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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > At what age do you Just Give Up?      Home login  
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 Auburnred67
Joined: 5/31/2009
Msg: 26
You don't need to be married or be in a realtionship to enjoy life...Page 2 of 38    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38)
yarimelma,

You are so right! Could not have said it any better....a positive attitude is imperative...
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 27
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/22/2009 6:41:32 PM
I wonder how does every define giving up??? Is it if you see someone intresting you run away from them??? is it if someone asks you out you would say NO???? Do you just stop asking anyone out??? How about moving into a cave????
 gypsygirll
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 28
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/23/2009 3:28:39 PM
I am 28 and I contemplate giving up sometimes. but then i think that god..or whatever you call god...has a better plan than that. and i think that waiting for a match that feels right is imperative.

i could have said yes a few times...
but it would have just led to a few divorces.

trust your instincts and your heart...
not just your eyes.

i think you can manifest wonderful things into your life. just belive it.
 TodaysCatch
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 29
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/24/2009 12:09:42 AM
This is just a great thread with wildly entertaining posts. I stumbled upon it and had to read every entry. So many folks with interesting stories to tell, and many with kinda sad outlooks. Every person's life is like a film with a unique plot. Those that choose to "give up" in the fulfillment department might as well turn off the projector. As has been pointed out here repeatedly, you are fine alone, if that's where life finds you presently. Strive to be happy, and even spread a little joy every day. You have one time around, so make the best of it. Happy people attract others, so when you least expect it, a love interest may pop into your life. Be ready for them by being content within yourself, and open to being completed by someone. Zero in on what makes you most happy, then center your activities and interests around those things. Others following a similar path are bound to cross yours, and magic could happen. The glass actually is half full, so drink up and toast your new beginning.
 eydies
Joined: 9/20/2009
Msg: 30
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/26/2009 7:15:32 PM
good hell do you always over think things through... christ go out have a few beers find a woman and get laid.. and worry about the rest later.... thats the best advice you ever get form another woman... hammer down!!
 NinjaZX10
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 31
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/28/2009 9:40:41 AM
Wow! When I opened this I didn't imagine the negativity that would be in the post! A few insights from MY PERSPECTIVE AND LIFE EXPERIENCE. I'm 33 and made the choice to have my tubes tied. My son is 12 and I didn't want to be starting over. I have my 5 year plan and the things I enjoy and having a baby doesn't fit in those plans. Like going out with the family on Sunday mornings to ride dirt bikes. Where do I fit a baby into that? You don't. Each person has their reasons for searching for someone to "fit" into their lives. So many of you say it's picky. Well damn right, it should be. Why would I go out with some hot young guy who smokes and wants kids but hates motorcycles? So I can say I have a boyfriend and great sex? No, I hate smoke so I don't want someone who does that and I will never get rid of my bike for some guy. That's not being picky, it's being honest and realistic. Maybe if you took time to know a person a little and understand them, you would see things a little differently.

For example, here's my take on what you call too picky.
Wanted:
Attractive man between 45 and 55 with a great smile who loves to dance.
Must be financially secure and love to travel.
Must love pets and sports.
Must reside within a one hundred mile radius.
Must be a Protestant

What I see when I read this is that she is a fun person who loves to travel and dance. She's looking for a partner who enjoys the same things so they can do them together. Must be financially secure: Means pay your own bills. She already travels, so she has the extra money to do that, she wants someone who can do the same that she is not having to raise and be responsible for financially. She loves pets and wants her partner to love them too, so she doesn't have to get rid of her animals for someone who may or may not work out. Most people believe that long distance relationships don't work so that's easy and I will admit that maybe being a protestant is a little much to ask for, but I can tell you now I wouldn't date someone who is determined to go to a Catholic church. I don't believe the same things.

Women who are in their 30's have a great understanding of who they are and what they want out of life. I'm sorry you guys have experienced something unpleasant on more than one occassion. But some of us are truly looking for the person who becomes our partner in life and not with an attitude of it's ok to rush into marriage if it's only going to last a few years. I have old fashioned values and looking for someone the same, not a bootie call.

