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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > At what age do you Just Give Up?      Home login  
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 426
At what age do you Just Give Up?Page 18 of 38    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38)
It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with the shitty defeatist attitudes on some guys.

Are women supposed to respond positively to that? ‘Oh, you’re so whiney and weak, I just love testicleless men.’

Blaming an entire gender for dating failure is massively unattractive.
Joined: 4/15/2012
Msg: 427
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/2/2012 3:46:02 PM
I think the legal drinking age is pretty the time when people should give up
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 428
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/2/2012 10:50:17 PM
Tribuit789, you don’t know why women are not responding to you, do you? I mean, do women actually write to you and tell you they are looking for tall, dark and handsome men? You are letting your insecurities imagine others’ motives, and based on that skewed perception, determining them to be ‘entitled princesses.’ Come on, that’s not fair.

Men AND women have eyes. We are all visual. We just get turned on by seeing different things. What turns me on probably isn’t gonna do much for you. : )

Women are the reason…blah blah blah. If men don’t message me, should I blame all men? Or maybe I should work on myself, to try to be an interesting, intriguing woman? If you change your attitude your outlook will change. It won’t happen overnight. It takes time and effort, and it is worth it.

One more thing. Do you even realize how much POWER you are giving to women by allowing them to determine your whole darn life? Please, don’t do that. Take your power back. That begins and ends with YOU. : )

My previous post was in response to this:

Being 32 now and seeing how shallow most women are today. They may say they aren't shallow but they are. It is obvious when most women women e-mail you back or even read your messages. Literally it is true you have to have a bodybuilder body and/or have a huge house with alot of money before any woman will date you.

YES, that is whiney and defeatist, and sad.
Joined: 2/8/2010
Msg: 429
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/2/2012 11:07:58 PM
I know how it feels to be frustrated, but we have to remember there are a slew of reasons that people may not "choose" us. We can't let it get us down--there is someone out there for each of us, if it is destined to be.

I am forty--I don't quite know how in the heck that happened--but I have no intention of giving up on love. Why would I? Will love be any less special for me if it happens at 50? or 60? or 75?

As for starting families, that is a dilemma. I know I wanted to have babies more than anything else when I was younger and that feeling drove my relationships. Now I am happy to have two great kids and don't really want anymore.

The OP was thirty, and I would say that giving up on having your own children at around 45 makes sense for me. But I am sure there are some great older parents out there who would disagree.
Joined: 4/16/2012
Msg: 430
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/2/2012 11:43:46 PM

I use the forums so nice try with that. I dont send messages. I dont go out of my way to email men I know arent going to email me back. I do positive stuff I eat under 1200 cal a day, I dont drink and I go to the gym an hour a day so please know what you are talking about. Just because someone is on here did you ever think its just for the forums

Of all the awesome forums, many covering all sorts of interesting and relevant hobbies, interests, and topics, on the internet... WHY, in the vast and infinite scope of the cosmos, would anyone choose just to be simply a forumite here?! LMFAO!!!

You need to get out more... I don't mean out of the house (we'll leave that for another thread), but out on the internet.
Joined: 2/10/2009
Msg: 431
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/5/2012 2:22:53 PM

Im shy. I dont like to go out and go talk to some guy to get shot down.

I can understand what you are saying, I am the same way.
I tried a few to go out at some POF events, but I always end up at the back of the room sitting alone there for hours, I am the kind of person that will not go and talk to others unless I know that they want to talk to me, but if somebody comes and talk to me, I will talk to them no problem, but I will never make the first move

Even contacting woman on this site, I see some of them that I could be interested but since I have no idea whether they want to talk to me or not I just wait for them to make the first move
Joined: 2/10/2009
Msg: 432
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/5/2012 6:32:33 PM
The fact is that if you have not found any one by the time you are 30, then ou will never find any one
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 433
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/5/2012 7:07:45 PM
[quoteThe fact is that if you have not found any one by the time you are 30, then ou will never find any one

There may be some truth to that statement in the context of a generation or so so self-obsessesed and unwilling to commit or compromise, feeling special, self important, and generally victimized by their narciscism tendencies. But for many generations before the whiney assed, wimps before, people fell in love in their 20s to 90s and beyond, because they learned that love was far more than the sum of body parts, sags, wrinkles, and foibles. Love can come from thousands of places, times, power of forgiveness for self and others, power of appreciation for self and others, appreciation for wisdom, strength, and contribution to greater things, powers to overcome pettiness, stupidity and greed, among many other things. Truth be told, some of the grandest love stories of all times came from people who lived, loved, lost, gained insight, and loved again.

