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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?      Home login  
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 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 276
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?Page 12 of 22    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)

Well... that's a shame..


Why is that a shame? Explain, please....


I also said women should take responsibility for the child they participated in creating as well since men cannot be trusted with being responsible with their birth control.


Well, yes, but again, you think only from a female, limited, perspective. As luggage said, women are the ones who bear the brunt of having kids, why the fvck don't they take a more responible, proactive stance?

.... my take is that the vast majority of women want to spawn and love to be able to say that they "planned" to have a kid with their SO, or, even MORE popular, is that they had an "accident". Both cases exonerate the woman from responsibility....

... perfect....

 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 277
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 6/22/2012 7:18:58 PM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Both cases exonerate the woman from responsibility..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How?? A planned pregnancy mean you took responsibility to become pregnant.. an accident means someone didn't use protection properly and now you both have to deal with the outcome... and take responsibility for the life you created together..

~~~~~~~~~~~
Explain, please....
~~~~~~~~~~
because kids are great! and I think it's a shame to encourage them to never have them, (but great to encourage using protection if they don't want them esp when young!) However.. as I said... to each their own.. because i know not everyone wants kids..

more clear now?
 mtluggage
Joined: 5/30/2012
Msg: 278
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 6/22/2012 7:20:25 PM

I only brought up the vasectomy idea to combat the abortion idea.. simply because abortion is surgery and if you expect a women to have it then you should be willing to do the same....right???

You seem to combat a lot of issues... not to mention you keep reverting back to the rhetorical "Same for the men". In your last few posts all youare doing is correcting men, even though you admit to being wrong - it's senseless discussing this any more.

As luggage said, women are the ones who bear the brunt of having kids, why the fvck don't they take a more responible, proactive stance?

Some/most women do take more responsibility. For starters, they don't waste time suggesting men have medical procedures just to prtoect them (the woman) from getting pregnant.

Both cases exonerate the woman from responsibility....

The short sighted women will always blame the guy......... I call it a "snatch-22".
Damned if you fvck it; Damned if you don't ("WTF? I aint good enough for you?!?!?")

The longer this thread continues, the more apt guys are to wear kilts and visit the highlands to graze the sheep - lol
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 279
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 6/22/2012 7:27:48 PM

because kids are great! and I think it's a shame to encourage them to never have them


Well, yeah, I thought it might be something like that which is a very female perspective.

Kids are kids. They aren't any sort of miracle and being a parent doesn't make you, me or anyone else special. For the most part, having kids doesn't enhance life, costs a lot of time and money, and there are too many people in the world anyway.

From my experience, women are the only sex that thinks kids are the best thing ever. Most men just like the idea of spreading their genes around and really could easily live their lives without having any kids. Women feel they are somehow "less" if they don't squirt out at least one kid. Men, for the most part, just don't feel the same way.

 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 280
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 6/22/2012 9:03:39 PM
well.. since my plan was to never have kids.. (which clearly I didn't follow).. nevermind..

~~~~~~~
there are too many people in the world anyway.
~~~~~~
Actually there's not.. which is part of the problem with the retiring baby boomers.. there's not enough Gen Yers to support them through retirement.. oh.. another tread.. whoops...

yep kids are kids.. and they are special! I didn't need my own to know that.. they do enhance life.. I could have also easily lived my life without having any kids. Doesn't mean kids aren't special and wonderful beings!

However.. now you're talking nature vs nurture.. and I know plenty of men who want kids and love them even when they aren't theirs..

And if their going to "spread their genes around" then they should stick around and contribute to raising those kids..

No one said *you* have to want or have kids.. but it's a shame you're discouraging your children from having them.. It really should be up to them.. not you.. if they have kids in life..

~~~~~~~
they don't waste time suggesting men have medical procedures just to prtoect them (the woman) from getting pregnant
~~~~~~
I usually don't either.. usually i just tell them to wrap it up or leave.. but since that's not "acceptable" here.. I suggested other alternatives.. sorry if you don' t like them.. however i do believe it was the men pushing abortion.. which is a medical procedure simply to exonerate them from their responsibility.... so.. there ya go..

and yes.. i do say "same for the men" a lot.. because it's true.. you expect us to do it.. then you'd better do it.. you don't like it? I don't know what to tell you there. .. my mom always told me "life isn't fair.. suck it up" so maybe that applies here too?
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 281
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Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 6/22/2012 9:57:27 PM
my mom always told me "life isn't fair.. suck it up" so maybe that applies here too?

Indeed it does. I have a friend who had a child from a deadbeat/drug addict loser. She broke her tailbone while giving birth. All the while, he's off with some new girl and probably knocking her up, and the cycle continues.

