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Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 26
cheating dilemmaPage 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

she offered me a "free pass" and i think im gona use it on this hot little blonde in my human communication class who keeps staring at me everyday

You want to spread around the misery - and possible STDs? You do this, not only might you give her a gift that keeps on giving, you'll definitely get that girl's hopes up that maybe you're finally getting over your crazy GF and want to go out with her instead. That's hideously cruel.

Not to mention, your GF will use it as an excuse to beat you up in future. No such thing as a free pass. This is a trap. Don't spring it.
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 27
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cheating dileme
Posted: 9/1/2009 8:55:10 AM
Free pass? You're both pretty fu*ked up in my opinion.
Joined: 2/5/2008
Msg: 28
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cheating dileme
Posted: 9/1/2009 9:12:02 AM
^^^^^ Yeah, what carolann said.
Kids shouldnt be allowed on this site. The maturity level of a maggot.
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 29
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cheating dileme
Posted: 9/1/2009 1:48:15 PM
You should have dumped her after she assaulted you.
Did you press charges? Is she getting therapy? WTF?
Lose the chick, you've already lost your self-respect.
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 30
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cheating dileme
Posted: 9/1/2009 1:52:41 PM
to go out with/sleep with/live with and i have no plans on ever getting married to anyone so why not its not like im gona marry her? she just started counceling yesterday so hopefully that may help her out. for what ever reason i really love her and i think im strong enough to try and make it work.

she offered me a "free pass" and i think im gona use it on this hot little blonde in my human communication class who keeps staring at me everyday
Stop thinking with the LITTLE HEAD!!!!
She offered you a free pass?
You're just using her for sex. You'll be getting what you deserve. The writing is on the wall. Don't say you weren't warned.
And you're going to be using the 'HOT LITTLE BLONDE' for sex.
People wonder why they get themselves in such predicaments.
You're asking for it.
Grow up!
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 31
cheating dileme
Posted: 9/1/2009 3:00:17 PM
Mahogany...have you ever forgiven someone that has lied to you?
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 32
cheating dileme
Posted: 9/1/2009 3:44:08 PM

Arabianangel, depends on what they lied about? why do you ask?

Well, let's say a woman was faking an orgasm and you found out that it was all a lie, that she wasn't really enjoying you, would you feel a sense of betrayal? The reason I ask is because to me cheating is not any different to a lie. Yet, we find ourselves forgiving those that have lied to us. Yet we struggle with the mere thought of forgiving someone that's cheated on us. So my mind is finding it hard to accept such contradictions.
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 33
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cheating dileme
Posted: 9/1/2009 3:50:43 PM
The reason I ask is because to me cheating is not any different to a lie.

You got to be fucking kidding with this statement.

Yeah there are different degrees of lying; WHY lie at all -

Cheating is a whole different animal - it is the UTMOST horrible
BETRAYAL anyone can hand you. YOU obviously have not been on the
other end of cheating. It is a character flaw that people exhibit when they
have no value, morals or respect for themselves or the person they have
cheated on.

Yeah forgiveness - YOU forgive YOURSELF for putting up with such
bad behavior from someone who calls themself a human being.

This is a cheap shot against Mahogany - A woman lying about an orgasm is because
the lie is to PROTECT HIM - NOT outright HURT HIM.

And anyway - some women cant orgasm - not in the traditional sense of
penis and vagina penetration so I see your arguement as something pulled
out of your - you know - to bait Mahogany.
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 34
cheating dileme
Posted: 9/1/2009 3:57:20 PM

This is a cheap shot against Mahogany - A woman lying about an orgasm is because
the lie is to PROTECT HIM - NOT outright HURT HIM. .

Uhm....Mahogany and I are good friends

So a woman can lie about an orgasm to "protect her lover's ego" but can't lie about sleeping with another man in order to protect his heart and ego? Screwed logic there curly!
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 35
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cheating dileme
Posted: 9/1/2009 4:01:43 PM
Uhm....Mahogany and I are good friends

Being friends with him is besides the point - I share a friendship with him
too but I am not going to bait him over questioning that Lying over
an orgasm has anything remotely to do with cheating.

So a woman can lie about an orgasm to "protect her lover's ego" but can't lie about sleeping with another man in order to protect his heart and ego? Screwed logic there curly

I would do anything to protect my man because there are other ways that
he c an get me off and he would know this - so no - not screwed up logic-
communication with my partner and being HONEST WITH HIM.

If I am cheating on him - Im not really into protecting him now am I?
I can bring shit home to him - I can put him in harms way in all kinds of
ways like getting involved with a mental case, STDs - Thats not protecting
him now is it?

