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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > At what age do you Just Give Up?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 jpwrnglrwmn_forumsonly
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 501
At what age do you Just Give Up?Page 21 of 38    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38)
Well, sorry to hear that this has been the case. . .in dating 30 something women. However, wouldn't you say that the reverse is true. .that if a reasonably attractive 30 something man has been single and is "looking" for someone, that he has issues, too? I guess I could blame it on an entire demographic and/or say they have issues (addressing this, doesn't everyone have their set of "issues"? No one is perfect, that's for sure. ), but really, it's more likely that the chance of running into someone that one is compatible with long term is small. And that number just goes up as one gets older. To me, if someone has been single for awhile, I would think that it would be due to any number of factors. .they were married, they were in a long term relationship, they work odd hours and don't have a schedule conducive to meeting potential dates. . and the list could go on.
Also, after all the threads about not settling for someone, wouldn't you say that also factors in, too?
 jpwrnglrwmn_forumsonly
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 502
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/18/2012 8:15:17 AM
Oops. .I meant to say that as one ages, the chance for meeting someone compatible goes down, not up. . .
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 503
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/18/2012 10:26:56 AM

... as one ages, the chance for meeting someone compatible goes down, not up. . .


Who's fault is that? I say that because it's NOT usually the fault of the potential, it's usually the fault of the 'screener' for adding extra 'requirements' in order to be 'compatible'. Frankly, it's nothing more than fear. People want the Sure Thing, and don't want to deal with anything less than perfect, so step one of just COMMUNICATING online does not happen because of a lot of useless assumptions.
 FisherMane2012
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 504
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/18/2012 11:39:30 AM
[Who's fault is that? I say that because it's NOT usually the fault of the potential, it's usually the fault of the 'screener' for adding extra 'requirements' in order to be 'compatible'. Frankly, it's nothing more than fear. People want the Sure Thing, and don't want to deal with anything less than perfect, so step one of just COMMUNICATING online does not happen because of a lot of useless assumptions.]

Exactly. There are way too many men and women on this site complaining about not meeting anyone, when what they really mean is that they aren't meeting anyone that matches the list created in their mind of what they consider important.
 FisherMane2012
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 505
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/18/2012 11:42:13 AM
[The woman you are referring to,i think shes a knockout, and im sure many men think so too. Shes giving you solid advice and you as always take it as a personal attack. And I very much can see her on "americas top model" More than anything, i think you feel threatend by her beauty.

As for you only going after younger men with fit bods... That shall be left alone....]


^^^
This
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 506
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/18/2012 11:55:13 AM
Msg. 808: I agree, she is beautiful, and that other post was, as always, inappropriate.


Who's fault is that?


Why does it have to be someone’s ‘fault’? How about because as people age, the dating pool would – OBVIOUSLY- get smaller. People get married, enter into long term relationships, die…. there are just naturally less single people available.

As far as becoming choosier, that also comes with age and experience, and realizing what a person wants and doesn’t want in a partner. Thank god and the universe I’m not still choosing partners I would have chosen in my teens or twenties! You just sound bitter that some women aren’t choosing you, honestly.
 FisherMane2012
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 507
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/18/2012 12:15:53 PM
@ fleuron
I don't think he meant that you should be choosing the same types of partners you chose in your teens. I took it as coming across someone that you may have quite a few things in common with, but dismissing them due to their weight, build, age, height, race, etc., as some of the above posters are doing. Preferences are fine and all, but they are placing further restrictions on what you yourself just called a smaller dating pool. If they understand and are ok with this, that's fine. But then why post in a thread about giving up when it's their "fault" that their dating pool is so tiny.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 508
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/18/2012 12:29:59 PM

How about because as people age, the dating pool would – OBVIOUSLY- get smaller.

What about the trend that more people are getting divorced vs. staying married? You can argue that time always shortens the list, but by how much?


You just sound bitter that some women aren’t choosing you, honestly.