But hey, at least he's aware that he's "not ready" to be a parent. Lolz.

You even said it, along with plenty of other people. Immature, losers, broke, irresponsible, etc etc. But dammit, they need should still raise their kids. Period. The future of western civilization rests on the shoulders of children raised by immature, loser, irresponsible parents. YAY!!


And the whole abortion/vasectomy thing isn't even remotely a balanced argument just because they're both surgeries. In most cases, women are able to have children after having an abortion.
In most cases, vasectomy reversals are not effective.
Every doctor you talk to will say that vasectomies are meant to be permanent.
Reversals are significantly more expensive, and you're talking about having surgery twice in order to have a kid.
Abortions are a last line of defense while vasectomies are a first line of defense.


Actually there's not [too many people in the world]

Based on what information?

Oh, and please provide a better source than "professor no-name, that I know personally." I've never seen any sort of a decent debate where your "expert source" was unmentioned and there was no documentation provided to be cross-examined. Of course, you had your little rant about the futility of sources/statistics, so you kind of shot yourself in the foot.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 282
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 6/22/2012 10:32:56 PM
Yep.. i don't believe in statistics.. but everyone here seems to want them.. people want cake give them cake.. or however that saying goes.. Well if you think a professor in a masters program is blowing smoke up my friends a$$.. I could go find out the exact course my friend in then, then post the course text and other materials online..but then again.. I don't really care enough to do so.. plus you could probably pull up the census or some other thing that counts people and see it for yourself.. i'm sure it's accurate within a million people or so..

~~~~~~~~~~~
The future of western civilization rests on the shoulders of children raised by immature, loser, irresponsible parents
~~~~~~~~~~~
better 2 parents then a single mother tho.. right? Odds are both will grow up and the kids will end up with responsible mature parents who properly care for the child.. You're right.. abortion is much more risky.. and yes.. i was misinformed about reversals of vasectomies. So if you don't ever want kids have one... if you someday do, wrap it up and hope she doesn't get knocked up anyway.

Abortions are also irreversible. completely and totally..

~~~~~~~~~
he's off with some new girl and probably knocking her up, and the cycle continues.
~~~~~~~~
This is why men need to take more responsibility.. because I bet his friends high five him when he says how many women he's bedded.. nevermind that's he's a father and neglecting his kids.. afterall he didn't' want them in the first place.. right?? OF COURSE the woman should have been smarter and used protection .. (because most likely they aren't.. ) and gotten to know him better and all those other things too, but until 'running" is seen as completely unacceptable behavior.. men will continue to run away and not feel badly about it.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 283
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Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 6/22/2012 11:23:37 PM

Abortions are also irreversible. completely and totally..

You can [generally] still have kids after an abortion. Mom does not want -that- kid.
You can't [generally] still have kids after a vasectomy. Dad does not want -any- kids.



Odds are both will grow up and the kids will end up with responsible mature parents who properly care for the child..

The trend seems to be that someone [usually] the man ends up getting factored out whether it be his choice or not. The "responsible mature parents" do their growing up before they procreate.


This is why men need to take more responsibility.. because I bet his friends high five him when he says how many women he's bedded.. nevermind that's he's a father and neglecting his kids..

No, this is why WOMEN need to take more responsibility. There are men out there with such reckless behavior, and they're [possibly] being congratulated for it. Moreover, men's responsibility (partner-choosing and vasectomies aside) when it comes to sex consists of putting on a condom. Like I've said before, how hard is it for a -woman- to carry her own and/or say "put on a condom or get out?" Whether she paid the 75 cents or he did, at least it's insuring that he is doing his part. I mean, at the VERY least, look at it as STD prevention. 75 cents is a small price to pay for anyone to [help] insure that they stay clean.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 284
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 6/22/2012 11:45:54 PM
and I never disagreed with that.. I just insist the door swing both ways... which is where you take issue with it..

Actually the trend is not that men get factored out.. it's still not a huge amount of men who run. (1 is too many in my view tho) the trend is that men are taking custody of their kids and perhaps cutting the mother out..
 smilingrock
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 285
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 6/23/2012 7:38:05 AM
When Moms Get Angry - Anger management tips for moms

Most moms have had moments where they said things they wish they hadn't or lost their cool with their kids. When the crayons end up on the walls or the shoes magically disappear, it is easy to respond in anger. Being a mom is a tough job and even the best moms have their "bad days". If you are having "bad days" frequently or are concerned that you could physically hurt your child, this is not normal. Losing your temper can be a sign of other problems such as depression or anxiety. Please contact your doctor if you are concerned about your moods or temper.

