 93
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/5/2009 2:00:42 PM
Oh yeah. Us men have it so hard.

At least we don't have to out make up on, curl and blow dry our hair, shave our legs, pick out a large variety of clothes, find matching clothes, shoes and accessories. I probably haven't even touched the surface of what a woman goes through for an evening out. Especially if she hopes to get a mans attention that she likes. You see, even though she might like you, you might have your eye on another girl.

As far as the rejection side of it goes. If a woman goes through all of the effort to attract a man (maybe you) in the first place, then the least you could do is make an effort. No one likes rejection. If you do as the other posters suggest and learn to read body language (it's really not that hard) then the chance of anyone getting rejected is minimized. It isn't full proof, but look at some of the basics. You try to talk to her and she's looking elsewhere, walks away or doesn't seem interested. C'mon, I'm sure you know what that means. She's hanging on your every word, faces her body towards you, ignores the other people around. And as far as the kiss goes, you should know if she is interested in a kiss before you even go there. There are steps before this kiss. Did you hold hands?
 Vanders Mark
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 94
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/5/2009 8:25:12 PM

Seriously, us men have it so much harder.


I would feel so increadibly helpless if I was a woman and had to wait for a man to approach me...from where I stand...society screws with women 100 times more than men...

You'll change when you're ready to...the only person that can help you is yourself. In the meantime....have fun wallowing in your self pity...
 Drusurfer06
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 95
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/7/2009 2:00:28 AM
How come the man's balls or testicles are the reason why the man has to initiate?
 smaxh
Joined: 4/21/2009
Msg: 96
view profile
History
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/7/2009 4:07:04 AM
maybe god is working against you.. he has a bigger plan for you.. a divine plan.. hes keeping you away from the sins of the times..


BULLFUCqINSHIT!

girls are turned off because you are 22, chasing girls in the same age group.. who have by now had enough male company and have had enough sex to be comfortable in their skin and in their sexuality.. you on the other hand is looking for a long term commitment or a relationship or a females company hoping them to do your the favor of taking away your virginity.. this is not heaven my man.. this is the real world.. like the people said before.. have fun, get to know yourself sexually too through any means (calls girl, booty call etc etc)

then take a deep breath and tell yourself that girls aren't everything in life and if you have your manly needs they can easily be taken care of anytime.. create more opportunity by being out as much.. i mean 3-4 days a week, as possible.. meet some people.. talk to people in the real world and stop crying these rivers on the internet.. 'cuz my man the adrenaline that you get in the real world is nothing compared to the sissy games we play here..

and finally MAN THE FUQ UP! You don't need girls to define who you are and what you are made of.. make yourself as powerful and as strong as possible.. research venues that you haven't before.. go out there and do some bloody yoga, run a mile.. because today is the day you break off the routine.. today is the day you have realized that real men don't cry they take action and take initiative and when real girls see that they can spot a winner, The Real Man!!

This talk about confidence and fake****ness gets you nowhere in life if your lifestyle isn't congruent..confident men don't cry they learn from mistake and they apply it in the real world.. any fears you have.. stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself... you are 'effin old and anything that comes YOU CAN HANDLE IT! stop being scared of the boogie man in the dark!!!!! GOD DAMN IT!
Now turn off your computer and head out and the first cute girl that you meet out in the mall or the coffee shop.. go tell her that you think that shes cute and you guys should have a coffee.. if rejected you did what I told you to do above and your reality will start to change with time.. you'll see the world as opportunity instead of a prison and if accepted.. well there you go Delete your account on POF because the real world awaits you...
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 97
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/8/2009 1:23:15 AM

8soldierfalcon8 - You've made some excellent points on the topic of attraction (i.e. people naively expecting a soul mate to fall out of the sky, people who hate themselves expecting other people to love them), but your overall outlook on life seems rather grim. It seems to somewhat contradict the good advice you gave earlier about getting out, being happy, and enjoying life.


That tends to happen when you see enough people kill each other, or witness people do utterly evil things.

Also, divorce tends to make us cynical.

That said, I am a very, very happy person. I just choose to view and accept the negative as well as the positive.

I aim for a happy, but realistic world view. Balance with happy is a happy balance.

:)
 brooklynro
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 98
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/8/2009 1:10:34 PM
are you a major tool is that why you "are not her type"? sometimes confidence can be misconstrued as arrogance...dont sweat it bro, if you get to 30 without sex then i will personally take you to nevada and pay for your 30th birthday present.
 JoeKuul
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 99
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/8/2009 3:51:22 PM
I'm 20. I have always had a weight problem and it's a big turn off I understand that but I don't get discouraged because I know there is a woman out there who will accept me. I just try to live my life. I do want to meet someone and I do make plenty attempts but I don't invest my every moment into it.

I'm a virgin and it's not a big deal. Don't let it bother you your not the only one. With a heart condition regardless of the prognosis you need to get out and live your life. Be with your family live life to the fullest. Good luck OP
 Uncle Fist
Joined: 12/18/2006
Msg: 100
22, Never had a girlfriend
Posted: 9/13/2009 6:39:25 PM

How come the man's balls or testicles are the reason why the man has to initiate?


Because testicles generate testosterone. Testosterone is what generates physical dominance, competitiveness, and confidence. It generates the drive to approach, conquer, and consume. If you are lacking any of these qualities, you likely have a low testosterone level. Working out regularly will fix a lot of this.
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