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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age      Home login  
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 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 38
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our agePage 7 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
My conclusion is that everyone finds sex important, wonderful, enjoyable and desirable, its just all the other things about the possible partners out there that are just too icky to tolerate.

I mean, you actually have to relate to another human being, and let's face it, we all have our little quirks that make use definite no-gos.

Of course, with all that logic, I don't really see where not having sex is any more of a solution to the issues than is having sex. Sex itself is not a relevant factor.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 39
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 11:17:25 AM
I wonder where the notion that casual sex works for me came from my postings?

Probably didn't. Just another slander to discredit anything I may say on the subject, I suppose.javascript:smilie('')
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 40
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 1:11:46 PM
I honestly don't know how things became so complicated.
Dating has turned into a business, complete with job interviews,
probationary periods and lay offs. (ahahahahahaha)
I understand that dating is just that...but I've never thought
that meant dating more than one person at a time. If I meet
or see someone I like, I'm not really interested in checking out
someone else until after I see where the first "date" is going.
I don't want to constantly be looking for the next best thing.
If it appears things aren't going anywhere...I don't see the need
to hang onto the person and continue dating them...I'd just move
on.
I don't think I would like to be one of many persons someone
is dating...hoping to make it to the end without being kicked off
the island.
But that's just me.
Maybe that's why I don't want to date anymore.
It has a whole new meaning for me.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 41
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 4:41:21 PM
I think that is what most men feel too...they dont want a woman who feels she gotta...they want a woman who wannas....they want someone who finds them attractive and wants to with them, not with everyone.

Not saying that all the guys who are out there arent old horn dogs ...they still exist along with the women who find that sorta of man attractive....the online world is so big that it is easy to get lost in it and think that only sort of person exist...but it is just that one type that is open to self promotion...ie the horn dog old men and the women who have no desire to have sex again...the rest of us get to watch the fireworks when they meet.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 42
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:29:40 PM
...Well with the way the economy is now a days and the price of batteries going up I might just have to have sex with a man.


Edit:..... I am so thankful that most fishies on this site don't read the forums. What would they think?


...maeflowers
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 43
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:08:59 PM

But Mae......The price of men is going up as well.......thinking........can you afford them either, and if so, do you want to, when so happy with bob?.....


...You can never place a price on happiness and a good man is priceless....but you can place a price on satisfaction....about $ 4.99 for a pack of four.

...maeflowers
 MondoVman
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 44
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/2/2009 6:13:41 PM
^^^The lady obviously understands why men don't like to pay for sex (either).
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 45
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/3/2009 7:37:29 AM
Nowadays, you can save a fortune in battery costs by using rechargeable ones. If the economy is affecting your sex life, Canadian Tire has a special on that will allow you to restore it to its former glory.

Also, its a great place to meet lonely retired guys, especially if the weather is inclement.....
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 46
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/3/2009 7:45:18 AM
I asked my daughter about this last night. I told her how it used to be
with "dating"...when you were dating someone (at least when I was
younger) you were just dating that person...it was like going steady.
Well she tells me no one goes steady anymore. Before dating...comes
"seeing" someone. When you're "seeing" someone...that usually means
you're seeing more than one person. When you start to date...you
usually date that one person but you need to have the "exclusive" talk.
After you have the exclusive talk you're apparently in a relationship.
Jaysus...I haven't made it to "seeing" yet...I'm apparently a long way
from a relationship.

 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 47
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/3/2009 10:55:33 AM
The most I've ever juggled is two at at a time and then only to figure out which woman was better suited to pursue something further with. And sometimes the deal maker or breaker was the sex.

BTW, Spike Lee's "She's Gotta Have It". treats this topic with a lot of humor and insight.

I just don't see where the time or energy comes from to date a lot of different people if you've got any kind of life going. Besides, and I'll admit it, ONE woman with a heathy appetite is about all I've ever been able to handle. And what's with this "At our age" thing??? Y'all talk like 45 is way old and ready for the rocker. At 45 my virility was in peak order and so was my wife's drive( we were the same age). These days the train has slowed a bit but the engine is still fired up; just can't make those steep hills like it used to.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 48
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:01:47 PM
Nowadays, you can save a fortune in battery costs by using rechargeable ones. If the economy is affecting your sex life, Canadian Tire has a special on that will allow you to restore it to its former glory.


