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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude      Home login  
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 Midnight_Mystic
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 26
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain RudePage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Thank you so much each and every one of you. This was not a post to bash any one individual. Granted, I do believe that rude behavior is not acceptable. There are ways to bow out graciously. Maybe they have misrepresented themselves but as one poster stated, just tell them so nicely. It will make you feel better and maybe make them realize what lying causes?????

Very good info for my school lectures to teens about the pros and cons of internet dating..
 edencapwell
Joined: 3/13/2009
Msg: 27
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Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 7:22:33 PM
well OF COURSE IT'S RUDE!! i'm shocked that at your age you even have to ask this. it's never appropriate to leave after only a few minutes unless it truly is an emergency, not just because you realize you don't like the person or are not attracted to them. besides how could you possibly even know this within 5 or 10 minutes of meeting someone? unless the person used really old pics and misrepresented themselves. that can be the only legitimate reason i can think of to just leave in such a hurry and even then, i think the person deserves an explanation. if they just don't like the way you look, then they are extremely shallow and very stupid.
 Krystal413
Joined: 4/17/2009
Msg: 28
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Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 8/31/2009 7:27:26 PM
This is exactly what happens on Dating in the Dark......They have these wonderful dates in the dark, talk about a real connection. Then they see each other and one ends up walking away based on the other's looks and they just walk out the door without a word. Kind of sad........
 WynnInOK
Joined: 8/8/2009
Msg: 29
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 9/1/2009 2:09:54 AM
No offense, I went to your profile and see there may be the potential where the one picture of you is not an accurate reflection of what you really look like. I would post a few more (recent) pictures of yourself. This will sound cold, but there has been 4 occasions where I showed up and the woman looked nothing like their pictures. I leave immediately, but I do provide an explanation: I tell them that they look nothing like the pics they posted. If they press me on this, I explain that if they were willing to lie/be deceptive about something as small as physical appearance, then they would lie about more important things. When I get back on the site, I make sure to “block” these folks as well.
 BigBee77
Joined: 4/14/2009
Msg: 30
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Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 9/3/2009 9:27:32 PM
I'ved never had it happen to me, nor have I done it to someone. But if you want my opinion, I'd say it's inconsiderate and childish. If you ever experience it, suck it up, and thank the MAN UPSTAIRS that you didn't have to waste your time attempting to place that person in your life. Look at it like this, they did you a favor.
 BigBee77
Joined: 4/14/2009
Msg: 31
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Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 9/3/2009 9:30:14 PM
But also let me add, be real with you and how you present yourself. Online and offline. That may decrease the chances of that happening.
 `` Piano4te ``
Joined: 8/23/2009
Msg: 32
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 9/3/2009 9:49:22 PM
Welp.....the way I see it... if you're going to be disingenuous about anything you claim to be, whether physically or emotionally, before you actually meet.....the other person has the right to walk out the minute such disingenuous actions are exposed.......
 MePlusTwo
Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 33
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Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 9/4/2009 8:57:17 AM
No, it is never okay. It is always just plain rude. Even if the person has misrepresented themselves, I am going to explain to them that I am leaving and why I am leaving before I do so.

Two wrongs don't make a right and I am not going to reduce myself to their level by doing something as pathetic and cowardly as a 'runner'.
 justbunky
Joined: 4/3/2009
Msg: 34
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Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 9/4/2009 9:13:48 AM
Wow. What have we come to? Is it really all about how a person looks??

While it's not cool to misrepresent, everybody is human and is just seeking a connection of some kind. Think about how that less-attractive person must feel inside to be driven to use old or fake pictures. Give them the courtesy of a minute to get to know them. You might find a new best friend, your next employer, or even the love of your life.

No, it's not OK.
 DemonDingleBerry
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 35
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 9/4/2009 9:29:43 AM

Is that ever OK?

IMO yes. As IMO talking on the internet is ultimately meaningless, and meeting in public for the first time is the same as never having spoken before.
To me it's the same thing as when someone tells a stranger hitting on them that they are single, when not.
Or when someone says "well I have to go, I need to be somewhere, meet someone, etc." when they really don't.
To me it's the same as any lie-to-ditch that people use to get out of situations they don't want to be in.