Quiters are wimps. Thanks to the gods these wimps quit and make room for the bold, willing and hopeful to celebrate what love and life is. It is really sad that 30 somethings give up so easily while 90 somethings can still find giggles together. Sucks to be you no doubt.
Joined: 2/10/2009
Msg: 434
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/5/2012 7:55:11 PM

Quiters are wimps.

Call me a QUITER or a WIMP if you want, but at least I am facing reality and I have accepted it and like that young lady a few post above, I keep living my life for ME and since there will be no one else to share it with, well the other are/will missing on a great guy (gal)
Joined: 4/30/2012
Msg: 435
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/6/2012 4:30:00 AM
I have apparantly given up at 37 without realizing it. Take this as a lesson on what will happen to you when you get consumed with self hatred and bitterness. It's too bad a nice girl had to get caught in my BS, but I think she got off easy (C/P from a diff thread):

Well, just yesterday I managed to set up a real life in the flesh meeting with a woman I initiated contact with. We emailed for a couple of weeks then had a great telephone conversation. Everything seemed primed to move to the next phase, but as soon as I hung up the phone I was innundated with negative reinforcement and was soon convinced that this was something I had absolutely no business attempting. I guess the idea was appealing at first, but when it came down to it I realized I had no confidence and wanted to spare her the trouble of finding that out for herself.

About an hour ago I texted her to let her know that I was cancelling our afternoon meet because I really suck. This would have been my first date in over 9 years. You can call me an idiot for this, but I already know that.

What's the point of this post? I guess it's just that if a deformed troglodyte like me can theoretically get a date on one of these sites (even with a vague profile and a few lousy photos), then anybody can. It's obviously too late for me, but there's hope for you.
Joined: 5/8/2009
Msg: 436
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/6/2012 6:33:46 AM
i agree with this sentiment. We live in a day and age where loyalty and devotion seem not to exist. I also think women are a bit different. Women have only so long to start a family, while a man can have kids at any age.
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 437
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/6/2012 8:04:48 AM
cja; I dated someone like you who was a really good friend; but he was convinced he would suck in a relationship; even though he wanted to try and have one.

The self doubt, the being convinced he wasn't good enough, wasn't capable, that "fight or flight" adrenaline rush that consumes you that pours the out of control anxiety thoughts; those are things that are and can be there... and if you are happy with them winning; then give up.

But they don't HAVE to win.

There are things you can do to destress yourself when you recognize the adrenaline hitting. There are things you can do when you start to have the thoughts creep that you will fail; that you will hurt her; htat you have no business doing that.

For every thought htat is a negative, replace it with a positive.

For every feeling of stress; take a deep breath, close your eyes and visualize you leting go of the fear, letting go of the assurety of failure; letting go of the terror of being able to be hurt or being the one to hurt.

Your brain is something you can master. I am guessing you talked to a therapist at some point (I'm seriously hoping you are not giving up on an entire portion of your lifew ithout having actually spent any time dealing with what it is that triggers your fight or flight bailing)..

but if you WANT a relationship; there is still hope for you. But you have to recognize when the adrenaline is going to hit and know how to offset it. You have to recognize when your thought patterns start to go dark and know to have something positive to replace them with so they don't consume you and convince you to take action on an overwhelming fear. Fear CAN be conquered. Anxiety can be overcome...

and people who think they are going to be crap in relationships can, if they let go and just be, be good.

As long as you take it slow; odn't rush it or force it into being a relationship and start with friendship; letting it develop and learn who each person is.

Don't give up unless you want to. There's hope for you too. It is not too late.
Joined: 4/30/2012
Msg: 438
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/6/2012 12:51:46 PM
Thank you. It would be hard for me to respond to that without tearing myself down even more, so I'll keep my mouth shut.

I will say it definitly is too late, especially after today's fiasco. I'm not interested in getting better anymore. I just want to get by.
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 439
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/6/2012 1:26:47 PM
Then I will just offer a hug, because it sounds like you could use one. Don't know what happened today to solidify it that much worse, but I'm sorry for you, whatever it is.

Joined: 4/30/2012
Msg: 440
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/6/2012 1:35:04 PM
"Don't know what happened today to solidify it that much worse"

I was referring to what I wrote a couple of posts ago, about how I cancelled the first date I managed to get in almost a decade. No point in trying if I'm just going to run away and not follow through.
Joined: 3/19/2012
Msg: 441
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/6/2012 1:41:52 PM
I thought you meant something terrible... saw that post but people do that all the time and it doesn't mean they aren't relationship worthy; it means they are probably not ready to "capital D date" yet.

So don't.

