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 late™
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 338
What's the reward for Chivalry? Page 20 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)

What's the reward for Chivalry?

Self-respect.
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 339
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What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 4/30/2010 7:48:05 PM
ALpha is, as is so often the case, correct. Add to that, the appreciation of the one to whom it is directed.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 340
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 4/30/2010 10:17:39 PM

What's the reward for Chivalry?

Self-respect.

And honor.

IMO honor is an all-too-often-forgotten virtue, and all-important. If we are not honorable, we have nothing, life is empty.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 341
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 5/1/2010 7:08:18 AM
Chivalry in past days, and courtesy these days are both selfless acts. So there is no reward for it - nor should one be expected unless you want to count how it makes you feel personally to be courteous/chivalrous.

If you do either expecting something for it, don't bother. The whole point of both is you do them because you want to, not for a response, or for appreciation.
 GRP60
Joined: 1/24/2010
Msg: 342
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 5/1/2010 7:22:55 AM
Chivalry is the sowing of good microkarma that can accumulate into a mass of residual subsrtantive good will that can be a important subtle resource during a breakdown/breakup/breakthrough... It can definately encourage the ladies to be a bit more patient with annoying male idiosyncracies, and perhaps remind them of the value of moderating their tempers in recognition of the guy's efforts to provide some pleasing attention and assistance.

But as for the etiquette of door opening - I still blow it when I rush ahead to push a door open, only to find I need to pull it, or push it into someone else inside and end up hearing my lady's complaints about what a rude klux I am!
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 347
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 5/1/2010 12:57:40 PM
^^^my father still does it for my mother and my father AND brothers do stuff like that all the time for me. For example, one winter my bro cleaned the snow off my car since he was already out there, another male friend of mine for +20 years cleaned out the snowbank for me once when I was stuck at his place. These small kindness' stick out in my mind despite the fact that some are 10 years gone now.

And there's no way I would have walked into the church without waiting for my grandma anyways! The right thing for those cousins to do would have been to help her from the get-go, not after the fact that they notice she is gone.

I have noticed something strange these past two weeks though. The people who have held doors (whether completely letting me in before them or just holding it behind them as they went in) were all NON caucasian. The white dude actually let the door slam in my face - I was right behind him. Not sure if that means anything - sometimes I observe the weirdest things.

One girl at work calls me in jest "a little gentleman" because I open the door and let her pass first often. I don't think about it, I just do it out of courtesy. Just like I do not slam the door at my apartment complex despite every other person who does it that wakes me up at 2-4AM, then 5:30 AM etc. etc. It is very sad because it almost makes me think that there are less considerate folks out there than not.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 348
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 5/1/2010 5:02:00 PM
absolutely nothing

and its a fine line from polite civility to door mat; careful how you tread.
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 349
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What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 5/5/2010 10:27:15 PM
You do it because it's the only thing you can do, and expect nothing in return exactly for that same reason. Those who get it, get it. Those that don't probably never will.

The other day I went for a coffee at Tim's, and there was a small line up at the cash. This young woman tried to cut past me, and was in a great rush. I looked at her sternly, and she dropped back in line behind me rather sheepishly. I told her, in a friendly manner, that if we all started doing that, everything would be in disorder.

Then, about a minute later, I motioned for her to go ahead when my turn came. I said you are in an obvious rush, and I'm not.

Had I not made her stand in line, she would never have appreciated the gesture as much as she did.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 350
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What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 5/6/2010 8:47:13 AM
I see a lot of rhetoric to make things out to be more than they are. I tend to be pretty chivalrous and I don't feel better about myself for doing it, and I don't scowl at people that don't mimic my actions, and generally, all i get is a "thank you," and maybe a smile. I guess I'm supposed to make some big deal out of the small "victories" or something.

There really isn't much to get out of chivalry (aside from a small gesture of kindness) unless you decide to make it into some sort of personal satisfaction. Most women just take it in stride. Some appreciate it, but honestly, what are you to expect aside from small tokens of gratitude? You're probably not going to receive anything tangible, and I highly doubt that you're going to get into bed with her because of it either. Either you do it or you don't, and chances are that there is not going to be a whole lot of anything that will result because you did or did not do it.

I would like to think that women look for more in the quality of a man that whether or not he pulls out a chair or opens a door.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 351
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 5/6/2010 9:49:03 AM

This young woman tried to cut past me, and was in a great rush. I looked at her sternly, and she dropped back in line behind me rather sheepishly. I told her, in a friendly manner, that if we all started doing that, everything would be in disorder.