Hey down there - I didnt "intertwine orgasm with cheating" - YOU did.

You need to read what you write - I didnt know there were certain posters
whose views here were "all encompassing" - My opinion. Like you have
stated yours.
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 36
cheating dileme
Posted: 9/1/2009 4:11:52 PM
You really don't get it do you? Now you've managed to somehow intertwine orgasm with cheating...I suggest you read and understand posts before putting your 1 cent worth of crap in...My question is a fair and logical one asked to a man that is capable of answering without using emotional prejudice. I’m sorry that you feel baited in, next time try removing yourself and your experiences from the topic at hand, you’ll be able to see it more clearly for what it really is.
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 37
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cheating dileme
Posted: 9/1/2009 4:35:01 PM
suggest you read and understand posts before putting your 1 cent worth of crap in...

Wow - my feelings are hurt.

OP - Get rid of your girlfriend. She beats on you, she cheats on you and
you are just being a doormat and making excuses for your low self esteem.

No contact, heal and move forward. Lots of good advice here for you
to ponder- I suggest you do.

Joined: 9/9/2005
Msg: 38
cheating dileme
Posted: 9/1/2009 7:16:26 PM
OK, she assaulteed you. Let me guess. You tried to tell her to do something and she went stupid.

She cheated on you. She slept with another man. The ultimate in insults, and she placed you in real danger for a lifetime of medicine and possibly death by giving you anything form HIV to Hep a b or c.

Then she says she really loves you. was that when she was slapping you or when she was trying to kill you?

Dude grow some balls.
Joined: 9/9/2005
Msg: 39
cheating dileme
Posted: 9/1/2009 7:23:15 PM
Oh, one more thing. Think about it. Was she saying NO NO NO while she was sleeping with this guy? When she was kissing him, was she saying, NO DON'T MY BOYFRIEND...

No, she was taking her own clothes off, and kissing him with her mouth. She was getting funky and loving every moment of it, while planning on how to keep you strung along and getting what she wants. She was sleeping with him, and at the same time, planning on what to say to you if she were discovered. Then, she got scared you would find out in a siutuation that she couldn't control, and told you in a way she COULD control. She had it planned for days. Waited for the right time, and popped it when you ere the most mallable. After an argument? When you were sad? More then likely, when you were not as emotional towards her as you usually are - distracted?

You were used.

I agree in this case. Kick her out. Zero contact. Ignore the sobs and tears, becuase all they mean is that she is angry because she has to find someone as stupid as you have been, and that is hard to do.
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 40
cheating dileme
Posted: 9/1/2009 10:10:40 PM
Cheating, assault, mean behavior...this is love to you!?!?!? I am sure you will be able to find a much healthier, loving, caring, faithful relationship if you allow yourself to...and so will she...unless she's the cheating type...good luck!!
Joined: 7/11/2009
Msg: 41
cheating dileme
Posted: 9/1/2009 10:12:45 PM
Well...if I can chime..Or, I guess I will...I think you can forgive someone cheating under the right cricumstances...(Not the situation on this thread). As far as faking an orgasm, I guess that's a lie. I personally have never faked one in my life, ever! "Cause I ain't gininl anybody credit for somethin they didn't do! That's my 2 cents!
Lighten up everybody.... It's just all a bunch of silliness anyway! ;-)
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 42
cheating dileme
Posted: 9/1/2009 10:52:41 PM
Listen friend... let me give you some advice...
Pretend she is sodom and gomorrah...

Turn your eyes from her and never look back...

You are in a whole pile of shit already but you just don't know it...

There are so many other girls at college... do not let her **** your college life up and especially your grades...

This the main thing you want to avoid in college: A crazy violent girl friend.

In life, but in college especially.
Joined: 10/29/2006
Msg: 43
cheating dileme
Posted: 9/1/2009 10:55:58 PM
Also who cares if she is family friends.
You tell your fam to not have anything to do with her.
You cut her off...
I'm telling you don't ruin your life.
You have 4 years in college or sometimes 6-8 then that's it and your out with however you did. It can either be the most formative time of your life, a few extra teen years but what it definitely shouldn't be is domestics , unnecessary debt and failing out.
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 44
cheating dileme
Posted: 9/1/2009 11:57:57 PM
I believe that cutting your losses and walking away are the key at this point. Being young and making these mistakes is somewhat understandable, but if there is no trust, there is no future. Clearly, she doesn't respect you, unfortunately, because she assaulted you and cheated. Two strikes darlin. Good luck in your decision!
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 45
cheating dileme
Posted: 9/2/2009 1:50:51 PM

ArabianAngel, I cant speak for other men, I can only speak from my own experience, Lying about faking a orgasm isnt the same as cheating, when someone cheats on you they are playing with you life, faking a orgasm, well not to be a smart ass but the guy probably needs to pay more attention.A lie is a lie yes I agree, but the degrees of lies in my eyes is the issue, we all tell little lies, " oh that baby is cute when you know the baby is not, or that dog or pet is cute when its a homely thing, faking a orgasm it really depends, well I think the communication skills are lacking there.

