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 m14shooter
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 82
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Impatient in meetingPage 6 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

The whole idea of a dating site is to actually meet someone. Anyone who has dated for any amount of time knows that everything up until you actually meet is a waste of time since most won't go beyond that first meeting.


For once I totally agree with you. I want to meet as I know the first meet is the deal or no deal so I want it over with. I talk to and date one woman at a time. If a woman expects me to talk to her for a month or more before the first meet I am on to the next one as I don't have time to waste just to find out I am yet again not her type. I know when I meet a person if they are a fit for me and women know the same. I get maybe one in ten that I actually get a second date with so I want the nine of you out of the way so I can get number ten and see if there is something there. We are not trying to be jerks although I'm sure some guys want to see how fast they can get laid but I want to get to the one there is a chance with. I am not getting any younger or better looking so I am driven to find what I want and I am not letting a time waster stand in my way.

I will e-mail for a day or so and then a couple evenings of calls and then I want to meet, otherwise it is next contestant in the dating game please.
 m14shooter
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 83
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History
Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/8/2009 2:16:13 PM

Its taken some on here a year to meet me...

Rush me and it's your loss


The loss of a year of their life to probably find out you are not the one, waiting a year is nothing more than a game player.
 continuousmoon
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 91
Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/10/2009 11:36:40 AM
It's hell out there, kids!

Ok. I'm a guy who is a bit skeptical about the online dating thing; but willing to give it a shot. Really, I'm willing to give anything a shot. Why? Because life is better when shared, and it isn't nearly as easy to meet someone as it was couple of decades earlier in high school or college. Many of us just don't enjoy the bar or club scene anymore. So, what's a guy to do?

That said, dating is a learning process. Some things don't seem to work. What I learned a long time ago (and I suspect most men have learned as well) is that it is a dangerous move to spend too much time getting to know a woman before asking her out. It tends to end with "I would love to date someone LIKE you; but I think of YOU as a brother." This relationship tends to get established fairly early on, so it is best to ask while she still considers you a possibility. Rule number one, if you think you like a girl, ASK HER OUT. She says no? Fine, no harm. Move on. If you wait, and get attached, and then get a "no" or "you're like a brother" line, it causes far more pain. And it strains whatever friendship may have developed. Plus, as others have said, it takes a considerable amount of time.

How does that translate into online dating? I'm not sure. But our experiences shape how we proceed. DEMANDING an immediate date is a bit much. But taking advantage of an opportunity shouldn't be a big deal ("hey, I'm about to grab a bite down at Panera Bread, do you want to continue this conversation there?"). I think generally looking for a first 'date' (which is likely to be something very public because of the safety issue mentioned earlier, and is probably more of a let's meet and see if we actually WANT to go on a real date kinda thing) within a few days to a week or two seems reasonable. It's a good judge of seriousness.

There are different kinds of men. Those looking for a hook up, and those looking for a potential girlfriend. Those looking for the hook up might be emailing twenty women at the same time. Not being a woman or a player, I have no idea how to weed those out outside of meeting them and finding out (or maybe just asking?). I would guess if they really are playing twenty different woman that they won't have much time for a meaningful email or two.

Those looking for a girlfriend might only be talking to two or three at a time. Or one. Spending weeks emailing, chatting, phoning with someone, even though each event might not take all that much time, ends up killing a LOT of time overall. It is a numbers game, and people lead busy lives. Rule number two, ask out a lot of women because the majority just aren't going to work out. This isn't being a player. It's being a realist. If a guy can only handle, or only wants to handle, one girl at a time, those weeks cut seriously into the numbers and greatly reduce the odds.

The women generally have the control. For men, getting rejected is part of the game. But it is better to be rejected after a few emails over a day or two, than to dance around for weeks and THEN maybe not even get to meet the girl they are interested in, while not pursuing any other opportunities.

In the end we all want the same thing: to meet someone special. Hopefully a few emails can establish if there are any obvious deal breakers and if there is any common ground (a good profile helps too... those folks with a two sentence profile are missing an opportunity). After that, stop hiding behind a computer monitor, take a chance, and meet and see if there is any chemistry. If yes, it was all worth it. If not, move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
 continuousmoon
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 92
Impatient in meeting
Posted: 11/10/2009 11:45:04 AM
The above lengthy note was obviously from a guys perspective. I'm a guy, that's my perspective.

But there is a reason that I think works for both men and women to encourage avoiding a lengthy (I'm talking weeks and months) email/chat/phone courtship.

The more time, energy, and hope invested in this non-personal contact, the more likely the participants are likely to try and force an obviously bad match. No one wants to think that they just wasted a bunch of time. And, really, you can only get to know who someone really is in person.

Just a thought.
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