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 jen31465
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 8
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Impatient in meetingPage 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I actually have had this experience as well. I think it's weird and too bad because some of those guys I really wanted to meet. All I can think is that men that do that must be playing a numbers game and it doesn't matter who they meet as long as it is right now.
Therefore probably a bad bet anyway. :)
 myrgth
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 17
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Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 2:17:36 PM
I don't see it as a problem or as ridiculous. If I'm inclined then I will. If I'm not then I won't.

They have a different dating style than you. Focus on those that are more in line with what you are looking for and your experiences will improve.
 Rick Rogers
Joined: 1/20/2007
Msg: 27
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Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 6:14:23 PM
I want to meet soon. If you talk for too long then you get a little comfortable with them and when you do meet and there's no chemistry then how do you back out of a future date? I have the problem of them saying they will meet but they are too busy this week, and then this month, and so on. Whatever. If you arent willing to meet, don't say you are. If you're truly too busy, delete your profile from POF and be alone. Geeeze.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 28
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Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 8:06:43 PM

I certainly have. I found it to be a great weeding-out tool. They are actually doing you a favour. Someone who doesn't have the patience to wait a few days to meet; or who doesn't have the courtesy to respect that not everyone moves at the same pace

Apparently, you don't have much respect for the fact that they move at a different pace than you, either.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 29
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Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/2/2009 8:09:36 PM

I personally like to meet right away (within a day or 2).

I hate drawn out, long emails and phone calls...If I don't see you in person, how am I gonna know if I am attracted to ya?

I'm the same way. I've learned that you just can't get to know someone via e-mail and phone calls alone.

I haven't had a chance to meet anyone from this site yet, but last Sunday I joined chemistry.com, had a match the next morning, was e-mailing her Monday night, we chatted on the phone Tuesday night and made a date for this coming Saturday night. But I guess I just move too fast...
 jaqi
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 37
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Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/3/2009 9:26:33 AM
I would rather meet sooner rather than later...endless mailing and constant compliments and saying 'I really want to meet you' drives me mad because when I am interested I will pick up the gauntlet only to find they come up with excuses as to why they can't meet straight away. Then they wonder why I lose interest in them!

It is very true what one of the others said... if you are really interested in someone then you would 'fit' them in to your busy schedule if only for a quick coffee.

There are far too many missed opportunities because of procrastination, lethargy, indecisiveness, fear of rejection and cold feet .... get a grip of yourself and go for it... it might be the start of something very wonderful!
 goodkindacrazy
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 39
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Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/3/2009 2:29:22 PM

What I think it is funny is when people mention the old way. When I was in high school, I knew the kids. We talked, had classes together, ate together, and may have had clubs together. Before the guy had enough courage to ask you for your phone number or I asked him to call, we did get to know each other!

In college, the same thing happened.

Out of college, I met people I worked with, people I exercised with, and people I did other activities with. We got to know each other before we went out on a date.

So there are people on here rushing, go for it. Base your relationship on shallow criteria of making sure the outside looks good before you find out if the inside is. Find out how long your relationship last...


But even in high school and college you were talking in person, you were eating with that person, you saw what they looked like, what thier mannerisms were. With online dating, a person can easily put on another personna. Meeting sooner rather than later helps you to figure out if the person matches their online personna. So instead of emailing or chatting for weeks or months only to meet and they aren't what they seem, you can meet face to face and if still interested, continue to meet and talk and eat together and attend functions together, then if still interested continue on to build that relationship.

I personally prefer to meet sooner but not under an ultimatum like it's now or never.
 Ravenwo7
Joined: 5/30/2006
Msg: 42
Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/3/2009 3:18:35 PM
Would the men here ask that their mothers,daughters or sisters meet a man under these same conditions? Would they accept her explanation that she met him online, saw his profile, talked with him on the phone so many times....and now he's insisting on meeting her in person. it's not that SHE wants to meet him in person right now, but He's insisting. Any guy's alarms going off? Anyone? Buehller?

Absolutely there's a lot of fakery going on here, this site I mean. Absolutely there are married men, married women, men AND women who are in no present position to be in a relationship. Meeting in person won't change any of that. Take your time, feel good about the other person, get to know their FULL NAME, ADDRESS and PHONE # so you can tell your FRIEND where you are :)
 seajaydee
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 47
Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/4/2009 1:20:09 PM
I can only speak for my own self; I want any perspective dates to feel comfortable so I just ask when is a good time for them to meet, I don't push. I don't want endless emails or phone calls either. Some may have been pushed around by women and feel insecure and think that demands make them appear stronger.

