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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > How much has your "criteria" changed?      Home login  
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 cncgandolf
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 11
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How much has your criteria changed?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
"I've come to appreciate this quality and think it belongs in my slunbering senescent picker file."

I think this is more the point for me .... becoming more concious of the less obvious things that I have used as core picking criteria ... some to my benefit and some I now know might be there that I now use as criteria not to pick. grins.

For example, I am happiest with people who lead like a captain of a ship who make me feel appreciated and respected. Relationships or work projects. A team. This feeling has in the past caused me to ignore it if they also have a lack of loyalty/faithfulness. So, I now remember to check for both. grins.
 MAGIC_MARCO
Joined: 11/16/2007
Msg: 12
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How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 8/31/2009 9:47:47 AM
Call me shallow but physical attraction matters MORE to me now than when I was younger.
I'm attracted to fit, athletic, good-looking 45+ men. Beer guts, man boobs, and skinny arms and legs just don't do it for me. Sorry but I still enjoy SEX.... and I'd prefer to be visually turned on by the man I'm with rather than having to close my eyes and fantasizing about George Clooney etc.


I to still enjoy SEX, and I certainly don't have a beer gut,
but I wonder what your other parameters are....So I made up a little form for you, so we can see if I qualify.

***** min. ********* max.
Chest: _____ ********* _____

Butt _____ ********* _____

Bicep _____ ********* _____

Calf _____ ********* _____

" Manhood"
Length _____ ******** n/a

Girth _____ ********* n/a

Non-smoker okay Y____ ******** N____

I'm really "excited" about this, so hurry up and fill this out.

George
 Gaddflye
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 13
How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 8/31/2009 1:04:36 PM
I just found another reason for sticking with slender women. A recently completed study of older people showed tissue shrinkage of about 8% in the obese and 4% in the overweight versus the lean people. This is on top of the risk of diabetes and heart disease, of course. I really want a healthy partner who takes care of herself.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 14
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How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 8/31/2009 1:15:59 PM
Mr. McFlye??? Which begs me to ask you the question?
Are you suffering my any type of "tissue shrinkage" my love?
Oh gawd, I need a

 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 15
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How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 8/31/2009 1:22:39 PM
Its probably my OCD, but "criteria" is plural!!! Either your criteria haven't changed, or a single criterion has changed...

As for Ms Moon, generally with men, due to declining skin tensile strength, it stretches, and things just get bigger and bigger.......:)

Some criteria probably should be changed in order to avoid a "surprise"!!!
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 16
How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 8/31/2009 3:20:42 PM
The same (very same in some cases) gal that got my attention 30 years ago - might get my attention today.

- if she was nice looking to me then and now (even with bOOb droop)
- if she was a good person, toward all people then and now.

I have never ever .... ever liked people that think they are better than others - in race, religion, money or any other fashion.

---------

No my likes / dislikes have not changed.
 sk1960
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 17
How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 8/31/2009 4:50:34 PM
I am grateful every day that my criteria has changed - a week or 2 ago, there was a thread about women and did they judge a man by the car they drove..... yep that was me when I was 15/16! Did the guy I was interested in drive a 'cuda with a shiny sparkly paint job? or may a hot red mustang, or a restored 57 chevy..... or heaven help him the kiss of death was a pinto or a beat up toyota .... In fact my husband that I chose at the ripe age of 18 drove a convertable lebaron sports coupe, had a hot job, nice suits.... and then yes my friends I divorced him when I realized 13 years later that we had nothing in common.... other than our children - and that is debatable even.

So the answer to the question is absolutely its changed .... I want a man with a sense of humour, a caring attitude about me and others, a man who believes that family is number 1, and mostly someone who I can talk to ..... I am thankful every day for that ...
 MAGIC_MARCO
Joined: 11/16/2007
Msg: 18
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How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 8/31/2009 6:36:19 PM
I'm really "excited" about this, so hurry up and fill this out.

^^^^Dear George^^^^

No need to fill out the little form you made up for me....as you do not qualify in regards to meeting my criteria due to your age.



Oh sure . Have it your way.
Another "qualifier"
You know, internet dating isn't like going into Burger King.
You don't get to just order a Whopper, and dress it up the way you want it.