...Ummm, restore "what" to it's former glory? BTW...The best place to buy cheap batteries...Ikea. They know me there.

Also, its a great place to meet lonely retired guys, especially if the weather is inclement

...I tried that, to meet someone at Canadaian Tire...came home with a whole bunch of crap I didn't need.

...maeflowers
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 49
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/4/2009 6:51:05 AM
I agree with you no sex until we are mutually exclusive.
I am looking for a good freind, soul mate and someone that respected me enough to be my good freind/soul mate would not be sleeping with other people.
If we are getting to know each other than that means: identifying a connection, mutual likes and values, and a understanding and appreciation for each others idosyncracies as well as commonality. What is the point of doing all this if it will not be exclusive and just a romp in the hay?
Granted the romp would be nice, but it would only serve to make me feel alienated if it did not come with sincere feelings.
 Whitehall44
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 50
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/5/2009 6:47:11 AM
Well that's always the problem with all the online dating places. They breed serial daters. Everything is in motion all the time. Your on a date and her phone/text keeps going off. Shes polite enough- you hope -to not answer them in front of you. But you know they are there,especially if she is attractive. So you are always in the mix. If you comment, now your needy or possessive. I think this is why a lot of people drop out. It's just a lot of hassle. We all make fun of the bar scene but at least at a bar you know where you stand.
 StevieCashmere
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 51
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/6/2009 3:23:54 PM
The value of initmacey is limitless but for the desire of a relationship
~sc~
 spunkybum52
Joined: 9/8/2009
Msg: 52
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/8/2009 11:23:19 PM
Nothing wrong with dating more than one man, or woman for that matter.... but most men want something more than just dating. So i guess its a mutual agreement on the matter. Do whatever you feel is right for you. Hey, you are almost 45 yrs old.... with age also comes the right to do whatever YOU want... without having to worry about peer pressure or inhibitions. Who cares? Just do whats right for you, and everyone else will have to fit in with YOUR rules. YOU are in control sweetie.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 53
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/9/2009 6:14:33 AM

So best to feel something for them first and then follow ..


Yes, I do find that a bit of foreplay is always recommended.......
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 54
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 11/9/2009 7:10:08 PM

Yes, I do find that a bit of foreplay is always recommended



...A bit? So tell me...how do you measure a bit? And is it bigger than a byte, does it ever get to be "MEGA" Inquiring minds want to know.

...maeflowers
 blue450
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 55
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 2/9/2010 3:43:14 PM
You can never assume the partner you are dating (male or female) is not having sex with others they are "only" dating. That's incredibly naive. While Men are branded "Dogs" Women are just as devious & adept at hiding the truth. Personally I was happy with whoever I was dating /having sex with however more than one female partner has quietly indulged in sex with others and declared "that's My Business" when I was informed by one of their friends and confronted her. I had assumed I had an exclusive (She had one with me!) big mistake. I have seen other men/husbands with wives/girlfriends that were just as bad or worse than any Male.
 Hippiekinkster
Joined: 1/7/2010
Msg: 56
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 2/11/2010 10:02:49 PM

thecatsmeoww: And I would say that if you are truly looking for someone than sex too soon can confuse the issue... for a woman not sure about a man... I have slept with men in the past and didn't feel much afterwards and unfortunately for me they decided it was wonderful and want to continue, my problem was I didn't...so don't understand the fwb thing...


You and me both.. I can't for the life of me see this fwb thing. Like you if I felt nothing for the person I can easily find someone else to engage me that I just might feel something with?

So best to feel something for them first and then follow ..

thecatsmeoww

I'm not much for the fwb thing either. I have a strong nesting instinct and "fwb" is simply emotionally unsatisfying to me. I need exclusivity and committment.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 57
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 2/11/2010 10:16:46 PM
Melanie - msg 165

I LOVE sex. I have a VERY high sex drive. I miss sex. . . . . . . .
I usually am dating 2 or 3 guys at any given time. Even though a lot of people don't agree with me, it really is healthy. It keeps you from going too quickly

Broccoli is also healthy, but I don't miss not having it everyday. Actually, it could cause me going too quickly.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 58
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 2/13/2010 3:35:08 AM
my pattern since i was young was to date and /or get to know someone as a friend. i didn't expect to be wined and dined as has been assumed of "all" women a few posts up. over the years, i've wined and dined, and have been wined and dined, professionally--plus, i had an expense budget.

