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 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 26
What is shallow?Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
To me, shallow is when someone focuses on minutiae; Ok if a man likes blondes, it is a preference, if he likes only a certain shade, now it's getting uber picky/shallow.

If a woman likes a tall man, ok, but if she says he mist be 6ft 2 exactly...shallow
 xlmagboy
Joined: 6/28/2010
Msg: 27
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/23/2012 6:34:39 AM
Shallow is what a gal likes to do when she has no teeth.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 28
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/23/2012 10:32:01 AM
Shallow for a women is when she wants to date me because she thinks I have money and it's looks like I am easy to manage.

Shallow for me is to date a women because she has false teeth.
 egowitch
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 29
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/23/2012 10:47:49 AM
I have met some without a photo in their profile. Actually I was pleasantly surprised in two out of three cases.

I think often there's a bit too much weight put on photos anyway . As we all know , not everyone looks like the photos they choose to reveal. And the bottom line always is, until there's an actual face-to-face , regardless of opinions based on email/chat/phone, there's no way to know if there will be mutual attraction.

Regarding "shallow"- I feel if I am just seeking to make platonic friends, or get along with co-workers, I will always be friendly and respectful, no matter what they look like.

HOWEVER - if I'm also looking for a lover in one person , there needs to be a physical attraction - and that differs so greatly from person-to-person. It often has little to do with weight or general appearance - and often follows no logic at all ! Someone who is considered gorgeous/hunky , simply may not click otherwise.

If only we were able to switch attraction off and on - just think ! But usually we have little control over who we're attracted to, and can't always predict the outcome.

I only see someone as "shallow" if ALL someone is looking for is a couple things about a potential partner - a great face/body/income/status/material items , with very little concern for who they are as PEOPLE !
 Johnnycycle
Joined: 8/20/2010
Msg: 30
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/23/2012 12:28:03 PM
In my opinion its all about preferences or tolerances.
If your guided by only your preference you truly shsllow.
If a person falls into your tolerances you are not.
400 is too much for me to handle but I can work with under 200.
Is not shallow
but if she has to be a playboy centerfold for me to even think about talking to her then yea very shallow .
 lacalli
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 31
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/23/2012 1:16:52 PM

Maybe someone can direct me on the difference between "shallowness" and "selective".

I was still crying from my dog post and I read this as "defective." There's a difference between shallow and selective when the person is defective like the guy I met with the yellow fungus toenail, funky nasty teeth, stretched out shorts, stained shirt, 300lbs. If that makes me shallow then I'm shallow but he was defective. Blech.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 32
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/23/2012 1:22:55 PM
While most have focused on the 'great weight debate', I think shallow is another animal altogether. Weight, height, hair color, are only preferences, as seen through our individual narrow prism of life. Somewhere, at some time, we registered these things as atttractive to us, and we began a journey to get what we are attracted to.

Shallow to me, seems more about behavior, than preference. First to me comes 'judgemental', someone who without any interaction at all, has a preconceived notion of who or what some random person is all about.

Next are some personal interests(this is one of my things), they are more interested in the Bachelor, Survivor, or American Idol, than what is actually happening in their own country. They can discribe in detail the last 6 episodes, but can't tell you which state is Missouri on a map, or who is President or who would like to be in the next election.

Finally as an example, there are those who are all about the 'ME'! You can start any conversation you like, you get 20 seconds to speak, then somehow the whole thing is turned around to be about them. OR "that's enough about you, let's talk about me some more"!

While these aren't the total defintion of shallow, as others I'm sure have their own examples. But it's a start.
 therdtymesachrm
Joined: 7/17/2011
Msg: 33
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/23/2012 2:48:53 PM
I certainly don't think it's shallow to have a preference for particular physical characteristics. We are each attracted to different faces and body types for different reasons. You cannot force yourself to be attracted to someone that you find repulsive or unpleasant to be around or look at, nor should you.

Shallow to me is a person who is only interested in someone for money or their possessions or for what the other person can do for them. Trophy wife, sugar daddy, that sort of thing is shallow.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 34
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What is shallow?
Posted: 2/23/2012 2:53:20 PM
I think that shallow is when surface elements (attractiveness, income, possessions, etc.) become the primary focus when determining whom to date rather than mere parts of a package that includes other, more significant qualities.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 35
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What is shallow?
Posted: 2/23/2012 3:08:50 PM
Physical attraction is part of the package, but when it's the primary thing you are looking for, then it becomes an issue.

For example: Model-handsome man with poor character vs. an average looking, but still attractive man with good character.

I know which one I will take.
 lacalli
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 36
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/23/2012 3:14:53 PM
Domo,
I was going to email you something privately but I'm not allowed by your settings. I've been reading your postings for a long time. I'm sorry to read you feel you aren't attractive, it's absolutely not true.
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 37
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What is shallow?
Posted: 2/23/2012 3:16:20 PM
But there lies the problem. A person can be the nicest in the world but if they arent physically attractive than they are screwed.


And a person can be the most handsome / beautiful person in the world, but if they are an a$$, then there is an issue.

