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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > At what age do you Just Give Up?      Home login  
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 liftnw8z
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 551
At what age do you Just Give Up?Page 23 of 38    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38)

Why so much attention on looks? I am not beautiful, never have been-I am average and time is not being kind to me. My hair is thinning (yes I'm a woman) and even though Im not obese I am not the well shaped body I used to be. Some of my singleness is me, I get that, but its extremely discouraging to me when I hear men always mention looks. Most of the time, I send pics when requested, and many disappear. I will be 47 next week and I am struggling. I don't know what else to do except give up. No one can look inside and see me for what I am.


The patent answer is that "there has to be some sort of attraction." We often miss a lot of people because we fixate on the externals. My ex-wife was on the heavy side, but our initial attraction came from a lot of other things. Other issues tore us apart...so it is what it is in that regard.
 wildlifelover79
Joined: 8/15/2012
Msg: 552
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/6/2012 4:12:37 PM
Guys are all about physical attraction and good looks. I won't date a woman who is not physically good looking to me. I may be shallow but I have standards and I want to be to look at the woman every day without saying Why did I marry her.
 naughty_nice73
Joined: 9/30/2012
Msg: 553
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/6/2012 7:45:13 PM
well I am thinking after being on theses dating sites I might just throw in the towel on dating LOL I am having no luck..... I am 39
 friendly68137
Joined: 8/18/2012
Msg: 554
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/8/2012 4:14:55 PM
I would say that after reading a lot of the forums here that the majority of men that post generally have a much more relaxed version of what type of woman we would be willing to settle down with. Where the majority of women have much higher standards for their potential partner. I have also noticed a trend in the women that the majority of posters project their own beliefs instead of actually knowing what a potential mate might be looking for. (The men only want young size 0 barbie types, and men never date average women comments come to mind)

I've personally been single since my divorce almost 7 years ago. My kids are now (12 and 8 yrs old) at a point that I have most of my evenings free to do whatever I want. But I simply have had NO LUCK finding a woman on any of the dating sites that will respond to any of my messages. I can say from experience that it really does not matter what I put in my profile or what pictures I put up of myself. The few emails I have recieved over the last 3 years were a blanket email from people that never even responded when I replied. I only email someone AFTER I have used the search function to narrow down my results to find people like myself that are single, have kids but don't want more and are smokers and have been active in the last 2 weeks. That usually narrows things down to about 20 people. From there I read each profile. Remove the ones that I do not fit into what they are looking for in a man. (body type, income requirements, etc) That generally limits it to 2 or 3 women within 50 miles that seem to be a decent match. From there I re-read each profile and write a personalized email for each one. I realized today maybe the only thing I am doing wrong and this might be a biggy is the fact that if I dont receive a response from the first email, I just give up and move on. Now that I think about it, I wonder how many of the emails I have sent in the past 7 years simply got overlooked.

So far really nothing I have done has given me any better results. Doesnt seem to matter if a guy carpet bombs the emails or is very detailed in picking only a few. Either route, I am not ready to give up just yet.
 simplesous
Joined: 5/27/2012
Msg: 555
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History
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/8/2012 5:22:58 PM
Why must a woman you date have kids? I think you would do a lot better looking for women your age who can't or doesn't want to bear a child. And why must she be a smoker? I understand that it is something that is a deal breaker for some, but it is very silly for you to make this a criterion. It has nothing to do with long term compatibility. You are narrowing things down too much, and it isnt helping you.

Edit: I just read your profile and see you wrote it right there: you are looking for someone just like you. That's your problem, and is the reason why you have been struggling for so long. It is time for you to get comfortable with personality types who aren't the same as yours. Your love life will be better for it. Love isn't a mirror.
 friendly68137
Joined: 8/18/2012
Msg: 556
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/8/2012 6:02:12 PM
Ok, why do people read a post or profile and be so iron clad word for word at what it says? I guess you could say I am a veteran online dater, been at this going on 7 years. I live my life in the grey areas and wish more people were a bit more easy going and relaxed like me instead of being set in stone and so damn literal.

But in response to your post, Lets think about the few issues here as to why narrow your search results. Try to remember, as a man, I do not get emails from women. Women do not actively search out men. They sit back and sift through the 50 emails a day they get and then pick and choose the most desirable from those 50 emails. So as a man, I have a choice, I can either carbon copy email the 12 pages of women in my area, or I can narrow the selection to the ones that actually fit into what I am looking for in a woman.

Let's start with the kids versus no kids option.
1. I don't want anymore kids down the road. I am at a time in my life that I have been both the dad and mom for 12 years and I am ready to start living more of my life for me now that my kids are getting older.
2. Women that want a family and want to birth their own children will not date a man that does not want kids down the road.
3. Being a single parent and talking to people without kids in the past, has shown me women without kids have no clue what kind of responsibility comes with being a parent. Plus they have no clue how to even deal with hanging out with kids.

