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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > At what age do you Just Give Up?      Home login  
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 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 301
At what age do you Just Give Up?Page 13 of 38    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38)
Alert the media! I am in complete agrementwith Abelian on the "loneliness" issue.

However( what, you didn't expect a complete "rubber stamp" posting!?)
In roger33's case, "loneliness" is part of his pitch. Going overseas to find a wife in a country where the culture is different is a cure for "loneliness". He doesn't want his potential target market to be told that dealing with loneliness lies with each individual...how will he sell his snake oil if people figure out they can heal themselves?
Cindy O
 fastdogphotog
Joined: 5/27/2008
Msg: 302
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/9/2011 11:56:07 AM

. . . the cure for lonliness is to fix you, not find a relationship. . . You shouldn't need another person to fill an emptiness.


I'm not so sure about that for everyone. It seems to me that humans are social animals that require interpersonal connections and relationships for their general emotional well being. To that extent, I think that, in general, the average person does need other people to balance emptiness or loneliness. Otherwise, we would all do perfectly fine with solitary confinement.

However, that doesn't mean that we necessarily need a romantic relationship or that someone who is lonely might not also need to "fix" themselves. In fact, I would definitely agree that trying to deal with or compensate for loneliness through a romantic relationship is a fundamentally bad idea for many reasons. But I don't think it's all about someone who is lonely "fixing" themselves.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 303
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/9/2011 2:07:21 PM
^^^See:


To offset the negative consequences of loneliness, a support system of friends, hobbies and some passion for living outside of a significant other is needed.


I have a wonderful support system and some friends have and continue to be extremely kind, loving and there for me. I return that gladly.

Sadly (or not depending on how you look at it), the men I have dated were unable (or would not) to provide the support I needed (so far).
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 304
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/9/2011 9:52:42 PM
Though I am not much of a proponent of relationships, I don't discount the wish to have a relationship nor do I dismiss the impact that lonliness can have. I am willing to criticise people for just about anything else but won't revel in someone elses despair brought on by isolation.

To my knowledge roger isn't selling anything. He is clearly trying to advance the idea that prospects to ease lonliness are better abroad. Who could disagree after seeing all of the callous and cruel remarks by people on these boards? They must be taking time off from promoting the spread of breat cancer.

As to combating lonliness itself:
Making freinds with a guy who has it all handled can help.
Getting a worthy FW can help.
A skanky and broken down AW won't do at all.
 saszzy
Joined: 6/6/2011
Msg: 305
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/10/2011 3:54:18 AM
bit of a dumbass question ..you never give up ...... only look to overseas dating if you are willing to relocate .... and making the move is harder than you think .... and love dosnt always make up for people you love who you leave behind
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 306
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/10/2011 6:07:31 AM

A skanky and broken down AW won't do at all.

Such a sweet talker, you are

Some people choose to live alone with their cats, others buy a bride from other countries... OK by me.

So far I haven't had the desire to "give up", but I'm enjoying getting to know people, dating, and who knows -- maybe this will lead to something lasting for years (or a lifetime). That would be wonderful, for sure, but if it doesn't happen what I have now is pretty darn good.
 Earthpuppy
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 307
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/10/2011 6:16:21 AM

A skanky and broken down AW won't do at all.


Aahh..another Happy Bachelor or MGTOW misogynist trying to pollute other forums.
You do realize that foreign women will find you just as disgusting as American women once they learn your language and your attitude. American women are not the problem. You need a new therapist.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 308
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/10/2011 3:24:44 PM

Aahh..another Happy Bachelor or MGTOW misogynist trying to pollute other forums.
You do realize that foreign women will find you just as disgusting as American women once they learn your language and your attitude. American women are not the problem. You need a new therapist.


@earthpuppy -- The first line of your profile says it all. You are a "dreamer". If you think that women like you any more than me for all of your subordination, you really are dreaming. You are actually worse off for gelding yourself.

OT -- A solitary life doesn't suit everybody, but it does suit some depending upon how you fill it. If men can get past sitting home alone with video games while pining for a relationship and calling that bachelorhood then things might be different for everyone. When you are not with a woman, it is the perfect time to try alternative forms of bachelorhood. When the alternatives have been tried and a guy still wants a relationship, all I can say then is make yourself happy by whatever means.

The problem with defaulting to relationship mode is that you give up too much. In most cases, it means being the worst kind of conformist. Knocking yourself out trying to not be "offensive" just to become a full fledged freind. On the other extreme, you must conform strictly to the PUA training that you paid out the wazoo to get, lest you fail in your dubious objectives.