Being that attractive might get them laid, but they won't ever have a meaningful relationship if their personalities are ugly.

I'm not saying that attractiveness doesn't count, but I feel that it's significance gets overblown to the point that everyone is chasing after the model wannabes while ignoring the more average, but still attractive people available.

EDIT: I have to agree with Lacalli. Personally, I always liked that picture of you with the baseball cap on. You look like the kind of girl that a guy can just sit down and enjoy a beer with. Don't get upset if you aren't getting messages. People tend to chase the few model wannabes on this site.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 38
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/23/2012 3:29:26 PM
Horse hockey!!!

"that everyone is chasing after the model wannabes"

I'll be happy to admit, that the top 30% in attractiveness, receive a disproportionate amount of emails. Most newbies and the like always come here with an inflated sense of value in the dating pool.

Maybe it's they have been out of it so long, could be they view themselves as they were when they were younger.

I check out things from time to time. There are no 'really beautiful' people on here, sorry to inform anyone. A truly gorgeous person, has little need for online dating, their dance card is full 24/7! If one does by chance have a profile here, I'd think they lack self esteem and are here only for the strokes!

We all have our trials and tribulations in dating. We're too fat, too short, too old, too young, too bald, too toothless, too broke whatever ones issues are, are not theirs alone. There are hundreds more with the same issues.

It all amounts to who you are, and what you do with what you have. Sitting around lamenting things, never helped anyone that I've heard.

My point is, stop blaming others, for your results.

 Sheply_E_Dorkinhimer
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 39
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/23/2012 3:33:00 PM
Between Shallow, Racism and Nice guys, three most overused words when it comes to Online dating.

Then I read posts from people like Domo and sit and shake my head and wonder why is your self esteem that low? look Domo the problem with you isn't your looks, or your weight , its your attitude, its sucks, as I use to say it blows dead bears in the wintertime, you give off a vibe that makes guys run.

Lots of Chubby women online and they are having no issues finding men, its finding quality men that seems to be the issue.

So you've been turned down a few times from guys that you find hot, so what? we all have been, they Say Brad Pitt is a hunk, but I know attractive women that says other wise.

What you dont seem to get is Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, what you need is flattering pictures to show the true you and lose the attitude, that is your problem.

Some of the ladies and men who are bigger than the average, thinks by being thin, slim is the answer, nothing if further from the truth, its not so much that Larger women cant find good guys , the problem is most of you have low self esteem, you want to find a good guy, the catch isn't to get thin, its to learn how to love yourself, work on building your self esteem and confidence, the more confident you are the higher of quality of men you will attract, sexiness isn't about how you look, its about your attitude

Lots of thin, lots of average builds and some heavier , very sexy women on here even in this very thread, and they are single so that throws your theory down the chute

I bet if you spend one week with a few of my favorite posters on here your attitude would change big time.
 lacalli
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 40
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/23/2012 3:34:12 PM

LOl I tried to do it to you same prob lol. Thank you so much. Like my last friend who was single is getting married in April. Im seriously thinking about just becoming a recluse. Why try when I cant find what I want?

If you're talking to me (?) I'm sorry, I have that both men and women can email me but I upped the age range because of the sexual emails that men never seem to age out of. Unfortunately it doesn't let us pick age ranges for men and women separately. I added you to my favorites (not to be creepy but it overrides mail settings!) so you can email me (I still can't email you) Please do, there's something I'd like to talk about that I'd prefer not to do on the forums.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 41
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What is shallow?
Posted: 2/23/2012 6:27:50 PM

there is no reason for people to be that overweight.


i've heard that reformed fat people are worse than reformed smokers...

go to hell and guess again:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/01/magazine/tara-parker-pope-fat-trap.html?_r=2&pagewanted=all
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 42
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/23/2012 7:08:17 PM
I think someone is shallow when he or she primary focus is looks, money, social status etc. They aren't concerned about other qualities such as personality.
 TraveliciousGuy
Joined: 9/17/2011
Msg: 43
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/23/2012 7:21:39 PM
I think that shallow is when surface elements (attractiveness, income, possessions, etc.) become the primary focus when determining whom to date rather than mere parts of a package that includes other, more significant qualities.


This post comes closest to the heart of the definition.

An appealing surface does not automatically translate into an appealing depth, no matter how strongly one feels it should.

 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 44
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/23/2012 8:53:34 PM
The lady who didn't like her date, is not shallow. The fact that she was perturbed by the man's lack of concern for himself means she's seeking someone with a good attitude. Someone who takes to heart the fact that health and appearance matter. people who don't care about that, lack understanding and consideration of others. That's one aspect of being shallow.
 good_catch77
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 45
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/23/2012 10:04:50 PM
IMO shallow is a word used for "whoa is me" people. "s/he is not attracted to me s/he is shallow" People have preferences PERIOD...people are not going to settle PERIOD...if only one is attracted but the other isn't...it's not going to work PERIOD... These statements are genderless.