GC
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 20
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How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 9/1/2009 12:50:27 AM
aside from my aversion to milfer behaviour, i focus more on my own behavior than make a list of criteria about what i expect from others. i leave that all to my "right brain" to ferret out, when the time comes. then as i have questions about what my instincts say are not quite "sympatico", i may go to my left brain logic to try to put what i "feel" into words.

i have observed that some situations appear to work more for me. but, also as i learn and grow, i have concluded that if i want to be "happy", i need to adjust to different cultural or political climates in order to communicate at the best level. this is not always easy and i welcome those who meet me half way! however, this all is assuming that our core "values" are not in conflict and it's worth my own adjustment or attempt to reach out.

to grow myself in this way, i try to remain open and ask a lot of e-buddies and platonic friends as to "how" they see things. because, it appears that i often see things differently or as they say "march to the tune of a different drummer". i've always been that way, was usually the first to do something or 'fess up to something i did.

my problem is that i expect the same or am just totally amazed when someone ascribes an intention towards my behaviour that i never would even dream of thinking (let alone doing). or: someone makes a choice regarding whether they want to know me or not-- based upon their "criteria", that i find so very "wierd" to me or simply because of my looks! i mean chemistry is great, but don't stop at my looks, nor expect me to not want more than chemistry.

so, i guess that's my criteria right there. don't project your own underlying intentions or history onto my actions! for me, that demonstrates you are stuck in your own past and not very flexible about "growing" a future.

well, i am sure this statement will just knock me off a lot of people's list of their own criteria. well, so be it. it gets me closer to my goal by weeding out and being weeded!
 DaytonDennis
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 21
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How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 9/1/2009 3:51:23 AM
One criterion has not changed and I hope it never will - if you want to date me, you have to know that "criterion" is singular and "criteria" plural.

NAILS ON CHALKBOARD!!!! EEEEEKKKKKK!!!!


Well, when I wrote the subject line it sounded right. And, yeah, I know criteria is plural. I kinda saw "criteria" as a "group" or "list". Have your list changed? Has your list changed? hmmmm... I consulted a friend whose minor in college was English. He told me that he thought it could be expressed either way. LOL. Big help, that.

Anyway, I do know this much... I'd never date someone who was a Grammar Cop on a friggin' internet chat forum. And, if some lady writes me a passionate love letter, I won't fret if she doesn't cross a "t" or dot an "i", but that's just me.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 22
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How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 9/1/2009 5:30:36 AM

jbogie.....if you ever decide to change sides there's a wide array of man boobs available here


For gawd's sake Miss Daffy! You my friend owe me a new monitor after that comment! Blew coffee all over it reading that statement.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 23
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How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 9/1/2009 6:25:14 AM
If I state that my only criterion is that we are both interested in each other, does that mean that I have criteria?

Not to worry about "shrinkage", it will just tighten things up for everybody concerned......
 Gaddflye
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 24
How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 9/2/2009 1:18:34 PM
Daffie, you are quick! What tissue? Why, certain brain tissue! Not only that, the brains of the obese, with their 8% greater brain tissue shrinkage, perform as if they are 16 years older than the brains of the lean; the brains of overweight people, with 4% greater brain tissue shrinkage, perform as if 8 years older...this at about the age of 70. Just do a search on brain shrinkage. The study turns right up. Truly frightening results. Keeps me going to the gym and eating right!
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 25
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How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 9/4/2009 7:15:02 AM

but I am more aware of the traps (theirs and mine)


This I find to be very true. Experience has taught me that relationships always evolve, spreading tentacles deeper and deeper into ones life with time. Sleeping with a woman grants her tremendous power over your life, so it deserves very careful consideration. I would say that my criteria, related to the emotional dimensions of a prospective person, have indeed become more extensive and precise.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 26
How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 9/4/2009 9:26:20 AM
Yes I agree with you Dennis someones personality is the hook for me now. As before it was about immediate attraction, back in my 20's anyway.
I need a comrade in crime someone who gets me and shares some of my views but yet is different enought to make life interesting.
I know that I can be attracted to someone in a gigantic way and the minute they open their mouth it can all fall away within seconds.
As with if I am so so attracted to someone I can end up loving and adoring them to the point of no return by their deeds and words.
So that has changed for me.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 27
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How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 9/4/2009 10:30:12 AM
Well, if you don't think that sleeping with a woman gives her tremendous power over you, then you slept with her under conditions of an empty meaningless physical encounter. We all know that that is a No-No in today's world. Otherwise, you grant her the right to expect a future with you, and that is something that is quite life changing.

