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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > At what age do you Just Give Up?      Home login  
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 Big_fun_wave
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 201
At what age do you Just Give Up?Page 9 of 38    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38)
I am in my early 30s and I guess I have thought about this for a long time, what do you do when you are pushing 40 do you give up on starting a family? I know a lot of the ladies are having kids later on in life but serious I mean do you want to be in your 60s take care of a teenage child? When does the pickiness End, and you start thinking about really settling down with the Right Person or Do you Just Give Up? Your thoughts on this issue?

You give up when your to old to live any longer...
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 202
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 1/8/2011 1:17:09 PM

At what age do you Just Give Up?


When ya open your eyes and it's really,really dark and ya hear dirt hitting the wooden roof that is just inches from your face.
 curls77
Joined: 9/26/2010
Msg: 203
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 1/8/2011 4:22:48 PM
I agree totally about compromising. Thinking of a past pof date who proceeded to interrogate me during our first date and actually checked them off his list. Saw the new profile and it looks like he is doing the same thing. What should age have to do with it anyway? If you are able and it happens you have children great. You may find the love of your life, they are 20 and u get married then find out you can't have kids. You get what you get. Some older women have a much easier time than younger women having children. It is like everything else> Depends on the person. Depends on what is in the cards for you. Better off just finding someone you love and working from there> No guarantees in life. Unless of course you want to haul out your list and start interrogating your first dates.
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 204
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 1/11/2011 10:20:14 AM

I have thought about this myself. I have reached a point where I am tired of looking. I am tired of dating. It is becoming harder and harder to find someone I have things in common with. As I am getting older I am finding more divorced and single parent mothers on here and not that I have any kind of hatred for them, just not my type. I am not ready to be an instant Father figure. I am crushed. My Grandma died and one of the last things she said to me was she wanted to live to see me Married. It bothers the heck out of me to this day. I cannot live alone for the rest of my life but I am actually trying to get used to it because it is becoming more and more possible.



Pal, you're 31 years old. Are you serious with this?
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 205
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 1/12/2011 6:59:01 AM
You never give up, the day you give up you might as well update your will.
 renegadeoutlaw
Joined: 12/18/2010
Msg: 206
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 1/12/2011 7:22:24 AM
After beatings I took out here in datingland in the last 2 years..........I have pretty much given up.

I turned 40 this past year and I figure if Mr. Right hasn't come along by now.....He won't......so I am not going to waste anymore time out here in the dating pond.

So I am just living life, working, bowling, going to school, volunteering, training dogs, and enjoying my family and friends.

I don't need anyone to make me feel complete.
 Thunder1000
Joined: 3/17/2009
Msg: 207
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 1/12/2011 9:50:12 AM

I turned 40 this past year and I figure if Mr. Right hasn't come along by now.....He won't......so I am not going to waste anymore time out here in the dating pond.

So I am just living life, working, bowling, going to school, volunteering, training dogs, and enjoying my family and friends.

I don't need anyone to make me feel complete.


Good for you
I was dragged into a similar conversation in a different thread where I was just telling a story. Evidently some POF'ers just couldn't stand the thought of facing their own reality when it confronted them? So, they started throwing all sorts of unfounded accusations and false assumptions in a feeble attempt to discredit me . I guess some folks like them are just incapable of facing reality and seek comfort in their delusional dream to avoid the truth they face in their own lives...

There is nothing wrong with being single and realizing after a certian age like 40, that if it hasn't happened by now it's not likely ever going too. I believe I read some where in a medical journal that after the age of 40 there is only a 15% chance of a person getting married? If true, that means your 85% more likely to remain single the rest of your life. Now, that doesn't mean you won't date but the love you so long sought after most likely was a ship you let sail by years ago... I think that's the part many people are afraid to face up too? It's not a thing to regret for we all make choices in life but it's best to acknowledge them, for you'll be stronger for it. As you said, you don't need anyone to make you feel complete... That's so very true, I couldn't agree more.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 208
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 1/12/2011 2:53:00 PM
I can "realize" lots of things...I realize that the polar ice caps are melting but I'm not planning to buy or build an ark anytime in the foreseeable future...
Actually, I had a ship and it sank...torpedoed by a heart attack. However, I would certainly enjoy finding a love for the 2nd half of my life.
Somehow or other my DH and I kept postponing parenthood until deciding that we DIDN'T want to be the sr. citizen parents at the high school graduation. People are often SURPRISED to learn that I have no children. Probably years of being the ad hoc parent for a family where both of the parents worked a lot of hours, being a 4-H leader, riding instructor, manager of a small equine business have given me a parental mien.
However, we are talking here about giving up. I think that this is a personal and private decision and why discuss it unless you are in fact seeking input??? If you are still wanting to pursue finding a pair-bond and having trouble there is nothing wrong with asking for opinions, thoughts, advice...and I think that many times someone who speaks of giving up may seem to be asking for guidance and encouragement.
I suspect that people who really HAVE given up aren't on dating sites and they aren't discussing their decision with others.
People who make a big pronouncement that they are "giving up", remind me of the Cowardly Lion in the Wizard of Oz, they speak of their intent to act bravely and then have a request "Talk me out of it!"
At what age do you give up? I don't think that's something anyone else can tell you. I can tell you that my paternal grandmother had my father at age 40...he was not her first child but she had lost her other children to the things that befell children in 1900-1920s. One of the sweetest weddings ever attended was for a bride and groom that were both over 70..
So, if you make an announcement or ask questions about 'giving up', many people are going to think you are asking for opinions, advice, encouragement, a pep talk, constructive criticism.etc.
People who've REALLY given up don't frequent internet dating sites and their forums. They might not be actively seeking to date at the moment, they may have opened their mind to the concept that they MIGHT remain single, they may be in process of re-evaluating their goals, or modified their vision of couplehood. But they haven't given up.
Cindy O
 avatarak_
Joined: 12/8/2010
Msg: 209
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History
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 1/17/2011 11:38:13 PM
I'm almost 31. I have also given up.