So does this mean you won't drop what you're doing and hop on a plane and come to me in Chicagoland?
 OnMyOwnAgain123
Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 53
Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/14/2009 7:02:16 PM
I won't meet with someone i have very stilted convos with. Those are usually the ones i will have NO chemistry with.
If i think i will like the guy enough, i'll meet within a week. But, thing is, i do have a job and kids. Dropping everything is impossible. Hell, I don't even know what i'm gonna do when i get a boyfriend and he wants to be together every day...
 myluv4you
Joined: 1/30/2007
Msg: 54
Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/14/2009 7:06:01 PM
it WAS wrong of him to dump a ton of pressure on you and expect 2 meet THAT very day....

that b-in said : it is normal 2 wnt 2 meet someone in person as soon as practical ( ie convenient 4 both parties ) for the simple fact that you can NEVER, EVER gauge chemistry on the phone, & even less so online -
mebbe he jst wanted 2 c how yall jive in person ....... i also ask ppl who are fairly local 2 meet w/in a few emails -or 4 get it...........

if they are quite a distance away, ( AND show a lot of promise ) i will take my chances, but i for one / would rather do the chatting in person

just my two cents, hope it helped ya
 pearlj
Joined: 3/1/2007
Msg: 59
Impatient in meeting
Posted: 9/21/2009 7:56:28 PM
Shyah! Weird. lol. Any indicator that they don't respect a boundary, or the word "no" in any situation is a big flag to me that their intentions prob aren't that noble lol. Plus, it just plain pisses me off lmao! I don't like ppl pushing, and I don't like it when someone tries to imply that they know the pace at which I move comfortably better than I do. I usually wait a couple of weeks to meet someone, depends on the guy (is extrovert, introvert etc...) as a general rule I wait to hear the "go ahead" from my gut. As another general rule, my gut always hollers "run!" whenever a guy is too eager to meet a. s. a. p.
 rose//42
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 67
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Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 4:57:01 PM
Hi Marcalyn,just a few lines to say that Ive been onthe site for 18 months and have had and still do have exactly the same problem,I ask will next week be ok and they vanish,I wonder if its because there are so many lovely ladies on the site and some guys just look around for someone who will meet up straight away.However if thats the case then I guess we werent meant for each other any way.
Kindest regards Rose
 rose//42
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 68
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Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:02:39 PM
Hi Marcia ,I have exactly the same problem,I wonder if some of the guys on here, look through the many lovely women and choose the one who will meet them the soonest ,I maybe wrong but it sure is odd if you have chosen someone to ask out.
Kindest regards Rose
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 69
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Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:07:03 PM
It must be the water down there...or desperation

Its taken some on here a year to meet me...

Rush me and it's your loss
 yourscooter62
Joined: 9/27/2009
Msg: 70
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Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 5:26:12 PM
I like to meet up quick to not waste time with the back and forth...that doesn't always work with the woman and her schedule or her busy dating itinerary.
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 73
Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 6:15:30 PM
I don't want long drawn out emailing and phone conversations only to discover the person is not the same as depicted in their pictures or having no physical attraction.

However, I won't allow some to pressure me to meet them until we both are mutually ready. My life is not revolving around dating, and there are other things going on in my life.
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 75
Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 7:06:38 PM
^^^Hello to you......glad to hear that!
 electrawiz
Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 78
Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 8:27:15 PM
I completely agree with what most of the guys here have said. When I am feeling like I would like to look for a relationship in my life, I tend to meet people sooner than later. If I feel that the person that I contact is stalling for whatever reason, I just move on.

I find that of all my friends, my female friends are more likely to carry on a fake/non-emotional relationship with someone that they will never meet. My male friends, however, do not maintain unconnected, unattached relationships. I think this is a fundamental difference between the genders.

If I disappear, it is likely that someone else has agreed to to meet me and I like to focus my attention on one person at a time. I don't like the confusion of balancing several relationships that may never go anywhere.
 startle
Joined: 7/22/2008
Msg: 80
Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 9:17:36 PM
most guys say let's meet tonight...that is because they are browsing, sitting around doing nothing, thinking about sex and women and hey there is no time like the present...i go ahead and go if i am up for it ....sometimes i am too tired...sometimes they say i have tickets for such and such..want to come...you have to think fast...do you want to ...are you really interested...sitting around pondering is a waste of time...how much do you need to know...this isn't rocket science...go check them out...
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 81
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Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/7/2009 11:15:08 PM

Getting to know someone before you go out is a good thing.