Small d date. Or don't date at all but don't give up on it forever; just get your frame of mind back and when you do get back to it; start small and work your way forward. My one friend? He wasn't ready when he tried to date me (and I will be honest; it was not a fun experience); but several years later he did find someone and he is really happy finally, and I am really happy for him.

Not yet is a whole lot different than not ever.
Joined: 11/12/2010
Msg: 442
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/7/2012 1:48:26 AM
Honestly I'm in the same boat. I would like to have a family with kids but it seams like all the women around my age are all passed the baby making phase in life. I am truthfully not hopeful about my prospects. In order to start a family with kids and all it seems like i have to go under 25.
I have dated younger. They were great girls but very immature. I'm almost 38 and I think I'm done with dating and relationships.
I met someone on this site. We had a great time I thought we hit it off but next thing I get is the "I've found someone else and we can still be friends, " text. So in the 2 years I've been on here I've had 1 date from this site.
I get next to no messages on here. And I've done the long term relationship thing and its not for me.

I would say after 35 if you haven't done it chances are you won't.
Joined: 12/23/2011
Msg: 443
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/7/2012 3:07:54 AM
For me I guess it would be now, at 32 I've been through the ringer one too many times and now a neurotic basket case with no self confidence whatsoever when it comes to dating and relationships or even life in general. If by miracle it happens and I end up finding the right woman for me, it'd be out of the blue because it certainly won't be me making any effort searching.
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 444
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/7/2012 8:56:15 AM
I give up at 33.

*looks at age*

Ooops, shhhh**....I mean 34

Seriously, never. Until I find my future wife. Then we'll live happily ever after and make babies like rabbits (well...practice at LEAST lol)
Joined: 11/12/2010
Msg: 445
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/7/2012 3:52:02 PM
I ment I've done long distance relationships and they aren't for me. Oops.
Joined: 7/17/2011
Msg: 446
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/8/2012 6:15:15 PM
i'm 35 and convinced there are no good men left out there so i decided to just live life and have fun. i was married, have 3 kids but i don't think there is 1 person for everyone. i think its too late for me, it seems once u hit mid 30's it is super hard to find a guy
Joined: 7/26/2010
Msg: 447
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/9/2012 9:40:38 AM
Look at it this way I am 35 I was married four years ago. I never ever thought I could be happy or find someone else. I don't have any kids that I know of an I have had a really good love life after 30, but some things with certin women don't work out that is cool also I never give up finding that special someone to settle down an spend what time I have left with. Age is only a number. I don't have any kids sure I would to have loved to have at least one to take on my family name but things never worked out that way an I have found out you can never plan out life. Things(Everything Happens) for a reason. I am a really nice guy but all the women I have come in contact with want a guy that treats them like crap or beats them an then they expect that from me. Is there anyone out there that wants to be treated right or is the world just out for bad ass boys with bad ass toys? I also find the women who their parents still run their lives after they are all grown up. Either you live a certin way or you can forget it. I have thought about giving up on love sure I am sure there are a lot of people who have but never give up on your hopes an dreams of being happy an finding love. like my dad always said there is someone for everyone.
Joined: 4/22/2012
Msg: 448
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/9/2012 8:16:32 PM
right person??? always wondered about that. kind of like the females who are still searching "for my soulmate". searching, ha ha. but, agree that having kids late in life will constitute some added difficulties in seeing the child through to leaving the nest. and, the thought that if you are older you can deal better with issues is a false assumption. the knowledge on how to be a productive parent is available to anyone, at any age. other persons assuming you can only get proper parenting knowledge and wisdom from years of experience, would be, at best misleading. and at worst, blindingly inept parenting advice. of course, if you believe you want to spend the rest of your mobile life with children then there are probably worse outcomes. i can't draw that picture in any fashion, but that is another individuals opinion. :)

just give in to whatever happens?

well wishes from the other side of the wire.
Joined: 1/17/2012
Msg: 449
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/9/2012 8:52:38 PM
The message you are replying to:
Posted By: lovemysox27 on 9/5/2009 1217 AM
Subject: At what age do you Just Give Up?
Message: I am 29 and just gave up. I have realized I am not going to get the type of guy I want so id rather be alone then settle

Unfortunally I just gave up too. I will me 33 in August. I am not going to find a type of guy i want so what is a point. N Unfortunally the guys I want has been all taken n won't be finding what I want. I tried on here just to realize that they r not on here. N I refuse to settle on somthing that won't make me happy. I guess it's just me n my dog.
Joined: 2/11/2011
Msg: 450
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 6/10/2012 3:42:47 PM
I know the women I want don't like me either. I guess that is why I am still single. I don't think I am picky by not wanting to date a woman who is obese or overweight. It is my choice and I don't feel I could live the rest of the my life with a woman who isn't physically attractive to me.
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