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 truth59
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 115
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The real problem with relationships today.Page 4 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
we rush into a relationship without taking our time to know what a person is about, what is in a person heart, to do what do we have in common,learning each other, getting past that outter looks into the mind of a person. Listening careful to what that person is saying and understanding what is that person saying. to quick with lust instead of loving one another mind and learning that soul..... No question ask, no answer given, one wants a committe, the other person lie and say me too, so again, without learning that person, and listening too that person, a big problem.... the majority problem in a relationship, is that the two person never gotten to know each other, wants or desire or needs,never got to know each other, and this takes time, more than three or four months, time, and good listening skills
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 118
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/10/2009 3:24:23 AM
Two of the biggest problems with relationships today, are in the thread starter's post:

Patience and Narcissism

- Patience: Too many people wanting to jump into a new relationship too fast, especially men... they want to start a relationship where the last one was best, and go straight to the bedroom!


Narcissism: Way too many control freaks out there... their motto is, "my way, or the highway", and, "it's all about me". More women are guilty of this... and because they think the world revolves around them, they can't see their own problem, can't see the forrest from the trees, so they never get help... like teenagers. Hire one while they still know everything, LOL!

Cheating is another big problem.

Of course, there are other problems too, it's complicated... people getting together for the wrong reasons, such as to have a baby, for money, for status, and other marriages of convenience and for the perks. People who aren't ready for a realtionship... those who have liabilities, including monetary, mental, medical vices... people on the rebound (temporary mental), issues (temporary or simply too much baggage... it's a war zone out there... lots of wounded hearts abound, you can see it in their profiles if you know what to look for), people with negative attitudes (it helps if people are positive... love is a positive emotion, tough to feel when your heart is already full of hate), the list goes on-and-on.

Biggest problem has to be ignorance though... we have plenty of rocket scientists... but our knowledge about love and relationships is in the stoneage... I can't tell you how many books I've read about relationships, and experts I've talked to, including psychologists, who have little knowledge of how relationships really work.

Madonna said it best... "We live in a material world"... we are all geared to produce or buy a pretty package or service to improve our happiness... but that does not do it... so we go out next month and buy a new toy, a new pair of shoes... and on-and-on it goes... and we continue to live in the dark, never really understanding ourselves or what happiness really is.
 ileft
Joined: 4/25/2008
Msg: 119
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The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/10/2009 7:02:27 AM
I think having so many ways to meet someone and so much choice makes us picky and it can become harder to be happy and satisfied within a relationship. Many people seem to suffer from having a case of the grass is greener on the other side. Seeing what they can get and thinking they can do better. I tend to find with myself and my friends people tend to not know what they have until it's gone. Back in the days you would meet a potential spouse at school, work, through a friend or whatever but now with internet dating, lonely hearts adds, speed dating and so much more we have too many choices.
 tnt144
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 121
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/10/2009 7:44:32 AM

Of course, there are other problems too, it's complicated... people getting together for the wrong reasons, such as to have a baby, for money, for status, and other marriages of convenience and for the perks



People used to get married for just those reasons: raise children, increase the family wealth or status, because married people were more "acceptable" than single people - and marriages lasted a lifetime, although (perhaps thankfully) lifetimes were shorter. Now that love is the only valid reason for marriage, there are a lot more divorces.


- Exactly! People are getting divorced because they fall out of love. Think about it... would a woman in love want to divorce her husband? - of course not.

The next question is, why are they falling out of love? Here are a few reasons... people taking each other for granted, stop dating (you should still go out on dates even if you are married... what a concept, LOL!), get lazy, withhold affection/sex, lie, cheat, (trust issues), disrespect/loose respect for one another, stop doing the dishes...
 BACHELOR02
Joined: 8/9/2009
Msg: 125
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The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/10/2009 1:24:52 PM
In a word 'women'. I believe the women's liberation movement changed women, but men are still basically the same. While women today are much more liberated and financially independent, they are confused about their role in relationships. The comment I keep hearing over and over again is "I don't need a man". Many women prefer to date other women, just hang out with their girlfriends, or spend Saturday night with BOB (their battery operated boyfriends).
 Sharlena
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 128
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The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/10/2009 5:47:17 PM
i think a big problem with relationships today is two people just not being on the same page. one person can be completely happy while having no idea the other has completely lost interest.
 flyingstart
Joined: 5/15/2009
Msg: 129
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The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/10/2009 6:04:23 PM
The main contributor is the so called:

Ass itching issues. Sounds familiar ?
 Ima P Ness
Joined: 9/9/2009
Msg: 130
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/12/2009 9:34:46 PM

Ass itching issues. Sounds familiar ?