Try ANY women. The old-fashioned method of guys approaching gals first is still in full effect online, but the amount of feedback for the effort is miniscule. You wonder why guys carpet-bomb the network with junk messages and carbon-copy emails; it's because ladies make little to no effort to initiate contact. Depending on 'attractiveness', women get anywhere from 4x to 30x more emails than ANY guys do. You can make all the 'Quality Control' arguments you want about the messages going back and forth - but at least there is communication happening. My Outbox has at least 6x more messages than my Inbox, and if you take away all the 'reply' messages to what I've sent out from that Inbox, the ratio is probably more like 20 to 1.

I make no assumptions that I deserve better than what I dish out, but seriously gals - if you like somebody - for God's sake SAY something. Women complain about their 'people picker' being broken - hell - I don't see women 'picking' anyone anymore - just replying to somebody who picked THEM first. If your list of 'must haves' or 'deal breakers' has grown over time - your amount of time attempting to communicate with who you DO like should grow as well - it's only fair.
 wolfluvr1234
Joined: 8/20/2012
Msg: 509
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/18/2012 4:26:02 PM
I responded to nearly every email I received. Almost all were just interested in having a dirty conversation or for a quick lay. The one that didn't think of me that way, is engrossed in his career and has no desire for a girlfriend. Now, I am somewhat nervous to try again. If I wanted something cheap, I'd go to those sites.
 wolfluvr1234
Joined: 8/20/2012
Msg: 510
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/18/2012 4:28:24 PM
I guess the moral of this story is there is no one willing to get to know ME. I even tried to talk about other things-well, its a two way street, and I can't do it for both of us. Dating seems stressful-like a job interview. Why can't people relax and just have fun?
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 511
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/18/2012 5:26:48 PM
Thanks, FisherMane2012. I haven’t read every single post…forgive me if I jumped into your conversation or stepped on anyone’s toes. :)

Sweet_Danimal:
What about the trend that more people are getting divorced vs. staying married?


Yep, that would be me. So….here I am, all divorced and such, where is everybody? Oh, they’re all married and in long term relationships. Compatible people aren’t necessarily available at the exact same moment in time, ya know?

And I’m looking for the RIGHT guy….not just ANY guy….I’m hardly waiting around for some guy(s) to get divorced so they can date me!!!


You wonder why guys carpet-bomb the network with junk messages and carbon-copy emails; it's because ladies make little to no effort to initiate contact


No, I don’t wonder. I don’t care. Most messages I receive aren’t junk copy and paste, or ‘hi how ru’ stuff.

And what you say makes NO sense. Men are forced to resort to sending lame messages because women don’t initiate contact?! That’s a VERY lame excuse for wasting your time and ensuring failure. When women have dozens of messages to consider, the first ones to go are the crap ones. Shocker, right?


…I don't see women 'picking' anyone anymore -just replying to somebody who picked THEM first.


Oh, come on. How much “picking” does it take a man to find a picture he likes?
That’s ridiculous. And how the heck would you know whether or not women are picking other men and initiating contact with them???
I don’t know how you imagine your odds would improve if ONLY women initiated contact…..no offense, but they still aren’t initiating it with you.


If your list of 'must haves' or 'deal breakers' has grown over time - your amount of time attempting to communicate with who you DO like should grow as well - it's only fair.


Um, nope. You’re going about this all backward. Speaking for myself only… I’m not gonna scour profiles trying to find my perfect man. It’s way more efficient to simply read the profiles of men who have written to me. Why wouldn’t I??? They’ve already expressed interest in me.

I just don’t see how you would benefit from what you’re suggesting.

Look…you’re obviously frustrated with the luck you’ve been having here. Maybe you should consider doing meet ups instead. You can get together with people who already share your interests and they are REAL….not just a bunch of pixels on your screen. Just lay off the whining….no woman finds that attractive, it’s a HUGE turn off.

wolfluvr1234:
Why can't people relax and just have fun?