We are all on here for different reasons, but you shouldn't critisize someone for looking for something other than what you are. Learn about compassion and open your heart to new experiences. It's hard to make a snap decision on a few sentances.

And most importantly, if you want something to happen, you have to put forth the effort. It's like everything else, I have nice things and great toys, I didn't get them because some man paid my way. I worked hard for what I have. Relationships are not any different, put in the time and effort that you do towards your other goals and you will see results. We all have those days where negative thoughts come in and put a damper on our outlook towards our future. Just remember it will pass, but you are the only person that has control of your outlook, change it in an instant. Just take a look at why you aren't getting the results you want and change your strategy.

Best Wishes to you!
 Will Fly for Food
Joined: 9/18/2008
Msg: 32
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/29/2009 12:12:36 AM

Why would anyone give up? Not put in as much effort but to give up, no no no...

Just keep looking....

Cherie xx


This would describe me... I don't put as much effort into trying to date as I used to but I'm not giving up. I'll keep looking, hoping and patiently waiting. Perhaps I'll be surprised when least expected.
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 33
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/29/2009 9:07:32 AM
OP: It depends on the person/people involved. I would suggest you make this decision when you meet someone that you are committed to/want to start a family or not with, and then you two come to an agreement.

No sense burning brain cells on this now. Giving up should not be your primary method for dealing with these issues. At times, the more you stop forcing/thinking about things, the more they tend to work themselves out.


 Motherofthebride
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 34
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/29/2009 8:10:51 PM
Men can father children into their 80's...

Yes but sperm lacks stability as men age which increases the risk of birth defects. I happen to agree with other posters who wants to be a parent of teenagers in your 60's or 80's! It's selfish think of the kids they want parents who can interact and care for them. Even if you take really good care of yourself reality about your age needs to be a consideration.

I see this on men's profiles often, they are in they're late 40's and 50's and still want kids, and are seeking much younger women, get real!
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 35
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/30/2009 7:29:35 AM
I'll give up when they put me in the incinerator--in other words when I'm dead.
 NinjaZX10
Joined: 2/6/2009
Msg: 36
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/30/2009 12:43:03 PM
"I gave up in my early twenties when I lost faith that I will ever find a guy who will stick around after he had slept with me for some unknown reason."

Ok the part of look at your past actions that haven't worked for you and change your strategy, that was geared towards things like this. Don't sleep with them until you are in a relationship, and you know they like you for you, not a bootie call.

Which as a female is very frustrating because so many of them just want the bootie call and even if they are dating you, they are sleeping with 3 other women until they narrow it down to just one. Do you realize that 1.700 people become infected with HIV DAILY!!! No thank you. Have enough respect for yourself to say enough and wait for the right guy. Not meaning he has to be the one you marry, but the right guy in a loving relationship with. Please don't take that as judgemental, I have been in your spot!
 johnitastical
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 37
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/7/2009 9:31:21 AM
I'm 30 years old and I'll never give up! Perseverence. The right person is all a state of mind. There are a ton of right people out there, it just depends on what you define as "right".

I would also say that "family" is a state of mind as well. If you have love to give, then start sharing it with others. Be the change you wish to see in the world. - j
 Andrew_2424
Joined: 5/7/2009
Msg: 38
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/7/2009 10:09:56 PM
I think American men should give up on American women when they hit their early to mid 30's. If you haven't had much success with women in the good ole USA by about this age it's never going to happen.

I'll never understand why men in this country feel like failures when they are not successful with women in this part of the world, but it's very strange. If you ever travel, you will find that American women are not that popular in most parts of the world. But because we live in such an isolated country where women don't really have to compete that hard to get attention from desperate males, and then you also add into the mix that they have a lot of confidence in themselves, even when they look like Rosie O'Donnell, well, then you get a lot of women, and men with warped views on just how "great" American women really are.

