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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > At what age do you Just Give Up?      Home login  
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 simplesous
Joined: 5/27/2012
Msg: 526
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At what age do you Just Give Up?Page 22 of 38    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38)

lol simple.. I lost over 200 lbs and I am losing more. I look good and I feel good. Im so sorry you feel so shitty about yourself that you feel the need to insult me lol. Why dont you stick to black men? I didnt see you on Americas next top model so you arent that hot.



I am quoting you because perhaps now that it has been a few days you can see what an ugly attitude you have, and it most certainly is a large factor in why you are still single and ready to give up.

Insulting my looks does not bother me because I am a happy, confident person. I love what I see when I look in the mirror even though I am not perfect. I also have a lot of imperfect men who ask me out because they find me to be very attractive, and I am wise enough to appreciate the attention and select dates from this group. No, Idris Elba isn't knocking at my door since I - as you astutely point out - don't belong on America's Top Model. However instead of pouting and whining that some fantasy man isn't asking me out, and instead of creating a list of physical requirements and rejecting men because they aren't good enough, I date men who aren't Top Models either. My profile is inactive because I have been dating someone for a few months now and want to see where things go, so it is working out for me. As it so happens, this puts me in a better mood in general so now I have more men approaching me off line.

An ugly attitude repels people online and off.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 527
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/22/2012 1:33:09 PM

Fleuron---
Post 812 - The compatibility 'list' as people age shrinks, not expands - but it doesn't have to. What people become does not have to be limited by their past, nor does their list of compatibility. If anything, people should be able to handle a WIDER list of people because they have gained more experience over time. The problem is, their willingness to TRY something new is what shrinks. The person trying to MATCH the compatibility list can only do so much to improve their chances as they get older - the person that owns that list -- all they need to do is change their mind. I used the word 'fault' because it IS a flaw - people get too narrow-minded to change as they get older.


Whose list would someone ‘try to match’? That sounds exhausting. I guess someone who feels desperate might try to adapt to anything to be accepted by anyone, but that’s no way to live, imo.

I would not want someone changing their mind to accept me. I think I know what you’re saying, but to me that seems insulting. I’m not good enough for the first round choice, but I’ll do for the second? No, thank you!

Uh….was your entire post meant for me? I’m confused.

Naw, I don’t take the forums personally. Why should I? :)


BTW: I'll kick your ass at air hockey with an eyepatch and one hand tied behind my back.


Now that I DO take personally, and you are so on. Let’s make the wager nice and high, since you are done. ;)
 wolfluvr1234
Joined: 8/20/2012
Msg: 528
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/22/2012 8:20:05 PM
Good luck. Hope its sooner rather than later. I am taking a long break, maybe permanent. I dont know yet. I'm tired of the disappointment and being second choice. I have found the few dates i had felt like a job interview and more stress is the last thing i need. I'll say it again- why cant everyone relax and have fun?
 liftnw8z
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 529
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/23/2012 6:18:26 PM
Relax? Have fun? Boy, you're asking for a lot...lol. And I'm usually the "last resort" so I'm not even a "second choice"...you're doing better than me. And the job interview thing goes both ways too...ugh!

I haven't given up yet, but the time is drawing close I believe. I, like a poster above said, am responsible with my money and have passions and interests that don't involve dating. Every night at home is money toward those other projects/interests, which makes me feel more satisfied at the end of the day than a "job interview" date would. Would I love to include someone in my hobbies/interests - sure, but since there's not much interest in me...that's fine. Got a lot of great friends and I'll do it with them instead.
 wolfluvr1234
Joined: 8/20/2012
Msg: 530
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/24/2012 6:00:08 PM
Nah, not from me. I have been the backup many times. I think twice now before trying.
 PosiREP
Joined: 6/8/2012
Msg: 531
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/24/2012 6:03:52 PM
I'm usually in the "not in the running" category if it makes you feel better. Hehe.
 HolidayDaisy
Joined: 12/4/2009
Msg: 532
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/25/2012 1:00:38 PM
I'm 35 and I'm giving up until I lose 50 pounds. I'm contacting guys, but I'm not getting any bites. It's gotten downright depressing at this point, so I'm going to bail before I lose all hope. I'll keep my profile up because you never know...maybe I'll get lucky. A girl can still dream. :)
 CaptainA.D
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 533
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/26/2012 6:55:44 AM

