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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age      Home login  
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 1GenerousMan
Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 26
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our agePage 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
What a looney tune! The whole basis of attraction is about personal chemistry and if your just going to play games while your supposed "lucky" man get's unlucky enough to have you...[of course on your conditions] doggy style....make him sit up and beg for an hour and then roll over and play dead...hahaha
I have met your types before and said my goooooodbyes faster then blink an eye.
 KinChandlerAz
Joined: 8/13/2009
Msg: 27
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 9/13/2009 8:12:58 PM
1GenerousMan:

I have met your types before and said my goooooodbyes faster then blink an eye.

Bitter much? There is no sort of "game" being talked about here. It is not a game when someone is getting to know a stranger. I really don't know how you got the idea that any of us have said we're game players. It's not a game.

Thank you 1Generous. I appreciate your input about how you would handle this sort of potential situation.

And thanks too for sharing your experiences with my "types" before. It sounds like you had many negative experiences with women who made up their own mind when it comes to dating. You must be hurting immensely. I hope your pain dissipates very soon and that you find peace in a healthy relationship.
 cncgandolf
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 28
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 9/13/2009 11:26:12 PM
"If you need to sit up and beg to get laid, maybe the attraction is only one way? Try to find a partner that is more into you."

ROFL.... good answer!

I remember my youth when chemistry was enough. Luckily I have wised up and matured and realize that chemistry might get my attention and attraction, but it is insufficient for a successful relationship. It is like saying "I have the seasonings" for a great Italian meal ... but not sauce, cheese, pasta, meat ... chemisty is one ingredient in the recipe.
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 29
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 9/13/2009 11:44:32 PM
A message got deleted ........ now it is message 51 (I referred to above)
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 30
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 9/14/2009 8:52:44 AM
Nothing wrong with anything, dating without sex, or dating with sex, as long as you're both open and up-front about what you're doing, so neither makes false assumptions and gets crushed.

Probably a good idea to NOT have sex until you both say you're exclusive, though, for reasons of physical and spiritual health. So say that to all potential suitors.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 31
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 9/14/2009 2:49:04 PM

Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age

Dating a couple of people and not having sex is quite doable. Dating and having sex with more than one would be much more taxing.

Coming back to the original question. Why one one do it?
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 32
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 9/14/2009 2:55:01 PM

I really don't get it.


Its simple really. When a man goes out with a woman, he has no right to pay sexual interest to anyone other than that women, regardless of whether she has decided whether or not she is sexually interested in him. If he does have other sexual interests, he is clearly a disgusting slime bucket not the least bit suitable as a relationship prospect.

Its been explained to death from all perspectives in the posts of the ladies on these forums. What is not to get?

Myself, being a man, I feel that a woman has absolutely no business poking into my sex life if she is not sexually involved with me, as I would have no claim on her sex life either. But then again, I am a disgusting slime bucket.....:)
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 33
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 9/14/2009 4:47:15 PM


I understand no-sex dating; people are social animals, so it's understandable that even non-sexual people enjoy socializing.

I really don't get it.

Its simple really. When a man goes out with a woman, he has no right to pay sexual interest to anyone other than that women, regardless of whether she has decided whether or not she is sexually interested in him. If he does have other sexual interests, he is clearly a disgusting slime bucket not the least bit suitable as a relationship prospect.
I would not want to "date" a man who is sexually involved with another woman.

Understand though, I only "date" men I am interested in ... in a possible long-term relationship. When that's the case, then I think I might have an interest in him down the road as a sexual partner but if he's already got a "sexual partner", why would I waste my time with him? He's already taken ... eh?

I have to wonder ... if in fact he is in a physical relationship with another woman, why in the world would he want to "date" me as well? Unless of course he truly is a disgusting slime bucket as described above ... getting his dipstick wet with more than one woman.

Here's a good example: I have a very good friend from high school. We even both had a crush on each other some 40 years ago. He and I play in a band that meets for practice regularly and along with some other high school acquaintances, we go for a drink after practice.

I'd love to date him, but he has a lady friend and he has confided to me that they very occasionally (not often) have sex. In that case, while I'd be very interested in dating him for an eventual long term relationship, I would never do that as long as I know he has his other lady friend and they're having sex.

It can be frustrating for me (because I still have feelings for him) to go out with him and the crowd and not even be able to hold his hand or give him a kiss goodnight ... but I'd never do that to the other woman and I refuse to allow myself any hope that he might want to date me because I don't want the disappointment either.