Why am I so angry?

If you are finding yourself feeling very angry or irritable there may be reasons for this.
•Are you getting enough sleep? Not getting sleep or not getting a sound sleep can affect your mood. Make sure that you take care of your body and get plenty of sleep. If you are feeling tired and cranky, take an afternoon nap. If you cannot take a nap, lie down on the couch and try to get some rest.
•financial or personal stress? Being under a lot of stress can affect your moods and your temper.
•Are you sick or feeling ill? Not feeling well can also affect how you respond to family situations.
•Are you hungry? Sometimes not eating can effect your moods.
•No man in your life? Being rejected by men will make you feel sad and angry.

You may want to evaluate why you are getting angry. If you are responding to a physical stressor, you can work on changing your routine. Make sure you are getting proper nutrition and adequate sleep.

Tips for handling your anger

What can moms do to keep their anger in check or to cool down when they are angry?
■Take a time out. Sit down and take some time to relax and collect yourself. Have you taken a break today?
■Listen to yourself. What are you saying to your children when you yell or get angry? Is this the example you want to set for them? Listen to what you are saying. If this is not something you would want said to you, then do not say it.
■Have a plan. Find out what your triggers are. Have a plan in advance for what you will do when you are triggered. Thinking ahead and having a plan will help you avoid simply reacting in anger.
■Practice, practice, practice. When you are angry make a conscious effort to practice staying calm. Have things planned out to say when your children misbehave and practice using them.
■Sing the ABC Song. Before you say anything to your children when you are angry, sing the ABC song. Sometimes just taking a minute to regroup is all you need to keep from losing your cool.
■It's okay to say you're sorry. If you do lose your temper, it is okay to say you're sorry. It does not make you ineffective to say you're sorry. Think about when someone loses his/her temper with you. Doesn't an "I'm sorry" make you feel better?
■Take a walk or get some exercise. Physical exercise is a great stress reliever. You can try taking a walk outside with the kids.
■Get some time away from your kids. This is sometimes easier said than done. If you can, get your husband or someone else to watch the kids for a while so you can go out or do something for yourself.
■Have a support system. A support system can be as simple as family, a few friends you can call, a church or a moms' group. Find someone you can call when you are stressed or need to unwind.
■Practice meditation. Meditation is a relaxation technique that helps many people combat stress and negative emotions.
■Try Aromatherapy. Having calming scents in the house can help to create a more peaceful mood.
 skcrj88
Joined: 8/9/2010
Msg: 286
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History
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 6/27/2012 9:47:42 AM
I would just like to say that pregnant women are beautiful and hott! If your man runs... call me :) If you are sweet, I will even rub your feet. LOL
 smilingrock
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 287
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 6/28/2012 3:19:29 PM

I would just like to say that pregnant women are beautiful and hott! If your man runs... call me :) If you are sweet, I will even rub your feet. LOL


Now that is just gross and sick...
 FlyyinSolo87
Joined: 6/15/2011
Msg: 288
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 6/30/2012 4:12:36 PM

Actually the trend is not that men get factored out.. it's still not a huge amount of men who run. (1 is too many in my view tho) the trend is that men are taking custody of their kids and perhaps cutting the mother out..


No actually, the trend is people in both sexes not taking sex seriously. I know a woman who swore that her birth control failed for all 5 of her kids. I do agree with these men here. It is predominately the woman's responsibility to ensure that pregnancy does not happen. If a man does not ever want a kid, he should get a vasectomy. But, in reality, a man's responsibility to prevent pregnancy ends after he put the condom on. That's why they always suggest TWO(2)TWO forms of birth control. A man can't use both. All he can do is put a condom on. A woman has so many options of birth control where as a man really only has one. If it's your body that will be affected by pregnancy, you should take more precaution.
 jemmell28
Joined: 6/24/2012
Msg: 289
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 6/30/2012 7:48:07 PM
I didnt run my son mom and I had stop dating before we found out she was preg. but even after she told me was I waited a year and half to see if she wanted to get back together but she could never tell me what she wanted so I gave up on wanting to be with her but we have a great relationship for our son....
 booserinc
Joined: 9/13/2011
Msg: 290
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 7/15/2012 1:16:55 PM
This subject is way too vague. Sex isnt taken very serious by probably over 50% of people. If you don't want kids and your either male or female then use protection. No the pill probably isnt 99% affective. Someone at the pill factory could have forgotten that secret ingredient. Condoms do break I guess? If your using one or the other or both chances are there isn't going to be a baby in the picture. If you don't like sex with a condom or cant remember to take a pill well man up! Both parties are responsible when care isn't taken. My kids are 8 and 2 and a half. There's a reason my oldest was born when I was 24 and a 6 year gap in between where no kids where born. It's called trojan and it worked great for me! Outside of the helpless women who are raped there really is no excuses.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 291
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History
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 7/20/2012 2:07:36 AM
I think this issue could be solved with more slut-shaming. We live in a society where women are looked down upon for having lots of sex, while men are praised for it. I think going more full-throttle with that mentality would do a lot to prevent this whole ordeal.