IMO it is not okay after the very first meet. But IMO anything like this that happens before the first real date is fine. It doesn't affect me, or how I see myself, it just kills their chance to know more about me.

IMO that is why you simply pick something like a Starbucks for a first meet. If they no show, or take off, you get your drink and you leave. Them no showing, or showing and disappearing doesn't force you into anything, or responsible for more than a cup of coffee.

I would prefer someone taking off after saying "hi" than sticking around for 6+ months having no desire to really be there, but enjoying what I can do for them.

IMO I feel it's more rude to have expectations on the first meet.


Should one at least have a coffee and chat for 20 min and then say thank you but I don't feel we have anything in common?

Should they? People should all just get along. You can expect should's in one hand and shyt in the other, and see which one fills faster.
But no. I don't think people should be forced to do something in regards to social relationships if they have no desire to, and any desire they do have is to avoid something.


Shake hands and go on their merry way?

That's what he did, he just didn't put in a fake 20 minutes and do what he was expected to do (in hindsight).


What is popular opinion??

That anything or anyone that is seen as causing feelings of rejection, hurt, or conflict of any kind is "bad" anymore. There seems to be a lack of neutral. Only absolute poles of good, or bad.
 roguevampire
Joined: 5/8/2009
Msg: 36
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 9/4/2009 10:36:04 AM
hmmmm, you need to think, if you do that to the wrong person. they may come after you, screaming. lol. or find out where you live, and kill you. why risk being that rude. just finish the drink or whatever and say, i gotta go do a few things, it was nice to meet you. and thats it. If a girl just walked out on me, trust me, id follow her right out and say, wtf are you doing. You rude see you next tuesday. Id let her have it big time. i don't mean hit her, but verbally, id tear her a new one. theres no need to do that to people. some people just won't put up with that.
 RedMoon4
Joined: 6/11/2009
Msg: 37
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 9/4/2009 10:47:48 AM
It is just palin rude.

At least explain that this will not work out and point out if the person lied about themselves..

Both parties took the time to come out here to see each other so show some manners.
 bballsbest2
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 38
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 9/4/2009 8:15:58 PM
I think that it is rude to agree to meet someone and then vanish after saying hi. Unless there's some extenuating circumstance surrounding it, that is one of the rudest things you can do. You might as well not even show up if you're going to do that, at least if you don't show up you save yourself the time to get there. I think it's rude because the other person has to make an effort to get there and so to leave right after saying hi is wasting their time. If you're really not interested in getting to know them then don't agree to meet them in the first place, otherwise stick around for a little while before leaving. It's not like you're making a commitment to marry them by talking to them for a few minutes.
 CyranoSD
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 39
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 9/4/2009 8:28:55 PM
Frankly I am shocked by some of the posts in this thread.
It is never OK to be rude, even to rude people.
Is that what you do/would teach your children?
The Golden Rule is not "do unto others as they do unto you"
it is "do unto others as you would have them do unto you"
It doesn't matter what medium you are interacting in.. in person or on the net.
It is sad to see that common courtesy is not so common.
 NJRiser!
Joined: 4/24/2009
Msg: 40
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 9/4/2009 8:32:38 PM
Yes, if the person misrepresented themself, leave immediately. They could be crazy, phsychotics! No telling what else they are lieing about, run for your life!