As far as smoking goes, in my experience, non smokers DO NOT DATE smokers. I do plan on quiting down the road but right now, it is one of my only vices and I still enjoy it. I have no desire to have someone in my life that is going to nag me to quit smoking. Or put me down because I smell like an ashtray. That does absolutely nothing to help someone quit. Not only does it make quiting harder, it is also rather mentally and emotionally abusive and a pretty good sign this is not a good person to be with in the first place.

I got a kick out of your "someone just like you" comment. Notice how you only copied a certain part of the entire statement instead of the entire statement which was "Basically I'd like to meet someone like myself. Someone that is easy going, doesn't live in the past, has a great sense of humor and just flat out is fun to be around. "
I have noticed that so many people that post here are great at twisting certain parts of a statement, but can never actually grasp the whole concept. That my friends is called projection. Look it up if you don't know what it means.
 friendly68137
Joined: 8/18/2012
Msg: 557
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/8/2012 6:07:29 PM
And one last thing. Just because I have gotten to the point of using advanced search options to focus my time on a better match, doesn't stop someone from emailing me. I have no problem getting to know anyone, hence the screen name. Using the search feature simply narrows the results and lets me focus on people that are a good match. Versus browsing aimlessly through a couple hundred profiles of people that are not good matches for each other.
 CaptainA.D
Joined: 6/10/2012
Msg: 558
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/9/2012 8:14:25 AM

Unfortunately we are in our late 30's early 40's and we have gotten a bit rigid. I tended to like a certain kind of man. I always gravitated to a certain look. With that look came some common themes. Well when I decided to loosen up I found my boyfriend. He has the truly important qualities that are important to me. Plus he can deal with me....lol. He is just outside my previous physical type. For example my ex husband is 6'1" ..220 .. Shaved head and tattoos. Muck and muscle. My boyfriend is 5'6" (I am actually close to an inch taller then him) 165lbs, muscular but a more dense smaller build then my ex, full head of hair. Only 2 tattoos

I disagree with this. Just because one at a certain age dosen't mean they can't be in good shape. I've seen many women in their 40's at the gym and are complete knockouts. Anyone any age can be in great shape. Just like a 20 something year old could be obeese. Everyone is different in my view.
 strawbrysunshine
Joined: 9/30/2012
Msg: 559
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/9/2012 6:24:10 PM
Ponder this for a minute...Do you walk everywhere? The answer is, most likely not. We drive our cars to our destinations. Cars are not dangerous--inherently of themselves. Yet there is a risk of a fender bender...or a major accident--even death. Yet, many drive around without getting into accidents, but the risk still exists. We don't avoid cars/driving; but by the previous logic, we should because there is a high percentage of a risk that we will get into an accident (which is why the state laws want drivers to carry insurance--it's almost inevitable, w/ all the different drivers, different terrain, etc.) Cars can be fixed, altered, etc. for road safety--to extend the metaphor. So, [erhaps it's the "drivers" of the marriage and not marriage itself or relationships that is a risk of not lasting. Reconsider where you're skills are--and who it is that you are choosing in your relationships. Are they good "drivers" as well? If not, avoid that road they are on. :)
 stayinalivefl
Joined: 8/23/2012
Msg: 560
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/9/2012 9:49:11 PM
I might be a frozen pop......lol
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 561
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/11/2012 2:01:42 AM
I had my children at age 28 & 29. I would not have wanted to become a parent in my late 30's or 40's or 50's...those that do will be 50 -75 before the hatchlings leave the nest. However, at your age, OP , there are women and men who have children already. My cousin married a woman with 2 children and had none of his own biolgically, but the girls call him Dad and he calls them his daughters. My brother has a son he adopted who was born to his wife just before they met. Children do not have to come from your loins to find their way into your heart. Do what is right for you.
 chrismac1982
Joined: 9/2/2012
Msg: 562
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/11/2012 2:25:57 AM
No, I get more women now than I did when I was in my 20's. Dude, women outnumber men on these sites almost 3 to 1. This gives most of them big heads. In real life, they hardly get approached at all. Meet women in real life, it is a lot easier.

"The right person": do you really believe this? "When you find the 'right' person, you'll know, and everything will work out. 'You will just know'; this stuff is silly.
 wildlifelover79
Joined: 8/15/2012
Msg: 563
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/20/2012 1:44:52 PM
When I was in high school no girl would talk to me! College came and women started talking to me but all they cared about was just being friends. Now I am 33 and I have no women even interested in me! All the women I smile at while I am shopping or whatever give me a dirty look like they think I am pervert. Then again the only women I look at are the thin or skinny women. I don't think 6'2, 225lbs is fat for a guy who ran track, played tennis and basketball. Maybe it's the glasses I wear? LOL!
 look64
Joined: 3/14/2005
Msg: 564
view profile
History
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/20/2012 7:32:40 PM
I am giving up. There is no point in going on. I have clicked on many I M s. The lady doesn t answer.
They must be too busy.
 luvchloe
Joined: 10/15/2012
Msg: 565
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/22/2012 7:35:53 AM
No, i would never give up on men! Never
 KatarzynaLuiza
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 566
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/28/2012 11:40:07 AM
Message: I had my children at age 28 & 29. I would not have wanted to become a parent in my late 30's or 40's or 50's...those that do will be 50 -75 before the hatchlings leave the nest. However, at your age, OP , there are women and men who have children already. My cousin married a woman with 2 children and had none of his own biolgically, but the girls call him Dad and he calls them his daughters. My brother has a son he adopted who was born to his wife just before they met. Children do not have to come from your loins to find their way into your heart. Do what is right for you.


