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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age      Home login  
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 55
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our agePage 8 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
You can never assume the partner you are dating (male or female) is not having sex with others they are "only" dating. That's incredibly naive. While Men are branded "Dogs" Women are just as devious & adept at hiding the truth. Personally I was happy with whoever I was dating /having sex with however more than one female partner has quietly indulged in sex with others and declared "that's My Business" when I was informed by one of their friends and confronted her. I had assumed I had an exclusive (She had one with me!) big mistake. I have seen other men/husbands with wives/girlfriends that were just as bad or worse than any Male.
Joined: 1/7/2010
Msg: 56
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 2/11/2010 10:02:49 PM

thecatsmeoww: And I would say that if you are truly looking for someone than sex too soon can confuse the issue... for a woman not sure about a man... I have slept with men in the past and didn't feel much afterwards and unfortunately for me they decided it was wonderful and want to continue, my problem was I didn' don't understand the fwb thing...

You and me both.. I can't for the life of me see this fwb thing. Like you if I felt nothing for the person I can easily find someone else to engage me that I just might feel something with?

So best to feel something for them first and then follow ..


I'm not much for the fwb thing either. I have a strong nesting instinct and "fwb" is simply emotionally unsatisfying to me. I need exclusivity and committment.
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 57
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 2/11/2010 10:16:46 PM
Melanie - msg 165

I LOVE sex. I have a VERY high sex drive. I miss sex. . . . . . . .
I usually am dating 2 or 3 guys at any given time. Even though a lot of people don't agree with me, it really is healthy. It keeps you from going too quickly

Broccoli is also healthy, but I don't miss not having it everyday. Actually, it could cause me going too quickly.
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 58
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 2/13/2010 3:35:08 AM
my pattern since i was young was to date and /or get to know someone as a friend. i didn't expect to be wined and dined as has been assumed of "all" women a few posts up. over the years, i've wined and dined, and have been wined and dined, professionally--plus, i had an expense budget.

now, we take turns or whatever. it's not a big deal in my circles. when broke, with the people i hang out with, and especially with the economy, we do a lot of potlucks, home film parties or going out to eat during happy hours. we often take turns cooking or go out dancing to lower budget venues which are plentiful around here. happy hours are a good half price, not to mention the coupons that say two for one meals at pretty good restaurants. again, we take turns or split the bill. over time, i get to know someone in a group and slowly one to one. or, if via some internet doohicky, then i date. i usually know between one to three dates if i want to consider any one person any longer. some just become friends.

so, i have no problem dating more than one person. but, if and when i get to know someone by seeing him quite a lot, it becomes pretty apparent if we want to try more than dating. at that point, i stop dating. at that point i enter into a monogamous, long term relationship. over the past 15 years one did not work out because we lived way too far away, one led to a ten year marriage after a two year courtship, one lasted three years. the last relationship after that has become unclear given unfinished business from the past, so i suggested putting it on back burner to see where it really was w/o all the pressure and assumptions about long term. no more intimacy and i am back to dating. although, time will tell and i am going with the flow.

for me, it's a multi-faceted process that involves friendship, chemistry, monogamy and a long term commitment goal. if the latter does not seem solid, even though the intentions are there, i've given it a solid chance, but then back to the drawing board. do i like dating? not particularly. i tend to be a one man woman. but, it is necessary for me to find that person and i refuse to hang onto something that is not there or is hampered by someone's issues or past. so, i date. just not desperate about it. the main thrust is to make social connections and friends--out of which something will grow when i least expect it. that has been my experience to "date" (double innuendo).

ps i don't see being sexual in just a couple of dates! my last manfriend told me i was hard to get into bed, but it sure as hell was worth it. at my age, i found that very amusing. this is not a game to me, but i put my soul into relationships and i'm not about to give my soul away that quickly to a stranger. to each his/her own. i'm just not that desperate. plus, it pays to wait. believe me. because the time spent knowing the person, slowly heats up and up.
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 59
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 2/13/2010 7:49:36 AM
In my opinion this is not a venue for people with soft skin. There are many times where people will get rapped up in the candy store effect of it all, and jump from chair to chair as in musical chairs.
In my opinion this is not the time to be depending on the sincerity of the person.
If you want to know that someone will be sincere to you, you will have to give it the test of time.
The problem is when people hold back on their true intent.
Asking for what you need and want takes true courage, but without doing that you are wasting time.
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 60
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 2/15/2010 11:40:23 AM
i've asked a lot of men in my social groups--serious lookers and most of them in pretty good shape. none of them expect to "get laid" just like that. they are not sure they would say no, but they also don't want to end up with a sleep around. many joke around about the relationship they have with their hand. they pretty much have shared the same experiences, just with females, as we have with men--ditzes, inability to commit, dead inside, users, etc. plus, many have suffered, like the women, through death, divorce and abandonment. then there is the search for the one with chemistry and who they can share friendship.

most of the guys i know in real life, do not do online as they don't have the patience and they don't get into forums, with the exception of meetups--where there is the fact that you get to meet people in the flesh after you sign onto local groups. then there are no lies or exaggerations and over time. if you are a skank (male or female), the word gets out pretty quickly.

most of my female friends do not do online either. quite frankly, if these forums were not here, not sure i would either. i've met a lot of people this way, but way tooooooooooo much exaggeration and bs! the people i would like to meet are too far away. think of it, just a teeny weeny decimile percentage of the total participants here. a very few long distance every get to meet. for me, i would like to meet most of my e-buddies even if just friends. but, i'm grateful to have them at all.
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 61
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Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 2/18/2010 7:25:45 PM
btj-rv - msg 178

I think dating is healthy. I have a policy not to have sex until marriage.

I'm on the same wavelength. Dating is even more healthy than fish oil. And no sex until marriage or third date - whichever comes first.
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 62
Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age
Posted: 2/19/2010 1:12:58 AM

I have no problem at all if a guy I'm dating is seeing other women. As long as he's not screwing them. If he's having sex then I'm out of the picture.

I was wondering HOW exactly would you know if he was sleeping with another woman????

I believe this is how we are suppose to date. Until you have the we are mutually exclusive talk YOU are not. And you are free to move about the cabin.
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