I think we'll have to agree to disagree my friend...I see far too many contradictions, as far as I'm concerned cheating and lieing are exactly the same thing, if it wasn't then those that enjoy open relationships wouldn't feel cheated by. As for the "playing with your life" I take it you are refering to STD's etc? .....Well, would the pain be any less for the person that's been cheated on if their partner had protected themselves?.....
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 46
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cheating dileme
Posted: 9/2/2009 2:03:42 PM

Just found out last night that my girlfriend cheated on me.

2 weeks prior to this she was arrested for assaulting me

yea they did have a history. our releationship is crazy i guess. a couple months ago i had sex with my girlfriend and her best friend at the time. it wasnt cheating because it agreed upon and she was there. so i dont know what to do. why the hell do i love her? i dont want to picture my life with out her. i told her i forgive her and i think i might be bale to but i cant stop thinking about it right now ya know?

I'm going to advise you like a mom would ...
Son: You are in a dysfunctional relationship with a 20 year old who beats you, cheats on you, and has a free sexual lifestyle. If you want to continue with women of this nature, and you get accustomed to the "lifestyle" you will never be able to find a well adjusted, sensual, loving, woman who is capable of loving just you. Or, you will find such a girl.. and you will be unable to be happy in a monogamous, relationship with her because you will crave the crazy that has become the norm for you.

So.. before the insanity becomes a "normal" way of life for you and, if you picture yourself one day being with a good woman who is loving and devoted to you ~ I suggest you get out of this co-dependent hell you mistake for love, concentrate on your studies and find a Nice girl who will make you proud and will treat you, and you her in a recipricol loving interdependent manner.

In the meantime, son ~ get STD tested regularily.. and play safe .. this "cheating dilemma" you find yourself in could have even worse dire consequences than your Opost alludes too ..

Edit: Question: What was your life like growing up ~ Prior to finding yourself in your "dilemma?"
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 47
cheating dileme
Posted: 9/2/2009 7:19:00 PM
You aren't stupid unless you stay with her. Sjhe assaulted you and she cheated on you. Dump her. You're only 24. Don't waste your time on her. She has no respect for you and it's only a matter of time before she dumps you.
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 48
cheating dileme
Posted: 9/2/2009 7:23:46 PM

I don't know why I tolerate it. I think I'd rather be miserable than alone

You sound very disfunctional and you cannot be in a healthy relationship with that kind of thinking. I would revise that to read thus:

...I think I'd rather be alone than miserable, is a better state than the former, unless of course for you being miserable is more desirable than being alone.

BTW when it comes to assault and such, it could escalate into something worse like manslaughter so you might want to consider being in a violent relationship. Good luck.
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 49
cheating dileme
Posted: 9/2/2009 8:31:33 PM

She said it was all her fault and how much she loves me and wants to be with me and that it will never happen again

Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater.

And by using that logic I should have cheated on her a million times for being mean.

Don't get mad buddy... Get even.

I have no idea what to do at all.

Cheat on her with all of her girlfriends, her mom, or anyone else that matters to her... Make sure to get evidence, and conveniently leave it behind on your way out the door.

How am I ever supposed to trust her or should I let her try and earn it back?

You will never be able to trust her again. Experience talking.

She will do it every time she goes to "visit" her family and friends.

Good luck my man.
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 50
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cheating dileme
Posted: 9/2/2009 8:58:54 PM

i mean she just assualted me how the hell am i supposed to act?

You act like Jesse Owens and run as fast as you can.

I also strongly recommend you get professional counseling to deal with what are clearly some self-esteem issues. You stay in this relationship because you fear being alone. You fear being aone because, deep down, you don't believe you deserve better than a cheating, abusive, manipulating little girl.

I also strongly recommend you take time off from dating. As in a couple of years. Learn how to be happy being alone. After all, you're the only person you're truly going to be spending the rest of your life with. And as Oscar Wilde said, to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
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