For me, it's best just to find someone else ... who is not "connected" in any way.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 34
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:53:05 AM
Kin, This question was addressed in another thread several years ago and while I absolutely agree with YOU....LOL! it appears that the "younger generation" has redefined the term "Dating".

I had posted that contrary to their thinking that the "old fashioned" way WAS, that (at least girls) were NOT allowed to date the same "boy" more than 1 night a week. In the "old days", it was NOT at all uncommon for a parent to say...."No!, didn't you already go out with THAT boy this week....then you can't see him again....date another one". The whole idea was, that everyone just accepted that "nice girls" were NOT having sex....and they wanted to KEEP it that way. One way to do that was....to not let her get to familiar, or comfortable with ONE boy. "Going Steady" was something that had age limits attached to it as well.

Well, (and I googled this at great length) apparently about 15 yrs ago, the youngsters changed the definition of "dating". What WE (over 45) call "dating"; they call "hanging out".

From MY personal observations, I see that (in those under 45), dating almost ALWAYS includes sex. (otherwise, you're just "hanging out") This is a very convenient way of justifying "casual sex". You don't have sex with those you're "hanging out with"; but when you say that you're "dating" them.....then it makes (casual) sex perfectly acceptable. LOL! this "Dating" relationship frequently lasts only for 1 or 2 dates, but in 2009, it would seem that "a rose is NO LONGER, a rose".

You can bet your sweet bippy however (those of us over 50 remember that one) that I'm extremely cautious these days when I describe what I'm doing at lunch with the girls!!!! LOL! I no longer say I have a "lunch date"!
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 35
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/1/2009 2:15:56 PM
I wasn't able to follow the hypothetical as closely as I wanted but I think I get where it was going.

When I met my husband (long, long time ago) I had only broken up with a long-time boyfriend a few months prior to that. While I was very attracted to my husband, I still refrained from having sex with him for at least 2 months (that I recall) mostly because I found out he had still been actively having sex with a FWB (previous girlfriend) pretty much up until we met.

To be honest though, I still was not ready to have sex with him either and so it was easy for me to put it off. I've never been a FWB type so it was really disturbing to me that he was able to just have sex with someone he really didn't care for ... still really don't get that ... probably never will.

I guess I'm still very leery of a man who can just jump from bed to bed like that so I think if I found out I was dating a man who was doing the FWB thing and then decided he wanted to be intimate with me ... I'd probably question whether or not he was just planning for me to be his next FWB.
 sk1960
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 36
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:37:20 PM
ntm - here's my female version:

Hey stud,

You don't appear to be anyone I would normally date, however, considering its been a while since I got some luvin - and you appear to be breathing - I'll be waiting for your email...

ps. Exclusivity is not required - just your attention when it matters.....

pps. Ok so maybe I won't mass mail it out .. yet ... however I do suggest that we not worry so much about whose dating who .... if you can't figure it out on your own at our age ... well 'nuff said....
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 37
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 3:40:24 AM
i've been dating. i don't know who is sleeping with whom, nor do i care. when it comes time to narrow it down to "the one", by then a full range of discussions will have taken place. monogamy by itself, is no longer sufficient for me. i want someone who, at least, shares my vision of a future. no assurances until we venture forth, but at least i can rule out the ones who say "never". i wasted three years with a monogamous but fruitless SO. he reminds me of the more negative forum dweller, but in real life instead! i can only do what "i" do, which is not do (aka "screw around!)". however, i'm a pretty good kisser. so that will hold him, until we figure it all out!

ps typically, i can get a feel for whether someone has "possibilities" by the third date-- plus, lots of talking et al on the phone. sometimes, the first date is not so hot on the chemistry from my perspective, but over time, that reverses itself for me. knowing that, i take my time. how fast it goes to narrowing it down to "one", depends on the persons involved--not to mention "luck". if a date goes away for a weekend or gets busy, unless we are a couple, i keep moving. i don't have time for serial failures. been there, done that! this time round , i'm "serious" and seriously looking. but, not interested in forcing someone either. if it happens, then it happens. until then, i'm dating.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 38
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 8:14:04 AM
My conclusion is that everyone finds sex important, wonderful, enjoyable and desirable, its just all the other things about the possible partners out there that are just too icky to tolerate.

I mean, you actually have to relate to another human being, and let's face it, we all have our little quirks that make use definite no-gos.

Of course, with all that logic, I don't really see where not having sex is any more of a solution to the issues than is having sex. Sex itself is not a relevant factor.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 39
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 11:17:25 AM
I wonder where the notion that casual sex works for me came from my postings?