However when you substitute an adrenalin rush for oxytocin poisoning then you tend to naturally fall into the "badboy" category that is even more attractive than a PUA or niceguy could ever hope to be without giving up anything. Imagine that... it provides a guy choices.

There is nothing to stop a dyed in the wool daredevil and incorrigible libertine from choosing to wimp out and become a guy friend at any old time. Why pick that first? Have you ever noticed how all the literary and real life heros are always making excuses to a woman why they can't stay with them? It is always about a loftier and more pressing purpose. Find that purpose before you do anything else is all.
 Earthpuppy
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 309
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/10/2011 3:52:19 PM
Yup..I be a dreamer..but I'm not the only one.

I think that women like me since my ex loves still love me and many of my best buds are women. The difference between us, is that you look at women as the enemy, particularly, strong and independent women and women who do not like the attitude of damaged goods like you. BTW...Have never been accused of being a "gelding"...quite the contrary. Women, like honorable men, like men who don't need to tear down women to get it up. Simple honor and respect, treating everyone with due equality, admiring our strengths and differences, and celebrating the best of those things between us. This is called life, reality, and other things that the misogyist hate fest sites may never teach you in your bitterness. The echo chambers of those hate fests will build within you and only make your lot in life worse. You will fare no better trying to find a FW slave to your fantasies than you will with your peers. Equality and equity, and respect are global. Sorry you got hurt so bad. There is help. Seek it. Don't give up on yourself, or your women friends and family.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 310
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/10/2011 5:13:26 PM

Simple honor and respect, treating everyone with due equality, admiring our strengths and differences, and celebrating the best of those things between us.


@earthpuppy -- Your position would resonate more without all the self justification. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why a guy of your age can still think that. Many do and though it is hopelessly outdated guys of your, shall we say, of your durability can still maintain that. Trying to bring a younger guy into line is one thing, no problem there. Trying to get Dr. Phil to do it for you is quite another. Doesn't do you justice.

You younger guys can draw your own conclusions. For the record... I can take earthpuppy's advice and get in touch with my feelings and get all sensitive -- that is available to me at any time. There is no deadline that demands that I start "respecting" women right away or be banished from their "freind zone" forever. Even if there were, that doesn't mean I would place such a high value on being a guy freind at the expense of everything else.

As to FW... Nobody has to take my word for it or roger's for that matter. See yourself. You might very well conclude there is no place like home and go for the comfort of the familiar, but WHAT IF? Hey, many a runaway thought better of it, went back to massa, took his whoopin and never strayed from the plantation again. Elect **** begging disrepute of your own accord and without regret. Just don't be left wondering what might have been. Sure, they try to persuade you not to. How many stories were told that demonized those terrible Yankee's and what horrors were in store for you if you ran up North?

I assure you. To sojurn in a foreign land is in keeping with the best traditions of a "man's man". Hemmingway did it. Picasso did it. Naploeon did it. Columbus did it. You are in good company. I can guarantee you that while you are out there discovering the world and yourself, you won't need Dr Phil. Whether you decide to take on an FW or not, there will be more to YOU than there ever was before. When and if you decide to comeback and knuckle under, you will be doing it as an informed choice and not as the result of some conditioned response to quiet desparation.
 Earthpuppy
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 311
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/11/2011 12:03:19 AM
SFB...lots of presumptions. Not a Phil Phan. Just a human raised to respect people, period. Calling American Women skanks shows an inherent disrespect, a built up prejudice from personal injury, an unrealistic and misguided prejudice, and a dude sucked into the misogyny of boys only club forums. Which one is feeding your hatred...MGTOW, Happy Bachelors, or other? Your language and secret codes indicate you are indoctrinated into the club. It's not about "inner feelings" more more to do with outer azzhole which you seem to wear with pride. No wonder you live in a negative feedback loop.

Have traveled the world, blown up brown people for the empire, tasted the fruits, am a yankee living in a strange land. You don't need to travel the world to find yourself. One can be a total tool on whatever shores one lands. It's not where you are at...it's where you stick your head up while you are there. If you are this ugly to American women, you will no doubt be an ugly American where ever you seek to escape your illness. May you get the love you deserve. Nicolle Kidman's "Birthday Girl" film was fun. American men are great green card tools. Now, that's love.

My dad had given up in his mid 60s after his wife of 28 years succumbed to cancer. He finally realized he was still alive, and fell in love again at age 70 to one of those American women. They had a great last decade and a half together.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 312
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/11/2011 4:00:39 AM

Right on all counts. I have a very attractive 44 year old woman friend who thinks EP is very attractive, and she is 15 years younger than him. Being an honorable man who likes and respects strong and independent women does not make a man less attractive, quite the contrary.

