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 AUTHOR
 El_Mariachi
Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 100
The real problem with relationships today.Page 3 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Most of us are way too selfish.
 Fah-cough
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 102
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/9/2009 9:51:17 AM
Maybe the problem is "Focus"?

Maybe because the focus is not on the relationship, but the individuals in the relationship. Maybe just maybe it is because we are so internally focused now, we can't see the relationship for what it is?

If the focus isn't on the "team" then what is it on?

Maybe that is it.... no focus.
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 104
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/9/2009 10:46:07 AM
I don't think relationships fail anymore now than they ever did. Marriages on the other hand fail more than they once did because from what I am seeing and hearing a lot of people see marriage as just another relationship rather than what it really is, a family(with or without children). Sure why not get divorced it just another relationship ending. Not a big deal at all.

If on the other hand people saw divorce as what it really is, a family ending, there would be less divorce.

I would never get married again, unless I could find a man that feels the same way about marriage.
 PureLogic
Joined: 12/22/2007
Msg: 105
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The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/9/2009 2:41:08 PM
There's no "one thing" that dooms ALL relationships. A lot of things contribute to a relationship's downfall, depending on the people involved.

Lack of Communication
Lack of Honesty
Lack of Respect
Not caring enough about your partner's feelings
Selfishness
Not getting to KNOW the person well enough before getting serious with them
etc.

All of those things contribute to the failure of a lot of people's relationships.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 106
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/9/2009 2:59:09 PM
money, sex, judgementalism and selfishness...

i think they've been major contributing factors for the demise of relationships for years though, not just for 'today'...
 thebestlady
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 111
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The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/9/2009 5:41:23 PM
There is only one reason which is honesty. If people did listen to what each other wanted without trying to change the other then everything would work out. If you found out something you did not like you would not enter into a relationship then. Mariiage would last for ever or the person would leave or you would try to work it out
 cuban delite
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 112
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/9/2009 6:17:34 PM
the lack of commitement....we have become a throw away society.....
once upon a time we bought a car,it was for life
once upon a time we bought a couch , it was for life
once upon a time we met a mate, it was for life....


only my opinion of course

 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 114
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/9/2009 7:24:53 PM

If I were to add on one more thing, and to a certain extent, a lack of faith in a marriage and leaving out God.


Who's god should we include? Just wondering. His or hers?
 truth59
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 115
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The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/9/2009 7:38:01 PM
we rush into a relationship without taking our time to know what a person is about, what is in a person heart, to do what do we have in common,learning each other, getting past that outter looks into the mind of a person. Listening careful to what that person is saying and understanding what is that person saying. to quick with lust instead of loving one another mind and learning that soul..... No question ask, no answer given, one wants a committe, the other person lie and say me too, so again, without learning that person, and listening too that person, a big problem.... the majority problem in a relationship, is that the two person never gotten to know each other, wants or desire or needs,never got to know each other, and this takes time, more than three or four months, time, and good listening skills
 totoman
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 116
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/9/2009 7:38:33 PM


The first thing that a woman notices when she enters the church (on her wedding day) is the isle, the alter and you, that becomes her motto

I’ll – alter – you.


Now that's funny. :)
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 118
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/10/2009 3:24:23 AM
Two of the biggest problems with relationships today, are in the thread starter's post:

Patience and Narcissism

- Patience: Too many people wanting to jump into a new relationship too fast, especially men... they want to start a relationship where the last one was best, and go straight to the bedroom!


Narcissism: Way too many control freaks out there... their motto is, "my way, or the highway", and, "it's all about me". More women are guilty of this... and because they think the world revolves around them, they can't see their own problem, can't see the forrest from the trees, so they never get help... like teenagers. Hire one while they still know everything, LOL!

Cheating is another big problem.

Of course, there are other problems too, it's complicated... people getting together for the wrong reasons, such as to have a baby, for money, for status, and other marriages of convenience and for the perks. People who aren't ready for a realtionship... those who have liabilities, including monetary, mental, medical vices... people on the rebound (temporary mental), issues (temporary or simply too much baggage... it's a war zone out there... lots of wounded hearts abound, you can see it in their profiles if you know what to look for), people with negative attitudes (it helps if people are positive... love is a positive emotion, tough to feel when your heart is already full of hate), the list goes on-and-on.

Biggest problem has to be ignorance though... we have plenty of rocket scientists... but our knowledge about love and relationships is in the stoneage... I can't tell you how many books I've read about relationships, and experts I've talked to, including psychologists, who have little knowledge of how relationships really work.

Madonna said it best... "We live in a material world"... we are all geared to produce or buy a pretty package or service to improve our happiness... but that does not do it... so we go out next month and buy a new toy, a new pair of shoes... and on-and-on it goes... and we continue to live in the dark, never really understanding ourselves or what happiness really is.
 ileft
Joined: 4/25/2008
Msg: 119
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The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/10/2009 7:02:27 AM
I think having so many ways to meet someone and so much choice makes us picky and it can become harder to be happy and satisfied within a relationship. Many people seem to suffer from having a case of the grass is greener on the other side. Seeing what they can get and thinking they can do better. I tend to find with myself and my friends people tend to not know what they have until it's gone. Back in the days you would meet a potential spouse at school, work, through a friend or whatever but now with internet dating, lonely hearts adds, speed dating and so much more we have too many choices.
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 121
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/10/2009 7:44:32 AM

Of course, there are other problems too, it's complicated... people getting together for the wrong reasons, such as to have a baby, for money, for status, and other marriages of convenience and for the perks



People used to get married for just those reasons: raise children, increase the family wealth or status, because married people were more "acceptable" than single people - and marriages lasted a lifetime, although (perhaps thankfully) lifetimes were shorter. Now that love is the only valid reason for marriage, there are a lot more divorces.