When I was in high school, I assumed that I would meet someone in college, fall in love, and get married. Despite my best efforts, I practically did not date in college. I have not had much success dating out of college, either; instead, I have had a litany of bizarre encounters with which I will not bore you here. Which is to say that I once was quite open to the possibility of romance.

Everyone must decide the extent to which one will compromise to avoid dying alone. I realize that most people are simply interchangeable, despite romantic notions to the contrary; as such, I likely fall within a standard deviation of "average" on a bell curve that plots fitness for relationships. Such knowledge does not inspire me to try to find a woman I can convince that I am either better than I am or as good as she can realistically hope to get. Worse, the time is past for me to have the kind of relationship that I unrealistically desired in my youth, and I find the implicit context of post-30 relationships simply unappealing.

I think that many of us, as we get older, tend to substitute work or other interests for interpersonal relationships. If one does do that, one must also question whether one is then willing to put forth the effort to allow another person to not only disrupt, but take part in and become a priority in one's life. I suppose that I am not.

I also try to accept that my own poor choices have lead me to this point; I accept the reality as a consequence of my actions. Natural consequences are different in kind from retribution; but psychologically they have the same effect.
 Crisgo88
Joined: 3/13/2010
Msg: 210
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 1/30/2011 1:07:34 PM
Yeah. I am just frustrated. Everyone says they will find me. Well if I have to wait forever so be it. I am just watching how everyone I know is getting married, in stable relationships and having kids while I am just kinda floating through life waiting for things to fall into place at this point. Have tried and done all I can. I am becoming increasingly more and more content being single.
 renegadeoutlaw
Joined: 12/18/2010
Msg: 211
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 1/30/2011 1:47:57 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Wait until you hit 40........if you are frustrated now, think of how much MORE you will be when you hit that threshold my friend!

Trust me, it doesn't get any easier when you get older. The options and opportunities shrink even more with each passing year.

There is NOTHING wrong with being single. Enjoy your freedom! What you have is all yours and you don't have to share it with anyone!

The advantages of being single are truly endless.
 Crisgo88
Joined: 3/13/2010
Msg: 212
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 1/30/2011 4:36:37 PM
You know what, I just realized I cannot give up but perhaps my pickyness and patience will pay off. I got to look at it that way. I rather go through life being lonely then being in a torturous relationship. That I think would be worse for both people in the end. But I am not afraid to die alone
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 213
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 1/30/2011 5:48:42 PM

But I am not afraid to die alone

It may have been Oscar Wilde who commented that dying was difficult enough,that he couldn't imagine having to go through that process AND entertain guests at the same time.
Cindy O
 renegadeoutlaw
Joined: 12/18/2010
Msg: 214
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 1/31/2011 5:00:07 AM

I rather go through life being lonely then being in a torturous relationship. That I think would be worse for both people in the end. But I am not afraid to die alone



You said it Cris! I have held that thought for a long long time now.

Being lonely because you are in a relationship that does not work is hell. I know. I've been there. - always better to be on your own than to be in a relationship just for the sake of it.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 215
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At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 2/6/2011 6:44:03 AM
Sometimes, "giving up" can work in your favor. If you are REALLY giving up, and not just pouting, that is. Some folks of any age are so anxious with other people, that they drive them away, and after they genuinely GIVE UP hoping to get with them, they relax and become the kind of real person they needed to be to make real friends.
Again, it isn't the same as feeling grumpy and sour, and blaming the world for your loneliness. If you really give up, as in accepting your status, and get into living the REST of your life (i.e. the many active parts that DON'T involve trying to find dates), you'll actually start having a good time being alone.
 coffeeteaorme123456
Joined: 10/21/2010
Msg: 216
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 2/6/2011 8:03:41 AM
I totally agree with Igor...