I'm 35 and I'm giving up until I lose 50 pounds. I'm contacting guys, but I'm not getting any bites. It's gotten downright depressing at this point, so I'm going to bail before I lose all hope. I'll keep my profile up because you never know...maybe I'll get lucky. A girl can still dream. :)

Im just amazed how people think weightloss will magickly changed their dating lives. I'm saying this with all honesty, lose weight for you. Lifes missions should not be to impress the world. I've lost alot of weight in the past year and my dating life hasn't changed.
Forget online dating, its a joke. You have to be happy with you first and formost
 texasgal_76
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 534
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/29/2012 11:50:28 AM
Never give up..
 rhapsody63
Joined: 6/3/2011
Msg: 535
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/30/2012 3:40:27 AM
good thing you didnt have kids anyway if money is your priority mate
 wildlifelover79
Joined: 8/15/2012
Msg: 536
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/30/2012 12:12:51 PM
I gave up a long time ago. Apparently wanting a long-term committed relationship that is serious is not what Indiana women want. Not to mention I am a guy that likes to get serious fast. I can tell whether a woman is worth it by date 2 or not. I am not afraid to committ that early. Shame women are not into going that fast into a relationship. I am not patient enough to wait a month or 3 months or months. If a woman doesn't commit early in a relationship I quit talking to her. Women think I am nuts. I won't change for anyone.
 CaptainA.D
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 537
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 9/30/2012 4:24:14 PM
When I was in my 20s, many gals wanted to date cause I was "cute" but now I'm older, I've lost my good looks and it made it hard ti meet women. Not giving up, but starting to lose hope.
 liftnw8z
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 538
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/3/2012 8:08:41 PM

Apparently wanting a long-term committed relationship that is serious is not what Indiana women want.


I should send you the PA women in trade. They all want an immediate long-term connection, where as I want to start as friends and let things happen more "organically" if you will.
 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 539
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/3/2012 10:58:27 PM
I am 36yrs old i gave up not long ago, never had a girlfriend.
I was told if you have not found a partner by the age of 30yrs your chancers are very silm,
Also if you have never had a relationship by 30 yrs get use to being alone.
So you know were i now stand.

But i still manage to enjoy life.
It can be a whole lot worse........
 audit44
Joined: 7/14/2012
Msg: 540
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/4/2012 6:08:48 AM

I should send you the PA women in trade. They all want an immediate long-term connection


Send them to Michigan!! So far I've had 5 women that I've had great conversations with on the phone, they brought up meeting and then when it's time to schedule the time/place for us to meet at, they have a change of heart. Latest excuse is that I'm "too nice of a guy". It's to the point that my kids are worried that I'm going to be a train wreck for the holidays and they've convinced the rest of my family of that as well.

Last night I asked out a lady that I'd known for years through my daughters activities after school and she put a stop to it before I could even finish asking her to dinner while the homecoming game is tomorrow. Excuse is I'm too nice and since she's been hurt too many times before, she didn't want to take something out on me that's not my fault. WTF is wrong with a nice guy these days? Last I checked, women didn't want to be treated like trash but when I'm hearing from my teenage son as well as the multiple women that I thought something may possibly be there that I'm too nice???? I swear I'm ready to just take a vacation to another country and come back with a wife that way, seems to be easier.
 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 541
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/4/2012 6:38:59 AM
audit43- Last night I asked out a lady that I'd known for years through my daughters activities after school and she put a stop to it before I could even finish asking her to dinner while the homecoming game is tomorrow. Excuse is I'm too nice and since she's been hurt too many times before, she didn't want to take something out on me that's not my fault. WTF is wrong with a nice guy these days? Last I checked, women didn't want to be treated like trash but when I'm hearing from my teenage son as well as the multiple women that I thought something may possibly be there that I'm too nice???? I swear I'm ready to just take a vacation to another country and come back with a wife that way, seems to be easier.