- Exactly! People are getting divorced because they fall out of love. Think about it... would a woman in love want to divorce her husband? - of course not.

The next question is, why are they falling out of love? Here are a few reasons... people taking each other for granted, stop dating (you should still go out on dates even if you are married... what a concept, LOL!), get lazy, withhold affection/sex, lie, cheat, (trust issues), disrespect/loose respect for one another, stop doing the dishes...
 totoman
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 124
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/10/2009 9:32:35 AM
^^^^ What she said ^^^^
 BACHELOR02
Joined: 8/9/2009
Msg: 125
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The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/10/2009 1:24:52 PM
In a word 'women'. I believe the women's liberation movement changed women, but men are still basically the same. While women today are much more liberated and financially independent, they are confused about their role in relationships. The comment I keep hearing over and over again is "I don't need a man". Many women prefer to date other women, just hang out with their girlfriends, or spend Saturday night with BOB (their battery operated boyfriends).
 Sharlena
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 128
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The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/10/2009 5:47:17 PM
i think a big problem with relationships today is two people just not being on the same page. one person can be completely happy while having no idea the other has completely lost interest.
 flyingstart
Joined: 5/15/2009
Msg: 129
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The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/10/2009 6:04:23 PM
The main contributor is the so called:

Ass itching issues. Sounds familiar ?
 Ima P Ness
Joined: 9/9/2009
Msg: 130
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/12/2009 9:34:46 PM

Ass itching issues. Sounds familiar ?


Is this a segue to the TP thread?
 Becoming_Me
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 131
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/12/2009 10:28:54 PM
I don’t know I think that it is people’s inability to connect and trust, and communication. I don’t know about other people, but in the relationships that I have had in has been one of if not all three of those things that caused it to end. Especially the lack of communication. For whatever reason men and women just seem to think that their partner can read their mind and should just KNOW what they want. I’ve done this myself. Yelled at my partner because he showed up at my place without calling, he wasn’t meaning any harm, but what did I do I yell at him because I wasn’t feeling well and all I wanted to do was be alone. Yet I did not tell him that, I just expected him to KNOW, so I was mad cause he didn’t. I’ve also been on the resaving end where my partners thought I should just KNOW something and I didn’t. I don’t know if it’s just me, but I think good communication is the key to making a relationship work. If someone figures out how to do it let me know.
 startle
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 132
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/13/2009 7:53:03 PM
the problem with relationships is a lack of respect....you must respect someone before you will treat that person well...you have to earn their respect for them to treat you well...romantic relationships are a step above everyday relationships and demand a high level of respect to survive.
 Ima P Ness
Joined: 9/9/2009
Msg: 133
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/13/2009 7:59:37 PM
relationships need an overhaul. Obviously we are all a little confused about what the problem is. Tonnes of reasons have been suggested, but little in the way of how to make them better.

Maybe the idea of being in a couple will go the way of the Dodo bird?
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 134
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The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/13/2009 8:21:50 PM
Unrealistic expectations.

Worried he/she isn't hot enough for you? Even Cameron Diaz and Keanu look like cr*p off-set. Even on-set, 90% of it is lighting.
Worried the relationship might end? Nothing lasts forever. Not even new Star Trek series.
Worried he/she might run off with your money? Well, if you ain't lost to your spouse, you've lost it to the bankers.
Worries that he/she might be a b*stard/b*tch? Have you SEEN how your friends treat you?

At the end of the day, life ain't as great as we like to think it is. So you might as well grab happiness with both hands, and just get on with it, and when it ends, you might as well grab the next bit of happiness you find, and hang onto that. 'Cause if you wait for perfection, you'll wait a very long time.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 135
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/14/2009 1:05:45 AM
I'm picky, damn particular, set in my ways and a bit grumpy. I am living the Curmudgen dream and putting the Travelocity Gnome to shame.
Which would explain a lot of why I am single and never married at 40
I have raised my standards, now up yourn.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 138
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The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/14/2009 2:22:29 PM
Oh, I know the answer to this one.

People didn't used to have "relationships". They had marriages, or they were "going steady", or "just dating", or they had some other similar reasonably well-defined and universally agreed upon and understood arrangement in which the people involved had roles that they either did or didn't live up to, and for which there were considerable consequences and expectations, especially in the latter case, which were enforced by everyone else in their immediate vicinity and society generally.

Then the various liberation and human potential movements came along and said all that was bunk and stifling of people's freedom and no fun and had to be done away with, and it was for the most part, except that there are still quite a few backsliders who won't get fully with the program and want to have it both ways by having freedom for themselves while others are constrained to following and fulfilling The Rules appropriate to their supposed and assigned role.

So "relationships" are new, and thus kinda like smart phones they seem to be able to do some cool things but no one except a few experts knows exactly how to fully negotiate them and reliably make `em do all the fancy stuff which is so hyped in the commercials.

The obvious problem with a lack of clear roles is that people then have to spend a lot of time worrying about and dealing with things people never previously gave even a microsecond of thought to, like "who pays for the date?" or "who does the laundry?", so figuring all that stuff out becomes the basis of the "relationship" (unless you're lucky enough to come across someone who shares all your values right down to which way the loose end of the toilet paper goes on) rather than all that carefree fun one thought they were getting into it for.
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 139
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/14/2009 2:31:45 PM
^^^ Good observation, and just another example of the disposable, feel good, do
anything ya want-no consequences society we have now.

Most aren't looking for solid relationships anymore. It's the virtual MySpace culture,
where transient "hook ups" have replaced real dating.

I shudder to think what the relationship landscape will look like even ten years from
now if present trends continue.
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