You have ‘hang out’ on your profile, and that you’re looking for friends, with not much else. I don’t think most men are looking for women friends on here. I don’t get a feel of who you are, or really anything to grab hold of to make a conversation. My profile has all kinds of things that interest me, and most men who have written to me comment on at least one of them. It’s a fun ice breaker, and a smart, funny guy can really run with it, and that’s the kind of man I want. Just a friendly suggestion. :)
 wolfluvr1234
Joined: 8/20/2012
Msg: 512
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/18/2012 5:41:09 PM
I'm not witty that way, perhaps I am boring. I can't be something I'm not. I am completely confused by all of this-even being a backward person when I was young i got dates. Maybe I've just been out of it too long-thanks for the suggestions, perhaps I just need to let it go.
 stovo82
Joined: 7/17/2012
Msg: 513
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/18/2012 7:02:47 PM
any age is a good age to give up if you are ugly.
25 was the time i gave up.
no wife, no kids, no worries.
 Pasqualee
Joined: 11/30/2010
Msg: 514
view profile
History
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/19/2012 9:33:59 AM
I haven't had success in getting close to finding my match. I just turned 38 and regardless of my age, I don't intend to give up trying anytime soon. However difficult she may be to find, I think that there is a person for everybody.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 515
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/19/2012 10:46:49 AM

Why can't people relax and just have fun?


You have ‘hang out’ on your profile, and that you’re looking for friends, with not much else.

Assumption #1


Most messages I receive aren’t junk copy and paste, or ‘hi how ru’ stuff.

Then you are the exception. That's not what a lot of women say in these (and other) forums - and even on their profiles.


It’s way more efficient to simply read the profiles of men who have written to me. Why wouldn’t I??? They’ve already expressed interest in me.


I just don’t see how you would benefit from what you’re suggesting.

You just STATED the benefit in your previous three sentences!?! Duh! If you cannot see why it would make a difference for the MALE side of the argument, then, frankly, you don't give a damn about Men in general.


You wonder why guys carpet-bomb the network with junk messages...


No, I don’t wonder. I don’t care.

I rest my case.
 FisherMane2012
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 516
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/19/2012 12:45:41 PM
[Lmao Im pretty sure I dont give a flying fawk if someone on here wants to be a complete witch to me. Id rather be alone than end up with some 500 lb guy who cant get off the couch. No excuse for people to settle for whatever shows them interest that spells desperation and its sad.]

@redsox
Congratulations on your weight-loss.

Obviously, I don't know the situation as to WHY you weighed as much as you did, just as you don't know the situation of the "500lb guy that can't get off the couch". Were you just as lazy as you are making him out to be until you decided one day to not be? Regardless of whether or not that is the case, one would think that you'd have more compassion for overweight people, especially after reading your multiple posts about men that only want size 0-2 barbies passing you over then and now. It sounds like you've become exactly like the men that you b1tch about. If a guy would have chosen to date you while while you were fatter, would that have made him desperate and sad? Are the men that turn you down now because they feel you are not small enough (a.k.a. the barbie lovers) all confident and happy, as they are not settling for someone they deem to be too fat?
 CaptainA.D
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 517
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/19/2012 12:50:24 PM

Given that Im active and go to the gym

SMH, how many times do you have to make it clear that you go to the freaking gym?? We all know it, and congrats to the weight loss. News flash, i've lost weight too by going to the gym, but i don't need to broadcast it 24-7. Good grief. Then again, i havent been going for a few months because i got bad knees and may have to go to P.T. So does that make me a gross person then? Do you get kicks of making fun of others because they arent in perfect shape? Not a great way to make friends. I don't belittle people if they don't go. Thats their decision to make.