I would honestly like to learn that they got together. Would do good by both of them sounds like.

OT -- The government may soon require you to let a woman be strong and independent on your dime. Until then you have a choice. You can keep your freedom for as long as practical or you can surrender to the inevitable early. Why not try to make something of yourself while you still can? When you are in your dotage maybe a 44 yo will find you attractive too.
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 313
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/11/2011 4:48:24 AM

LOL None of them lived in foreign lands or traveled to them because they couldn't find a woman in their own country. What kind of analogy do you think you are trying to make? Too funny. Men like you are going to poverty stricken countries to find poverty stricken women because you can't cut it with your own women. Hemmingway, Picasso, Columbus, and Napoleon definitely did not have such a problem.
I am not encouraging anyone to go after anyone who thinks she is too good for them so what's your problem. You aren't going to miss any of them.
 Earthpuppy
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 314
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/11/2011 5:30:12 AM

OT -- The government may soon require you to let a woman be strong and independent on your dime. Until then you have a choice. You can keep your freedom for as long as practical or you can surrender to the inevitable early. Why not try to make something of yourself while you still can? When you are in your dotage maybe a 44 yo will find you attractive too.


More memes from the HB/MGTOW hate fest. Government mandated equality. Relationships equal loss of freedom. Succumbing to a relationship equals doom. Every man is an island. Women don't age as well as men, and must be replaced frequently (ie..newt gingrich/hugh hefner). Older women are not gorgeous, because after all, intelligence and acquired knowledge cannot compare to a dizty young piece of arm candy. I know a more than a few men who have dated older and married older women. They tended to be intelligent though, both the men and women.

To learn more about the MRA/HB/MGTOW phenonmenon, Manboobz is a fun place to hang and discuss these creatures. http://manboobz.com/
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 315
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/11/2011 5:34:31 AM

Obviously no one is going to miss them. If they were wanted by women in their own country, they wouldn't need to go elsewhere. The problem is the truth of it. Instead of saying it is because American women are all kinds of horrible things and that is why these men go elsewhere, tell the truth, which is that these men cannot make it with American women, so they need to buy poor women in other countries. The problem is blaming your failures on someone else and in so doing calling them names and saying extremely derogatory things about them. It is also a problem, ethically, for me that men essentially buy women. These women essentially prostitute themselves to better their situation economically. To pretend you are not doing that, contributing to such a situation, is also a lie. It is, fundamentally, human trafficking, which most people find distasteful and which is why you get a lot of flack about it.

That women in the USA prostitute themselves is one of my main objections, hence skanks... no matter. Suppose I do stop forcing these guys to go overseas. Where will you be then with all of these objectionable creatures under foot?
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 316
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/11/2011 6:16:29 AM

Suppose I do stop forcing these guys to go overseas. Where will you be then with all of these objectionable creatures under fooot?


Funny how you used the word "under foot"......
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 317
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/11/2011 6:24:58 AM

That women in the USA prostitute themselves is one of my main objections, hence skanks... no matter.

I'm pretty sure you don't really believe that. More than likely you feel they are out of your league and you've been rejected so many times that it is easier to villanize the unattainable.
 Earthpuppy
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 318
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/11/2011 7:47:07 AM
Janet..I am pretty sure he does believe what he says.
From my short foray into the HB/MGTOW world, they are an echo chamber, seeking converts to re-enforce their misogyny.
Some topics in the Happy Bachelors forums in the last couple of weeks.
More reasons why feminism must be stopped
You know, you guys are rubbing off on me
Where's Your Bra, ****????
You never should take women seriously
Resolved: Feminism is evil
Naomi Wolf Is A Delusional Old Hag
Feminism -- greatest hoax against freedom (Part I)
Good Mangina Project promoted on Feministe.us
So, you think women can be trusted do you?
Arguing With A Western Woman..Who Can't Argue. :P
Married Women - Better Sex, More Money
Young Man: "Women are Whack Jobs"
Dear Sluts
Where Have all the Real Men Gone?
etc....
 Silver-Dove
Joined: 3/2/2009
Msg: 319
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/11/2011 9:22:10 AM
When I saw the topic - "at what age you do just give up" it resonated with me. At 66 I ask myself this often.