It only take 1 man could get 100 women pregnant in about a month.
1 woman with 100 men would only amount to 1 pregnancy in that same month.

Consider the idea of hunting deer. Game management laws monitor the number of Does in the population. Removing the Does means removing the Fawns. Killing off Bucks doesn't have nearly the same impact on the populations.

In a societal sense, "killing off" on male "buck" won't hurt population growth at all, especially seeing how there will be several others to pick up his slack. Just ask the 1 guy that had 30 kids with 11 women. how long would it take for 1 woman to have 30 kids? Even Mrs Duggar hasn't gotten that far yet, and she's been doing it for MUCH longer.

Couple that with making child support last for maybe 1 year instead of 18+, and have significantly more stringent rules for welfare and I'm sure you would see accidental pregnancies make a massive drop.

Does it mean that we're sort of giving the losers, deadbeats, and douchebags a pass? For all intents and purposes, yes. But obviously what we've been doing as a society isn't working. Do we want "equality" or do we actually want results?
 kirklan_r
Joined: 7/6/2012
Msg: 292
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 7/20/2012 4:18:47 AM
well put it this way if its not planed than most guys just dont feel ready and also well thats a scary thought to some to think that they have to stay with somene they eithor dont know they love or will love or maby they know they dont and where trying to get out of the relationship already but long story short everyone is the same guys say women are sluts and yeh a lot are so are a lot of guys the ratio of women that get pregnant than tell the dad hey i want a abortion is almost equal to the guys that run its a comon misconception that people make like me for example my ex didnt want the kid so she gave up her part in its life to her aunt me on the other hand i want to be there be a daddy but i didnt want it to end up the way it did you know what im saying so none the less people are people just got to find the individual that matches you and thats no easy thing to do
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 293
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 7/20/2012 1:29:31 PM

There's a reason my oldest was born when I was 24 and a 6 year gap in between where no kids where born. It's called trojan and it worked great for me!


My kids are about 6 years apart as well! I rather like the little gap, I am not cut out for having more than one crying and in diapers at the same time.

Lucky you that all it took was trojan, the pill really was terrible, my body reacts horribly to artificial hormones.
I think the pill screwed me up so bad i had a hard time conceiving when I did want to get pregnant again.
There's some pretty cool new types of condoms on the market nowadays that are kinda fun to experiment with though, and just leave the pill behind.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 294
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 7/20/2012 4:59:11 PM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thank you! Someone finally gets it! This is where I am in life. I'm not blaming anyone for the decisions I made. "right" and "wrong" are subjective to say the least.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't see most of us blaming others for our own choices. What I do see is single parents doing what they have to do to raise their kids right, regardless of the presence of the other parent. But I REFUSE to take the blame for HIS choices. He made the same choices I did when it comes to creating life. How can you not see it that way? He decided to go in bareback or without ensuring for himself that HE was protected! If you leave it up to the other person then you are placing your fate in the hands of another. It still boggles the mind that people think it's ok for one parent to leave. Then the parent who stays to raise the child takes all the crap from society. Ya know what? My son wouldn't be fatherless if his dad would have stuck around. If he had taken his child every weekend or every other week or whatever we could work out. Some of the financial hardship my son and I went though may not have happened, since theoretically he's be supporting his child too and there would be two of us looking after his well being. But since I didn't want to be with him, and I wouldn't bend to his every whim. I'm a *insert favorite expletive here* and it's my fault. bull$hit! He *also* chose to have sex, he also chose to participate in creating the child, he chose to walk away when the child was 6 months old and chose to run from his obligation to raise his child. I didn't make any of his choices for him.

Ya know something.. I didn't want a child either and I wasn't ready when it happened either. But life happens and when it happens you have to step up to it. Whether you want to or not and whether you are ready or not! Responsibility is thrust on people all the time before they are ready for it and from all different things, just because there are two different people involved in this responsibility doesn't give one the right to walk away from it and leave it all on the shoulders of the other.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 295
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 7/20/2012 5:24:44 PM
He decided to go in bareback or without ensuring for himself that HE was protected!


So, what you're sayi g is that like so many women, you were happy to roll the dice and let Fate be your method of BC ... it's definitely a popular method for a lot of women judging by what women say in these fora....