So you want younger guys that are fit, but yet, they want someone their age and are fit. Theres people out there our age that are fit. I know many women my age and older that are beautiful. Not all of them go to the gym but they are still attractive. So im still not sure why you have these standards? Attractive people are everywhere.
 FisherMane2012
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 518
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/19/2012 1:29:28 PM
[If you guys saw the people who were emailing me you would run for the hills and give up also.If men in their 30s were physically attractive and didnt have kids or beer bellies than sure Id prob date a guy that hasent been married or has any of those issues. Im not sympathetic towards fat people because most do it to themselves. Go to a gym not that hard. Im so sorry I wont settle for a 60 yr old man with 4 kids and weighs 295. Sure some overweight people are big due to medical reasons but most do it to themselves. I did it I lost the weight anyone can. Dont settle]

Did you do it to yourself as well?
Why weren't you going to the gym before you gained all of the weight if it isn't that hard?
You may go to the gym and be active, but your stomach isn't exactly what I'd call flat. I don't complain about anyone showing interest in me EVER. If someone finds me attractive, it's still a compliment whether or not the feeling is mutual. I'm sure that you've gotten emails from regular sized men, men with no kids, men your age, etc., that you found unattractive for other reasons. Giving up isn't the same as not settling, which you seem to be using interchangeably. If you had really given up you wouldn't be posting about trying to date younger fit guys.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 519
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/19/2012 2:32:20 PM
Sox - Congrats on the weight loss; but I gotta point out like some of the other posters have said - no one online gives a damn about your past - only your present and future. It's sad, but current appearance is everything. Losing the weight DOES build confidence, which can be sexy - but mentioning it does little for sex appeal - at best it just reinforces the fact you like to exercise.

I dropped 50 pounds and put it in my profile because I was damn proud of it, but I'm probably going to pull the before/after photo again, because the only thing it seems to be motivating is messages from 250+ lb ladies who are looking for a personal trainer - and yeah, a lot of them do not bother reading my profile as well.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 520
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/19/2012 2:34:59 PM
Sweet_Danimal:


wolfluvr1234: Why can't people relax and just have fun?

ME: You have ‘hang out’ on your profile, and that you’re looking for friends, with not much else.

YOU: Assumption #1


Apparently you don’t know what the word, ‘assumption’ means. Her profile DOES say she’s looking for friends, she wants to hang out, and not much else. How did I assume what’s plainly on there?

Obviously you like ripping comments out of context to try to make your feeble points.

Wolfluvr expressed disappointment that men don’t want to get to know her. I simply pointed out there wasn’t much on her profile to get to know. I made a respectful suggestion to her, that’s it.


ME: Most messages I receive aren’t junk copy and paste, or ‘hi how ru’ stuff.

YOU: Then you are the exception. That's not what a lot of women say in these (and other) forums - and even on their profiles.


I’m sure I am the exception….what of it? I never claimed to speak for anyone other than myself. I don’t know or care what kind of messages other women receive, either…why should I? That has zero effect on me.


ME: It’s way more efficient to simply read the profiles of men who have written to me. Why wouldn’t I??? They’ve already expressed interest in me.

I just don’t see how you would benefit from what you’re suggesting.

YOU, having a fit: You just STATED the benefit in your previous three sentences!?! Duh! If you cannot see why it would make a difference for the MALE side of the argument, then, frankly, you don't give a damn about Men in general.


Duh, yourself. Here, nice and slow and bolded…. You cannot MAKE women send messages to you.

Oh, I don’t give a damn about men……and you accuse ME of making assumptions?!


YOU: You wonder why guys carpet-bomb the network with junk messages...

ME: No, I don’t wonder. I don’t care.

YOU: I rest my case.


Proud of that, ain’tcha? Did you fist bump yourself in the mirror?

Why should ANYone care why some men send junk messages to women??

I know. You want others to weep and wail over your lack of dates. Oh well. I’m positive you can find some other guys on here who feel the same way and you can all cry together…. godforbid you do any damn thing to help yourself in any way…. like quit blaming other people (WOMEN) for your crappy life.
Ball up and DO something about it.