Then I started reading and I see peope in their THIRTIES questioning this? But they are talking up giving up the dream of having children etc. I'm just looking at it as giving up DATING altogether! At what age you do you consider that?
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 320
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/11/2011 9:47:47 AM
^^^I had to give up having children at a fairly young age. This in turn means a smaller "pool" of men to choose from. Ironically I preferred the men who wanted a family, so it was fairly difficult online. If a man posted he wanted children in his profile, I avoided contacting him.

Even now, men my age still want children.

There is no rule of when to give up. All these rules......
 _figure_skater
Joined: 4/17/2011
Msg: 321
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/13/2011 11:58:12 AM
I agree with you fully, I just turned 31 and have never had a relationship with someone my own age because everyone thinks that I am still a teenager. Which is completely awesome, I love looking younger. But I actually have decided to just give up on searching, its an embarrasment, to never had a relationship at this age. Its bad enough just trying to meet friends on this site let alone a gf.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 322
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/15/2011 1:30:50 AM
^^^great post and I totally agree. However I'm not sure meeting a stranger and marrying her for the sake of having a relationship is going to help.

Believe me, as a woman with a chronic condition, I've not felt I could rely on any of the men I've dated and sadly they proven me right. I won't go into the specifics and complain, but there are far more women with worse problems who are healthy. This may go back to some of what you posted above, but I know better than anyone that a relationship is not going to help everything and in some cases can be worse. Interestingly enough as I get older though I see more potential for a relationship :)

I'm sure I could have "netted" myself a man a long time ago and just stayed with him for security. Maybe others can do this, but I can't.

The security I need does not come in dollar signs.

I think the loneliness factor is even worse due to the internet. And this is why I put the onus on the individual. YOU must make the effort in today's world. Pick up the phone, plan things in person. Call people on their birthdays rather than just post it on facebook. It is so easy just to sit in front of your computer and expect the world to drop in your lap.

If they then do not reciprocate, then you move on. The flip side of the internet is that it provides opportunities to meet people in person. In almost every town in the country, there is a thing called Meetup. I know of several people who met their partners at these events. What IS interesting about those is that the majority of men are not North American. So what does that say about the effort of NA men?

Your post above is not only talking about women. These men will go and find a bride somewhere else and end up having an empty relationship because in essence they are what your post embodies.

The most popular woman I know (with men) is not only very attractive, but her attitude is extremely attractive and they flock to her like nuts. Nobody flocks to people who don't try or who are negative and expect the world to drop at their feet without any effort. At least that is what I've viewed in the social.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 323
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/15/2011 1:58:35 AM

Americans tend to say "ITS YOUR FAULT" if you are lonely or are having dating problems. You aren't allowed to blame the environment or culture. That is forbidden and makes you look like a loser. Admittedly, while America is a great country with technological advancements, well-meaning people, and offers many nice luxuries and amenities, what it does NOT offer is a culture and environment conducive to natural healthy relationships, friendships and self-esteem/mental health, but instead offers the exact opposite. Its socially dysfunctional culture has left many lonely, isolated, alienated, insecure, dateless and sexless, but forbidden to complain about it.


As I said, I agree with some of this. However, I sure as hell wasn't raised to run away when things got tough. I was raised to give an effort. Because even though the culture is causing this, there ARE ways around it if one gives an effort.

My experience with men (and people today) is that they want things to come easy. Heck, if you have money I'm sure it is easy to run away to another country. Not all of us have that option.
 Earthpuppy
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 324
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/15/2011 2:48:05 AM
Pretty hopeless, when Dr. Laura is your therapist. Send us postcards from your dream world. Leave already. Quit yer bichin. Be a man of action. You will also fare better in your AW hate fest over at Happy Bachelors forums. They don't allow intelligent women in their club house.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 325
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/15/2011 7:42:04 AM

All the mental health studies out there conclude that Americans have the highest rate of mental illness in the entire world.

But let's look BEHIND that on a couple of points,shall we?
The first point-what drives these "mental health studies"? Is it entities and/or individuals looking for research grant money? Is it pharmaceutical companies wanting to sell more mood stabilizers-or get funding for more market research,so they can find other "issues" to throw pills at??
Make no mistake, I am not anti-pharmaceutical-both medications for true mental, mood,or thought disorders, and medications for physical ailments like diabetes,heart disease,etc.

Going to a therapist or psychologist is mostly a US thing. It’s not common in the rest of the non western world.
Maybe because in the non-western world,access to mental health services is not as readily available?

People who feel isolated,who spend their evenings and weekends watching pay-per-view movies, might want to think about finding places to volunteer their time and skills, about getting involved in a cause they care about, mentoring children, or even taking a part-time job, perhaps developing an interest or hobby that would bring them into contact with other people.