now, we take turns or whatever. it's not a big deal in my circles. when broke, with the people i hang out with, and especially with the economy, we do a lot of potlucks, home film parties or going out to eat during happy hours. we often take turns cooking or go out dancing to lower budget venues which are plentiful around here. happy hours are a good half price, not to mention the coupons that say two for one meals at pretty good restaurants. again, we take turns or split the bill. over time, i get to know someone in a group and slowly one to one. or, if via some internet doohicky, then i date. i usually know between one to three dates if i want to consider any one person any longer. some just become friends.

so, i have no problem dating more than one person. but, if and when i get to know someone by seeing him quite a lot, it becomes pretty apparent if we want to try more than dating. at that point, i stop dating. at that point i enter into a monogamous, long term relationship. over the past 15 years one did not work out because we lived way too far away, one led to a ten year marriage after a two year courtship, one lasted three years. the last relationship after that has become unclear given unfinished business from the past, so i suggested putting it on back burner to see where it really was w/o all the pressure and assumptions about long term. no more intimacy and i am back to dating. although, time will tell and i am going with the flow.

for me, it's a multi-faceted process that involves friendship, chemistry, monogamy and a long term commitment goal. if the latter does not seem solid, even though the intentions are there, i've given it a solid chance, but then back to the drawing board. do i like dating? not particularly. i tend to be a one man woman. but, it is necessary for me to find that person and i refuse to hang onto something that is not there or is hampered by someone's issues or past. so, i date. just not desperate about it. the main thrust is to make social connections and friends--out of which something will grow when i least expect it. that has been my experience to "date" (double innuendo).

ps i don't see being sexual in just a couple of dates! my last manfriend told me i was hard to get into bed, but it sure as hell was worth it. at my age, i found that very amusing. this is not a game to me, but i put my soul into relationships and i'm not about to give my soul away that quickly to a stranger. to each his/her own. i'm just not that desperate. plus, it pays to wait. believe me. because the time spent knowing the person, slowly heats up and up.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 59
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 2/13/2010 7:49:36 AM
In my opinion this is not a venue for people with soft skin. There are many times where people will get rapped up in the candy store effect of it all, and jump from chair to chair as in musical chairs.
In my opinion this is not the time to be depending on the sincerity of the person.
If you want to know that someone will be sincere to you, you will have to give it the test of time.
The problem is when people hold back on their true intent.
Asking for what you need and want takes true courage, but without doing that you are wasting time.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 60
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 2/15/2010 11:40:23 AM
i've asked a lot of men in my social groups--serious lookers and most of them in pretty good shape. none of them expect to "get laid" just like that. they are not sure they would say no, but they also don't want to end up with a sleep around. many joke around about the relationship they have with their hand. they pretty much have shared the same experiences, just with females, as we have with men--ditzes, inability to commit, dead inside, users, etc. plus, many have suffered, like the women, through death, divorce and abandonment. then there is the search for the one with chemistry and who they can share friendship.

most of the guys i know in real life, do not do online as they don't have the patience and they don't get into forums, with the exception of meetups--where there is the fact that you get to meet people in the flesh after you sign onto local groups. then there are no lies or exaggerations and over time. if you are a skank (male or female), the word gets out pretty quickly.

most of my female friends do not do online either. quite frankly, if these forums were not here, not sure i would either. i've met a lot of people this way, but way tooooooooooo much exaggeration and bs! the people i would like to meet are too far away. think of it, just a teeny weeny decimile percentage of the total participants here. a very few long distance every get to meet. for me, i would like to meet most of my e-buddies even if just friends. but, i'm grateful to have them at all.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 61
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 2/18/2010 7:25:45 PM
btj-rv - msg 178

I think dating is healthy. I have a policy not to have sex until marriage.

I'm on the same wavelength. Dating is even more healthy than fish oil. And no sex until marriage or third date - whichever comes first.
 DallasSBF
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 62
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 2/19/2010 1:12:58 AM

I have no problem at all if a guy I'm dating is seeing other women. As long as he's not screwing them. If he's having sex then I'm out of the picture.


I was wondering HOW exactly would you know if he was sleeping with another woman????

I believe this is how we are suppose to date. Until you have the we are mutually exclusive talk YOU are not. And you are free to move about the cabin.
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