Well I'm 33 I don't think I'm way to old getting there but still have a few yrs and I would like to have my own kids thanks u much
 KatarzynaLuiza
Joined: 10/5/2012
Msg: 567
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/28/2012 11:43:53 AM
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/22/2012 204 PM
Dont feel bad I also feel invisible even after losing 100 plus lbs you arent alone. Im 32 it has not happened for me odds are it wont. I wont date someone just to date someone if im not into them. If you arent my type it will never work


Definitely agree. I guess that is why I'm still here. If guy doesn't work well we just won work. But invisible part yes def besides hey let hook up my box is aliways empty. Sad but true.
 smootholdschoolridin
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 568
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/28/2012 2:07:32 PM
i wouldt try so hard i will happen
 liftnw8z
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 569
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/28/2012 7:11:31 PM

No, i would never give up on men! Never


You are in a very small minority then....
 idontgiva2011
Joined: 10/10/2012
Msg: 570
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/29/2012 1:42:15 PM
Im 32 and I just want to give up now sometimes. Dating seems to be a lot of work these days and a big headache as well. Especially when u have kids because you dont wanna be bringing diff men around ya kids. But the feelin of loneliness is even worse.
 and79
Joined: 10/16/2012
Msg: 571
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/29/2012 4:19:10 PM

I am in my early 30s and I guess I have thought about this for a long time, what do you do when you are pushing 40 do you give up on starting a family? I know a lot of the ladies are having kids later on in life but serious I mean do you want to be in your 60s take care of a teenage child? When does the pickiness End, and you start thinking about really settling down with the Right Person or Do you Just Give Up? Your thoughts on this issue?

I'm 33 and I'm starting to give up, don't really think I'm fortunate enough to have kids with the righ person.
 Orionthehunter9
Joined: 6/28/2012
Msg: 572
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/29/2012 5:37:58 PM
opal166, you must live in some kind of blind community I think.
 wildlifelover79
Joined: 8/15/2012
Msg: 573
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/31/2012 9:02:16 AM
I had to give up. My store posted new corporate policies about workplace violence and sexual harassement. Based on their definition then saying You look beautiful today is harassement and grounds for immediate job loss. Now I can't try and meet any woman employee without fear of losing my job. I suppose it could go both ways if I said that you look beautiful to a female customer. Dang it! It is hard to be a single guy in the 21st century!
 dandan7979
Joined: 9/29/2012
Msg: 574
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 11/2/2012 11:28:12 AM
I would have never entertained the idea of giving up, maybe because I never considered finding someone a "mission" or something that can be given up. I went about my life. Yes, I did online dating, but it wasn't the center of my existence; it wasn't even the center of my dating life. It was something I did in addition to meeting people IRL because I believed there were (are) many great people out there that I probably would never have a chance to meet but for online dating.

Dating is like a lot of other things. If you push to hard and ignore other areas of your life, finding someone becomes more difficult. Just go about your life, do things you enjoy, make friends, and you will be surprised who might appear in your life.

And yes, losing weight can change your dating life. It changed mine. I lost 100 lbs a few years ago, have kept most of it off (gained back about 10 lbs) and the number of women who expressed interest in me both IRL and online increased. Not only did I find more women expressing interest, but the quality (and least in terms of appearance) increased also. I feel lucky that the person I am with takes weight/fitness seriously. We have agreed that, if we see the other start to gain weight, we will (gently, of course) mention it and encourage each other to work out more/eat healthier. Living healthy equals living happily.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 575
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 11/2/2012 11:51:43 AM

I would have never entertained the idea of giving up, maybe because I never considered finding someone a "mission" or something that can be given up. I went about my life. Yes, I did online dating, but it wasn't the center of my existence; it wasn't even the center of my dating life. It was something I did in addition to meeting people IRL because I believed there were (are) many great people out there that I probably would never have a chance to meet but for online dating.

Dating is like a lot of other things. If you push to hard and ignore other areas of your life, finding someone becomes more difficult. Just go about your life, do things you enjoy, make friends, and you will be surprised who might appear in your life.

This is so true. If people in this thread (and in general) absorb nothing else while hanging out here, they should pay attention to this. In fact, they should copy this and tape it to the refrigerator.
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