Wow buddy you just want to jump to another country for a wife,
I think we would all have a better chance travelling to another planet!!!!!! hehehe
 audit44
Joined: 7/14/2012
Msg: 542
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/4/2012 7:04:20 AM

Wow buddy you just want to jump to another country for a wife,
I think we would all have a better chance travelling to another planet!!!!!! hehehe


Yea tell me about it. I swear that these "reality shows" have women wanting the same guys they see on TV. Doesn't seem like they want someone who's not afraid of commitment, honest, proven track record of being loyal and faithful. I do have some standards and I'm not dropping them for anyone. I deserve to be happy, well at least that's what my teenage kids are telling me, LOL

I guess in the meantime, I'll just sit back and wait to see if someone comes to me, I'm tired of typing out messages to the women that from what their profile and interests say, we're at least a 75% match up on everything just for them to;
A. delete the message without reading it,
B. contact me and setup a meeting just to not show or even call to explain why,
C. I'm too nice of a guy to get hurt again, (I'll never understand this one)

I'm not looking for some runway model, had someone who turned heads everywhere she went until she died. Chances of finding someone like that again are slim and I understand that, I'm no spring chicken anymore but I do keep myself in shape, it's not too much to ask for a women who does the same.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 543
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/4/2012 7:49:36 AM
To the last few posters and to audit43 in particular....

audit43, I'm sorry for your loss. But having also become single by that route, I do believe that we (widowed persons) are out of the most common denominator and frame of reference for the bulk of unpartnered people our age. That doesn't make us bad, but it does make us a little different...most people associate being widowed with the over-70 crowd.

As for what any of us "deserves"....LOl, here in the USA we have a constitutional right to the PURSUIT of happiness.
The Universe does not OWE any of us a date, a mate, a relationship. When one gets to a more mature age, I think that some of the emotional, hormonal, instinctive and social pressures that helped drive us into our initial life partnerships have lessened. And our socialization, cultural, economic, experiences and situations have introduced a new set of concerns.

Perhaps the better way to look at the question is to thank whatever Higher Power one has, that ones' life was blessed with a wonderful partnership,and stop and consider how freakin' MIRACULOUS that was, given the tendency for marriages and LTRS to crash and burn these days at a rate of 30-50%(depending on how one applies the research and statistics)

I can tell you this much-that encountering a person with an attitude that he-or she-is OWED a relationship, that he or she "deserves" a relationship, can be rather alarming. One is concerned that accepting a meeting for coffee or a social date with such a person will be viewed as tantamount to agreeing to "instant relationship". Nobody( who doesn't REQUIRE a relationship as a means of survival),is going to be comfortable with the feeling that having coffee with this person is going to result in great hurt-or petulance, maybe even anger, if there is insufficient grounds to pursue further dating.

My suggestion is ALWAYS-step away from the computer and don't rely on the bar scene to find someone.
Develop a new hobby, pursue an avocation(where time permits).
Volunteer. Get involved in a cause you care about. Try to make your little corner of the world a better place with whatever talents, skills, abilities, or free time you may have.
Don't be so focused on what you "deserve" in terms of dating, romance, relationships.
I have mixed feelings about allowing one's kids, other family, or friends be participants in helping you find a new life partner. I personally wouldn't allow that. I'm glad that your kids love you and want to see you happy, but happiness really does come from WITHIN. It's not about having a Significant Other,and/or material wherewithal above what is needed to survive with decency.( I'm certainly not going to preach "Don't worry, be happy" to someone living in a homeless shelter, someone battling an incurable disease, someone in the immediate throes of divorce or bereavement!)
But when one is not struggling to survive, it really IS true that happiness-or the pursuit of it-is a state of mind.
Cindy O
 audit44
Joined: 7/14/2012
Msg: 544
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/4/2012 8:51:15 AM

But I hate to say it but in our age group finding that toned woman you are looking for is going to be rough.


