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 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 37
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have a sex problemPage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Listen to me youngling, sex is a very primal emotion for some people. Even when it is not what the relationship revolves around the emotions, connections, physical release combine in some to create a very potent glue for holding the relationship together.

Is sex all a relationship should be about? No! But it is such an important aspect that if two folk are not on the same wavelength and there is no intent or desire to get on the same wavelength then over time regrets, anger, reluctance to do other stuff, resentment all have a tendency to creep into the relationship. When that happens the relationship is all but over.

Again, don't comment on stuff you have no experience with. You can fantasize all you want about the "perfect" partner and relationship but until you spend a few years in that type of circumstance/situation you have absolutely no idea about the dynamics.

Do I then advise folk to use this warning as an excuse to milk the cow to determine compatability? Not at all. In my "perfect" world communication is paramount prior to marriage and those areas where give and take are necessary are then dealt with in love and respect for each other.

And then there is the 80/20 rule of marriage.

TK
{son, remember: it's better to keep one's mouth shut and be thought a fool, rather than to open it and remove all doubt. Shalom Aleichem}
 NightHawk2005
Joined: 3/11/2009
Msg: 38
have a sex problem
Posted: 8/31/2009 7:10:07 PM

Is sex all a relationship should be about? No!


Thank you for proving my point. Now take your own advice and leave me alone.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 39
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have a sex problem
Posted: 9/5/2009 5:29:50 PM
If sex is important TO YOU, it's important.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 40
have a sex problem
Posted: 9/5/2009 5:50:46 PM

Those who say there are other things more important than sex are naive to say the least. Sex, as small as it is, is a HUGE deal!


this is a great statement, but I am going to argue it from both sides of the equation. Is sex important, Yes, but the key is not the quantity of sex, but a matching libido. If your libido is low, and you are happy with sex once a year, go for it, but person that desires it twice a week, will not work. Nor will the twice a week will work with the person that wants it once a day.

Now, also sex even though it's important it is not alone what makes the relationship. Sex is a glue. It glues other parts together. If all you have is glue, you end up creating a hell of a mess and without form. Glue alone, and the relationship will eventually will collapse. You have to have other solid foundations, but let's take a look at a couple of them, like friendship, you are growing the relationship hoping to become intimate, but because of whatever reason you wait, and wait, it gets to the point that one or the other can not go past the friend part because that is what feels comfortable and it is too late to become intimate. Another element is giving of yourself completely, if you do that and there's no intimacy, that glue, there's no vested interest from the other side other than using, thus a lot of people get used a lot and them dumped when they find some attractive fling that rocks their socks off.

So, sex IS very important (at equal libidos), but to Glue together all the other important things. Without it doesn't work as well.
 I am LLR
Joined: 5/7/2009
Msg: 41
have a sex problem
Posted: 9/5/2009 6:24:28 PM

"Be a man and give her the ultimatum, don't listen to what any fat lady says - what does she know?"


Wow, with post like that your email box should be just chock full of the hot babes wanting to get with you I bet.


Thanks, Kelli. You said it all, now I don't have to!
 I am LLR
Joined: 5/7/2009
Msg: 42
have a sex problem
Posted: 9/5/2009 6:36:08 PM
Tarnished Knight,

No, I'm not going to do that. I do know of what I speak on this subject. A relationship should be more than sex. If it's not, it's not much of a relationship. You don't have to be old or have had sex to know that one.

So kindly do not tell me what to do, because I can and will ignore you.


You're right, youngun, a relationship is about more than just sex. However, being a virgin, and committed to staying that way until marriage (and I respect your choice), you have no concept of just how important it is to an adult relationship. You will, perhaps, one day. I just hope you don't find out that you and your bride are horribly incompatible.

Have a little respect for your elders, boy. Do you realize that by responding to TK's post that you completely undermined your own assertion that you can "ignore" him?

"So kindly do not tell me what to do" - reminds me of my 5-year-old nephew saying "you're not the boss of me"


Is sex all a relationship should be about? No!


Thank you for proving my point. Now take your own advice and leave me alone.


And he misses another opportunity to ignore TK! Ah the wisdom of youth!
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 45
have a sex problem
Posted: 9/5/2009 8:38:34 PM

A lot of relationship problems beyond mere incompatibility can be fixed by communication.


Huh?! Lol. "Mere incompatability" is like, one party claiming irreconciliable differences in divorce court, isn't it? How is it possible to contradict that assertion without proving the point?! You never get beyond that. Lol.

"Sounds like you need counselling" sounds just like what the Court said in my divorce, for both of us, and I was thinking, without voicing it directly to the judge, "You're not the boss of me!" Lol But, I did show up for it (she blew it off).


If you base a relationship on sex then it's not a relationship.[/quuote]

This can't be right. I've had sexual relationships. And I'm looking for another one. But I have never had a relationship based solely on sex, where it is the only thing that connects us. I don't think that's possible, actually, certainly not sustainable. I can't fvck someone I don't like, and I don't recall ever having had sex with anyone without first establishing some sort of rapport, even in my youth when I didn't even think about things like bedding with axe murderers or letter opener slashers. Naah, a tryst in which only lust, without any basis other than physical appearance, never gets out of the first inning, if it ever happens at all. lol
jmho
 kkccs5
Joined: 7/8/2009
Msg: 46
have a sex problem
Posted: 9/5/2009 8:44:11 PM
Sex is very important, it's helps bond us together as one. If she isn't as interested as you, are you paying attention to what does please her. Have you taken the time to show her how much fun sex between two interested individuals can be? Keep giving her compliments and confidence and hopefully she'll experiment more. Good Luck!
 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 47
have a sex problem
Posted: 9/5/2009 9:23:06 PM
Sex is important. If she says it's not, who's she kidding? I've heard of relationships and marriges ending over sex issues. She should be up to speaking with you about it. You know what they say "communication is key" to a lasting fruitfull relationship.
 NightHawk2005
Joined: 3/11/2009
Msg: 48
have a sex problem
Posted: 9/6/2009 12:35:55 AM

Have a little respect for your elders, boy. Do you realize that by responding to TK's post that you completely undermined your own assertion that you can "ignore" him?