Then, about a minute later, I motioned for her to go ahead when my turn came. I said you are in an obvious rush, and I'm not.

Had I not made her stand in line, she would never have appreciated the gesture as much as she did.


What I find sad is that we have to even tell people how they should be behaving. I too, speak up if someone does things like that. Are things deteriorating so much that only embarassment forces proper behavior on people? Whenever someone lets me go ahead of them, I'm always grateful and I always notice it.

Even at the gym, people are always surprised when I allow them to work in with me and when they ask me it's like a big deal and almost like they encroaching on my space. I find that silly. We are all trying to get our workout done - why not share?

It's sad that people think that they are encroaching. The gym has to put signs up "no more gum", "clean your mess up on the bathroom counter", "put your weights away". Isn't this common knowledge? People throwing their gum and litter on the ground. Where are these people coming from? God help us, they are breeding too. Ug.
 .dej
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 352
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What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 5/6/2010 11:50:33 AM

Chivalry was originally a way for gentlemen to show respect and appreciation for ladies, not something done with an eye towards what it might "earn" him.

That is completely wrong. Chivalry was a code of conduct of a knight in everyday walks of life. It demanded loyalty, honor, and courage, and was used far more often than not to describe a knight militarily. With respect to women, it's actually a little less romantic, given that women were seen as objects of affection to be won and then kept at home.

With respect to women, "chivalry is dead" is a victory cry to societal progress. Women are no longer objects that belong to men, but are their own independent people who do not need to be taken care of and coddled. Courteous people open doors for other people, whether they have boobs or not.
 cheeriness
Joined: 8/23/2009
Msg: 353
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 5/7/2010 6:00:16 AM
The reward is you would get a second date with me.

You don't open my doors, its the last time you see me.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 355
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 5/7/2010 7:03:54 AM
You do it because it's the only thing you can do, and expect nothing in return exactly for that same reason. Those who get it, get it. Those that don't probably never will.

Well said, MG. Those who don't often times can't/don't want to see it differently either, but if you're lucky once in a blue moon you get to see a person pick up on it right before your eyes. *shrug*
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 356
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 5/7/2010 7:22:48 AM
Chivalry is NOT being a "nice guy"...

only "nice guys" think it is...

basically its called being a gentleman...i mean from my memory- the "Knights" were "chivalrous"...

I seriously doubt those "knights" were "nice guys"...

Seriously...women like a strong man that is chivalrous...
 .dej
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 358
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What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 5/7/2010 3:36:25 PM
Seriously...women like a strong man that is chivalrous...

Then they either don't know what chivalry means, or they don't think that women should be empowered.

There are women out there like that, though.


The reward is you would get a second date with me.

You don't open my doors, its the last time you see me.

hahahahaha

This kind of pretentiousness is the type that wouldn't get a FIRST date with me.
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 360
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 5/8/2010 5:18:25 AM
^^^Wow this thread got brought back to life? My last post was before the holidays.
I'll have to agree with the above poster though.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 361
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 5/8/2010 8:57:26 AM
I'm still wondering why in the world the OP is looking for a "reward" from a woman.

what are you like a doggie that needs a Scooby snack for rolling over on your back?


Seriously- you are the man, be yourself yet be a gentleman at the same time...that does NOT mean you are weak nor does it mean you area "nice guy".

and if you like holding open doors- do it always...if a woman perceives that as being "weak" then just move onto the next woman as she is not a good fit for you...
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 362
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What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 5/8/2010 9:43:02 AM
This is back again? It IS a good subject.
By strict definition, the reward for chivalry is the right to bear arms in the service of the one who knighted you, without being thought of as a Brigand. That doesn't usually apply to the way people mean it these days, though.
As for REWARDS, the only way one can truly say one IS chivalrous, is the same as for saying one is "moral," or that one adheres to ANY code of rightful behavior: the reward, is that you feel centered, and on course. That's where the old saying "Virtue is its own reward" comes from. As soon as you begin to LOOK for some outer reward, you've STOPPED BEING CHIVALROUS (or moral, or virtuous).
I understand where the "nice guys" get the wrong idea...folks like Walt Disney get some of the blame, as do most modern, second rate movie writers. They LOVE to show us fantastic stories where the dweeby, untalented, weak, sloppy baboon (no doubt based on the writer looking in the mirror) gets the girl because all of the Strong, Virile, more capable men, are secretly just faking politeness, or are gay. When I was growing up, the fact that all the movies followed the same formula DIDN'T mean (as I know now) that most movie makers lacked courage and imagination, it meant that THIS WAS THE WAY TO ACHIEVE SUCCESS. The "nice guys" are folks who stopped paying attention to the rest of the real world at that point, and began demanding others obey the rules as they understand them.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 363
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 5/8/2010 10:00:38 AM

As soon as you begin to LOOK for some outer reward, you've STOPPED BEING CHIVALROUS (or moral, or virtuous).