I found myself 'stopping' (Rather than giving up) because I found myself having anxiousness pop up too frequently. I over thought the dating process. I tried to stop myself, but seems like I would do it anyway. The moment I said, "I rather be alone, relax, just be myself" is when I started feeling better about it all. Not to say its perfect, but I had to take a step back.
 kittybiscuit
Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 217
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 2/6/2011 10:51:38 AM
It can also work in your favor in that you find things to make yourself a better person rather than focusing on what might make you more attractive to someone else.

I see some seriously bitter women out there who are just mad because no matter what they do, they can't find the one. It's like they are mad that they are spending hours in the gym, watching every little morsel they eat, getting botox, and doing everything they can to look hot and then they see some fattie happy as can be with a partner they would have never considered anyway and they get mad. It's like maybe just stop worrying about everyone else and all that other mess and do something that makes you happy and other people will want to be around you.

Now I am speaking from a female perspective, but judging all the nice guy type of posts, there are a lot of eligible men who are doing the male version of above so I am not just talking about women here. Maybe if people lighten up?
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 218
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 2/7/2011 8:29:05 PM
its not giving up, its opting out. change your frame of mind, and it makes all the difference.

you dont miss the annoying popup ads when you installed a spam blocker. why should you feel guilty about opting out of an annoying stream of canned gamed episodes with no depth to them ?
I know I don't miss em.
Opt out
Early and often.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 219
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 2/8/2011 12:26:37 AM

You know what, I just realized I cannot give up but perhaps my pickyness and patience will pay off.

It doesn't require giving up to ruin your game in subtle ways in the very least, or your successes in general -- it's the craving alone of finding "the one" which does it. It's the feeling of being "incomplete" w/o being in a relationship... or w/o feeling satisfied that enough good looking people of the opp-sex can find you attractive ... even if such feelings only well up periodically. Such concepts need to not be on a person's mind to make them "zen" about it all...

As far as pickiness goes -- one should make sure that doesn't get a little out of hand. Usually it's in looks -- even with people who don't have looks as their main concern. Regardless of what they have their eye on, looks is still at least a pass/fail thing for consideration of dating them... and greater-than-usual looks in someone will make the other person find some of their flaws as merely quirks... or certain types of looks will naturally translate into personality assessments ("the girl next door" look is one example in how it ends up affecting us).

All in all, you don't "wait for it to come to you" per se -- you should just have a relaxing attitude about it, and not have any "void" in any way of being single... You put yourself out there, make yourself available, and have fun in the process. You don't get obsessed about it all...

Think of it like football... you're a defensive player... and you're "waiting" for the chance to jump on a fumble and recover the ball. Don't -- that's going to take you off your game... you play the game right, and your expectations are within your league more or less, you'll find a fumble to pick up and run into the endzone.
 alan50501
Joined: 5/31/2010
Msg: 220
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 2/10/2011 9:21:02 PM
i think im giving up in may on my 41st birthday even
 prcutie13x
Joined: 1/14/2011
Msg: 221
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 2/11/2011 12:41:47 AM
http://bit.ly/gpYk7r
 WildBill76107
Joined: 1/5/2011
Msg: 222
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 2/13/2011 1:08:42 AM
"Bullcrap men want to screw women and thats it."

That's a two way street. Women wants to screw men too just not in a sexual sense. Which is why there's a lot of bitter men in this world who doesn't trust people enough to open up and show the real person they are.
 mrnova66
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 223
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 2/13/2011 6:40:38 AM
I agree 100%^^^^^...As far as the question..When a man is told by a female time and time and time again that she wants a good man..Then you date her..2 weeks later she just wants to be friends..And then 2 weeks after that she is with Mr.Convict..Then it is time to throw in the towel....
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 224
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 2/15/2011 2:06:21 AM
Im in a relationship right now, but if i became single again, i will never ever never give up!

I love men, sex, companionship & attention, the excitement of dating new people., and the comfort that comes with a long term partner. Being married was the happiest time in my life.
Even if i didnt want to commit to anything i would still probably want someone to go out with to dinner and movies and stuff, perhaps a FWB.
I dont see any reason in the world to give up.
 tanzkity11
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 225
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 2/22/2011 11:32:56 PM
I would def have another child again.......I have been strongly thinking this through and its on my mind and why not............I would love a boy and I have only girls..........
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