I rather thought the purpose of going out was to get to know someone...
 m14shooter
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 82
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Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/8/2009 2:12:00 PM

The whole idea of a dating site is to actually meet someone. Anyone who has dated for any amount of time knows that everything up until you actually meet is a waste of time since most won't go beyond that first meeting.


For once I totally agree with you. I want to meet as I know the first meet is the deal or no deal so I want it over with. I talk to and date one woman at a time. If a woman expects me to talk to her for a month or more before the first meet I am on to the next one as I don't have time to waste just to find out I am yet again not her type. I know when I meet a person if they are a fit for me and women know the same. I get maybe one in ten that I actually get a second date with so I want the nine of you out of the way so I can get number ten and see if there is something there. We are not trying to be jerks although I'm sure some guys want to see how fast they can get laid but I want to get to the one there is a chance with. I am not getting any younger or better looking so I am driven to find what I want and I am not letting a time waster stand in my way.

I will e-mail for a day or so and then a couple evenings of calls and then I want to meet, otherwise it is next contestant in the dating game please.
 m14shooter
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 83
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Posted: 11/8/2009 2:16:13 PM

Its taken some on here a year to meet me...

Rush me and it's your loss


The loss of a year of their life to probably find out you are not the one, waiting a year is nothing more than a game player.
 continuousmoon
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 91
Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/10/2009 11:36:40 AM
It's hell out there, kids!

Ok. I'm a guy who is a bit skeptical about the online dating thing; but willing to give it a shot. Really, I'm willing to give anything a shot. Why? Because life is better when shared, and it isn't nearly as easy to meet someone as it was couple of decades earlier in high school or college. Many of us just don't enjoy the bar or club scene anymore. So, what's a guy to do?

That said, dating is a learning process. Some things don't seem to work. What I learned a long time ago (and I suspect most men have learned as well) is that it is a dangerous move to spend too much time getting to know a woman before asking her out. It tends to end with "I would love to date someone LIKE you; but I think of YOU as a brother." This relationship tends to get established fairly early on, so it is best to ask while she still considers you a possibility. Rule number one, if you think you like a girl, ASK HER OUT. She says no? Fine, no harm. Move on. If you wait, and get attached, and then get a "no" or "you're like a brother" line, it causes far more pain. And it strains whatever friendship may have developed. Plus, as others have said, it takes a considerable amount of time.

How does that translate into online dating? I'm not sure. But our experiences shape how we proceed. DEMANDING an immediate date is a bit much. But taking advantage of an opportunity shouldn't be a big deal ("hey, I'm about to grab a bite down at Panera Bread, do you want to continue this conversation there?"). I think generally looking for a first 'date' (which is likely to be something very public because of the safety issue mentioned earlier, and is probably more of a let's meet and see if we actually WANT to go on a real date kinda thing) within a few days to a week or two seems reasonable. It's a good judge of seriousness.

There are different kinds of men. Those looking for a hook up, and those looking for a potential girlfriend. Those looking for the hook up might be emailing twenty women at the same time. Not being a woman or a player, I have no idea how to weed those out outside of meeting them and finding out (or maybe just asking?). I would guess if they really are playing twenty different woman that they won't have much time for a meaningful email or two.

Those looking for a girlfriend might only be talking to two or three at a time. Or one. Spending weeks emailing, chatting, phoning with someone, even though each event might not take all that much time, ends up killing a LOT of time overall. It is a numbers game, and people lead busy lives. Rule number two, ask out a lot of women because the majority just aren't going to work out. This isn't being a player. It's being a realist. If a guy can only handle, or only wants to handle, one girl at a time, those weeks cut seriously into the numbers and greatly reduce the odds.

The women generally have the control. For men, getting rejected is part of the game. But it is better to be rejected after a few emails over a day or two, than to dance around for weeks and THEN maybe not even get to meet the girl they are interested in, while not pursuing any other opportunities.

In the end we all want the same thing: to meet someone special. Hopefully a few emails can establish if there are any obvious deal breakers and if there is any common ground (a good profile helps too... those folks with a two sentence profile are missing an opportunity). After that, stop hiding behind a computer monitor, take a chance, and meet and see if there is any chemistry. If yes, it was all worth it. If not, move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
 continuousmoon
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 92
Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/10/2009 11:45:04 AM
The above lengthy note was obviously from a guys perspective. I'm a guy, that's my perspective.

But there is a reason that I think works for both men and women to encourage avoiding a lengthy (I'm talking weeks and months) email/chat/phone courtship.

The more time, energy, and hope invested in this non-personal contact, the more likely the participants are likely to try and force an obviously bad match. No one wants to think that they just wasted a bunch of time. And, really, you can only get to know who someone really is in person.

Just a thought.
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