If you don't believe that the "tentacle" allusion is valid, just think of how the emotional entanglements and social involvements grow with time within a relationship. Personally, I think the metaphor is entirely appropriate.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 28
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How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 9/4/2009 11:07:22 AM

So preferably would like to think of it that a man, once intimate, would feel entwined emotionally to some degree with his lover, in a positive way.


Well, something does the entwining, and one would think that its a positive experience for both partners. In any event, there is a big difference in the power relationship between a pair before and after the coupling, I find. Once I let a woman into my intimate space, she inherits to right to expectations, access, and a whole range of dimensions of a relationship that just do not exist beforehand.

Is not negative, but its real, and is certainly cause for serious reflection before embarking on such an adventure.
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 29
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How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 9/4/2009 6:20:54 PM
I don't think my criteria have changed, but my ability to recognize the truthfulness of those who claim to be 'just right' for me has definitiely become more finely-tuned.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 30
How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 9/5/2009 3:59:51 PM
While yes I do agree that people can make assumptions and yes I do agree that sometimes people can only see what they want to see.
The question you have to ask yourself is how clear are you really making it???
It has been my experience that certain things can be left out of conversation as they may actually make a stand and create conflict.

Heres my deal relationships, friendships, and co-worker relationships all take work!!!!!
If you want to be free from the maintenance part of that relationship than you can expect that you will not get the same rewards that come with a well maintained relationship.
I have freinds granted that I call sometimes once a month and that we both know we are busy and we both really care about each other but life happens.
I do not have close intimate relationships with my freinds!!!!! If you want to be in freind status than I will treat you as my dear freind .
If you want me to love you like there is no tommorrow intimately than I expect that you will treat me like the same period.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 31
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How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 9/8/2009 8:03:27 AM
Well, scorpiodate, it is true that one participates in granting the other power over oneself, and in a loving relationship, that power is freely and eagerly given, and to my mind is not negative in any way. One can feel the freedom to do whatever one wants, but the desire to respect the relationship and conduct oneself in a manner conducive to deepening it and growing it.

The whole issue of expectations, however, is to me a source of conflict should both parties not be on the same page. I do think that if you sleep with a woman, she has the right to acquire expectations, much as I would expect that if she sleeps with me I expect her to discard her other sexual interests in my favour. Surely, if either of us fails to live up the expectations, and the relationship continues, the loss of joy to which you refer is the inevitable result.

Yes, mutual support of our expectations, when freely given, leaves one with the feeling of freedom, and at the limit, by the dissolution of the relationship, freedom is always available, I can't see how the feeling of freedom is anything but an illusion if the expectations are there. Of course, there are those people who are happy with completely open relationships, but I am certainly not of that ilk. That latter is, however, just my personal preference.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 32
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How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 9/11/2009 6:57:06 PM
Well, I don't agree with your analysis and its conclusions. At the limit, the only form of absolute freedom is non-existence. The minute that existence occurs, it is in relationship to an environment, and all environments involve constraints, starting at the trivially obvious one that is related to location.

In a similar vein, a person can only be free in the interpersonal sense if they have no relationship invested. They can act freely because there is no interdependency to be involved with. The instant you have a relationship with another human being, you are perforce constrained by whatever requirements that are imposed by the other person for the continuation of that relationship.

We are social animals, and it is part of our biological survival strategy. By and large, for instance, human females require assistance when giving birth, and that imposes the need for relationships which are stable and enduring. Similarly with the raising of the young. It is a natural need for the human to form relationships for many reasons, and to maintain those relationships we all negotiate an exchange of obligations which impinge on absolute freedom. These negotiations do not make the exchange one of currency, but they can and do result in emotional patterns that we call love. The reason we can love is that we can negotiate the exchange of commitments, expectations and the bases of relationship.