Is this a segue to the TP thread?
 Becoming_Me
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 131
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/12/2009 10:28:54 PM
I don’t know I think that it is people’s inability to connect and trust, and communication. I don’t know about other people, but in the relationships that I have had in has been one of if not all three of those things that caused it to end. Especially the lack of communication. For whatever reason men and women just seem to think that their partner can read their mind and should just KNOW what they want. I’ve done this myself. Yelled at my partner because he showed up at my place without calling, he wasn’t meaning any harm, but what did I do I yell at him because I wasn’t feeling well and all I wanted to do was be alone. Yet I did not tell him that, I just expected him to KNOW, so I was mad cause he didn’t. I’ve also been on the resaving end where my partners thought I should just KNOW something and I didn’t. I don’t know if it’s just me, but I think good communication is the key to making a relationship work. If someone figures out how to do it let me know.
 startle
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 132
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/13/2009 7:53:03 PM
the problem with relationships is a lack of respect....you must respect someone before you will treat that person well...you have to earn their respect for them to treat you well...romantic relationships are a step above everyday relationships and demand a high level of respect to survive.
 Ima P Ness
Joined: 9/9/2009
Msg: 133
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/13/2009 7:59:37 PM
relationships need an overhaul. Obviously we are all a little confused about what the problem is. Tonnes of reasons have been suggested, but little in the way of how to make them better.

Maybe the idea of being in a couple will go the way of the Dodo bird?
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 134
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The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/13/2009 8:21:50 PM
Unrealistic expectations.

Worried he/she isn't hot enough for you? Even Cameron Diaz and Keanu look like cr*p off-set. Even on-set, 90% of it is lighting.
Worried the relationship might end? Nothing lasts forever. Not even new Star Trek series.
Worried he/she might run off with your money? Well, if you ain't lost to your spouse, you've lost it to the bankers.
Worries that he/she might be a b*stard/b*tch? Have you SEEN how your friends treat you?

At the end of the day, life ain't as great as we like to think it is. So you might as well grab happiness with both hands, and just get on with it, and when it ends, you might as well grab the next bit of happiness you find, and hang onto that. 'Cause if you wait for perfection, you'll wait a very long time.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 135
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/14/2009 1:05:45 AM
I'm picky, damn particular, set in my ways and a bit grumpy. I am living the Curmudgen dream and putting the Travelocity Gnome to shame.
Which would explain a lot of why I am single and never married at 40
I have raised my standards, now up yourn.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 138
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The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/14/2009 2:22:29 PM
Oh, I know the answer to this one.

People didn't used to have "relationships". They had marriages, or they were "going steady", or "just dating", or they had some other similar reasonably well-defined and universally agreed upon and understood arrangement in which the people involved had roles that they either did or didn't live up to, and for which there were considerable consequences and expectations, especially in the latter case, which were enforced by everyone else in their immediate vicinity and society generally.

Then the various liberation and human potential movements came along and said all that was bunk and stifling of people's freedom and no fun and had to be done away with, and it was for the most part, except that there are still quite a few backsliders who won't get fully with the program and want to have it both ways by having freedom for themselves while others are constrained to following and fulfilling The Rules appropriate to their supposed and assigned role.

So "relationships" are new, and thus kinda like smart phones they seem to be able to do some cool things but no one except a few experts knows exactly how to fully negotiate them and reliably make `em do all the fancy stuff which is so hyped in the commercials.

The obvious problem with a lack of clear roles is that people then have to spend a lot of time worrying about and dealing with things people never previously gave even a microsecond of thought to, like "who pays for the date?" or "who does the laundry?", so figuring all that stuff out becomes the basis of the "relationship" (unless you're lucky enough to come across someone who shares all your values right down to which way the loose end of the toilet paper goes on) rather than all that carefree fun one thought they were getting into it for.
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 139
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/14/2009 2:31:45 PM
^^^ Good observation, and just another example of the disposable, feel good, do
anything ya want-no consequences society we have now.

Most aren't looking for solid relationships anymore. It's the virtual MySpace culture,
where transient "hook ups" have replaced real dating.

I shudder to think what the relationship landscape will look like even ten years from
now if present trends continue.
 1GenerousMan
Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 141
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/14/2009 3:50:58 PM
Stop watching all the bullshit programs on TV would do a lot in creating better relationships. The amount of Nut Cases on the TV Soap Opera's , Sitcom's and Reality Shows are play acting and phony. The problem is that many Americans who cannot think for themselves accept thesse shows as a way of life and act accordingly. Turn the damn thing off!
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 143
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/14/2009 4:23:29 PM
So true, Pfilly.