I can tell you right now….. women don’t want nutless men.
 wolfluvr1234
Joined: 8/20/2012
Msg: 521
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/19/2012 5:03:11 PM
I changed my profile, but at this time it is hidden. I am taking a break and only keeping it active for forums. Gyms are great; however, I can't afford one at the moment. When I did go to the gym, all it did was create muscles which guys don't seem to like-I don't use steroids, its just my makeup. I have been thin in my life; at the present time I am not as fit as in the past, but with a desk job and required overtime, there's not a hell of alot i can do for my appearance. And if it's unappealing, so be it. Until someone can look past that, its bacheloretteville for me-and I see that being a lifetime curse.
 stovo82
Joined: 7/17/2012
Msg: 522
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/20/2012 6:38:18 AM
this site is a total waste of time for most guys.
i get as many responses from logging out for a week than leaving my account logged in for a week.
no responses at all. what a joke. i am so glad i am not paying to use this site.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 523
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/20/2012 10:42:54 AM

The men I find attractive are gym rats and I cant change who I am physically attracted to...

The beefiest non-married gym rats - at least at my gym - live on a diet of protein shakes during the day, and tequila shots at the bar. No thanks. The trash talking they do about women in the locker room and when women are not around in the gym is just amazing. Ladies seem completely oblivious to the fact they bring in a different 'workout partner' every week. If you want to set your sights on them, go for it - but IMHO there are VERY few gym rats that are not 'players' in some sense of the word.


I dont care if people get offended by this being that fat isn't a good thing...

I'm glad a woman said that.

Hey, RedSox - don't EVER do that purging crap - what you are losing is water weight, and valuable nutrients that help you more than hurt you. I would personally stop worrying about calorie counting for a while, and just concentrate on calorie burning.

If you do want to diet, just replace soda with water (or even gatorade) , and don't eat french fries, you're already shaving a significant amount of bad calories out of your diet. Eating out at sit-down restaurants - just assume it is TWO meals, and only eat half, and take the other half home.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 524
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/20/2012 4:36:26 PM
Fleuron---
Post 812 - The compatibility 'list' as people age shrinks, not expands - but it doesn't have to. What people become does not have to be limited by their past, nor does their list of compatibility. If anything, people should be able to handle a WIDER list of people because they have gained more experience over time. The problem is, their willingness to TRY something new is what shrinks. The person trying to MATCH the compatibility list can only do so much to improve their chances as they get older - the person that owns that list -- all they need to do is change their mind. I used the word 'fault' because it IS a flaw - people get too narrow-minded to change as they get older.


I make no assumptions that I deserve better than what I dish out, but seriously gals - if you like somebody - for God's sake SAY something.


Post 817 - The whole gist of the message was about how the 'traditional' form of guys messaging first tends to be a massive waste of time because that's how EVERYbody does it. I was basically challenging women to 'dare to be different' and spend a little time working on getting in contact with guys they DO like so they don't have to linger online and deal with those they don't. My challenge to women messaging first was in-general, not just exclusively to myself.

You are taking my challenge WAY too personally. Your replies in here are completely lost because you just simply refuse to see this situation in a broader perspective other than yourself. I'm sorry that you cannot understand the concept of switching gender roles inside of the online dating scheme.

BTW: I'll kick your ass at air hockey with an eyepatch and one hand tied behind my back.
 betteroffsingle
Joined: 7/24/2012
Msg: 525
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/21/2012 9:53:12 AM
I consider myself at that fine line between giving up and simply not giving a sh!t if it happens or not. I've got the time and money to date and devote to someone on an exclusive level but I'm not going to great lengths to find someone. I just recently "unhid" my profile but it just floats around in the pond here. If it wasn't for a friend who messages me thru the profile side here vs texing/calling I can go days without having reason to even login on the other side. I have a hobby I'm working towards getting back to and every weekend that goes by without a date is money in the bank towards making that a reality. There is a comfort level when you accept being single and quit worrying about/trying so hard to find "the one".
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