So yeah, while it's neat they all have this amazing confidence in themselves, and that they sell themselves like they are a Maserati, in truth you will find once you get outside of these borders you were dealing mostly with a bunch of AMC Pacers.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 39
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/8/2009 12:36:15 AM
I would go with Thrusday October 8, 2009 at 12:36am if I were you.
Its as good as anytime to give up.
 rat-7
Joined: 2/10/2009
Msg: 40
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/8/2009 7:14:05 AM
Well when I was younger, I was told that if by the time that you turn 30 you have not found anyone, then you never will.

And speaking from experience, I can tell you that it is true, I never found anyone before I turned 30, and I still can not find anyon, so I have decided that enough is enough and just gived it up
 twirpy
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 41
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/11/2009 7:39:46 PM
I'm 35 and have pretty much given up on ever finding anyone. I've struggled with shyness and anxiety for my entire life which makes it extremely difficult for me to meet people. If that weren't bad enough, I'm also cursed with facial features that make me physically unattractive to most women. I've tried so hard over the years....forcing myself to go places where there are single women, forcing myself to talk to people...only to be rejected. I've spent at least eight years using online dating sites with no luck either, only heart break. Most reject me after I send them a few pictures, the rest just fizzle out before I ever have the chance to meet them. I've had my hopes up so many times thinking I finally met someone I have a real chance with, but I always end up hurt every time. It's hell living this way, I get severely depressed because I'm so lonely and I've thought many times about ending it because it hurts so much. It's especially difficult for me to even go anywhere besides work anymore because I always see couples everywhere and wish more than anything I could have that.

I don't hate myself, I think I'm an honest, good hearted, hard working man with a lot to offer...but nobody will give me that chance. I've never been on what I would even consider a real date, the only thing that came close was meeting a woman in the platonic section of craigslist. But even she rejected me after spending a few days hanging out. I've only been hugged three times in my entire life, all three times were with her. I've never held hands, cuddled, kissed, and I'm still a virgin. I'm literally starved for affection, I'd give anything to hold someone. I honestly don't see much hope when I've been this way for so long. I do believe love exists, but I think some people are never lucky enough to find it and I feel I belong to that group.
 ligonmaximus
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 42
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/12/2009 1:03:02 PM
Hey man I know what you mean!!!!!! I am not the greatest looking dude in the world and really have to work hard to get myself to a 6 (consider myself a 4 now) on the 1-10 scale. Don't ever give up though! Keep working hard and trying. You might try overseas dating though if you can't find any ladies in North America. Lot's of women in the Ukraine will date men who are stable and who are not the most attractive guys in the world. Trust me I know this because my friend Bret is probably a 2 on the 1-10 scale and even he can get a date in the Ukraine.
 Gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 43
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/13/2009 9:21:28 PM
Giantrican,
Give up? Perhaps you could ask yourself this: if you had a child and they had some sort of physical or mental problem would you give up on them if it became difficult? Hopefully the answer would be "No!". Yet you are giving on finding the relationship that would produce a child. If you don't have the staying power to find a healthy relationship with woman then should you really breed? come on and think about it. The world doesn't need anymore split households or children with one active and engaged parent. If you are building the basis of a lifelong commitment to a spouse and a child (or children) why do you give up so easily?

I'm 50 and I can tell you from experience life doesn't get easier. Your life will be more rewarding and fulfilled if you are positive. Positive that you will find someone, your job will get better, your hair will grow... Really.
I have reached this point in my life without making DNA replicants or gone through a marriage. Do I like dating? Hell, no. Never have, but it is a necessary evil. I've dated for most of 33 years and for a while I'm just not going to get to worked up over trying to "find someone". Not giving up, but taking a much needed vacation. I have never shared your particular desire for a family, but wanting to find a stable long term relationship is challenging. Few things that are worthwhile are easily attained.

Put your big boy pants on and cinch your belt in a notch.

Got get what you really want and deserve. NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thing I better get decaf next time...
 tall n sassy
Joined: 9/9/2009
Msg: 44
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/15/2009 3:07:35 AM
Hey Ren do your homework!! Downs syndrome, along with a multitude of other birth defects, increase as women age but autism rates are thought to increase along with dad's age. The data is still being collected/ studied. I agree adoption is a good way to go. There are so many children in need of loving families.