To me, if we could not behave this way, we could not exist as a species. If we did not exist, there would not be freedom in any sense that is useful. As we are, we are free to survive, to love and to prosper in our relationships. It is, to me, an illusion that we are individuals. We are all part of a living system and what freedom we have is based on relationships and love.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 33
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How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 9/11/2009 8:27:17 PM
I can see that we view the subject from opposite sides of the perspective on the individual. For myself, there is no true existence as an individual, for a single individual can not survive a lifetime. We are who we are because we are more than individuals, we are members of the human race, and ultimately the broader life system that has developed here on this planet. Our love is not non-love. It is the expression of the deepest form of relationship that we can know, and it is an imperative in each of us to fulfill the need to love and be loved.

Love of self is the illusion because it can take you nowhere. It can have no relationship. It can only be active in one direction. It can not be reflected back to itself, and it can deliver no expectations or commitments as you are already completely aware of who you are, even if you have a mental structure that allows you to deny this self knowledge. There is no beauty in the love of self, and at least in the judeo-christian culture, love of self is generally regarded as a form of sin. Because it is capable of action only in one direction, it is a form of chastisement of the self, consuming the energy of the self yet giving nothing back.

The view that true love devolves exclusively in the context of a relationship with another has a balance in that the love of one is reflected back by the love of another. Each gains from the relationship from the other partner. A harmony between to partners results in a mutual synergy, and the mutual gain exceed the mutual loss associated with the exchanges of the relationship. Hence, a loving relationship grows, prospers, expands, develops, and flowers. It is the reason that children are born, families get bigger, and life goes on.

To look on all this as simply the needs of individuals and their satisfaction requires the idea that the individual has an independent existence. This I find is arbitrary and in our western society of late a sort of intellectual fad that has laid waste to the balance of individuals in society as a whole. The conflict between men and women, evident throughout my lifetime, is an obvious manifestation of this view.

To me, its obvious that we are parts of a whole that is defined by and held together by relationships, the strongest of which are what we call love. It is a true love, and a mutual recognition of deep relationships between ourselves. What to me can be called non-love is the feelings that come from self indulgence that devolve from the idea that the individual has a distinct, independent existence.
 kbodley
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 34
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How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 9/11/2009 8:42:12 PM
I would hope so! When I was 16 girls didn't actually date guys, they dated the muscle cars that the guys drove! Guys dated the girls that looked as much like Nancy Sinatra, or Twiggy as possible!

I now choose guys for whether or not they have an interest in more than motorcycles and football. Unfortunately, I'm not sure that you guys have all really evolved! I think you still look first for the girl that looks as much like Nancy Sinatra or Twiggy (at age 50 of course)!!!
 arts, dining, music, w/u
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 35
How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 1/20/2012 6:02:25 AM
I know a guy that allowed his now ex complete freedom except no cheating. Separate bank accounts, credit cards, everything. One bought anything he or she wanted without asking the other. This included a very expensive sports car. No, it was her purchase. When they did things together the one that came up with the idea paid. Plans were seldom made in advance so not to infringe on the other's time. Sex was when they both agreed. He told me it was around four times a year. There was no questioning the other in regards to the finances. Each paid their own bills. The one that owned the house paid the mortgage, the insurance, taxes, water bills, gas bills, electrical etc. The other made a certain contribution each week toward the running of the house. There was no disclosure regarding the finances. When the house sold before the crash one was given $10K. The house was purchased for $150K and sold for 275K. One mortgage. The divorce was simple because each knew what he or she had purchsed. They did trade a few things with one another. Each kept his or her own SS and pension when they divorced.

The maintenance of personal freedom let to complete freedom from one another. Marriage or living together is a partnership. If you want freedom then stay single and don't have children.
 ForumsCreeper
Joined: 1/18/2009
Msg: 36
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How much has your criteria changed?
Posted: 1/21/2012 8:59:51 PM
I liked boobies then, I still like them now. I just have to look a little lower for them as I get older.
So, no change.
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