If you leave it up to the other person then you are placing your fate in the hands of another.


..... zactly what I was saying.... women don't seem to care if they get pregnant as long as there is a good bit of FATE and plausible deniability involved....



vvvvv..... yeah.......
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 296
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 7/20/2012 5:57:09 PM
that's right.. I was young and dumb and so was he. We both had bad judgement. How does that make his choices any better or different from mine? You really want the whole story?? How he wanted to get married and have more kids?? How he begged me to keep the baby, how he named our son, how he had all these plans for us? And then when I asked for diapers or formula or baby clothes or some money to get those things with he accused me of being a gold digger and only wanting him for his money?? (Ps I paid all the bills with my minimum wage salary so we could live, I wasn't a very good gold digger aparently) Of course I have to deal with being a single mom. I do it everyday, for 13 years now. I don't point my finger or blame him for my life or my choices. Hey, I'm over it but it's still what happened. I'm not going to excuse him for ditching his child and leaving his son fatherless and just because he chose to walk out of his life after 6 months doesn't make it ok and it doesn't make it the right thing for my son, which is why I care about it.

I was irresponsible when I got pregnant too, but I was expected to stand up and become responsible by everyone, including him. So to expect the same of him is too much?? Hypocrite much?? I moved on and did what I have to do to raise my son right, without his help and I'm happy to do it. Doesn't make what he did right and doesn't excuse him for his actions. Oh and yea.. he only decided he wasn't ready to be a parent when I stopped bending over backwards to please his every whim. When I stopped buying him cigarettes and putting gas in his car and started expecting him to chip in for rent and the things the baby needs, being a parent got too hard and he left. Good for me. Shitty for my son. And completely wrong of him. and before you call me bitter.. i'm not.. I wished him well when he got married and when he had another baby and I don't have him thrown in jail and make sure to tell his CS worker that I do not want him thrown in jail. I hope he does well. None of this makes it right that he walked out and non of it excuses that choice. It's wrong. period.

Plausible deniability?? I don't really know what you mean at all with that comment.
 Reg_Herring
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 297
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 7/21/2012 8:46:07 AM

the trend is that men are taking custody of their kids and perhaps cutting the mother out..


How you liking it?
 Reg_Herring
Joined: 6/30/2012
Msg: 298
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 7/21/2012 8:55:38 AM

usually they were in sad situations & happened to have kids while in said sad situations,


The height of selfishness.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 299
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 7/21/2012 10:23:01 AM

Plausible deniability?? I don't really know what you mean at all with that comment.


.... smiple, really....

I believe that the vast majority of "accidental" pregnancies are a actually the result of a woman wanting to have a kid, but not wanting to make the conscious decision to do so. I believe a lot of women LOVE the idea that the little bundle of joy arrived in the womb because FATE decreed that "It Was Meant To Be". ...

... not because she was negligent in her BC, not because she wasn't watching the calendar, not because she missed a day of the pill and decided to bang the boyfriend anyway, not because of the doctor who said "You MAY have some difficulty conceiving" which she took as being told she could NEVER get pregnant... and on and on and on...

Plausible deniability is a way of lying to yourself so you don't have to take any responsibility because rather than taking responsibility and MAKING a decision, you allow life to happen TO you. It's much easier that way. If you get pregnant even though you know it's really not a good idea, it's much easier to say you tried your very best to avoid getting pregnant, but somehow FATE or other divine force played a hand in the process, rather than admit that you really WANTED to get pregnant and did little or fvck-all to prevent it.

By telling the world that FATE, GOD, or the COSMIC MUFFIN played a hand in their pregnancy rather than it being a result of their own stupidity and irresponsbility, women can give themselves an out hoping that their friends, family and others will not think too badly of them for bringing a kid into a less than ideal situation....

 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 300
Why men run at the first sign of pregnancy?
Posted: 7/21/2012 2:16:02 PM
Ah.. I get it now.. so then it goes for men too.. Because if the "woman said they can't get pregnant" or the woman said they take the pill everyday or they've got their diaphragm in but the guy has no proof of it, or the woman says she's got an iud in.... and the man chooses to believe them and not protect himself then he has plausible deniability as well and someone to blame so they can say they were "trapped" instead of owning up their own irresponsible choices. It allows them to lie to themselves by placing the blame solely on the woman because instead of taking responsibility and making the decision to use prevention they placed their fate in someone else hands.. perfect..

And I don't believe the "vast majority" do that.. I think it's more the stupid, irresponsible, "it won't happen to me" or heat of the moment passion mentality as reasons.
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