Probably didn't. Just another slander to discredit anything I may say on the subject, I suppose.javascript:smilie('')
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 40
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 1:11:46 PM
I honestly don't know how things became so complicated.
Dating has turned into a business, complete with job interviews,
probationary periods and lay offs. (ahahahahahaha)
I understand that dating is just that...but I've never thought
that meant dating more than one person at a time. If I meet
or see someone I like, I'm not really interested in checking out
someone else until after I see where the first "date" is going.
I don't want to constantly be looking for the next best thing.
If it appears things aren't going anywhere...I don't see the need
to hang onto the person and continue dating them...I'd just move
on.
I don't think I would like to be one of many persons someone
is dating...hoping to make it to the end without being kicked off
the island.
But that's just me.
Maybe that's why I don't want to date anymore.
It has a whole new meaning for me.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 41
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:41:21 PM
I think that is what most men feel too...they dont want a woman who feels she gotta...they want a woman who wannas....they want someone who finds them attractive and wants to with them, not with everyone.

Not saying that all the guys who are out there arent old horn dogs ...they still exist along with the women who find that sorta of man attractive....the online world is so big that it is easy to get lost in it and think that only sort of person exist...but it is just that one type that is open to self promotion...ie the horn dog old men and the women who have no desire to have sex again...the rest of us get to watch the fireworks when they meet.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 42
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:29:40 PM
...Well with the way the economy is now a days and the price of batteries going up I might just have to have sex with a man.


Edit:..... I am so thankful that most fishies on this site don't read the forums. What would they think?


...maeflowers
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 43
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:08:59 PM

But Mae......The price of men is going up as well.......thinking........can you afford them either, and if so, do you want to, when so happy with bob?.....


...You can never place a price on happiness and a good man is priceless....but you can place a price on satisfaction....about $ 4.99 for a pack of four.

...maeflowers
 MondoVman
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 44
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:13:41 PM
^^^The lady obviously understands why men don't like to pay for sex (either).
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 45
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/3/2009 7:37:29 AM
Nowadays, you can save a fortune in battery costs by using rechargeable ones. If the economy is affecting your sex life, Canadian Tire has a special on that will allow you to restore it to its former glory.

Also, its a great place to meet lonely retired guys, especially if the weather is inclement.....
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 46
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/3/2009 7:45:18 AM
I asked my daughter about this last night. I told her how it used to be
with "dating"...when you were dating someone (at least when I was
younger) you were just dating that person...it was like going steady.
Well she tells me no one goes steady anymore. Before dating...comes
"seeing" someone. When you're "seeing" someone...that usually means
you're seeing more than one person. When you start to date...you
usually date that one person but you need to have the "exclusive" talk.
After you have the exclusive talk you're apparently in a relationship.
Jaysus...I haven't made it to "seeing" yet...I'm apparently a long way
from a relationship.

 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 47
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:55:33 AM
The most I've ever juggled is two at at a time and then only to figure out which woman was better suited to pursue something further with. And sometimes the deal maker or breaker was the sex.

BTW, Spike Lee's "She's Gotta Have It". treats this topic with a lot of humor and insight.

I just don't see where the time or energy comes from to date a lot of different people if you've got any kind of life going. Besides, and I'll admit it, ONE woman with a heathy appetite is about all I've ever been able to handle. And what's with this "At our age" thing??? Y'all talk like 45 is way old and ready for the rocker. At 45 my virility was in peak order and so was my wife's drive( we were the same age). These days the train has slowed a bit but the engine is still fired up; just can't make those steep hills like it used to.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 48
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:01:47 PM
Nowadays, you can save a fortune in battery costs by using rechargeable ones. If the economy is affecting your sex life, Canadian Tire has a special on that will allow you to restore it to its former glory.


...Ummm, restore "what" to it's former glory? BTW...The best place to buy cheap batteries...Ikea. They know me there.

Also, its a great place to meet lonely retired guys, especially if the weather is inclement

...I tried that, to meet someone at Canadaian Tire...came home with a whole bunch of crap I didn't need.

...maeflowers
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 49
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:51:05 AM
I agree with you no sex until we are mutually exclusive.
I am looking for a good freind, soul mate and someone that respected me enough to be my good freind/soul mate would not be sleeping with other people.
If we are getting to know each other than that means: identifying a connection, mutual likes and values, and a understanding and appreciation for each others idosyncracies as well as commonality. What is the point of doing all this if it will not be exclusive and just a romp in the hay?
Granted the romp would be nice, but it would only serve to make me feel alienated if it did not come with sincere feelings.
 StevieCashmere
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 51
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:23:54 PM
The value of initmacey is limitless but for the desire of a relationship
~sc~
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