Bingo.

The media has such a large impact on people. Honestly, I just don't get it.


what are you like a doggie that needs a Scooby snack for rolling over on your back?

and if you like holding open doors- do it always...if a woman perceives that as being "weak" then just move onto the next woman as she is not a good fit for you...


LOL. Yeah, there are plenty of women who like doors being opened for them. I remain confused as to where these women are that look down on men for doing this and why any man would find that attractive....
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 364
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 5/8/2010 11:56:13 AM
All I know is I live in the South~ That says lots.
Even bad boys have manners, open doors, pay for meals (natives get offended at women who try), and show respect. Then they roll you around in the barn and get straw in your hair, grass stains on your knees, and dirt in your finger nails.
They even say thank you.
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 367
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 5/10/2010 2:20:49 PM
^^^ ha ha ha on the out of fashiion... Southerners around here... I gotta love em.
I went to the store while at work this afternoon (I do 24/7 shifts) and I had to be quick. A friend kept annoying me with petty polite requests and rude offers until I blasted him for it. A friend of his I never met politely walked over and stated even with a small bow "my lady might I request your company on my moustache for a ride?" Its still fashionable to be polite when being a dog especially in the south. I couldnt help but laugh and relpy "No you may not even address me until we are properly introduced" and the undress jokes started all the way to my car. Chivalry is alive I tell you, ALIVE!
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 369
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 5/10/2010 6:57:10 PM
wow i think i have been in this small town too long.
the opposite end of the country from the south where the "bad boys" are.
tell me,
what is the difference between a so called bad boy and a nice guy?
i read all this negative stuff about "nice guys " on the forums.
so i am thinking that i am not getting what y'all mean about the nice guys..

(not making fun...i love southern accents...my own little grandbaby has one being from tennessee with a very polite son in law of mine who says "yes ma'am to women, and yes sir, and all the men down south when i visit open doors)

i always thought of a bad boy as a motorcylce gang person who cheats etc.,
or a guy who looks like the marlboro man. or a rock star with groupies.
but some of the bikers i have met are the nicest guys around, same for the musicians.
(cant say the same for the marlboro man...my last bf was,...and he just wanted everyone to think he was so nice )
so it doesnt fit.
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 371
What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 5/10/2010 7:47:26 PM
^^^ Thats another thread thats gone on for over 40 pages. You are correct in some ways but we do all have our own definitions of nice and bad. Lats stay on topic
Chivalry or the illusion there of still Rocks with the Roll!
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 372
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What's the reward for Chivalry?
Posted: 5/10/2010 9:11:46 PM
Intent is important to me regardless of the action...

If you are nice( chivalrous) because you want something in return...that is not good...or being nice...
If you are nice ( chivalrous) just because that is who you are...that is good...

A man who does anything with the intent of impressing me so that I will do what he wants me to do...whatever that is...is never impressive..

A man who does nice things because that's how he thinks it should be, or because he respects me..that is impressive...

Intent is everything..even in the good/bad guy thing...
 BentonHarbor
Joined: 3/2/2010
Msg: 373
What's the reward for chivalry?
Posted: 5/12/2010 5:46:23 AM

Definitely a difference between a white knight and a chivalrous guy. A white knight will be stepped all over, and eventually the girl will lose interest. A chivalrous guy who can remain alpha will win over a girl's heart.

Main point: treat a girl with respect but as an equal. Or something like that ;)


WTF?? We need MORE ill-defined versions of what “white knights” are----aren’t “white knights chivalrous by their appointment, isn’t that their credo and mission? How or why would a “white knight” allow someone to mistreat him? That’s completely silly and quite hilarious too! Oh brother...........

Applying the golden rule works most often I’ve found. If someone doesn’t feel compelled to act in a similar manner we still have the satisfaction we’ve done our best towards them---their reactions are all on them at that point. Equality has many faces but that’s not what this is about---was it?


Both sexes should make more of an effort to show kindness and respect - that doesnt ever happen enough.


Then make it so by YOUR actions!!
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