Twice as many 15 to 24 yr olds are in one person households now compared to 1970

what in the WORLD is a 15yr old doing living alone?

Did you ever stop to think that the number of people under age 29 who are "one-person households" might be an indicator that young people marrying to get away from the family-of-origin home is on the wane, and as a result we may eventually see far fewer middel-aged divorces?


You may be right about their need to "GET OUT MORE" but as the quotes above show, its not that simple in this country to just get out and suddenly meet new close friends.

Well, if more people got out more with a PURPOSE, and didn't expect to "suddenly" meet new close friends-then retreating quickly back into their solitude because the sky didn't open up and immediately shower them with a host of new close friends-they might experience better results. It can take TIME to develop a deep frienship or a serious romantic relationship,so maybe part of what is behind this alleged epidemic of "loneliness" is people who expect instant gratification of desire for friendship and romance,and "give up" very easily.

So, I believe this is why so many people are lonely in the US which makes having a significant other that much more important compared to if you were living in another culture.

Again, simply acquiring a "significant other" is NOT a "cure" for loneliness.

Humans are social creatures and we NEED Social connections and contact, which means we need other humans biengs to be fulfilled and happy

But these social connections and contact can come in other packages BESIDES a "significant other".
I believe I can help those who can relate to those of us who have experienced the horrible dating scene for men in America.

Maybe these men who experience the dating scene as "horrible", should stop and reflect on questions like their expectations and what they have to bring to the table?

75% of AMericans are obese, I cant deal with that on sexual attraction level in the same way woman cant deal with a man a lot shorter than them). The narcissism and materialism I see with the woman in america today wipes out the other non obese 25% of single woman, then lastly, dating woman near my age (43) means many ladies already have kids or baggage.

Umm-EXPECTATIONS??? You don't think that any woman who is overweight or has children or "baggage" can be an excellent significant other? When what has proven time and time again to produce long-lasting friendships and pair-bonds is traits of character,loyalty, kindness,patience, honesty and a sense of honor? One must be slim, fit and free of children or other "baggage" in order to be honorable, kind,loyal, patient,interesting,intelligent,generous?

Ive learned how wonderful and amazing the options become when I get online with international dating sites and develop freindships and meaningful relationships with humble, appreciative, thin sexy ladies!

that you never meet in person? That apparently break up with you if you DO actually get together in person???

Unlike here in the states, they dont care what I do for a living or what I make.

probably because they believe-whether that is correct or not-that anything in the US(or other advanced western countries) is better than a life of poverty and a shortage of males?

and wanting aguy who will accpet them for who they are.

I think most US women want that too.

FOr the men, the tables are reversed to say the least.

And that's the REAL attraction, isn't it? You imagine droves of US men rushing to foreign shores,and feel like you are getting even with US women who didn't care to date you.

Some people choose to live alone with their cats, others buy a bride from other countries... OK by me.


LOL. There is the feminisitic shame tactics again. LOL

What shame? According to you, finding a bride in a foreign culture with an economy and social structure that doesn't hold much appeal for young women residing there, is a move of great intelligence, foresight, resourcefulness-so why is it "shaming" when someone calls it as they see it?

Ive sourced and quoted expert opinion and research and statistical facts in all my posts.

You've quoted those that YOU believe to be "experts", and statistics that promote your intent-which is to inform US women that they better start kissing US mens' asses or US men will all take their ball and go to a game where the players will LET them win.

Pretty hopeless, when Dr. Laura is your therapist.

Nah, he just quotes her a lot because it supports his position that there is nothing wrong with him, it's US women who are at fault-that he should be ENTITLED to a slim, fit, attractive "no baggage/no kids" US women. He's trying to date WAAY out of his league and his lack of results is the fault of US women.

Well, the 20% divorce rate quoted by the USCIS and other sources doesn't seem to support that.
Just because a couple has not diorced doesn't GUARANTEE that the relationship is wonderful. How many marriages with foreign brides are staying together because someone is afraid? And not necessarily the woman-the man may be afraid that he would have to pay alimony, child support, lose part of his assets-especially if his foreign bride does not work outside the home and might find it difficult to find work. He may be keeping is marriage together with disinformation. How about the marriage where the slim foreign bride has gained a lot of weight? How about marriages between US men and foreign women that are ONLY staying together because there are young children?

And to be very HONEST, 90-95% of the guys Ive known over the past 8 years since i've been looking into this (and doing it myself) are extremely happy.

So tell us about your foreign-born wife.
Cindy O
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