I understand that, I'm not looking for a size 0-5 only. But when I'm getting messages from women that looks like they would blow my entire salary in one sitting at dinner, sorry not my thing. There has to be SOME physical attraction there and even before my wife passed on, I had plenty of women that said if they weren't married, they'd be all over me, and these were women in my age range (36-43). These same women can't seem to figure out why I'm having such a hard time finding a date now either. It's sure not because my kids keep me tied down as they have their own lives and I'm spending the majority of my time alone when I'm at home. Since I am retired from competing in MMA, I still have my tattoo's and am still active in supporting and working events, I have plenty of time to meet knew women, but it's the same old thing, the good women are taken unless I want to be a baby daddy for 5-6 kids.


Try meeting women doing the things you love or at the gym...


Gym's too close knit of a family where we're all brothers and sisters. Even then the girls at the gym are still too young and I consider them my little sisters,
 lightningman1
Joined: 1/10/2009
Msg: 545
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/4/2012 6:56:43 PM
Yes people always bring up the GYM i often wonder is that doing us a favour or a dis service.Its ok if you are not to flabby around the corners,
But i really don't like my chancers of striking up a conversation with a woman at those joints when there are many well toned men she can have her pick from.
I tend to find GYMS very intimanating and full of Posers.
 rjfhawk918
Joined: 9/12/2009
Msg: 546
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/4/2012 10:15:21 PM
Love your amswer, and just to say, I would love to learn more about your beliefs! Hit me up sometime if you wuld like!
 Drawesome32
Joined: 6/26/2012
Msg: 547
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/4/2012 11:22:52 PM
audit: i feel your pain man. i was in the exact same boat with online dating. i keep myself reasonably fit, and kinda expect the same thing from a woman. i dont expect perfect, just not morbid obesity. whenever you mention that sort of thing, women will say that you need to lower your standards and quit looking for a size 0 barbie. it doesnt matter how many times you insist that youre happy with an average woman, the terms size 0 and barbie will be used against you. i dont feel like we should have to lower standards beyond what we offer ourselves. if i wanted a chick that was 80 pounds overweight, i wouldnt work to keep myself somewhat fit. thats just me.

rockabilly: im glad you were able to get out of that "hes not my type" way of thinking. if someone has a rigid type that is all they want, that might be the reason for a bunch of failed relationships. why continue it? like i mentioned above to audit, he never said anything about wanting a tiny girl that was a size 0. you said that. men arent nearly as picky as the ladies make us out to be. youre spot on about a mans hobbies keeping us single. ive experienced that first hand. i have a list of things that i enjoy, that most women do not. if i want to do the things i like, i usually end up doing them alone.
 audit44
Joined: 7/14/2012
Msg: 548
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/5/2012 5:23:30 AM

The MMA is probably killing you a bit. That is a turn off for most women especially those in their late 30's early 40's.


I haven't competed since my wife's death, coaches won't allow me to and I've only had 2 guys that said they would step in the octagon with me because they don't know where my head is at. I understand where they are coming from. So from what your saying, MMA is a turn off eh? I'll make sure I let the Managers of Buffalo Wild Wings know that when I head up to watch the fights this weekend since the women are actually more into screaming at the screen's then the men. Must have a lot of cross dressers coming up there. And god forbid that training still in MMA keeps me doing something in common with my son so he can continue on the wrestling team and my daughter can continue to learn how to defend herself in the Karate and BJJ classes. Does that mean that I should give up teaching the self defense classes to women as well since I use MMA to teach women 98% of their self defense classes?

Again, I'm judged by my cover instead of the contents of the book.
 liftnw8z
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 549
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/5/2012 2:33:32 PM

youre spot on about a mans hobbies keeping us single. ive experienced that first hand. i have a list of things that i enjoy, that most women do not. if i want to do the things i like, i usually end up doing them alone.


I know, my truck stuff generally keeps women away. A couple times, women have at least given a try at it, but nope.
 wolfluvr1234
Joined: 8/20/2012
Msg: 550
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/5/2012 4:16:31 PM
Why so much attention on looks? I am not beautiful, never have been-I am average and time is not being kind to me. My hair is thinning (yes I'm a woman) and even though Im not obese I am not the well shaped body I used to be. Some of my singleness is me, I get that, but its extremely discouraging to me when I hear men always mention looks. Most of the time, I send pics when requested, and many disappear. I will be 47 next week and I am struggling. I don't know what else to do except give up. No one can look inside and see me for what I am.
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