Actually, I didn't. Instead, do you realize that you completely misunderstood my use of the word ignore? I did not mean ignore as in not respond to what he says. I meant ignore his assertion that I should "sit down and shut up".

To give respect, you've got to get respect. A post telling me to shut up is the very antithesis of getting respect. So I don't owe "my elders" any respect...especially when they prove that they can definitely learn a thing or two from this young gun.
 FlameNFire
Joined: 7/11/2009
Msg: 50
have a sex problem
Posted: 9/7/2009 8:14:14 PM
You should be very worried. You should also seriously consider "reclassifying" this person to friend status and find someone else as your girlfriend/lover. Sexual compatibility is an enormous part of a healthy relationship. It's likely not going to get better, but most likely will just get worse. This doesn't have a good outcome ahead, would be my fear. JMO.
 Lucky Leda
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 51
have a sex problem
Posted: 9/9/2009 3:43:53 PM

I've always felt I was responsible for my own orgasmic responses, an enthusiastic and responsive partner makes that all possible. Too often, partners point fingers, and blame the other. Sexual success requires open minds and open hearts, by both partners. And sometimes intimacy and a great relationship require work. You just have to decide if she's worth the effort.



Ya know that’s kind of my take on things too. I think we all have to take responsibility for our sexual needs being met. That being said, a non responsive partner rarely improves over time, IME, been there done that, got the t shirt and all that. In the end, it wasn’t worth the effort. A colossal waste of time. But, I'm hopeful.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 52
have a sex problem
Posted: 9/9/2009 3:54:35 PM

she's like a great friend

That speaks volumes.

I just think if we can get the sex on track this could be it.

Experiences in my world dictate that it's nearly impossible to get sex "on track." It either works or it doesn't. It shouldn't be a job getting to the point of it working for both parties. Some people are just not sexually compatible.

But its not happening .

Nuff said.

sex is inportant but how inportant in the grand mix of things? Is she right for saying its not or am I right to be worried?

She has the right to say anything she wants. You have the right to think her line of thinking is bunk.


~OT~ For me? Sexual compatibility is every bit as vital as the other major areas needing fulfilled when involved in a romantic relationship. JMO
 I am LLR
Joined: 5/7/2009
Msg: 54
have a sex problem
Posted: 9/10/2009 2:11:19 AM

Actually, I didn't. Instead, do you realize that you completely misunderstood my use of the word ignore? I did not mean ignore as in not respond to what he says. I meant ignore his assertion that I should "sit down and shut up".


That's not what you said, child. This is:


because I can and will ignore you.


Two very different things. Do not try to engage me in a war of words, little one. You will lose. Besides, if you re-read my post, I didn't completely disagree with you. Uncock your "gun", little one, before you shoot yourself in the foot.

Let me reiterate: while sex does not an entire relationship make, it is still vital to that relationship. If things aren't good in the bedroom, that will affect the entire dynamics of said relationship.
 NightHawk2005
Joined: 3/11/2009
Msg: 55
have a sex problem
Posted: 9/10/2009 12:38:01 PM

Two very different things. Do not try to engage me in a war of words, little one. You will lose. Besides, if you re-read my post, I didn't completely disagree with you. Uncock your "gun", little one, before you shoot yourself in the foot.


No, I won't. In fact, I've already won, because you don't seem to understand the English language. Ignore is not a rigid word that is limited to only one meaning. There is nothing in that quote that says I will not respond to what he says. You are trying to put words in my mouth that are simply fiction, and anyone with a rational mind can see that. Basically, you thought I meant one thing, you weren't even close to being right and now you won't accept that you completely misunderstood my meaning. But it doesn't work that way.

Like I said before, you can definitely learn a thing or two.
 I am LLR
Joined: 5/7/2009
Msg: 56
have a sex problem
Posted: 9/10/2009 10:35:43 PM

There is nothing in that quote that says I will not respond to what he says. You are trying to put words in my mouth that are simply fiction, and anyone with a rational mind can see that.


Actually, little one, you're simply trying to backpedal and refuse to accept and acknowledge that is you who has the poor grasp of the English language. Here's the definition of the word ignore:

from thefreedictionary.com
ig·nore (g-nôr, -nr)
tr.v. ig·nored, ig·nor·ing, ig·nores
To refuse to pay attention to; disregard

By responding to TK's post, you clearly did not do as you said you would and ignore him. You can't selectively ignore someone. You either ignore them or you don't. Now go on back to the kiddie pond, little one. You are not ready to swim with the big fish.

The only thing I can "learn" from you is that the arrogance of youth is alive and well.

Oh, on topic. I haven't changed my mind about this problem you have, OP. No matter how good the other parts of the relationship are, without sexual compatibility, the relationship will not survive.
 txcjndream
Joined: 1/22/2009
Msg: 57
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History
have a sex problem
Posted: 9/11/2009 8:48:17 AM
She may just be still uptight about the newness of the situation and just needs more time Then again she just not be into sex. Some women just dont have a high drive or never had an orgasm. With work most things can be resolved. Concerning on how important is sex. Can you live with the present siuation and if so how long?? I know a married couple that just doesnt have any anymore and the man loves her enough it still is working.
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