Why would anyone want to date someone if they wasn't attracted to them?
 riuser
Joined: 8/31/2010
Msg: 46
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What is shallow?
Posted: 2/23/2012 10:55:58 PM
I think that physical attractiveness is necessary for dating. But everyone has different "acceptable" levels. I do not think this is shallow. It is shallow if that is your only criteria for dating someone. Or some other superficial quality (how much money someone makes, what car they drive, etc.). I do not believe that any one of these or other criteria are shallow. I do think that one should care if someone is a credit risk. Or if they dress like a slob. Now, everyone will have different levels to which they will accept someone else.

But if your only criteria for dating someone is that they are attractive. That is shallow. If your only criteria is that they make x amt. of dollars, that is shallow.

Remember, this is a person that you want to have sex with and build a life (hopefully) with. Otherwise, they are just friends. Friends are people who we like, but do not want to have sex with (or they do not want to have sex with us) or they are already taken, or we are already taken. If your criteria for friends is somethng superficial, then you could be shallow (although one could argue that physical hygeine is not so superficial).

Making a certain amt. of money will give you a feeling of comfort and safety. What if one of you gets sick (assuming that you are together). Will the 2 of you be able to survive on 1 income? What if you have children? Then will the family be able to survive?

Shallow is getting in to a relationship due to a superficial quality. It is not shallow to use those same qualities to determine if someone is date worthy. In other words, it is shallow to date someone just because of their looks. It is not shallow to determine if you want to date someone or not because of their looks (remember, you want to have a physical attraction to your mate - unless you are asexual). It is shallow to date someone just because they make x amt. of dollars. It is not shallow to say that I do or do not want to date someone because of how much or little they make - I believe this goes to safety & security.

Some of you may disagree. But I can give (hypothetical) extreme examples that most would probably agree would probably not be a good candidate to date. So it really comes down to where your or my cut offs for each criteria lie. If I am more selective, am I shallow? If someone is less selective than you, does that make you shallow?
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 47
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/24/2012 2:28:13 AM
Must be 6-0 to ride this ride
Must have Double D's to get with me

same - same. Shallow is as shallow does.
If all I am is encapsulated in my height - then all you will ever be is a pair of tits and an ass
 Infinity_G
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 48
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/24/2012 4:17:38 AM
Funny how I came across this thread.

I was reading a profile recently that said, "I don't mean to sound shallow or rude, but if I delete your profile without reading it, it means I wasn't physically attracted, JUST because we have a lot in common, doesn't mean it'll work."

Of course, with a lot of other slew of demands written up in the profile. They tend to probably imply, infer, or bluntly state, "I won't settle" more than once in their ad.

You know you can gauge someone's shallowness when they qualify their sentences with, "I don't mean to sound shallow, but......."

So, guys, in case of those who are wondering why you're getting those "Unread/deletes", that's why.

Also, the 5'3" woman who won't date a guy under 6', because she wears heels.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 49
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/24/2012 4:50:34 AM

Lmfao a man that goes for personality lmfao. Im 31 men only go for looks at my age.


This comment prompted me to look at your posting history as I have seen you pop up a few times in the forums but not sufficiently enough to form an opinion regarding your personality type.

I am intrigued by this comment, as when I entered my 30's, I found the opposite to be true. That generally speaking, most men had realized that relationships required more then just a physical attraction but that said, I was married at that time and so perhaps that affected my viewpoint of the men who were part of my social network.

So, if I may ask, are your postings on here truly reflective of your personality ?
 HidingInPlainSight
Joined: 2/14/2012
Msg: 50
What is shallow?
Posted: 2/24/2012 7:57:03 AM
I think the general consensus here is that physical attraction is important, and that everyone has and is entitled to their preferences. I agree.

I think for me though, it's just the degree to which your preferences will cause you to refuse to date or even respond to someone. Let me use myself as an example. I'm 5'6, not a very tall guy. I would absolutely expect and respect someone my height or taller not being interested in dating me. The feeling would be mutual. I'm not any more interested in dating someone taller than me than women are interested in dating someone shorter. So I don't think they're being shallow, nor do I believe that of myself.

Where it feels a little superficial for me is when I see profiles where we both seem to be a perfect match for pretty-much everything she says she's looking for on her profile. But she won't even consider me because I'm 5'6 and her minimum is 5'8....and she's like 5'1. To me, all else being seemingly almost perfect, to reject someone on that alone seems a little superficial; and I believe that to be the case when it's someone else or when it's me.

That to me makes me wonder how serious you are about finding true love/happiness if you won't give a little on something as small as that. Ideally I'd like to date someone 5'3 or below. But the top 3 relationships I've had were with people who were around my height, one even an inch taller.

I prefer someone who is height and weight proportionate, but if I met someone I thought was attractive and we're clicking on everything else I would think myself superficial if I refused to date her because she was a few pounds overweight (I do agree that the OP's example is way too extreme).

So I think that while everyone is certainly entitled to their preferences, some of us can be a bit unrealistic and that usually gets labeled as shallow. or superficial. At the end of the day though, everyone is entitled to pursue what they think they need to be happy.

I also believe that many of us don't find it (especially on dating sites) because perhaps we're being a bit too picky on some things.
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