I sometimes wonder if simple honesty is a lost commodity today? I understand people
need to pump themselves up and show confidence in their profiles to attract, but
the sheer arrogance and egoism is a bit much.

I may or may not look or act much younger than my age, or may or may not be
attractive to the opposite sex, but I let the woman I'd meet decide that.

The double standard with self-perception of how people look at themselves vs who
they can attract is another big disconnect in this society. Unfortunately, it shows no
signs of receding.
 BACHELOR02
Joined: 8/9/2009
Msg: 144
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The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/15/2009 4:52:00 PM
TAKEMEZAIAM said it best "Healthy relationships are those that are born of two givers, who know what is important to them. No relationship survives with a taker."
 Dain7
Joined: 9/8/2009
Msg: 146
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The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/15/2009 6:18:38 PM
I think its simply the fact that many people don't even understand what being in a real relationship is about, but think they do...
If there is one person who is more assertive over the other, it will rarely work out to its full potential. It has to be equal, none of this behind closed doors bull-shit relating to equality, show it publicly and don't be ashamed of it. Also you can't approach any relationship the way you approached one in the past, simply because its a different person, no ones really the same inside. Even in the past relationships failed often, but people stayed together more, it wasn't as accepted to just break it off. Today though, I feel there is much more of a loose feeling around being in relationships, even negative feelings when its even mentioned. Thats largely due to society's influence and false messages.... I could go on for hours about this, theres just so many things at stake that people don't think about, or are afraid to think about when entering into a relationship.
 TBells
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 147
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The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/27/2009 12:55:26 PM
I agree in the fact we all have faults. Those faults can be worked on if one is willing. My recent experiance, communication, or the lack of communication is a major contributor.
 PiggyT
Joined: 9/14/2009
Msg: 148
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/29/2009 8:50:31 PM

Everyone wants a relationship because...
"everyone has one".
"successful people have one".
because certain products or lifestyles are advertised specifically with someone in a relationship in mind.
"It will make your life better"


I would say that if you believe any of the above.... you have found your own problem with relationships!
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 150
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 9/30/2009 7:08:20 AM
In my situation seems like guys still clinging to mom and alcohol/drug abusers.

I admit I'm not perfect. I have my quirks, but I am willing to iron them out a little.
 m14shooter
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 152
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The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 10/21/2009 12:53:31 AM
Many moons ago women needed men. They hunted and provided for them. The men more than likely built the house or part of it and they farmed for the family. We protected our women and our children. There was a store in town which was a horse ride away where you could order her a fancy dress or even perfume and candy. Then people started moving closer together and into bigger towns. You no longer needed to farm or milk the cows as you bought it. Commercial farming and the industrial revolution started. Then everyone wanted to compete with each other and have a better house and a new car. Higher education started first with men. Advancements came and there was war around the world and the men went off to fight it while the women took their places in the factories. Men came home and now the women got used to making money so they found another job. Then women went for higher education and at first they were underpaid and treated badly. Women's liberation arrives on the scene and women then become equal to men somewhat in the workplace. Now the women are ceo's and business owners, they want a child they can do it without a man by making a withdrawal at the sperm bank or having a one night stand. They can now buy houses and their own cars and plan their own retirement.


Men are no longer needed as a woman can accomplish anything a man can. Some women want a man and find one but most just don't need us anymore. I absolutely don't blame women for it I blame society and the lack of God in this country. The pressure to keep up with the neighbors and better ourselves with material possessions. Family values in this country have been destroyed. That is why there are the dysfunctional families and the divorce


Again, bottom line is men are no longer needed and a woman can have a home and a family without us. 100 or more years ago a man was needed to farm and provide food although there were plenty of women that did that alone when the man died.

I love to see a woman do good for herself. Several photographers I look to for inspiration are women and I am friends with them.
 m14shooter
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 153
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The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 10/21/2009 12:57:04 AM
Lack of morals adds to the problem as do things like this.


http://www.ashleymadison.com/
 girlwPriOriTies
Joined: 9/30/2009
Msg: 154
The real problem with relationships today.
Posted: 10/21/2009 3:14:02 AM
i personally think men and women are much too much slutty these days...it seems as the years progress from the "good ole days" society is regressing to the PAST! what do i mean? well, people are lewd and having sex with this person and that, going to strip clubs, drinking blah blah blah we succumb to our primitive instincts..I feel that men (i say men because i am obviously looking for a man) are overly into sex and that is the majority of what they feel they need to base a relationship on.
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