In general I'm shocked to see how many people on a dating site have such a negative attitude toward dating. We all have days when we think there just isn't anyone out there for us but aren't we all here because we still have the tiniest mustard seed of faith and hope?
 Street King
Joined: 5/25/2008
Msg: 45
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/15/2009 3:49:22 AM
Don't wuss out man. You're in your prime. Technically your age group is my direct competition right now. I'd think you'd be getting all of the love from the women in their 20s since you have the older and established card going for you. Don't sweat it man. There's plenty of men/women who get married for the first time in their 40s. Look on the bright side. You can get women who are 20 years younger than you. You got it made man. I wish I was your age and single. Anyways don't wuss out man and don't get down on yourself. Stay strong and keep the faith man. You'll get married to a fine young lovely lady. Just gotta keep the faith man. Age ain't nothin but a number man so don't sweat it man. Look at it like this. As men the older we get the better looking we get to the women. So you got it made man.
 techgirl27
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 46
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/15/2009 9:28:55 PM
I've just accepted that no one is going to be interested in me. Single mom, almost 40, grad student, blonde, churchgoer. That's just the reality, no one wants that. I dont make others' views of me, others do, and when it comes to personal relationships, it does matter especially first impressions. Besides the fact I hardly ever get any messages on here (despite several profile reviews), nothing Ive done to help myself at all has worked. Lost a ton of weight, improved my overall health and appearance, even streamlined my expenses so I can get out more, and nothing is helping.
 Rarebird76
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 47
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/15/2009 9:39:10 PM
Nobody should ever give up....If everybody was more tolerant..accepting and willing to put aside some of their pride, ego or requirements there would be a lot more people out there enjoying themselves. This isn't a contest. Appreciate what can be appreciated and take it for what it is. Sometimes this might mean being in a type of relationship you are not accustomed to. No compromise = high chance of being alone for a very long time.
 harmonyharvest
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 48
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/16/2009 8:03:49 PM
I am not giving up. I have met someone and neither one of us is ready for a relationship so we are waiting. He is 43 and I am 30. The guy I met has one child and wants more. Age is not a factor. If you care for one another than this is all that matters. Sure there are more risks as one gets older, this does not mean I am going to give up all hope.

I don't think anyone should just give up if they want a family. Life is too short to stress or sweat out the small stuff--really, if you want a family it will come.
 Rarebird76
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 49
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/16/2009 9:41:16 PM
To the 2 40-ish ladies. If you are willing to compromise on the type of relationship you could accept you would open many doors.....doors that could eventually lead to a more serious relationship. An activity partner (someone to hang with, do things, go places, keep you company etc) with "benefits" would attract many more men than long term or just "friends". You have to be realistic. It's not about what you want it's about what you can get. I'm not saying you can't get what you want but it might be a LONG lonely wait.....
 Rarebird76
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 50
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/17/2009 8:56:05 AM

Thank you for your honest opinion. However, if I was only interested in "benefits", all I have to do is go to a local bar and I have douzends of losers try to kiss my lucious lips and touch my soft skin and look at my well rounded .... you get the idea! I'm a good looking woman, and have no problem attracting a date for "benefits", if that is what I was into.

That's why we are online, right? To expand the circle of opportunities and hope to meet somebody that meets our criteria.

So because of men like you, that label 40-ish woman as just good enough to be activity partners, we are forced to give up. Maybe if you would open your mind and see that 40-ish year old women have a lot to give, you woudn't be single like the rest of the men that only date 20 year old barbie dolls. So tell me, how was your date last night, or were you at home, wishing for a date??
I'm not labeling 40-ish woman just good enough to be activity partners (with benefits)...I'm saying if you want to speed things up and fill the void of loneliness that's one way to do it. By taking things a little less "serious".

BTW I have opened my mind and realized that 40-ish women have a lot to give....in fact I'm seeing one now (well she's almost 40). I'm not looking to date 20 year old barbie dolls just read my profile and check my mailing requirements. I'm trying to assist women like you.

Peace
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