Throw down marbles and a banana, so they will slip if they try to follow you. I keep marbles in my purse, just in case.
 read2009me
Joined: 8/18/2009
Msg: 41
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Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 9/4/2009 8:41:06 PM
I completely agree. But it also goes to show how honesty is no longer the best policy. If the person you are meeting is "not as advertised", then I would think it is our duty to advise the person that such dishonesty is not appreciated. Stated in a very calm and civil way, then both parties could leave. One would also hope that the deceitful party would rethink their actions and possibly be "reborn" and change their ways. But alas the reall world lives on ....
 Motherofthebride
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 42
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Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 9/4/2009 8:43:56 PM
I think it's rude but if someone has misrespresented themselves they deserve the same lack of courtesy they have shown you. I have not done it, but considered it once. I actually walked right past the man I was meeting because he looked nothing like his picture, he was at least 10 years older, and he told me his pic was current. He came up to me and introduced himself and I said, I walked right past you, YOU look nothing like your picture. His response, oh I did not color my hair. He also could barely walk, he told me had gone for a run the day before and was sore...keep in mind I'm a runner and he said he was too, he was hobbiling worse then me when I've run a marathon with a pulled quad!!!
 Motherofthebride
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 43
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Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 9/4/2009 8:50:40 PM
as a follow up I did stay and have coffee, he pointed out they I seemed very nervous and I said I was. After we said goodbye I emailed him that I was not interested and that I felt duped by him. He sent me a very angry response and accused me being shallow and using him, to get a free cup of coffee! I offered to send him a money for the cup o joe, but he told me his friend who is a psychologist told him I was unbalanced and he should forget about me LOL!!
 winteragain
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 44
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 9/4/2009 9:00:22 PM
I don't get how you say they vanish. Do people not pay attention to where they're going or what. If they see their date go to the bathroom and actually enter it, 10 minutes later they find out the date jumped out of the window, now THAT is vanishing. Otherwise, businesses usually have one way in and one way out that only the general public can utilize. If you have friends that do this, tell them to think of better ways in flexing their ninja skillz because that IS ROOD
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 45
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 9/4/2009 9:02:07 PM
Would you consider wearing shorts with black socks and shoes something you can determine in a profile or through a phone conversation?

Sometimes the person shows up how you imagine they would but you missed out on that one important element...dressing like a dork!

I didn't walk off but I did roll my eyes (to myself) and wondered why I had wasted my time. Although it was a gorgeous day on the water and I was already in the area. I made the best of it and then excused myself with a handshake.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 46
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Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 9/4/2009 9:07:12 PM

He also could barely walk, he told me had gone for a run the day before and was sore...keep in mind I'm a runner and he said he was too, he was hobbiling worse then me when I've run a marathon with a pulled quad!!!


You're either leaving out significant details, or are jumping to quick conclusions. Many runners actually limp and hobble badly much of the time when they're not actually doing runs. During run times, the body increases endorphin production which allows runners with chronic aches and pains to perform.

You should have stopped at "he looked nothing like his picture".
 Kamal_416
Joined: 8/6/2009
Msg: 47
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 9/6/2009 7:51:27 AM
op,


well its not rude if you lied about everything...average= a few extra pounds......athletic=average.......a few extra pound=skinny......its confusing sometimes.


i usually take a test drive do it over the web-cam. tell her to do 360 and see everything for myself.


its like the car salesman who posts the wrong details about the car and when you get there your disappointed.
 casperella
Joined: 10/30/2006
Msg: 48
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 9/6/2009 8:05:05 AM
I agree with most of the other posters that it would be ok if the person lied about the way they look or their age or height whatever. I've never done that although I felt like it. But it was a very quick meet.
 Cottontre
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 49
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 9/6/2009 11:16:04 AM
It's never Ok. I think people are become desocialized and losing common courtesy. These folks who tend to spend majority of thier time on line adapt poor behavior, which get carried on to real world senerios.

For instance there are people who don't respond to emails asking a simple question. But this type of behavior doesn't fly in the real world. If a person walks up to you and asks a question, a normal socialize person would respond then turn to walk away. A desocialized person will use that adapted online behavior, and just turn their back and walk away. Its scary that common courtesy is slowly fading and the rudness is the new norm and in some instances defended.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 50
Is It Ever Ok or Is It Just Plain Rude
Posted: 9/6/2009 8:15:54 PM
No, I don't think that is ok.

If a person has an issue or a problem, they should voice it and say goodbye to your face. That way you know the issue, you know they left and you aren't "left hanging having no idea what's going on"


Just taking off without a word without even letting them know you're leaving? No, it's not ok. Ever.
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